Author Note: Twas the night before Christmas and the Author now knew
That finishing the whole fic before Christmas was something he couldn't do.
But he did make one promise, one you can believe,
That the next chapter would be done come Christmas Eve.

Okay, so this may actually go up very early Christmas morning. Whatever. I was close. Anyway, I can't say this surprises me, that I only got one chapter in the past three weeks. Though it was more life-related factors than lacking enthusiasm to work on the fic. I do plan to keep at it even after Christmas is over, hopefully the drive to write won't wear off (and hopefully you'll still be interested in reading it). That being said, this is a pretty good chapter to be the one that I put up -on- Christmas. You'll see why, I think. Maybe. I could just be insane. Ahem.

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, and sorry I didn't get back to you like I wanted to (with one exception, I think). Gonna give that another try this time: If you leave me a review, I will seriously try to respond, even if it's just a "thank you." I do enjoy hearing from you folks, and besides which I'd like to knock "This Path of Radiance Seems Awfully Familiar," off of its pedestal as my most reviewed fic, since I stopped writing it over a year ago and it only had 3 chapters (I'd also like to break thatrecord, but that's on me, not you).

Anyway, not much else to say, so without further ado, I give you:

How the God Generals Replicated Christmas
In Something Remarkably Similar to Prose But with More Tangents
Being
A Tales of the Abyss Story Of Christmas and Related Insanity

Chapter 3: For Great Justice (also Love and Happiness and Amazing and Awesome. But mostly Justice)

"In the darkness of the spot where Tear broke the lighting fixtures, Mieu, Agent of Love™ flies on! His watchful eyes trained on the ground beneath him, he spots his master, Luke fon Fabre, clearly in a state of distress! Without a second thought he activates his trusty Happiness Reader, which scans the scene below, giving vital information to our hero. A single glance at the orange eyepiece tells him everything he needs to know; desperation levels are high and happiness and hope and love and justice are fading fast!

"Mieu watches in horror as his master's aggravation level soars beyond the capacity of the eyepiece to measure, causing it to sizzle and erupt into static, falling to the ground below as its physical components begin to deteriorate under the rush of numbers. 'Stop self-narrating, Thing! It's really annoying!' the young man cries in anguish, but his call goes unheeded, the world around him going on without pause. At last, driven to the brink of madness, he seizes—"

"… Mieu, Agent of Love™ plummets to the floor, struck from the sky by a flying kumquat. Writhing in pain on the ground, he vainly struggles to get back to his feet, as—"

"Knock it off, already! Jeez!" Luke said, picking up the cheagle by the ears like some sort of ridiculously cute and off-colored wolf only not at all.

"But Master! I need to fight for truth and justice and especially love and awesome and—"

"Go do it somewhere else, then!" Luke said, irritably throwing the cheagle over one shoulder.

"But I've got to help you and Tear have your big romantic moment!" Mieu protested, hanging upside down in the air behind Luke. "You two can't do it by yourselves! You're too clichély nervous around each other!" He added, crossing his arms and giving an affirmative upside-down nod (which, upside down, was still a nod).

"Wh-who said anything about me and Tear having a big romantic moment?"

"Aw, Master, you'll make Tear cry if you keep saying stuff like that!" Mieu paused long enough to flip himself back upright, then went on, "And just imagine the syntax! It'd have more verb/noun confusion than the Aeneid!"

Ignoring the statement except for a slight redness creeping into his cheeks, Luke continued. "And who asked for your help anyway?"

"Tear did!"

"… Tear thinks we couldn't have a big romantic moment without help…?" Luke's shoulders slumped. "I mean… not that we were necessarily going to have a big romantic moment anyway, but if we were…"

"Don't worry, Master! Mieu, Agent of Love™ is here to help!"

"Mieu, do you even know anything about love?" Luke shot the tiny, annoying creature a sideways glance.

"Sure I do! I read a bunch of those books you kept hidden under your bed!"

Luke groaned. It wasn't that he was surprised, so much, but still… "I knew secretly reading romance novels was going to get me killed one day," he muttered.

"Now, you've already got amazingly physics-defying hair and exposed muscles, so all you need is to catch Tear under the mistletoe with some sort of romantic gift, and—"

"I've been looking for my gift, Mieu."

"You lost the gift?" Mieu gasped. "Master! How could you? That's the most important part, next to being good in bed, whatever that means!"

