Whoo~ Chapter 3~ I've been uploading a lot recently, have you noticed? :3

Hoooooo shit, I just realized that it's all due TODAY! D8 the contest ends by midnight! v.v oh well. Maybe I can have an extension till tomorrow? Ne? ne? ^^;

Nikki: Yay yay! I'm so so glad that you're liking my fic so far! *dances with glee* lol yes: zoro senses. and yes, this little princess is feeling much better :D thank you for sending the telepathic love!

-PD


Chapter 3 – Who Took Off My Pants?

'It's warm.' Zoro thought as he floated through the air. No, he wasn't floating. That would be ridiculous. Though he could feel his body sway ever so slightly and he could tell he was steadily moving forward. But there was that warmth that he could feel spread across the front of his torso and the insides of his thighs. Suddenly his body was jostled, and he could feel a surface shift beneath him. Zoro thought long and hard about where he could be and how it could be possible that he was moving about while being supposedly unconscious. As his senses slowly began to focus and he could more accurately observe his surroundings, he tried to figure out what the hell could be going on. Though...all his brain would think about was how warm his magical transportation device was and how comfy it was, even though his head hung at an awkward angle. He hugged it tighter and his magic device rumbled gently, almost as if it were speaking.

"Rrrr? Mrr rmr mrrrr?"

'What?' Zoro lifted his head and placed his chin on the conveniently located shelf. "Hmmm?"

"So you are awake." The mystery machine commented in a rather familiar voice.

Zoro tried to open his eyes, but it was like they were plastered shut, so he just left them as they were, unopened. It was of no concern at the moment. His mystery machine would keep him safe, he was sure of it. "Wha...Wha' happ'n?" Zoro asked, his breath escaping through his lips before he could properly say what he'd meant to. He still felt so ridiculously tired, like his energy was being sucked right out of his body.

"Ah, I'd gone into that flower shop to get some flowers for this old woman that fed me, and then you came bursting out from his back room. Scared the crap outta me and that florist." Mystery Machine laughed gently, sending vibrations rippling through Zoro's body, mainly his chest. "So I kicked his ass for being a pervert, he was trying to keep you there with him, ya know. Claiming you were 'his' and all. But it wasn't too hard to get you back. Now I'm taking you back to your ship. I saw Sanji earlier and he was looking for you."

Zoro sighed, feeling the fuzzies start to settle back into his brain. He was too tired to worry about what was going on, and hi figured it would all come together in the end. "Mm...thank you...My—Mystery Machine..."

"...Wh-What?" Mystery Machine tried to ask, but Zoro was already fast asleep again. 'Damn, whatever that guy used must've been pretty fricken potent. Well, the sooner I get him to his nakama the better.' And Mystery Machine ran off, wanting to get the swordsman back to his family of friends as soon as possible.

o()o()o

"Zoro!"

"Zoro, are you ok?"

"Zoro-san?"

"Ace!"

"Who's Ace?

"ACE IS HERE? HOW?"

"SHUP UP! ONE AT A TIME!" Chopper, Usopp, Brooke, and Luffy were all quickly silenced as Ace hopped aboard with Zoro riding piggyback. "It's good to see you Ace, but why do you have Zoro? What's happened?" Nami asked as she gently poked Zoro's relaxed face. It was rare to see him asleep without grimacing and she wasn't going to miss out.

Click click click.

There. Documented.

"Well, I found him inside of a florist's shop..." Ace could clearly see the confusion and disconnect that was going on amongst the present crew. "Here...let me start over..."

As Ace was explaining, Robin and Franky joined the group. Robin patiently waited until Ace had finished his account on what'd happened before she offered her two cents. "Everyone, I also have something interesting that you might like to know about. But first, I think it would be best for Kenshi-san to lie down, he must've had a very rough day."

Ace obediently followed the little tonakai into the infirmary and sat down on the bed, letting Zoro slide off his back and onto the bed. Ace carefully rolled Zoro over and tucked him in. He'd make sure to treat his little brother's nakama with the respect they deserved for being so patient with Luffy. He turned around to leave, but he saw that the doorway was blocked by many a pair of curious eyes.

"So what's wrong with him?" Nami asked, the intrigue on her face making her look like a curious child, "Chopper? Do you know?"

"I don't know just yet. I haven't started the examination yet. I'll tell you guys as soon as I know." And with that, everyone was shooed out of the infirmary and eventually migrated to the dining room. It seemed to be an appropriate place to hold a meeting. Very formal. Made the meeting seem more important that it would probably end up being.

They all waited for Chopper to return, some more patiently than others, but, regardless, they all somehow managed to wait until Chopper came out with the news.

"Uhm...Well, you see, he has some mild narcotics in his system, but he should've been able to overcome those a while ago. I'm not totally sure why they're affecting him so much. But other than that he's totally fine." Chopper reassured.

As always, the all-knowing Nico Robin had something to add. "Doctor-san, may I take a look at our Swordsman?"

"Uh...sure." Robin led the peanut gallery back to the infirmary. She stared at Zoro's sleeping form for a moment before disembodied hands threw off the sheets and tugged down Zoro's pants.

