Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

YET, yet, ye downcast hours, I know ye also;
Weights of lead, how ye clog and cling at my ankles!
Earth to a chamber of mourning turns-I hear the o'erweening, mocking
voice,
Matter is conqueror-matter, triumphant only, continues onward.

YET, yet, ye downcast hours – Walt Whitman

Chapter 3: Detours

My first decision was made. I was headed to London. I was not sure what I would do when I got there. When I had dreamed of traveling to England in the past I had a list of things that I would do. The Literary Tours, which took you to famous sites throughout famous works had been something I had always wanted to do. I had wanted to see the London Underground and Hyde Park.

When I thought about it, I knew I could not out run a vampire forever. They had all the time and none of the pesky human needs I did. My goal had never been to outrun her for long but long enough to make sure no one else I loved got hurt. So would it hurt me to see what ever part of the world I could before she found me? I could travel in crowded places during the sunny weather and hide away when she could move freely.

So as I sat on the plane contemplating my next move I realized I did not have enough information to really make any set plans. I had selected London because there was no need to know an additional language. I would just be another American tourist. So, really I my plan would be to find a hotel and then work from there.

Thinking about what I would do once the plane landed did not take enough time and my mind was drawn to everything I had shoved from my mind during my run from Forks. Why had he placed all of my gifts under the floorboard? 'It will be like I never existed.' Then why was the proof in my house? Why did he leave everything? I was not important, Forks wasn't important. Why leave it there? Why had Jasper felt like he needed to leave me a get a way bag? Why was my birthday the security code to the house? Alice had not seen a future where I needed the bag but I sure has hell did.

Thinking of Alice I wondered was she seeing my future now. Would she know I was on the run? Would she know I needed their help? Would they want to help me, when he didn't want me? They knew he was leaving when the bag was left did that mean they would still help me?

What did Jasper mean by "Family does not give up on family."? Did they see me as family if he didn't? Was that why my birth date was the door code? Or was it like that because they knew I would be in danger? It hurt to think they knew I may be in danger and still left me. I could not think like that or I would fall apart now. Maybe I wasn't family but surely they would not leave knowing one of their kind was after me.

I could feel my breath becoming in shallow and I was beginning to get dizzy. I needed to focus on something else, this train of thought would lead to a break down and I needed to remain calm and I needed to be ready for anything, until I was off this plane I would not feel like my plan had been successful. I tried to focus on the inflight movie. I played with my iPod. I did everything I could think of to not think of what lay before me and of them but nothing kept me for long. I needed to be out of this plane, being confined was not helping. The worst part was knowing my next leg of the flight would be longer.

The plane finally landed and I scrambled to get my luggage and make it to the international terminal to make the connecting flight. If I was lucky I would have time to grab a book at one of the many gift shops. As I was waiting in line I occupied myself with my new passport memorizing any changed information, trying to contain anxiety, convinced someone would recognize me or catch me in my lies. The wait dragged on and I tried to act casual appearing to watching CNN, while my eyes scanned the area over and over. I caught off guard when out of the corner of my eye I saw the picture on the screen change to the last school picture I had taken in Phoenix. CNN had been looking at local news across the nation and Charlie had already reported me as missing. My breath caught in my throat and I could hear my blood pounding in my ears.

I could not continue to my flight. I needed to get out of this airport and away from those monitors who told everyone around I was on the run. I quickly exited the line and headed for the nearest set of doors. With the first stroke of luck since I started I walked right out into the cab bank. I jumped in the first available cab and thanks to Charlie the only thing I knew about in Chicago was Wrigley's Field so that is exactly what I told the cab driver "Take me to the field."

I was not sure what I would do once he left me there but I would figure it out. At this point I was not really making decisions. I was doing the best with what was thrown at me. We arrived at the field and I paid the driver and waited for him to leave. I was tired, the lack of sleep last night, the running, and the anxiety I was feeling was all taking a toll on me. I looked across the street to a McDonald's, I was not hungry but I knew I needed to keep my strength and wits about me so I decided I would get lunch and figure out a new plan. I would not be going into an airport anytime soon so London was out of the question. The next destination would be the pick up truck Jasper left me, but I needed to rest.

