Author's Note: So I was playing Battlefield Bad Company 2 and it inspired the title and loosely the plot of this chapter… It's hard to explain. Also, last chapter, I didn't mean to offend any Kelly fans, I just thought it was a good way to wrap up the chapter. _ Also, in case you were wondering, my Shep is a Paragon Spacer War Hero Soldier. Now enjoy!

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 and its characters are property of Bioware/EA.

Chapter 3: RAMPAGE!

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention; the Normandy I pretty trashed and I'm just waiting for the repair crews to show up." Shepard said levelly, looking straight forward. Ashley only gave him an indecipherable sidelong glance, and a silence settled over the two riding up the elevator.

"I still can't believe you died. It just doesn't seem real." Ashley said, breaking the thick silence. Shepard nodded, staring at the ground, mulling over what he would say next.

"I can hardly believe it myself. It's difficult to say the least, when you wake up two year after suffocating in the depths of space. Cerberus did a pretty good job, though. I still don't know how man I am now, rather than machine." Shepard said finally. Ashley looked into his eyes, and saw a faint red flash from his pupils.

"Well, there's only one way to tell." Ashley said slyly, a mischievous grin coming to her face. Shepard swallowed audibly. "And, since it's like you were born again, it would be your second de-flowering." Shepard gave her a smoldering look, then grimaced.

"Why won't this elevator go any faster? I thought Cerberus upgraded these!" Shepard exclaimed impatiently. Ashley sauntered closer, and whispered in his ear.

"Patience is a virtue, you know." She said, wrapping her arms around him.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Grunt was angry. Well, angrier. He was always angry, but right now he just wanted to crush someone's head between his hands. He stomped into the mess hall, picking up the entire soup bucket that Rupert had prepared, and slammed it down angrily on the table as he sat down. The two crewmen who had been conversing there quickly scattered, leaving their unfinished food behind. Grunt appropriated that as well, stuffing it in his mouth. As he sat there angrily, Jack appeared in the mess hall, apparently to grab food and subsequently sneak back to her hidey-hole. Grunt snorted in amusement; her scent indicated she was angry too.

"Why are you angry?" Grunt asked suddenly, crumbs frothing from his mouth like a grotesque fountain. Jack made her way to the table and sat across from him, slouched.

"Because of that goddamn quarian. I can't fucking sleep; she keeps rambling about Shepard. It's really disturbing. And fucking ANNOYING!" Jack yelled at the last part, a cerulean corona appearing around her fist as she slammed it on the table. "What about you? Didn't get enough to eat?" Jack asked snidely, indicating the immense amount of food he was consuming.

"No. After we killed all the Collectors, I haven't been able to fight. I need to fight. My scales are itching, and my blood is on fire. I want to smash something!" At the last remark, he tossed aside the gargantuan soup bucket aside like a plaything, almost hitting Garrus in the process. Garrus looked wide-eyed at the two of them, then made himself scarce, bolting for the elevator.

"You know what? I think I have an idea that would help us both." Jack said conspiratorially. As she whispered into the krogan's ear, an evil grin spread across his face.

"I like the way you think." Grunt said, eyeing the human across from him.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"Well, now that you've cleared away most of the debris, I guess we can… Proceed." Ashley purred at Shepard, who had cleared away most of his quarters' wreckage, the package that Kelly mentioned waiting patiently by the armor locker.

"I'd like that…" Shepard said as he walked up to her, his voice trailing away at the end of the sentence. He was less than a half-step from her now, and the two were looking deep into each others' eyes. Ashley closed the space between them, kissing him deeply. She continued to walk forward and he back until his legs bumped into the bed, which he fell onto with an 'oomph'. She leapt on top of him, straddling his thighs.

"Is that so?" She asked huskily into his ear.

"Shepard, your presence is requested on the crew deck." EDI said, absolutely shattering the mood.

"EDI, the ship better be on fire." Shepard said, sighing. Ashley got up and moved to his couch, pouting, which she sat down on. "Hold that thought." He said to her, sending her a wink.

"I advise you wear what is inside the package, Shepard." EDI continued, her omnipresent voice coming through his speakers.

"Why?" Shepard asked half-heartedly as he opened the large metal case. "Oh." Was all he said as he extricated pieces of what seemed to be extremely expensive armor. He started putting it on, much to Ashley's amusement.

"It's called "Kestrel Armor". Isn't that a type of bird?" Ashley queried, looking up from the instruction manual.