"R-Robin!" Nami and Usopp blushed for modesty's sake. The others seemed completely unaffected by Zoro's half naked body. But what did surprise them was Zoro's preference in undergarments.

"I see. I had a feeling that this would be the case."

'There's noway she could've known that.' Everyone thought to themselves, but no one dared say it out loud. However, they allowed her to continue, still slightly skeptical.

"Navigator-san, these are what I was talking about earlier."

Nami perked up at the sound of her name. "Huh? What are you...OWAH! No way! Zoro has the magic paaa...underwear?" Nami barely managed to catch herself. She felt she deserved a pat on the back. Or 1000 belli, either worked.

"Magic underwear?" Usopp looked down at Zoro's cyan blue skivvies. "What the hell are you talking about? Not that I ever really know what you're talking about anyway, but still. I'd be nice to know."

Robin went into her 'listen to teacher mode' as she pulled the blanket back up to give Zoro his privacy. "Well, you see, I'm not sure how Zoro came into possession of that pair of underpants. But the story behind them is as such. These panties were created a long time ago by a woman whose face and body scared away many a man from her bedchamber, so, with a desperate desire to be loved, she created this pair of underwear and had them enchanted by a witch. She put them on and as soon as she made eye contact with the first man she saw, he fell madly and deeply in love with her. A slave bound by undying love. Well, lust more so. It was rare that they felt anything more romantic than that, sadly."

"So it was successful!" No, not quite, Nami. "Doesn't sound so horrible to me." Yes actually, that's really rather awful.

"Yeah, you only say that cause you're not the one being turned into a mindless zombie." Usopp frowned at the woman for thinking about it so one-sidedly. "But anyway, there had to be a downside, right Robin?" Usopp figured. Though having an army of men tearing down your house to 'be' with you is really a bit of a curse in and of itself.

"Yes, and I believe that this is what is affecting Kenshi-san. You see, the underwear must draw its power from something. So, they draw their power from their host. The more people that fall in love with the wearer, the more power that's drained from the host. And because Kenshi-san is still under the effects of the narcosis, it hit him a lot harder. As soon as the drugs wear off completely I'm sure he'll be pretty much back to normal...perhaps. Maybe a bit more drowsy than usual."

No one liked the sound of that. A more drowsy Zoro than the one they were already accustomed to? It didn't sound particularly enjoyable. He was already a useless lump when a battle wasn't being fought, how could it get any worse?

"But...how does he get back to normal?"

"That I don't know, Usopp-kun."

"How is it that that's the only think you don't know?" Usopp asked, quirking his eyebrow with a lack of understanding. This Robin chick...so confusing, and she was always shrouded in mystery despite how long you've known her for.

Robin chuckled benignly, "Perhaps Zoro's meant to find this out on his own? Things are going to be interesting around here, huh?"

"I have a question." Everyone turned to Ace, who was leaning against the doorway. "Why is it that a man fell for Zoro? What exactly do the panties do?"

"Well," Robin said, thinking back to her reading and her various interviews with people on the island. "The panties were designed for a woman, and I supposed she didn't want other women falling for her, so the spell probably only affects men."

"So we're all in danger of being Zoro's love slaves?" Usopp cried gripping his head and running around for a moment before curling up in a corner. "This suuuucks..."

"What the hell...so noisy..."

"Zoro!"

"Zoro-san!"

"Kenshi-san, you've awoken."

"Yeah...ahh, my head, what's going on?" Zoro looked down at Chopper. "Oi, Chopper—"

Chopper made eye contact with Zoro, and instantly he felt a shock of electricity go coursing through his body straight from his brain all he way down to his toes. Err...hooves.

Zoro felt something too: he felt himself grow ever so slightly more tired than he'd been a moment ago. How odd. "—do you know," As Chopper looked at Zoro's face, he saw flowers in the background and sparkles surround his beloved. His big, brown eyes and long eyelashes batted gently in his direction, and Chopper couldn't help but melt at the sweet voice. "what's wrong with me?" Zoro asked, eyes full of fearful tears as he begged the doctor for answers. Granted, Chopper was the only one who saw it this way. Everyone else just saw same old, grumpy, freshly-awaken Zoro.

"Oh no! Zoro's looked into Chopper's eyes!" Usopp clasped his head in his hands and quickly averted his own eyes the other way so he wouldn't fall victim to the panties' curse.

"Maybe he'll be alright, cause Chopper's more of a—" Nami's hypothesis was quickly disproved.

"AWW~ Zoro you're so cute!" Chopper changed into heavy point and held the swordsman in a tight embrace, mumbling 'kawaii~ kawaii~' over and over again as he rubbed his cheek against the top of Zoro's head.

"Wha-What the hell?" Zoro bellowed. "G-Get off! What's gotten into you, Chopper?" He tried to pry the doctor off, but he couldn't. He looked up to anyone for help and met Ace's eyes.

"Erk!" Ace couldn't help but feel the overwhelming desire to sweep Zoro off his feet and carry him off to a far away place, where they'd live happily together and make sweet, hot, passionate love at least once every night. But the feelings he felt when he saw how the reindeer was clinging to his future bride were anything but romantic. He hoped everyone would be in the mood to have roast venison that night. "Get you disgusting hands off him! You perverted tanuki."

