Author's note – this is the next installation, hope you enjoy.
The next nine months were the worst of her life. And no, that wasn't her being overdramatic.
Having to perform CPR on her best friend whilst waiting for the paramedics was traumatising enough, not to mention having to watch as his heart constantly kept giving way over the next few weeks.
It was like she kept losing him over and over again.
And Barry was the one person she couldn't bear to lose.
Her worry and grief had turned into isolation, then to anger.
She was kicked off the PHD programme. She thought that turning up half cut to a lecture may have been the last straw but to be quite honest she found herself not really caring.
And before? Getting her PHD was everything but now? It meant nothing. All she wanted was her best friend back so things could go back to normal.
She watched as Iris gradually started healing, returning to work and starting to secretly date her dad's partner while Joe focused more on his work, being the great detective he was known to be. Barry was permanently moved to STAR labs, his condition not worsening but not getting any better either.
Everything seemed to just move on while she was stuck in a rut.
She was kicked out her crappy apartment after forgetting to pay the rent for three months and that was when she truly hit rock bottom. Homeless, education-less, the countless one night stands and still working in a strip club. This is not how she planned things.
So she tried to follow in everyone else's footsteps and move on. Her qualifications meant she was more than capable of becoming a councillor and Joe managed to get her a job at the station, responsible for looking after all the cops' mental health – which she thought was ironic when hers was seriously impaired.
But she felt comfortable helping others, like she was finally doing something right.
She kept up working in the club five nights a week to pay for Barry's apartment (which she totally decided to stay in) until he was up and running again and try and pay off all her debts. After four months of emptiness, his apartment was dusty and full of cobwebs, damp starting to spread so she kept it clean, keeping his cupboards full and laundry fresh and clean.
Iris had looked at her pityingly then, sharing a look with Joe.
Mackenzie knew what they were thinking – that she was holding onto false hope, not allowing her time to heal and accept Barry might not wake up. She knew that. As much as she wished she didn't she did. She saw him in that bed, unmoving and unconscious. She was well aware of his fate but that didn't mean she had to accept it.
So she carried on doing what she was doing.
Cleaning his apartment. Washing his clothes. Basically acting crazy.
Sometimes she even started talking to him when she was lounging on his couch, forgetting he wasn't there or ordering two pizzas instead of one. It was actually ridiculous how stuck she was.
"Hey Bar… it's me. Again" Mackenzie said softly, sitting down on the seat next to his bed at STAR labs, cisco and Caitlyn quietly working on something on the computers, trying not to listen in but Mackenzie didn't mind if they heard, they were keeping her best friend alive and she owed them everything, "It's uh… it's been seven months of hell basically. Ever since that night… since you… since you went into the coma… I keep expecting you to wake up. And the longer than you don't the more I feel like tearing my hair out"
She let out a soft chuckle, gently holding his hand and staring down at his pale face, "I guess I don't cope too well with loss"
He didn't answer… he never answered.
"Two hundred and nineteen days without fail I've come to see you. Every day. And I think the reason I can't move on, I can't live my life, is because I'm… I'm stuck. Stuck with you. And that's not healthy. I should know right? I'm a councillor" she forced herself to laugh lightly, "I tell people how to help themselves deal with emotions but I don't take my own advice. And I think everyone knows that. Iris and Joe definitely do"
She leaned forward, gently running her hand through his hair.
She had showed up so often to do random things that Caitlyn now stepped aside to let her trim up Barry's hair, cut his nails and give him a shave but was nice enough to show her how to brush his teeth and at the time it felt good helping him but now she took a step back she realised how much it had affected her. Being involved in his care was draining – emotionally draining.
This was why it was easier for care to someone you didn't know, there was no ties.
"I can't… I can't keep coming here Bar. Not every day at least. It's just too damn hard. I'm.. I'm sorry"
She blinked back the tears, stroking his cheek.
"You're in good hands, they'll look after you but I also need to look after myself. I need to get my shit together. I need to find my way back to myself. But I still love you Bar, you're still my best friend…"
She leaned forward, pressing a soft lingering kiss to his clammy forehead, not even registering the slow trail of tears cascading down her cheeks, pulling back to gaze down sadly at his slack face, "Please just… wake up soon okay. Who else am I going to do karaoke with?"
She laughed to try and lighten the mood but it didn't work. Not when he didn't laugh back.
"Oh Barry… you stupid idiot" She mumbled, biting her lip and leaning down to give him a hug, aching for his lanky arms to just wrap around her but they never. They hadn't for over seven months.
With her head pressed into his bare chest she felt his heart beating strongly but fast, these days it was always fast, and a part of her didn't want to leave. Except she knew she must. She needed to live her life. She needed things to go back to normal.
"I love you Bar… don't forget that" She pulled back, not able to look at him again lying helpless and still in that bed and wiped her cheeks, grabbing her bag and standing up as Caitlyn and Cisco scrambled about to look as if they busy and not listening to every word she said.
"Thanks guys… for everything" She mumbled, chocked up and desperately trying not to cry, "Just uh… please call me if anything changes. I'll be down in a flash"
"Of course" Caitlyn nodded, her voice full of sympathy, "we'll take good care of him"
Mackenzie was just able to nod, dipping her head and escaping from the cortex as fast as her numb legs would allow her to, hating the guilt she felt gripping at her chest.
"Huh" Cisco mumbled, pulling the red lollipop from his mouth, "Do you think they ever had a thing? You know, like a sexual-girlfriend-boyfriend type of thing? I think they had a thing"
Caitlyn just sent him an exasperated look, placing her hands on her hips and shaking her head.