"… Right…" Luke said, glancing around nervously. "Well, it's not like I lost it on purpose! Jade switched it with a bunch of Filifolia somehow."

"Oh, were those Selenias your gift?"

"You've seen them?" Luke practically pounced on the hovering cheagle.

"Yep! Jade told me to put them on the roof so you wouldn't… OH!"

"Mieu… Go. Get. Them."

"Master, you're scary when giant flames shoot out of your eyes."

"GO!"

"Mieuuuu…"

Luke stared after Mieu as he flew away, sighing. "Hey, wait a minute!" he shouted. "I thought you could only levitate! Why didn't you say you could fly back in the Radiation Gate or Mount Zaleho or someplace where it would have been useful? Mieu! Don't start flying faster when I'm complaining about your ability to fly! Mieu!"

The following is a scene change and does not reflect what happened immediately after Mieu departed Luke, or, for that matter, the views of ABC Family, but rather, what happened several minutes later. Also, buy Coke.

"Precious Selenias in hand, Mieu, Agent of Love™ speedily makes his way back towards the one who desperately needs them. It's a race against time with the only canon relationship where probably no one's technically died at stake! But Mieu flies onwards, undaunted by the enormity of his task or the relative enormity of the bouquet of flowers clutched in his far too small hands. For he knows at the end of his journey love awaits. Love: it is the power that drives him forward, the source of his great strength, the heartbeat of the stars themselves! And so, on and on he soars, certain that no obstacle can stand in his way. Will this confidence lead to his downfall? Can Mieu surpass the impossible with the power of love and courage? Ai no Senshi Mieu: Half-Moon Love. Wait and hope, for Mieu will, without fail—"

"Mieu! What are you doing? You're supposed to be helping us with Regret!"

"Oh, right!" Mieu flew down to where Natalia, Tear, Anise, and Legretta had somehow procured four sewing machines, three of which were silent they had realized that, given the size of the garment they were trying to create, only one of them could work on it at a time. Laying the selenias on the table, Mieu asked, "What do you need? Mieu, Agent of Love™ will most assuredly seek it out and deliver it to you!"

"Great, can you put your… paw… thing here for a second?" Tear asked, pointing at the strip of material in the machine.

"Sure!"

"Thanks." The machine started up again, creating with grace and speed from various tiny threads… something slightly larger than the various tiny threads that the process had begun with, albeit not by a whole lot.

"Everyone! Stop your trivial not-all-that-important-to-the-plot goings on and listen to me!" an unmistakable, booming voice… boomed, the cry echoing throughout the room. "The preparations are complete! The time has come for us to put an end to this struggle for the future of Christmas! Tonight, we dine in Hod, which I intend to pull out of the ocean as a gift to myself. God Generals, ASSEMBLE! And the rest of you come, too, because this is going to be really cool."

"Alright, it's done!" Tear said. "Thanks, Mieu. We couldn't have done it without you."

"No thanks necessary, Ma'am. It's all in a day's—"

"Yeah, yeah, can we hurry this up? The Commandant needs me!" Legretta interrupted. "That's fun to say," she added, giggling slightly. The others rolled their eyes and set to work.

The following is another scene change. We apologize for any inconvenience you may suffer or if you really liked that last scene for whatever reason. If you would like to purchase the last scene on a CD, the author would be more than happy to take your money and then whack you with a rolled up newspaper for being silly.

The author would like the reader to note that he personally takes no responsibility for that last statement. We now return you to your previously scheduled scene. That you… haven't actually… seen yet, so, really, we're not really returning you at all, just turning you. Sorry about the mix-up.

"Wow…" Luke gaped at the sleigh that had somehow been constructed in his front… yard-type stone path thing. It was sleek, painted bright red with golden accents. Reins and harnesses were draped over the front, waiting to be taken up on either end, and what looked to be a large jet engine was duct taped to the back. The entire thing seemed to glow with an inner light, as if the sleigh itself were imbued with the magic of Christmas. Or else radioactive.

"Yes, it is a rather impressive feat of engineering."

"Jade! Where have you been for… God, is that how long it's been? That's most of the last chapter!"

"I've been talking with Van," Jade shrugged. "We had an Evil Mastermind to Evil Genius talk, and I think it helped straighten out a few things about our eventual plans for a new world order where you will all be slave to us. We also played some Super Smash Bros. Brawl, which we already have a copy of because we're just that awesome. Oh, and we revamped Dist's chair so it will run on Christmas Fonons. Furthermore, I've increased its power so, if pulled by the right reindeer, it really will be able to fly around the world in just one night. I call it the Christmas Fonon Drive, because, as you're all no doubt aware, attaching the word 'drive' to the end of things makes them sound awe-inspiring."