After eating I began to walk down Clark Street which seemed to have the most on it and be the most crowded. I could blend in. Once I got a few blocks down I saw a posh hotel and as relaxing as it sounded I did not want to stay somewhere expensive. I continued on when I finally found a Days Inn and went to see if they had any availability. I was in luck and checked into a room for 3 days. By then I would have to determine how I would get to Houston.

I made it to my room. After making sure the door was locked. I crawled into the middle of the bed exhausted and cried myself to sleep.

I woke sometime early the next morning surprised that I had slept through the night without having a single nightmare. Since they left, I had been plagued with nightly reminders of the family and love I would never find. I was stiff and a little disoriented. It was hard to believe less than 48 hours ago, I had been wallowing in my misery and barely interacting with the people around me. Now that I had to leave them I wish I had spent more time being involved. I was not ready to face the world yet and so I took some of the pop tarts from my bag. As I ate I retrieved the letter from Jasper, the CD, and the pictures. I re-read the letter still not sure of the meanings behind it and it only started me on the same mind numbing circle of questions I could not answer yesterday on the plane. I spread the pictures from the envelope around the bed. I avoided the ones that would hurt the most and started looking at the ones taken at Forks High.

Not that I was terribly close to the other students but I had made good acquaintances. I could not say that I would miss Jessica or Mike but I would miss what they had, what they represented. I would miss Angela she had been my one really true friend, she did not abandon me while I existed in my zombie phase. The others I would not miss enough to even think about.

Next I looked at the pictures of my lost families. Alice had taken a few before the horrible ending of my party that allowed me to have pictures of everyone in the Cullen family. She managed to get a picture of each couple as they waited for me in the family room. My heart clinched and tears started to fall as I looked at these photos. Seeing Esme, my would be mother, that mothered me more than my mom ever had. Wrapped in the arms of Carlisle who had tended to me more than anyone. I let out a small giggle when I saw Emmett with his huge grin that was so childlike in his excitement. Rosalie was just as distant as usual but I had not expected anything different. I was almost sure she was happy that I was not a threat to her family anymore. I looked at Jasper who looked so calm and happy next to Alice. They were perfect for each other, they balanced each other. This Jasper looked nothing like the Jasper that came for me just a few minutes later.

Then I looked at my best friend and the tears I had tried to keep at bay flowed freely now. The cute Pixie had been so happy to plan a party for me and I had been nothing but difficult. I never thanked her for any of it. I was so worried about aging that I never saw what she was trying to do. If I ever saw her again I would have to say thank you a thousand times. I missed Alice.

Then I looked at the picture of Charlie. I knew that now I had hurt him greatly and he would not forgive me if I ever returned. I never wanted to hurt Charlie but it seems that I have done that over and over again since I moved in with him.

I could not regret the decision to move to Forks. If I had not I would not have ever really known the real Charlie. I would not have become best friends with Alice or Jacob. And even though I it hurt to even think of him now, I would never met him. I would never have known what true love was. It didn't matter that I had none of that now. I was one of the lucky ones who once had it all.

With that thought I pulled out all of the pictures of Edward. As I looked at his pictures I let myself think about him and it ripped the edges of the hole in my chest anew. I looked at every detail, my dreams and delusions had not done him justice. My memory had not captured how truly beautiful he was. Looking at his picture it was not hard to understand why he had gotten bored of me. Lastly I looked at the picture I had taken from his room. It was the picture of him and his parents. Even in black and white you could tell how truly beautiful he was and where he had gotten it from. I briefly wondered if things would have been different or if he would still have left me if we met when he was human. Then again what would I have been doing in Chicago then? That was the first time I realized that I was in same town that my Edward had been born.

I put the CD in the radio provided by the hotel and was immediately surrounded by the sounds of my lullaby. I clutched the pictures of Edward to my chest and began to sob uncontrollably as I lay there with the proof that once, we were something.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because I woke-up as the sun was going down. I had taken a day to grieve for both the families and lives I had lost and now I needed to start moving on.