The Nightly Battle
Part Three: Lance
"Alright," Shiro muttered as Keith's door closed behind him, "Two down, two more to go."
He took to the hallway again, pausing as he came across Lance's door. He knocked once and then when he received no response, twice more. Silence.
With a shrug, he typed out Lance's code and stepped into the messy space that Lance referred to as his "man cave."
"Christ," Shiro breathed as he took in the sight before him. The room looked as though a tornado had passed through it. Boxers littered the floor and shirts were thrown across the bed in abandon. Socks without partners were balled up by the doorway, almost tripping the elder paladin as he stepped further into the war zone.
"I'm going to kill him," he sighed with a shake of his head as he reached out to paw at Lance's bed sheets. Multiple bumps in his duvet revealed to be even more discarded clothing, undershirts, sweaters, shorts…but no sign of the blue paladin.
Shiro rolled his eyes. Damn it Lance.
Shiro didn't know why he was surprised at the younger's absence. Honestly it would've been strange to find Lance in his room. He was never present at bedtime despite Shiro's constant scolding.
Placing his hands on his hips with a moan of annoyance, Shiro surveyed the room once more before turning on his heels and exiting. He better not be doing what I think he's doing…
The dining room was dark and empty save the glow of the two candles Lance had placed on the table. Between the two candles sat a laptop. On screen a small pixelated hourglass turned over and over as the computer struggled to connect to the galaxy's Wi-Fi.
Even in outer space the load time sucks…Lance joked as he lit another candle. The glow was bright enough for him to see the screen but darker enough to not attract too much suspicion from anyone wandering the halls.
Pidge had been the one to create the connection. Through various trial and error, she'd hooked up an old computer to the line that Allura used for the Castle of Lions. The laptop was supposed to be used only for calls to Earth in hopes of quelling the homesickness of the younger paladins, but Lance had quickly exploited the connection.
The first time it had been for shits and giggles. Hunk had bet him a week's dessert that he couldn't find any porn. Lance, who secretly prided himself on his ability to hack through the Garrison's anti-inappropriate content firewalls, had taken the bet with the seriousness of a man sure he could do the impossible.
When Shiro had heard of Lance's victory through a sniveling Hunk (the lack of dessert had broken him easily), Shiro had tried to confiscate the computer... this lasted for about a day. Pidge's constant prodding and Keith's insistent nagging finally drove him insane and he returned the laptop, forbidding Lance from using it without his permission or another's supervision.
"If you're going to act like a child, you'll be treated like one." Isn't that what he'd said?
Lance snorted. His bet with Keith had kept him entertained for a while because god were Shiro's feathers easy to ruffle, but a boy had needs that couldn't satisfied by the irritation of others alone…
"What Shiro doesn't know won't hurt him," the blue paladin reasoned, turning back to focus on the screen before him.
Ping! The hourglass instantly disappeared, replaced by a small icon that resembled a camera. Eagerly, Lance clicked on the familiar symbol.
"Aw yeah baby."
Slowly the picture loaded revealing a beautiful young alien with two heads equally as pretty, clad only in a lacy bra and matching thong. Apart from the extra head on her shoulder the alien looked almost human. Her skin was of no unusual color and her body (again, save the head) had no strange or extra appendages.
"Hey," the heads chorused in a bored tone.
"Why, hello there," Lance purred in response, not at all perturbed by their annoyed expression. "Not to worry ladies, I've got it right here."
And with that, he pulled a small card from his pocket. Like the laptop, it was supposed to be used sparingly but Lance had never understood the concept of moderation. He flashed the credit card toward the camera and watched as the girl's expressions grew excited.
"Perfect," the girl replied, "Now just enter the numbers on your keypad and we can begin. Don't forget the security code."
"Of course," Lance grinned, "Don't worry ladies, you're not dealing with an amateur. I'm well versed in pornography." The last word rolled off his tongue in what he hoped was a sultry tone.
"...Lance."
"Just a minute baby, I'm almost done," Lance said as he flipped the card over and studied the numbers.
"Lance!"
It was then that the familiar tone registered. This voice wasn't slow and inviting, not this voice was deep and disappointed.
Shit. He'd been caught red-handed. How is he so quiet with that huge body of his?
"Lance, I know you can hear me."
He's got me.
"Oh! Heyyy Shiro," Lance replied, swiveling quickly in his chair, his tone pleasant despite his anxious thoughts. He stood quickly, using his body to block the screen behind him, "Fancy meeting you here."
"I know, what a funny coincidence." Shiro's retorted, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. The message was clear. There would be no fibbing his way out tonight.
"I know, I know," Lance snorted, holding up his hands in mock defeat, "It's waaay past my bedtime, isn't it, daddy?"
Lance looked up at the older man expecting a smirk or reddened cheeks, but there was nothing. It was like he was staring into a stone wall.
"Um," Lance stalled as he mentally fumbled through his usual material. He knew he had something that would break Shiro's enraged demeanor, but nothing came to mind. Damnit! Guess Keith wins tonight, he thought sourly.
"We'll deal with this tomorrow," Shiro said, "But for now, time for bed. Hand it over."
With a dejected expression, Lance turned and grabbed the laptop.
"Now, Lance."
"Fine," Lance huffed as he passed the computer to the elder paladin. The girl on screen watched, an amused smile on either face.
"Say goodnight to your girlfriend."
Lance rolled his eyes, "Fuck you."
Shiro's frown broke and he chuckled as he snapped the laptop closed. Slipping the tech snuggly beneath his arm, Shiro placed a hand on Lance's shoulder and steered him out of the living area. With a soft pat on the shoulder, he gently pushed Lance in the hallway.
"Bed," he commanded, his tone stern despite his smirk. "I'll take care of the candles."
Mumbling expletives under his breath, Lance stomped off, leaving a bemused Shiro snorting back his laughter.
"God, if this what it's like to have kids," the elder paladin mused as Lance's door shut with an angry thunk, "I'm not sure if I ever want to be a father."