"A Christmas Fonon Drive…" Luke said, mouth agape with awe. "Wait, Jade, I thought you thought this entire idea of saving Christmas was stupid and pointless?"

"Well, it is. But if you're all going to do it anyway I may as well help out and get my name on the project." Jade shrugged.

"But Van, even if you could fly around the world in one night," Guy said, climbing out of the box in which he had been hiding, "how can you possibly afford to give presents to all of the children of the world?"

"With this!" Van said, holding out a small pile of greenery. Guy poked at the mass of leaves carefully, recalling that murderous flora seemed to be a theme of the party. When it didn't react, he shot Van a questioning look. "It's mistletoe," the goateed man explained. "Replicated mistletoe. We produce it cheaply at our various replication facilities no one thought to change the locks to and then we can undersell the corporations, funding our efforts and striking our first blow against them in one fell swoop. Plus we can always replicate gifts if we have to, but that's not nearly convoluted enough, so we're going to avoid that one unless absolutely necessary."

"I can't believe it's not mistletoe!" Guy exclaimed, leaning in to inspect the plants more closely. "What's it made of?"

"JUSTICE!" Van bellowed. "And the Seventh Fonon!"

"Fascinating…" Guy said.

"At any rate," Van went on, "we've got to get these," he patted a large sack nestled safely in the sleigh, "to the children of the world. God Generals, take your places!"

"… This is humiliating…" Sync complained, buckling the harness around his chest and donning a set of fake antlers and reindeer ears. "I mean, I don't really exist and everything is meaningless anyway, but this is meaningless and humiliating."

"Um…" Arietta turned to her Liger companions, pointing at the reins. The Ligers growled something that effectively meant, "Yeah… no." A literal translation would involve group tactics for hunting rappigs and a brief description of the glorious feast that would no doubt follow, so for the sake of showing that brevity is possible within the confines of this fic, it has been paraphrased. Sometimes it's a good thing.

"Excellent, excellent…" Van muttered as the other God Generals forced Asch into his designated reindeer equipment at spongepoint. "Now where's Legretta?"

"Dorian General Vandesdelca Grants!" a voice that seemed to be coming from everywhere shouted. "Are you ready to rock?"

"Anise, that's not what you're supposed to say!" another voice said.

"But Natalia! It's more dramatic this way!"

"Can we please focus for a minute?" a third voice spoke up.

"Okay, okay. Van, we took your fearsome God General Regret, and completely transformed her. And so, without further ado… Behold!" Anise, Natalia, and Tear walked out from the house, carting between them a mobile changing curtain. With a dramatic flourish, Anise threw open the curtain, and Legretta jumped down off of the platform.

It is at this point that some random and generally pointless background information is very much required. You see, Latin poetry, due to the lack of rhyming significance incurred when every word draws upon the same general pool of endings, incorporated entirely different and foreign-seeming techniques in addition to their own variant on limiting syllables. The most notable of these is the use of "sound effects" or using words whose nature or sound convey, separate from the word's meaning, some of the emotion or features of the scene they depict. For instance, quick, halting syllables could give a sense of a racing heartbeat, gentle, flowing words could be used to describe the sea on a calm day, and Garfield would be described in slang that stopped being good 5 years prior.

Though it is, sadly, bordering on the impossible to reproduce such technique in English, this author has decided to give it a go for this one scene, as a test of sorts. If successful, he hopes to prove that this technique is still a viable one and bring it back into the mainstream as much as possible with an audience of geeks who have time to read 50+ additional pages about a game they've already beaten. Therefore, without further ado following Anise's previous announcement of a lack of further ado, the author is proud to present the following description of Legretta's new outfit, characterized by the characteristics of the outfit itself.

It was

The entire assembly of heroes, villains, and people who were wondering why there was a sleigh in the middle of the palace courtyard stared in stunned silence. And no one was more silent than Van himself. Or, um… his silence was more… he… Yeah, never mind. It was quiet and awkward.

"Aren't you… cold?" Arietta asked.

"Well…" Regret said slowly.

"Anise, why is there a map of Auldrant painted on her stomach?" Guy said.

"Isn't it obvious?" The glances of the others showed it was anything but. "So Van can have world domi—"

"Okay, no!" Luke interrupted. "Just… no. I can't believe you even thought of saying that, Anise. That's HORRIBLE."

