Hope

One night, Eren dreamt of a younger himself and a younger Mikasa, sleeping near each other in Eren's bed. It was probably after her parents had been killed and she joined his family. They used to sleep together the first weeks after that. The boy remembered very well that, some nights, she cried and shacked in her sleep, probably having a nightmare. So those nights, he shyly came closer to her, and embraced her petite frame to keep her warm with a childish innocence. Sometimes he woke her up accidently, and froze. Her eyes were too sleepy to understand how close they were from each other. She probably thought it was a dream, and closed her eyes again, returning back to the dream world. In other occasions, she blushed at the sight of her adoptive brother and he apologized, blushing as well. Then they would glare at each other, embarassed, and began to talk.

"Were you... having a nightmare ?", Eren has asked once. As she nodded, he said, "What was it about ?"

"My parents were in the garden of our home", she explained after a while, "I could see them talking as if nothing, but there was something coming closer. I don't if there were men or titans, or... Whatever they were, I knew they were dangerous. I tried to get out of the house to call them, but I was trapped and no one heard me screaming. I was frightened because I knew what could happen, and yet I was powerless... Just like when they died..."
"That's wrong, Mikasa. You managed to fight, that day, even though you were scared. There was nothing you could have done except from saving your life... and mine as well." She did no move and he thought that she missed her family. Even thought his parents were nice to her and gave her everything she needed, they weren't her parents. She still called they "Dr. Jäger" and "Carla", refusing to say "Father" and "Mother". Even though people got used to talk about her as Eren's "adoptive sister", she was more a friend and a lost child than anything. Eren wasn't sure to know how to make her more comfortable. "Y'know, that day, I was scared too, when I found the house where they had trapped you in. I wasn't exactly sure to be able to save you", he admitted. "Even if they were animals and monsters, they looked like human beings. And the first one I killed looked even like a kind person, in a way. When I saw them, I didn't know what to do. And later, I saw you, lying on the floor, just like your parents... And I did what I had to."
"Eren...", Mikasa started whispering, but she interrumpted herself. He frowned, curious of what she wanted to say, and felt her shivering frame near him. She blushed when he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"If you're cold, don't stay there quietly. It's better like that... isn't it ?"
She noticed he was blushing too and nodded. Then the two children began to sleep again, into each other's arms. Mikasa had never had the opportunity to tell him how she felt about him. She would have loved to be brave enough to admit that he gave her a reason to live, as well as the warmth of a home, and a place to come back. With him, for him, she would have done anything. He wasn't a child anymore, for sure, yet sometimes he behaved in that way. But no matter how rude and stubborn he could be... she would love him the same. Eren, on the other hand, began to miss her overprotectivity, her thoughtfulness and her gentle face when she disappeared. How cruel to think that until that day, he hadn't understood how important she was. She was part of his universe : life without Mikasa was like a day without sun, a river without water, a empty home... He missed her warmth more than anything. The memories of the nights they shared, as children, came back to his mind, slowly, and he cried sometimes at that thought. Armin and Jean had seen him once, but said nothing, because Eren was too proud to admit it.

The worst was to think that Mikasa would never come back. In every common day, Eren was shocked, and he even asked the others where she was. When they were training, having lunch, playing cards, or anything, he would only wonder where she could be right now. In her bedroom ? Onto the wall ? He couldn't say. And then the memory of her slender frame being thrown into the titan's mouth returned and he could only curse himself. How could he forget something like that ? How could he dare forgetting that Mikasa Ackerman, his best friend, whom he had loved more than anyone else, was now dead ?

"I love you."
It wasn't that hard to say it. Why didn't he say it before ? Why did she had to die so that he could understand that evidence ? She was the one who had replace a whole family in his heart. The one he would have given everything to see one more time. The one he had pulled against his small chest to protect her and give her warmth. The one he had given his red scarf to. The one he could not forget now...

"I love you so much that it hurts..."

Eren once saw Hannah and Franz kissing and thought it was weird. Their love seemed out of place, disturbing. Actually, they were just enjoying the present moment, knowing that perhaps those happy days would not last. Now that Eren remembered them, he wondered why he had never kissed Mikasa. After all, no matter what people would have said, they weren't brother and sister, they were just two children. Abandonned orphans. Her lips would have been soft and sweet, her skin tender and warm, her hair light and dark... Eren's heart beated faster as he imagined himself kissing her. I'm such an idiot...

"Don't leave me..."

The world seemed cold and merciless now that she was gone. There was no red scarf to give him a reason to keep on living. He knew that he could not abandon his friends, but honestly, his will to fight had been shattered with Mikasa. He could neither reach for her by dying, because he felt as she would never forgive him for being such a coward. She would have been the first one to fight even if everything was over. Because, if she had died, she could no longer remember Eren ; so Eren had to live, so that he could remember her.

"Please... Forgive me..."

She always appeared in his dreams, blood-stained, with teary eyes and shattered limbs. He could barely reach for her, and when he did, he could not help her. She wasn't dead already, but she ended up dying in his arms. And, what's worst, she died with such a beautiful smile and beautiful eyes, that he still saw that picture for the whole day. It never left him alone. Neither his guilt did.

"It's so cold now..."

Mikasa, come back...

The boy was so obsessed with his nightmares that he didn't heard Corporal Levi, coming back from a secret mission in the district, who was holding a body in his arms. He didn't heard, either, how that body moaned out of pain, while Levi just said he -or she- had better not to die now, after he had done so much to save him -or her. The day after Levi turned back secretly, there was a huge animation in the HQ, but no one explained to Eren what was its cause. Armin, almost crying of happiness, told him to follow Hanji, who was shacking of excitement. He did as his friend told him, a little curious, and stopped in front of a door. Hansi began to explain that no one would bother him in that part of the HQ, and left him, jumping joyfully. The boy stood still, confused, and opened the door slightly. He saw nothing. He tried again and opened it more to see the room. And then...

As the door got closed by itself, the boy walked, hesitantly, to the bed. Tears rolled over his face. His lips shook in disbelief. He grabed the hand out of despair, and managed to whisper the name he had had in mind that week :

"Mi...kasa ? You... Alive ?"

She looked asleep, but she breathed, and her hips moved softly, as she was talking. He bent over her face to make sure she was the very Mikasa he had lost, and touched her cheeks and hair, marvelled. His tears fell onto her cheeks, and her eyes painfully got open. As she recognized him, she began to cry too, and he held her in his arms, pressing her self against his. They cried like two children into each other's arms. Eren had been so scared that he felt his heart exploding in that moment. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her neck, her lips and her hands, not believing she was there, finally, such as he had wished for. She replied with many kisses and could not stop her tears. But it was alright, because he erased them with his thumb, smiling genually.

In the end, they had never grown up. They were just lost children, orphans, who needed each other.