"Gah! I can't see anything!" Shepard yelled, bumping into a wall. Ashley only walked up, steadied him, and turned the switch into "on" position. Suddenly, a HUD appeared on the inside of Shepard's faceplate. "Oh. Thanks."

Shepard got into the elevator, listening to his comm link. Ashley heard a muffled exclamation as the door closed behind him. She sighed. This always happened. Right before she and Shepard would make love, something, or someone, would interrupt them. It had been that way since Illos, and it was ludicrously frustrating. It was great to have him back though. When he died, she thought her heart had been torn out. And then Horizon… She shook the thought out of her head, and stood up, beginning to inspect his room. He had a rather large fish tank hidden behind chunks of rubble, the broken aquarium full of the remnants of fish. She made her way to his desk, picking up the hamster ball with its singular occupant. The hamster emitted a small "meep", then turned away from her. She placed the ball back down and sat at his private terminal. She resolved to find out just how busy he had been, and began to read.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Shepard stopped by the armory to pick up his weapons, almost running into Jacob as the Cerberus operative was exiting.

"Whoa. What's with the armor, Shepard? Someone attacking the Normandy?" Jacob asked jokingly. He paled when the Commander only gave him a stern look.

"Suit up, Jacob, and grab some non-lethal ammo block, ASAP." Shepard ordered crisply, making his way to the weapon tables.

"Aye aye, sir. What's the matter?" Jacob questioned as he attached his armored shoulder gear.

"We have an issue on the crew deck. You'll be my wingman for this." Shepard said as he set down his usual Revenant machinegun in favor of a Vindicator battle rifle. He quickly swapped the normal metal ammo block for a less-than-lethal rubber ammo block.

Jacob quickly picked up his usual Eviscerator shotgun, and followed Shepard out of the armory. They made their way into the elevator, no one speaking. As the doors opened for the crew deck, Jacob and Shepard took up cover positions on either side of the elevator. An evil, barking laugh could be heard as well as a higher-pitched cackling. Shepard peeked around the wall to see Grunt and Jack tearing up the mess hall with their weapons, clearly trying to hit a specific target. A small, synthesized squeak could be heard when they hit the counter above Tali's head.

Garrus appeared to be valiantly defending her, acting as a "human" shield by blocking their attacks with his body.

Shepard sighed, annoyed and aimed his rifle. He shot a three-round burst at the back of Jack's head, which caused her to fall to the ground, unconscious. He then looked at Grunt, then back at his rifle. The krogan was barking with deranged amusement, and frankly would not be taken down by rubber rounds. Shepard cursed under his breath, then switched his rubber ammo block for disruptor block. He then took aim, and fired three bursts at the krogan's back.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Grunt felt good. He was finally getting to fight something! It might have only been the quarian and turian, but it was still a fight. He had almost gotten her that last shot, and he planned on making the next one count. As he aimed his Claymore, he felt the sting of gunfire on his back, and a numbing charge went through him. He fell to the ground, unable to move. Shepard moved into his view, holding his rifle and shaking his head. He hauled the massive krogan into a seat at the mess table, putting him in an almost sitting position.

"I thought I told you to not try to kill teammates. Is it really that hard? We have our own sparring circle, for Christ's sake! If you want to fight, then just fist fight someone there. The room is only twenty feet away!" Shepard ranted, using liberal hand motions. He then shifted his attention to Garrus, who had his arms wrapped around the apparently weeping Tali. This was the third time this week that this had happened, and it was beginning to wear on the Commander.

"You know what? You're on mandatory leave for the next twenty four hours. Go explore the Citadel. Have some fun. Just don't get into too much trouble, and meet me at the Darkstar at 2300 hours. Got it?" He asked forcefully. Grunt just blinked one of his eyes.

"Good. And take Jack with you."

Jacob and Shepard made their way back to the elevator, and waited for it to crawl up the floors. Jacob got out at the CIC, while Shepard remained in the elevator as it climbed to his loft. He exited the elevator, and habit forced him to go to his armor locker and change back into normal wear. He then walked zombie-like over to what remained of his bed and collapsed.

"Tired? Still up for some down time, however odd that sounds?" Ashley asked tentatively, chuckling. Shepard nodded, and she made her way over to the bed and lay next to him. He rolled on the bed, positioning himself over her.

"Finally!" Ashley exclaimed breathlessly as Shepard began softly kissing her neck.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Kasumi walked casually back into the Normandy, though she doubted anyone saw her leave. Grunt and Jack had been arguing with a pair of bulky C-Sec officers on Zakera Ward, and everyone else was supposed to be on the ship. She stopped walking when she heard Joker laugh evilly.