"I think it's funny!" Anise pouted.

"Well… Commandant…?" Legretta said nervously.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, it's nice. Now get into your reindeer gear, we're on a tight schedule."

"Did you hear that?" Regret whispered to the other girls. "He said it was nice! Thank you guys so much!"

"Something… isn't quite right with that girl…" Natalia said, as they watched her cheerfully don a set of reindeer horns and a harness.

"So… why are you using the God Generals as reindeer?" Luke asked Van.

"Well, they're really the only minions I have left. Plus they can fly!"

"We can fly?" Largo nervously asked.

"Skill my HEART!" Mieu shouted popping out of Cacophonous Space Time. "To the edge of the galaxy, burn your passionate dreams! All I can do! Skill my SOUL—!" He was promptly interrupted by the sound of one hand clapping and also a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear it.

"Well, I can fly," Dist said. "I don't know what the rest of you intend to do."

"My animal friends will save me," Arietta said with a shrug.

"And I can fly with the power of love," Regret added, nodding.

"Wait, Dist, you can only fly with your chair," Luke pointed out. "Arietta… I think all your flying animal friends are over there deliberately not paying attention," Luke pointed to the creatures, who were attempting to whistle idly through their various beak-like appendages. "As for you…" he turned to Legretta, not pointing at all. "Um… I don't even know where to start here, so never mind. But you probably can't fly."

"Oh…" The God Generals exchanged anxious glances.

"You know, come to think of it," Guy said, scratching his chin, "don't all of the Santa legends say that he had eight reindeer? You've only got six, Van."

"You're right!" Van shouted. "Fortunately, I had a plan in place for just such an occurrence! Foolish replica! My sister! Get over here and join the team!"

"You… you're kidding, right?" Luke asked.

"You can't possibly… I mean…" Tear stammered.

"I can't believe we're actually going to do this…" Luke moaned one timeskip later.

"How did we get into these things?" Tear wondered, pulling at the harness.

"I don't even know." Luke shook his head in bafflement.

"Well, at least he didn't pick me," Guy said, sighing with relief. "What with my being the one who brought it up and the collar and all, I was totally expecting to be…" Guy trailed off as Jade walked up, smiling, and calmly placed a small, glowing red ball on his nose. "But… but… but… Never mind…" Guy sighed, and reluctantly took his place at the head of the team.

"Well, then, off we go!" Van shouted and he gloated and called them by name; "Now Largo! Now Dist! Now Tear and Legretta! On Luke! On Asch! On Sync and Arietta! To the top of Fabre manor, to the top of the palace wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

The indentured reindeer substitutes just stared at the MadSanta (also the title of an upcoming Lifetime Original Movie, for those interested) who had so commanded them, not moving the slightest bit. "Fine, then, we do this the hard way…" Van produced a coiled leather whip from somewhere within the sleigh, holding it aloft.

"Oh my God! He's got a whip!" Asch cried in terror.

"Everyone run for your lives!" Luke shouted.

"No! That's exactly what he wants!" Largo said.

"You've never seen Van with a whip, have you?" Luke asked the Black Lion.

"No, why?"

"You know how dangerous he is with a sword?" Asch said. "Think about ten times worse." As if to emphasize this point, Van cracked the whip upon the ground, where it reduced one of the stone tiles to rubble in an instant. The group turned wide eyes on the man in the sleigh, then all at once began fumbling with their harnesses, as a last resort slashing them with various daggers they made a habit of keeping on them for no evident reason, until finally they were mostly all able to run screaming away from Van's cracking of the whip.

"Oh! Mine seems to be stuck! Alas!" Legretta lamented completely convincingly. "I shall have to endure the horrors of Van armed with a whip! Go on without me, my comrades!"

"… Come on," Largo said, pulling her free as well.

"No, wait! This could be my only chance to—" The rest of this statement was conveniently muffled as Largo tucked the female God General beneath one arm like the star linebacker he had been during his crazy college bodyguard days (first one to make a "pigskin" joke gets shot and/or awarded a prize) and ran out of the range of Van's whip.

"Hey! What about me?" Guy demanded pulling at his harness. "Luke? Somebody? Oh, come on, this thing's made out of steel, I can't break it myself!"

"You're on your own, sorry," Luke said, ducking a lightning fast whip strike.

"Jade! Why is—?"