Chopper glared daggers until he saw the viciousness in Ace's eyes, and regretfully, turned back into brain point and let Zoro go, but not without heavy pouting and puppy dog eyes.

Zoro felt a little bit bad about how Chopper had been treated, but he wasn't about to give in to Chopper's manipulative, yet adorable, but still really rather odd, behavior. He sighed and threw back the blanket, intending to get out of the bed, but immediately felt the cool of the room on his legs. He looked down and saw that the panties were out and exposed, for everyone to see. "ACK!" He threw the blanket over his lap and blushed heavily. "Who took off my pants?" He cried. Ace and Chopper could only see the flush of his face and, though they imagined this, the gentle tears in his eyes. Ace was the first to react.

"Zo-chaaan~" He leapt at Zoro, embracing him tightly. "You really are adorable, you know." He kissed Zoro's cheek and the crew watched as Zoro's entire head turned totally red.

"Wha-what the hell is with everyone. Luffy!" Zoro looked to Luffy, "Get your brother off!" Ace slowly ran his hand under Zoro's shirt and ran his fingers across the twitching muscles. "Ace, knock it off~" Zoro cried, blushing and looking pleadingly at his captain with sparkly tears flying from delicate lashes. "Luffy-kun, save me~" He begged, voice sugary sweet and trembling.

Luffy was beside his first mate in a second, jealousy coiling tightly inside his gut. "Ace. Get off of him." His voice was dark and demanding. How dare Ace make his adorable Zoro cry like that. Of course, only three of the people there could see that Zoro was crying. And Zoro wasn't one of them.

"Oh my, it seems that we already have quite the conundrum on our hands."

No shit, Robin. Hallucinations; incredibly strong, and no doubt horny, men; and someone that were willing to fight to the death over was a bad, bad mix of things to have in a suddenly very small infirmary.

Well, we'll see how things pan out.

o()o()o

Sanji had just about given up on finding Zoro. The sun was starting to go down and he had to be back in time to make dinner. Food came before Zoro, and it always would. Too bad Sanji would end up eating those words. He ran back to the ship and hopped aboard. There were the sounds of a struggle below deck and he could hear Luffy's voice seep up through the boards of the deck. It traveled underneath his feet and headed in the direction of the stairs. Sanji assumed that they'd be upstairs any second now and prepared for the worst.

Zoro was actually the first to come bursting out, though Sanji hadn't heard his voice in the kerfuffle. He was followed by, in order: Luffy, Ace, Chopper, Nami, Usopp, Robin, Franky, and Brooke. Before he could blink, Zoro was only a foot from his face.

CRASH~

Well, that was to be expected.

Zoro was splayed out across Sanji, not totally conscious of his position. That is, until he felt Sanji's hands slowly slither around his waist and down to his ass, giving it a squeeze before massaging it gently. 'So, Sanji's the type that...wait...no! This is not the right time to be thinking like that! His hands are on my freaking ass!' Zoro twisted and writhed, trying to get his feet in such a way that he could push up and off of Sanji, but only managed to give Sanji a full frontal massage with his own body.

"Nnn, Zoro, how naughty, we're in front of the crew~" Sanji's eyes filled with hearts and his voice obtained that goofy warble that he often had when speaking to the ladies. "But if you're that eager~"

"I'm NOT!"

"Oh~ don't tease me. Especially while you're practically offering yourself to me."

"I SAID I'm NOT! Get your fuckin ears checked ERO COOK!" Zoro leaned in closer when he shouted this into the cook's face, but the aggression in Zoro's voice wasn't even registered. Sanji took one of his hands off Zoro's ass and slipped it into Zoro's hair, holding tight.

"You're too cute." And he brought their lips together.

Seeing this was like a kick in the crotch to Chopper, Luffy, and Ace. They were so...overwhelmed that they didn't even know what they were feeling. But while they were too busy gawking, Sanji had managed to slip his tongue inside Zoro's mouth. Zoro, weakened by the panties' energy drain, couldn't really fight back. He collapsed back onto Sanji, completely limp in his arms. "Oh ho ho~" Sanji laughed perversely. "It seems," he smirked up at his competitors, "that I've won~"

That brought them out of their stupor.

"LIKE HELL YOU HAVE!"

"SANJI!" Luffy cried.

"WE CHALLENGE YOU..." Chopper continued, popping a rumble ball into his mouth.

"TO A DUEL!" Ace finished flamboyantly with a huge, fiery display.

'Comfort and Support,' Zoro thought as he began to fall asleep again, 'are not worth all this craziness.'

The End!

...or is it?


Author's Note

Well, I tried. I might not win the contest but this is so fun to write!

SO~ WHO DO YOU WANT ZORO TO END UP WITH?

Here are the choices:
-Sanji
-Franky
-Usopp
-Luffy
-Chopper
-Ace
-Smoker
-Mihawk
-Akio (from the last chapter)
-or should everyone who was under the spell forget this ever happened and Zoro is left to live with the repercussions! Which in its own way could be quite hilarious.

PLEASE CHOSE~

-PD