"Finally! Looks like I'll get a show at last!" Joker exclaimed, watching his monitor intently. Kasumi silently padded over to where he was seated and looked over his shoulder.

"Jeff, the Commander should be allowed his privacy. I do not approve of your actions." EDI said, sounding eerily like Joker's mother.

"I would have to agree with EDI on this one, Joker. Although it is oddly fascinating…" Kasumi trailed off as she watched the security footage of Shepard's quarters. "Are you recording this?" She demanded, her hood masking her countenance.

"Maybe… And I also might be streaming it to every monitor on the Normandy as well." Joker said as he turned his chair to face Kasumi. She only grinned and proceeded to walk down the hall of monitors, which were now being crowded around by the various crewmen.

Joker watched her leave intently, especially her toned behind.

"Hate to see her go, but love to watch her leave…" Joker muttered to himself, still watching Kasumi walk.

"Jeff, you must learn to control your impulses." EDI chided.

"Yeah? Well, I'm human. We can't control our impulses like you can." He said, harsher than he wanted to.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Jack waited impatiently in the Darkstar, her fifth Batarian Ale still having not arrived. Grunt was still drinking his ryncol, then slammed the glass down for the twelfth time. He belched loudly then pointed to the bartender, then to where his empty drink was. The human bartender scurried to get him more ryncol. Finally, Shepard, Ashley, Jacob, Miranda, Kasumi, Zaeed, Garrus, Tali, and Legion entered. They all sat around the same table as the other two of their group, and got the attention of a passing waitress.

"The best alcohol you've got, for any species, stat." Miranda told her, motioning to the table. The waitress nodded and left.

"So, Miranda, how do you feel about having left Cerberus? I know they were a big part of your life." Jacob asked her from his position next to her. She looked at him, her expressions blank.

"I trust in what Shepard is doing. He's done more for me than I can possibly thank him for, and I want to prove to him that I can be trusted." She said, her countenance taking on a noble expression.

"Oh." Jacob said, bitterness slipping into his voice. Ever since they had started this mission, Miranda had been crushing on Shepard like a teenage schoolgirl. It irked Jacob something fierce, as he was still trying to woo her.

"I upgraded your pistol, you know. Now it's as good as it can possibly be. I also painted it pink; I know it's your favorite color." Jacob said to her as the drinks arrived. Jacob grabbed randomly at one of the drinks now at the table, and ended up with a fruity asari beverage.

"Why thank you, Jacob. That was thoughtful." Miranda said to him sweetly, smiling.

"Well, I mean, it was nothing, really. Just a quick-" Miranda interrupted him, placing a finger on his lips. He blushed fiercely, his face burning.

"Now you're rambling." Miranda said frankly.

"Yeah, I tend to do that when I'm embarrassed, or nervous, or—Want to, erm, have a drink sometime? I know it's been a while since we were together, and Shepard-" Jacob began to ramble again, but Miranda silenced him for the second time. She mentally face-palmed at his suggestion, but indulged him nevertheless.

"Yes, Jacob, I'd love to have a drink sometime. Like right now. How does that sound?" Miranda asked, smirking.

"Great."

MEMEMEMEMEME

"And so then, Garrus pops out of nowhere, and scares him shitless! I can still remember the look on his face…" Shepard explained. It had been almost three hours since the group had entered Darkstar, and Legion was the only one who was clearly not inebriated. It pointed this out every ten minutes exactly.

"Shepard-Commander, consensus achieved. All team members are over three times the intoxication level set for their own species. We recommend you vacate immediately for treatment of alcohol poisoning." Legion warned. Shepard would have none of it.

"Shh, Legion. You're interrupting my story. Like I was saying-" Shepard continued, slightly slurring his words. The rest of the group was enthralled by his story, which was about times on the original Normandy, specifically when Garrus and Wrex played the ultimate prank on poor Kaiden Alenko.

"Miranda, have you ever had sunken drex?" Jacob asked, the alcohol horribly butchering his speech. Miranda just shook her head at him. He smiled dumbly, then took her by the hand and led her back to the Normandy.

Author's Note: Woohoo! Party hard, right? So I got to have some romance, some action, some humor, and a lot of drinking in this chapter. Also, just a little disclaimer; I won't have lemon fics nor all-out graphic chapters on here. I will only heavily imply that certain characters have sex. This is why there is a T rating. And alcohol use. Anyways! Review, please! I love hearing what you have to say! Until next time, The Amazing Soup.