"So you wouldn't be able to break free, obviously."

"Onwards!" Van ordered to the only member of his team left, and Guy obediently tried to run, straining against the metal harness. The engine roared to life with a faint church bell undertone, and, the sleigh began to inch along, hovering a few inches off of the ground. "Now!" Van shouted, and the sleigh shot forward, blasting past Guy and then dragging him along by the harness.

"Help!" Guy shouted, not really expecting anyone to pay attention given how things had been going for him. The sleigh, now some ten feet off the ground turned back and flew back over the rest of the group. Suddenly, the entire rig gave a shudder, bouncing Guy about like a very annoyed marionette being operated a puppeteer who was simultaneously affected both by carpel tunnel and being high on caffeine.

"Something's wrong!" Van gasped. "Gailardia! Get free while you can!" With a crack of the whip, the chain binding Guy to the sleigh snapped in two, dropping him to the ground as overhead the sleigh began to turn a midair loop-de-loop. It went on to perform an assortment of random midair maneuvers, which were, by and large, well received, though the overall malfunction received only lukewarm reviews from critics.

"There's not enough Christmas Fonons!" Jade said.

"Of course! Everyone!" Van shouted, hanging upside down as the sleigh corkscrewed over the partygoers a third time. "Sing! Quickly!"

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas," Jade began, his suddenly deeper voice cutting through the noise of the onlookers and the rapidly deteriorating saving of Christmas. "Just like the ones I used to know…"

"… Jade would be able to sing, too, wouldn't he?" Luke asked.

"Yes, yes, I'm God," Jade said. "However, if this is going to work it's going to take more than one person singing!"

"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me… a big sack full of money!" Anise belted out.

"Here comes Vanta Claus, here comes Vanta Claus, right down Vanta Claus lane," the God Generals Except for Asch chanted in five-part harmony.

"Children sleeping, snow is softly falling. Dreams are calling… likes the bells in the distance," Ion and Florian sang together.

Natalia gazed lovingly at Asch for a long moment, (prompting a slightly less scary angry glare from him) before finally singing, "Make my wish come true… All I want for Christmas, is—"

"A chaplain in the Army has a collar on his neck. If you don't listen to him, you'll all wind up in Heck!" one of the Order of Lorelei guards who had totally failed to do anything resembling guarding Ion sang. "Oh, I don't want no more of Army life! Gee, Ma, I wanna go—"

"You know it's gotta be Christmas music, right?" the guard next to him asked. "It doesn't work otherwise."

"Oh. Well that's just completely unfair! I'm Jewish!" For a moment, everyone present stopped to consider this, then resumed what they had been doing.

Turning to Tear, Luke began, "Baby, it's cold outside."

"But we are outside, and it's not…"

"We're supposed to be singing!"

"But that song is just so…"

"Tear! Your brother's life is at stake here!"

"Oh, right… um… damn it, now I can't think of anything else!" she glared at Luke. "Fine, whatever! I really can't stay…"

"No! You're off-key!" Van shouted as the sleigh careened out of control, spiraling down towards the lower levels of the city. "You're off-keeeeeeeey!" The sleigh suddenly burst into flames, streaking through the air for a second, then all at once exploding into a million burning fragments.

The entire group gazed down upon the still-glowing fireball that had, a moment ago, been an evil mastermind and his latest diabolical plan for seizing control of Christmas. For a moment, not a word was uttered.

"Commandant!" Regret shouted, tears in her eyes.

"If it's any consolation," Guy said, picking himself up from the ground, "it's probably how he would want to go: in some sort of fiery, musical extravaganza/explosion, brought on by some kind of crazy Christmas-themed gadget that was being used to further one of his evil master plans."

"He died doing what he loved," Largo agreed.

"I know…" Regret sniffed.

"Master Van…" Luke said softly. "Damn it, not again! So many things left unsaid… again!"

"What could you possibly have left to say to the man, Replica?" Asch said. "Last time you met him you were trying to kill him! Wouldn't it make sense to say everything important to him then?"

"Oh, well, yeah, I mean, I covered all of the 'I don't need your approval anymore, I know who I am now!' stuff, but after the fight, I came up with all these great bits of witty banter," he held up some index cards, covered with writing, "and now I'll never have a chance to use any of them… again."

"Give me those!" Asch snatched the cards. "Van GRANTS nothing but evil and misery?"

"Okay, so maybe it's not such a loss after all… it sounded a lot better in my head, though."

