Their meetings only occurred during the full moon, as it was agreed. She had refused to join the Order, and although he had insisted that she be recruited for her protection, she had almost hexed him. He attempted to reason with her, that she would do more good in service of the Light with her position as a skilled fighter and healer, but she argued that it was not her war. Wars do not bring back the dead, she had exclaimed one night in bitterness.

But they honor them, he had responded as he slammed his fist on the table, adamant on recruiting her or to defend himself whenever she objected to his involvement in the war. She would always apparate away whenever she felt the argument was pointless, they would leave each other in heats of fury, convinced that each one was right and the other wrong. He never knew where she went on other nights, and every time he pondered on the thought of it she would distract him with hot kisses and gentle touches. Secrets, she had too many of them.

He was battling against Rabastan Lestrange with Sirius beside him that one night. Sirius shot curses from his wand with great excitement, it had been long since he played any direct involvement on the battle field for the Order and he enjoyed every single moment of it. He heard Sirius laugh when his curse had struck Rabastan, proud of his achievement. He remembered turning around to praise his friend, until the sight of a sprinting Fenrir Greyback caught his attention and he felt that familiar hatred boil in him, alive like a fresh flame that spread from the pits of his stomach to his heart.

He tried to chase after Greyback, every bone in his body ached to kill him. Sirius had followed him, encouraging him on as he understood the look of fury in Remus' eyes that now had lost its green and were covered in amber – Moony. They came to a narrow path, Remus shouted for Greyback, throwing unforgivable curses. A cruciatus had hit its intended target and toppled him. Sirius praised Remus, "Get on with it, Moony!" He had yelled at Remus.

Moony was ready to kill, Remus' hand firmly gripped his wand, ready to do the deed, until he was distracted by a green light that shot past him and hit Sirius in the chest. He turned to look at his friend, whose handsome face was struck with that dreaded pain. No, No, Sirius! Sirius!He heard himself shout and as he ran to him, he felt large hands strike his face. Greyback flung himself into Remus, his sharp nails clawed at Remus' back.

He collapsed, his head had banged onto the edge of a marble statue, and he felt the world spin black around him. Wars do not bring back the dead, he heard her say and all he could see as his eyes slowly dropped, was Sirius' smiling face.

o

"He is recruiting darker creatures, we need to infiltrate. Do what you must, Remus." Minerva McGonagall's message echoed through her patronus. Remus sat in the chair of the dingy apartment he had hid himself away in, hands trembling. It had been a whole month since Sirius' death, a whole month of suppressed pain and solitude accompanied by cries that Remus tried to shush with bottles of firewhisky. Remus had attempted to throw himself into every battle imaginable, posting himself on the front lines. He had stopped communicating with Lucille, avoiding her in every way possible. When Poppy appeared before him on one confusing night, informing him that her Mistress had asked for him, Remus was submerged in liquor and it took him a while to notice the house elf in front of him. He remembered screaming at her to leave, she squeaked and disappeared.

He never saw her again after that. He did not care. All he could think about was Sirius. Those grey eyes never left him. He woke up and slept to them every night, the guilt weighed heavy on his shoulders. If I hadn't gone after GreybackIf I had protected him better… If I had not given in to my hate…. he wondered of the what ifs and what could have been, each day as he lived he was reminded that for each day, Sirius was dead. So, he tried to die. He tried to die each and every day with the war, and McGonagall's message only deepened his desire and gave way for that bigger risk he would gladly take with open arms.

It was his mission now, to infiltrate the werewolves, to live among them, and among these foul, vicious dark creatures perhaps he will find a home – a home to die in. After all, he never really valued his life, and with Sirius gone, what more was there to him but a beast?

o

She knew of Sirius Black's death. Bellatrix had announced it giddily in the Manor and toasted herself to her victory. Lucille was often called upon the Manor – no, she was summoned –by Draco Malfoy. He had grown accustomed to her presence, and as he was the only child he never knew of a sibling's love, so he had taken to Lucille like an elder sister. She was eight years older than him. At the age of sixteen he was a Death Eater, and he had witnessed more deaths than any of his peers. Lucille was the only one who offered him comfort, aside from his mother. She did not expect from him, as the many expectations that came from his family. She was the only one who knew of his darkest desire – a bushy haired know-it-all girl.

He found her in the garden, tending the carnations. "You're wasting your time," He remarked. She looked up, confused. "Those flowers aren't going to add any warmth to this place. This house has been tainted with too much blood."

She smiled at him, "I remember when you were just a child. Our mothers were good friends then. I conjured Herbifors on your father once, remember? His hair just burst into flowers! Maybe that's why he never liked me," She laughed, and he followed. The memory had been so long buried in his mind that Draco had forgotten there were moments of actual happiness in his life – happiness that did not revolve around pride and glory.

The Shafiq family were once close to the Malfoys. They were purebloods, but when tragedy struck Lucille's family, they had been declared outcasts. Shut off from the pureblood families, Lucille did not have friends. She didn't go to school, and her mother had taken to tutoring her, passing on her knowledge as a Healer. Lucille was often fascinated by muggles and their lifestyle. Since she was disconnected from the wizarding world, she often observed muggles and their peculiar habits and toys. From there, she knew how to turn on a washing machine, operate a stove and even enjoyed muggle art and literature.

"Aunt Bella seems to be in a very good mood," He said, arms folded with a cringe on his face. Lucille ignored him and returned her attention to her carnations. "Lucille, what were you doing with Remus Lupin at the Shafiq house?" She did not respond and pretended as though she did not hear him. "Lucille, are you helping them?" Still, she did not respond. "Lucille, you need to be careful. If hefinds out, he'll kill you" He lowered his voice, and grabbed her wrist when she refused to meet his gaze.

