Interview with Gary Oak of Pallet Town
Mr Oak. Thanks for agre-
'Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Let's just get this over with.
Okay. To the point, as ever, Mr Oak. First up: What were you doing in Celadon City on the day of Pikachu's accident?
Huh? Let me think about that. Pikachu's accident, Pikachu's accident… oh yeah, I got it. Studyin'. I was studyin'.
…Studying?!
Yeah. You heard right, bucko! Studyin', I was. At the university! Whaddya mean I don't strike you as the readin' type?! If you want me to keep talking, ya' better learn some manners already! Jeez…
So, like I was sayin', I was in the library. Dead quiet an' all. As libraries tend to be. Sometimes there's a lotta rustlin' though. Inconsiderate librarians, lazy students, satanists the lot of 'em, ya know… Anyways. Off topic. But, then, outta nowhere, there was this noise. And whatta noise! Man, it was SO loud. Actually, ya know what, loud ain't even the word… It was like thunder, earthquakes, blizzards and hurricanes. BILLIONS of them, all crashing together and exploding at the same time… Pikachu didn't have a chance, if he was caught up in that.
You were quite a few miles away from the lake, too. And it was still that loud! It's quite remarkable…
I know, right? I just wish I could have seen it. A hundred Gyarados at once. A hundred! Yep, that's the number I've heard. Out of nowhere! It was one in a million. One in a million! And, ya know, trust Ash to get to see that shit. Typical! He always gets the lucky breaks…
Well, I'm not sure you could call anything about what's happened to Ash lately 'lucky'…
Hmmm… Yeah, actually, thinkin' about it, you're right there. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that… even for me, that was, ya know, insensitive. A bit crass, yeah. Plus it's impolite to speak ill of the dead, an' all that…
Wait up there. Ash is dead? That's what you just said, right? What have your heard? Who told you this?
Whoa, whoa. Slow down there, bucko. Hold those horses tight. I don't know anything you don't know. Ol' Gary here ain't even heard a whisper. Never said I had. I don't know nothin'. I certainly don't know for a fact he's dead, neither.
But listen here. And let's be rational about this. I'm just gonna come out and say it, okay? Ash Ketchum is dead. He's gotta be. How long has he been missing for now? How many months? Is it years, even? Years, right? Cos I tell ya, I've lost count.
You seem to have all the answers, Mr Oak. So tell me. Is Pikachu really dead? You know those been whispe-
Again with the whispers. Jeez. I can't believe you're even asking that question. We're at Pikachu's funeral. His funeral. Didn't you say you were a detective? Isn't that, sort of, what do they say, a clue? As to whether a Pokemon's living or not? They're dead. Both of 'em. D. E. A. D. Dead. No, I don't like sayin' it. I take no pleasure in sayin' it. Who would? You'd have to be sick in the head. Yes, Ash could be annoyin', a right pain in the ass truth be told, but hell, I don't want the kid to be dead- I've known him since like forever. Ya know, as long as anyone else I've known. But somebody's got to say it. No-one at this funeral will say it, no-one has the balls. But everyone's thinking it. Trust me. I know about things like this. I know funerals an' I know people, how they work.
What happened to Ash after the accident, then? Or- to put it bluntly- whatever happened to the Trainer from Pallet Town?
Hmmm… Whatever happened to the trainer from Pallet Town, eh? Well, you're looking at him. Gary motherfuckin' Oak. That's the last trainer from Pallet Town still standin'. All that's left. I hate to be crude again, but if you're gonna give up training and, ya know, do what Ash did, run away an' all that, just cos you lost one ickle Pokemon, then I'm sorry, but you ain't cut out to be a trainer. I always knew he'd be better off just stayin' in Pallet Town. Always said that. He should've asked for my advise, cos that's what I'd have told him to do. It'd saved everyone a whole lotta heartache. I coulda seen this all comin' a mile off, really.
Oh, is that the time? Well, I'm sorry but that's all the pearls of wisdom you're gonna get from me. I've got a hot date just desperate for my company right about now… if you'll excuse me.
Okay. Thanks for your time, Mr Oak. Who is this date? If you don't mind my asking…
No comment. No comment needed, jeez, her looks'll alone stun you into silence…heheh. Maybe I'm not so unlucky after all...'