"Oh, why don't you just go die?"

"Oh… well… I mean… if you say so… You're the original…" Luke started to walk off. "So um… I'm just gonna go… try to kill myself now… again. Don't… don't try to stop me or anything. I've made up my mind." No one moved. "Right, well…" he turned to walk away again, suddenly stopped. "Alright, why won't anyone try to stop me?"

"Luke, we might have done just that the first few times," Guy explained, "but now it's just… kind of worn off… How many times is this anyway?"

"Let's see…" Jade said as he pulled a full-sized chalkboard from nowhere, and began making tally marks on it. "Hm… well, as you can see, this is the 17th time Luke has threatened to terminate his own miserable existence, and the fourth since we stopped caring."

"Let go of me!"

"Tear, calm down already."

"But Luke's going to—"

"Tear, if you keep getting so worked up every time Luke threatens to kill himself, he'll never learn," Natalia scolded.

"Yeah, Tear, if you're this overprotective already you'll make a horrible mother," Anise added. "Sometimes you've gotta let kids… and teenagers who are actually sort of only like eight years old, mess up so they figure these things out on their own."

"Wh-who said anything about me having—I mean… what does that…?"

"See, look!" Natalia pointed with the arm that wasn't locked around Tear's shoulder. "Now that he's seen that threatening to kill himself won't get him extra attention, he's just going to go blog about it instead."

"… Is it too late to apologize for whatever I did in a past life to merit all of this?" Tear asked.

"Probably." Anise held up her hands in a helpless gesture.

"Okay."

"Speaking of which, aren't you devastated by the fact that Van's dead again?" Natalia said.

"Eh, well… it's not my fault this time, and after personally killing him twice it's sort of lost its impact."

"Ah."

"What's all this?!" Emperor Peony, still decked out in his bling, suddenly appeared at the door to the manor. "Everyone wearing reindeer horns… man, I miss everything! But this gives me a brilliant idea! New theme outfits for everyone! Now, I'm going to need a lot of red ribbon, well, not all that much, actually, but—" the Emperor of Malkuth was cut short as two conveniently placed shovels simultaneously smote him in the back of the head.

"I'll not have my daughter exposed to such things! She's far too young!" Largo and King Ingobert simultaneously roared. Each somewhat taken aback by the unexpected assistance, they stood, staring at each other for a moment, then gave a nod of acknowledgement.

From out in the courtyard, Asch and Natalia whistled innocently. Seeing that this wasn't stopping the others from staring at them, Asch fell back on more tried and true methods, and shot the rest of the gang a glare that… well, to be fair, Asch really doesn't normally look all that threatening, and the fuzzy ears and the antlers really didn't help, but it was a pretty good angry glare, so it more or less worked.

"Man, I'm glad to be getting rid of these…" Asch muttered, reaching for the horns atop his head.

"Actually, um… I kind of… like it…" Natalia said, one foot nervously poking at the ground. "You should keep it."

"This? But it looks ridicu—"

"Keep it!"

"Okay, okay…"

"Well, everyone, seeing as there's nothing left to see out here, shall we go back inside?" Jade suggested.

"J-Just like that?" Legretta said, dumbfounded. "I mean… we're not going to… mourn or… you know, not go back to having a party or something?"

"Regret, this is going to be hard for you to hear, so I'm going to say it as gently as I can," Largo said. "Nobody else liked Van."

"Oh… okay then… I'll just be out here… wallowing in sorrow…"

"Okay, have fun with that." Everyone began filing back into the party, stepping over the various traps that hadn't been triggered as of yet.

"I know this sounds impossible now," Tear told Legretta. "But someday you'll be able move on, Major Regret. That's the kind of person you are."

"Thanks, Tear. Since there was a time when everyone thought Luke was dead, and since Van was your brother, I get the feeling that you're really the only one who could understand how I feel right now… Well, I mean, other than, like, everyone else in the entire cast, but you're the only one who's actually acting like you care at all, so… Thanks for sticking by me in my hour of need, Tear."

"Tear? Oh, there you are!" Luke said, poking his head out of the manor. "Come on, I need to show you something!"

"I'm trying to comfort Regret here, Luke…"

"Oh. But I finally found my present… I had a box for it and everything…" Luke said, shoulders sagging.

"You did?" Tear's eyes momentarily lit up. "But, I mean… I shouldn't…"

"No, it's alright, Tear," Regret said, placing a hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "You two go and enjoy yourselves. There's no reason anyone else should be miserable just because the love of my life died in a horrible accident that could easily have been avoided if any of you had taking singing lessons like I asked you to."