She finally looked at him, eyes stern. "I'm not helping anyone. Besides, with what Bella has done, I don't expect I'll see much of him anymore anyway." He let go of her wrist and understood the tone in her voice. It was the same tone he had whenever he spoke of the person he was most fond of – fear that shook with the regretful pain of unspoken words.

o

"Oi, pass the firewhisky will ye? Ye not the only one planning to obliviate his thoughts tonight," He flashed a grin at Remus, a tooth missing in his smile. The man toasted his glass at Remus', his wicked eyes glinted with amber. "Any time now, lad. We wolves are going to rule those wizard sods to kiss our hairy mangy feet," He chucked loudly, drunk and pleased with the very thought.

Remus gave him a small smile and refilled the man's now empty glass. "No more living in the dark, ey?" He asked and raised his glass to the man.

The man nodded vigorously, "Nope, you'll see, it'll all change for us. Life will be better!"

Remus thanked the man for the drinks and insisted he had to leave the bar they were in to go home for his slumber. The man laughed, "Sleep! What good is sleep? The night is young! Come, howl with your brothers, for a new age is a comin! Cheers to Fenrir Greyback, no longer will we live in fear! No longer will we cower!" Remus stepped out of the bar on to the empty street and breathed in the cold air. The happy cheers that resonated from the bar filled the quiet night.

He stumbled as he walked to a small lit apartment and unlocked the doors. The man's words echoed in his mind. Life will be better. No longer will we live in fear. No longer will we cower.He ran his hands through his hair, his head spun as he attempted to focus his attention to the floor. It had been a month since he lived amongst the werewolves and was openly accepted into the community. He had lived a life of freedom in that time, surrounded by his equals. No one judged him, his brethren had accepted him as their own, an acceptance Remus did not know of from other wizards and witches, except for his own closest friends who were now all dead, he thought bitterly. He had run with the werewolves along the forest, watched them as they hunted, though he had never participated in the hunts. Some nights as he watched them rip off the flesh of young wizards and witches, he felt Moony stir, he could see him salivate at the temptation to join in, but he could never push himself to do it. No, he was too human. So, he buried the scent of the dead with heavy bouts of drinking to give way for a deep slumber.

He shifted to his bedside cabinet and rummaged through its content until he found what he needed – a potion for dreamless sleep. Although the liquor would distract him enough, he found that some nights they only made his dreams worse. He could see them all – James, Lily, Sirius – in his sleep, tonight he did not want to. Tonight, he wanted to see the world spin until it all faded to black, until there was nothing but a pounding headache the next day. He un-bottled the potion, swirling its purple liquid. He was ready to take a sip until he heard a subtle pop in his living room.

He growled and pushed back the stopper into the potion bottle. Lumos, he muttered, the white light flashed from the tip of his wand as he scanned the living room for his intruder. He thought he saw her stare before him, but his mind was too hazy with intoxication he could not make out if it really was her, until he heard her voice say his name in that familiar, smooth voice that he would've chased horizons for. He lowered his wand and forgot for a moment who he was, an Order spy in the werewolf army, and viciously caught her lips, breathlessly kissing her. Love now, ask questions later, he had thought to himself, pinning her against a wall. She did not protest, giving back with the same intense ferocity. He heard himself shout her name echo in the dark and released her as he gasped for air.

He picked up her clothes, handed them to her and slid on his trousers. He did not look at her, eyes avoided her as he leaned back on a sofa, his chest rising rapidly. "This is all a dream," He muttered with eyes closed. He heard her move but still refused to open his eyes. This is all a dream, he repeated. He felt cold palms cup his face and ran along his cheek, stroking his hair. He moaned at the touch, his arms stretched out and gripped on her hips. He brought her to his lap and she straddled him. Still, he did not open his eyes. She called out to him and he ignored it. This is all a dream, he again said. He felt warm tears trickle down his cheek, his own, and he swallowed.

Come back to me,she said, he could feel her fingers tremble around his neck. Please, she begged, he heard her sniffle and his eyes finally shot up to look at her crying face. A scar ran along her jaw and he caressed it and felt the bumps of raised skin.

I can't, I have a mission, he said. Their tears fell, like salty raindrops on their skin.

There was it, again, that anger in her face, the same one she always had whenever they talked about the war. Your mission is to die, she seethed, tears still slipped down her jaw.

You do not want me, he softly replied and missed her touch when her hands released their grasp from his neck.

Yes, I do, more than you could ever want yourself,she got off him, he closed his eyes again. She looked at him in hurt and anger and disappeared with a faint pop. This is all a dream, he whispered and dragged himself to his bed, the scent of the forest – her scent – lingered on his skin.

o

He stood at the back of the crowd, hidden in view and watched the alpha of the werewolf army spread his propaganda. No longer will we be rejected by society! No more fear! No more hiding in the dark! Our age is near!He shouted, exciting the pack as they cheered. Remus frowned when he saw a familiar lock of black curls appear next to Greyback, her hood covered her face. In the shadows of her hood, he saw ferocious amber eyes stare back at the crowd. Greyback and the woman moved from the crowd as they applauded and howled. He followed them, careful to not be seen by the alpha. He neared the woman who walked behind Greyback, and quickly he flipped his wand to slip her hood so that he could see her. It cannot be, he thought, this is all a dream.She glanced back at him with those ferocious ambers but quickly looked away. Lucille Shafiq was a werewolf.