"I think you need to mind your own business"
Cisco just threw his hands in the air, "All I'm saying is our boy is quite the stud – he has lots of hot females visiting his bedside"
"Our boy? He's not our boy. He's our patient"
Cisco just smirked, "He's our boy, don't deny it Caitlyn"
Caitlyn just shook her head, turning back to her computer.
But she couldn't deny she felt like she knew Barry and all his friends, despite not actually knowing them at all really. She was his doctor, she bathed him, made sure he received the adequate amount of nutrients through the feeding tube and kept his muscles strong by spending up to hours a day moving his body.
She may not have exchanged a single word with him but he still felt like a friend, despite that.
"You missed your session Johnson" Mackenzie called out to the figure of the retreating cop, "I have to clear your emotional health before you can go back out into the field, you know that"
The cop, David Johnson, just chuckled at her knowing tone, turning around to send her a smirk.
"Sweetheart, my emotional health is just fine"
"Then it should be no problem having a session with me then should it?" She grinned, leaning to the side to let her office door swing open, "You can't bribe me to get out of this"
"How about we talk about my feelings over dinner?" He shrugged, walking to stand opposite her.
"I don't mix work and play"
"It's fun to blur the lines a little" He flirted and okay, he was attractive, all tall dark and handsome but she hadn't really been dating lately, plus she really didn't want to get fired from this job.
She smiled, biting her lip and glancing at her feet, "Detective West wants me to clear your mental wellbeing after that shooting incident at the mall" Johnson and his colleagues were forced to shoot a group of gang members, Johnson hitting and killing two of them, and it was compulsory for every incident such as that to be brought to a councillor or psychotherapist to evaluate their mental health, "The sooner the better"
"I don't like getting shrinked"
She just shrugged, "Tough luck"
He just smirked, "I'm not going to get out of this am I? Even if I compliment that tremendously hot outfit your wearing?"
"Nope" She laughed, rolling her eyes at his lame flirting – she was wearing a tight black skirt and pokka dot shirt, not exactly the most attractive thing in her wardrobe, "I have a free hour now, what do you say?"
Johnson groaned, "Mackenzie Martin, you are one stubborn woman"
"I have to be to deal with cops on a daily basis, so in you go-"
"Kenzie?"
She froze at that voice, so familiar yet so foreign to her, her back immediately stiffening.
No. No way. Impossible. She was just imagining things, that was all. There had been so many times over the past nine months where she thought she heard that soft comforting voice, from places such as the supermarket or over the telly and she had made an idiot of herself trying to follow that voice only to find it belonged to a middle aged lorry driver or something. No. the belonger of that voice was still in a coma. And he had been for the past nine months. She was just hearing things; she was sure of it.
She shook her head, mentally putting a block up and facing Johnson again but she felt shaky and pale, her heart thundering in her chest.
"Um… yeah… I have an hour-"
"Kez?"
Only one person called her that…
She felt the breath stick in her throat, her eyes widening as she slowly turned around and time seemed to slow down at her bright blue eyes clashed with those familiar green ones.
The ones she hadn't seen in nine months.
The files she held slipped from her slack hands, spilling all over the floor but she didn't care. She didn't know whether to burst into tears or laugh hysterically because standing not ten feet in front of her was none other than her best friend.
"… B-Barry?"
He smiled, that boyish cheeky grin and nodded.
"Yeah. Long-time no see Kenzie"
That did it for her. It was really him. No hallucination. No dream. Just him.
Despite wanting to faint right then and there in shock she launched herself into his arms, squeezing him so hard she was surprised he stayed upright and breathing, his own arms winding around her waist.
"Oh my god… Oh my god… it's you, it's really you" She breathed against the side of his neck, shaking in shock, "Barry… it's you…"
"I'm alright. I'm here" He soothed gently, "Kez, I'm really sorry-"
She shook her head, cutting him off and sliding out of his grip, cupping his cheeks.
"No, no don't do that unnecessary apologising thing you do. You don't have anything to be sorry for" She whispered, well aware people were stopping and staring at them clinging to each other in the middle of the corridor, "I'm just… just so happy you're okay" She glanced down at his lean body, "You are okay aren't you?"
"Me? What-yeah I'm great. I feel great" He laughed, "I promise"
She couldn't contain her smile as she threw her arms around him again, her chest expanding with delight.
"Jeez Barry, please don't do that again. Enough of the dramatics okay?"
She was sure she felt him smile against her shoulder, "Promise. No more dramatics, just plain old mundane everything"
And that was the day she finally started living again.
Flashforward
"I wasn't fast enough" Barry mumbled brokenly, his voice croaking quietly as he sat slumped against the hospital white washed wall, "I wasn't fast enough and I failed… I failed her-"
"Barry, don't do this to yourself" Joe mumbled, squatting opposite him and placing a fatherly hand on his shoulder, "This, none of this, is your fault"
"It is. It is my fault" Barry murmured, unable to stop the tears dripping off his jawline, "Joe I… I can't… I feel… I… she's my… I think I-"
"I know" His surrogate dad answered knowingly, "I know how you feel Barry, I know how you feel about her. And when she wakes up you'll get a chance to tell her. Because that girl in there is a fighter, you know that better than anyone. She's going to be okay"
"No… no she's not Joe" Barry mumbled, wiping at his wet cheeks with the back of his hand, "I wasn't fast enough"
Authors note: Yay, chapter three, hope you all enjoyed and please review to let me know, hope you like this story. See you all soon.