"Really? Thanks!" Luke said, grabbing Tear by the hand. "Oh, but, um… can I ask you a quick question?"

"What question?" Legretta questioned.

"What the Hell is your name? People keep alternating between 'Legretta,' and 'Regret,' for no apparent reason! Even the author! Which is it?"

"You mean… there's a difference?" the God General said, baffled.

"Of course there's a difference!" Luke shouted. "They're different words!"

"Oh. I guess I hadn't noticed," she shrugged.

Silence for a moment, and then, "Yeah, okay, this chapter's done. Come on, Tear." And so the two walked back inside, leaving the grieving and scantily clad warrior entirely alone, except for the author who was actually, himself, trying to find a way to end the scene.

"Right. Wallowing in sorrow, then…"

Tear: Um… I guess I'm supposed to be reading an episode preview…?

Natalia: Tear! That's no way to introduce the next action-packed chapter of the author's dazzling piece of comedic gold-inlaid literary genius!

Tear: Why are you hyping this? All you've done is… pretty much be ignored and also suggest a ridiculous plan to get Legretta and Van together.

Natalia: Not so! I also got to have implied sexual-type… things with Asch.

Tear: … I was leaving that one out.

Natalia: Oh. Okay, then yes, you're right. But Tear, when you're royalty, you learn a little thing called diplomacy.

Tear: The Author isn't going to give you a better part if you say nice things about him. Besides, the characters he likes are the ones who get the worst of it.

Natalia: And what's that supposed to mean?

Tear: N-nothing… just that… you know…

Natalia: I'm certain I don't.

Tear: Well, I mean… for reasons entirely beyond your control, I'm sure… the Author… thinks you're kind of boring and also useless in a fight.

Natalia: What?

Tear: Well, I'm sorry but—

Natalia: I refuse to accept that!

Tear: Aren't we supposed to be… doing the episode preview?

Natalia: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Way to change the subject, Tear!

Tear: What? No, I mean, it's just… getting kind of long and…

Natalia: That does it, Tear! We're going to settle, once and for all, which of us is the better woman! We'll use the most sacred of the traditional Japanese Anime/Video Game female character competitions: Naked Mud-Wrestling!

Tear: …This is not a good idea for too many reasons to begin to list.

Natalia: Let's go! Right now! You and me, Tear!

Tear: …

Jade: ((Appears from nowhere)) Well, I guess I'd better finish this episode preview, and fast, too, or else I won't be able to sell tickets to the event. ((Ahem)) On the next How the God Generals Replicated Christmas, another member of the cast will DIE. Who will it be? Asch? Ion? Mr. Body? His cousin, Captain Cadaver? Tune in next time to find out! Next time: Of Punch and Also Involving the OTHER Kind of Punch. Awaken your Synchronized Christmas Fon Slots!

Ending Note: Well, it's been another wonderful installment of How the God Generals Replicated Christmas (I… hope… anyway). Therefore it must be time for another equally wonderful (yeah right) installment of Duo Explains it All, with your host, a Sock Puppet! Yeah, okay, "officially Christmas" is fast approaching and I'm somewhat loopy from the overdose of Christmas movies/specials I watched today. Cut me some slack.

The Title: The Whole "In something resembling prose" thing is a take on the full title of "A Christmas Carol," which is "A Christmas Carol In Prose, Being a Ghost Story of Christmas."

Mieu's Happiness Reader: Implied to be something like the infamous power scanners of Dragonball Z.

More verb/noun confusion than the Aeneid: Well, as mentioned later in the chapter, Latin poetry has its own weird limitations and techniques, and since Latin is a language in which word order is only important for certain things, if it's all in the same phrase/clause/whatever term the Romans would use, you can have a verb and the subject or the object that it goes with really far away from each other. Point being… the Aeneid is confusing (sometimes, anyway) and the name Tear can easily get awkward when used in an English context.

The heartbeat of the stars themselves: A reference to the title of the third Zeta Gundam Movie Compilation/20th Anniversary Revival, "Love is the Heartbeat (alternatively, Pulse) of the Stars."

Half-Moon Love: Another Zeta Gundam reference, though this was the title of an episode from the actual series. I just love how weird and nonsensical it is, really (and it was "Half-Moon Love" in Engrish, so it's not a translation thing), so I thought I'd use it for one of Mieu's speeches.

Surpassing the impossible: Just sort of a general hot-blooded super robot-y thing to say, though it's very Gurren Lagann-ish if I'm to pick on in particular (GL is one of the only honest to goodness Super Robot shows I've ever seen, after all).

Wait and Hope: A famous quote from The Count of Monte Cristo, which The Count says on numerous occasions. In fact, that phrase actually the final words of the novel. Which is why it's so frustrating that the Geneon translation of Gankutsuou has it as "Bide Your Time and Hold Out Hope," which I have definitely complained about elsewhere in my fic writing, so I'll leave it at that.

Garfield: I used to dislike it when people said Garfield wasn't any good anymore, but I just can't continue anymore. Sorry, old friend. I tried to keep the faith alive, but you're really just not that funny lately.

Cacophonous Space Time: The "title" of Banner of the Stars IV (the novel). I think "Dissonant Space Time," apparently an alternate translation, sounds a hell of a lot better (or "Dissonance in Space Time,"). For the record, Cacophonous means "Loud, noisy, unpleasant-sounding etc." This, plus the way the title sounds makes it one of the weirdest titles ever, in my book. Seriously, you could almost just randomly say it to make yourself seem smart and impress people. Hmm…

Skill my Heart! Etc.: Another reference to JAM Project's song "Skill." This was a translation taken from the internet (LyricWiki), which I cannot take credit for. Apologies if that's considered using it without permission, but considering that it's just a translation of what's already there ((shrugs)).

Madsanta: A joke off of madman, since Van is trying to replace Santa Claus, and also I was just bored of the other things by which I have referred to him. The Lifetime comment was a joke off of "Bad Santa," even though that wasn't remotely related to Lifetime (but Lifetime original movies most of the time are just… yeah…).

The whip thing: A vague Master Badtouch-type reference (counting the fact that Luke and Asch know enough to be afraid when Van has a whip)? You be the judge!

Jade's "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas": Well, you know, personally I figure Jade has to have an amazing singing voice, or else my illusion of him as being ridiculously superior to everyone ever will be shattered. Okay, but seriously? Even if it was only out of spite I think he'd be able to sing like Frank Sinatra or, you know, in that vein of guys with deep voices that people really like to listen to. Plus he grew up in the only part of Auldrant where it ever seems to snow (granted that means nothing since there's no weather at all most of the time, but hey…), so it seemed like a fitting song.

Ion and Florain singing "Believe": Okay, so their voices are nothing like the original singer's, but our Chorus did a version of this song for a holiday concert at one point, and it seemed to work for them, so I figure the Ions could come up with a pretty good version of this. Plus it just seems like the kind of song Ion (VII?) would like, and probably Florian, too (not my insane homicidal version of him, obviously).

"A chaplain in the Army has a collar on his neck," etc.: So this is for my fellow MASH fans. It's from the episode "Movie Tonight," where the whole gang ends up singing their own take on "Gee, Ma, I wanna go home!" (not sure if that's the real title), a song about how being the army sucks, basically. It was really just the first thing that popped into my head when I decided that someone needed to interrupt Natalia (poor Natalia). Father Mulcahy for the win!

Switching between Legretta and Regret: Probably a lot of you know this one, and it's actually something related to the game, which I don't usually explain, but I think it bears mentioning. The joke here is really that the original version of the character's name was "Re-gu-re-to," which is pretty certainly meant to be the English word "Regret," since Legretta would be "Re-gu-re-ta," in Japanese. (I have heard "Legretto," suggested, but I think the person was thinking of "Alegretto," which is an actual music term/Italian word) Anyway, there's apparently some difference of opinion among fans about the name, so to keep everyone happy and confused, I switch between the two at random ((Nods)). I actually don't mind this particular change just because "Regret," is a lot harder to get away with as an English name compared to, say, "Tear" (Major Regret?), but ((shrugs)). Anyway, couldn't resist making fun of this a bit, so now the fic is far more confusing than it needs to be. Yay!

Well, that was… relatively quick and painless, anyway. Benefits of shorter chapters, I guess. Anyhoo, it's past midnight now, so I guess I should be wrapping this up. Thanks for reading this chapter of "How the God Generals Replicated Christmas," and hopefully you'll stick around for future installments even though it won't be the Christmas season anymore. If not, I may need to do a Ver 2.0 of this fic for next Christmas wherein I break up the first two chapters a bit, but we'll see.

Until next time, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.