Title: The Damage In Your Heart
Genre: Adventure, Romance, Friendship
Rating: T
Characters: Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen, John Diggle, Roy Harper, Malcolm Merlyn, Thea Queen, Amanda Waller, Ra's al Ghul, Nyssa al Ghul, Slade Wilson
Summary: A bargaining chip for the cooperation of a dead man, that is what she has been reduced to. Yet, no matter how many times she tells Amanda Waller that Oliver is dead, the woman adamantly refuses and instead imprisons her on Lian Yu. Amidst all this, Oliver Queen learns just how fragile the mind really is by facing the true Demon behind Ra's al Ghul's sanity.
A/N: I'm not going to lie, Laurel is starting to grow on me. She's still not anywhere close to being my favorite character on the show, but I don't cringe when she comes on screen anymore. Anyways, I really like the ending scene of this chapter, but that's just me. I hope you all enjoy it as well! Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorited/alerted I greatly appreciate all the support (I'd love to hear from more of you ;P) Also, be looking out for a two-shot from me soon, titled Come As You Are (As You Were)!
xoxoNelly
Disclaimer: Still don't own it.
The Damage In Your Heart
Chapter 3: Move Along
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know ya do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Normally, Felicity wasn't one to hide from confrontation. Usually, she had no issues with voicing her opinions or making her dislike of a situation known.
But watching a confrontation between two of her closest friends was something she desperately wished she could hide from. She didn't want to witness the foundation of her team crumble into oblivion. The thought of losing what little she had left of Oliver made her heart constrict painfully.
Roy turned, throwing his bow onto the metal table and glared at Diggle, who stood at the base of the staircase, watching the younger man.
"What you did tonight was completely reckless Roy," Diggle's voice was close to a yell and Roy just scoffed.
"He deserved it."
"You don't get to decide that Roy. That's not how this team operates." Diggle walked across the foundry's floor and stopped just a few feet in front of Roy, looking intimidating and frustrated.
"It used to." Roy's words were low, a grumble beneath his breath.
Diggle's bristled as he caught the words, "things changed. Oliver realized that wasn't how justice worked, and I agree with him, we can only take the law into our hands so much before we cross a line."
"Oliver's not here anymore, so why should we follow his rules." Roy's blue eyes were blazing with pain and betrayal and anger. He wanted to get even, to unleash his hurt and anger on someone—anyone at this point.
Felicity gasped in pain at Roy's words—effectively gaining the attention of both men. Roy and Diggle both whipped around to look at the blond, Roy's glare immediately softening into a look of horror and regret.
"Felicity, I—," he moved to apologize but she cut him off.
"Don't bother," she said holding her hand up to the young man who visibly deflated at her clipped tone. She faced Roy after a moment and sighed, "look Roy, I understand we're all...grieving in our own ways, but beating the life out of someone isn't going to fix things. It won't bring Oliver back, it will only dishonor his memory. So I suggest you find a different way to cope."
"Cope? Is that what you've been doing?" Roy's anger was quickly renewed as he moved around the med table to come to stand directly in front of Felicity.
Diggle took a step closer, ready to step between the two if things got too heated, but Felicity shot him a glance that told him to stay out of it and he listened, for the time being.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, tilting her head to the side as she narrowed her eyes at him.
"You're in denial Felicity. You think he's still alive." Roy threw his hand out at her, his voice a heavy accusation.
"He might be." She replied, gritting her teeth, fighting back the emotions and the sudden tears.
"Might, Felicity. He might also be six feet under somewhere in Tibet. He probably is. You need to accept that."
"I refuse to accept that Oliver is dead." And there was the lie she kept telling herself. She didn't know why she kept repeating it, over and over, when she didn't even halfway believe it. Truly, she was only saying it because she was the member of the team who was supposed to stay positive. If anyone was supposed to hold out hope for Oliver to be alive, it was her.
And it crushed her to know, that in her heart, she really thought he was dead.
However, out loud, she never voiced that opinion. She just adamantly repeated that Oliver was not dead, putting as much feeling as she could into it—and they all believed her.
"Why? Because you have no idea how you'll survive without Oliver here to protect you? Or is it because if Oliver's dead you know all that you've been doing here is for nothing, because let's face it, Felicity, the only reason you're still a part of the team is because you're in love with Oliver."
Diggle's twitched, shifting his weight on his feet, feeling Roy had gone too far.
Felicity looked stricken, "you know that's not true Roy. You and Diggle are like family to me. You're all I have. Just because Oliver is gone doesn't mean I will leave you too."
Suddenly, it clicked in her head why Roy was acting the way he was.
So many loved ones had abandoned Roy throughout his short life—family, friends, even Thea did in a way. And now, just when he'd started to put together a makeshift family once again he had lost his father figure. He was afraid of losing Felicity and Diggle too, but he was also angry that he had gotten close to someone again just to be left and now his self-preserving instinct was telling him to cut all ties so that he wouldn't be hurt again when he was abandoned by Felicity and Diggle.
"Digg and I are not going anywhere, Roy." She reached out and took his head—shocking Roy to the core, "we're a team, we're a family."
His expression darkened just before he spoke, "I don't know if I want to be a part of this family any more."
Roy held her eyes for a moment until Felicity sighed and let go of his hand. "I won't force you to stay here, Roy. It's always your decision whether you stay or go. But just know that Diggle and I will be here, we are not giving up on Oliver's mission, or Starling City. I've committed myself to this and I'm not taking back my promise now."
She stepped back and lifted her blue eyes to meet his, "take some time to figure things out. If you need to talk, I'll be here, Digg will be here."
Roy nodded and turned away, unzipping his Arsenal jacket.
Felicity turned from Roy and Diggle walked across the foundry floor to come to her side.
"You okay?" He asked softly. She nodded, swallowing thickly past her tears.
"He just doesn't want to be hurt again if he loses one of us." She whispered softly to Diggle.
"I know," Diggle said back just as softly, so Roy wouldn't overhear them.
"What are we going to do, Digg?" She asked, fingers rubbing against her forehead.
"We're going to continue Oliver's mission, just like you said. We're going to be here every night, saving this city by defeating one bad guy at a time. If Oliver is alive, he will find his way back to us."
"I hope so."
-x-x-x-
"Diggle, there's an alert on a robbery, a pawn shop on 18th street. Police are fifteen minutes out, you could be there in four."
"On it," Diggle responded as he revved up Oliver's bike and took off. He had been patrolling for most of the night on his own after Roy had stormed out of the foundry. It was late, later than he normally patrolled but every cell inside of his body was too restless for him to return home just yet.
He knew Felicity appreciated having something to set her mind to as well, or else she'd be forced to replay her conversation with Roy over and over again in her head. If she was going to be an insomniac, she might as well be doing something productive with her time.
Pulling up in front of the pawn shop, Diggle noticed a shattered front window, a crow bar lying several feet away. Some items seemed to be missing from the front window display of the shop, but otherwise, it appeared whoever had robbed the place was now gone. He moved to report his findings to Felicity but stopped short.
Ragged coughing from the narrow alleyway next to the pawn shop drew Diggle's attention. Pulling his gun from it's holster, he slowly moved around the corner of the building.
"Shit," he muttered, catching Felicity's attention over the comms.
"What is it?" She asked, a tinge of worry in her voice.
"It's Laurel, she's injured," he said as he tucked his gun away and dropped down to a knee beside the woman. She turned her head to look up at him and he immediately went into the mind frame of a soldier.
"Where are you hurt?" He asked.
"Gunshot, right shoulder," she croaked softly.
Diggle nodded, probing the wound and sitting her up to examine the back of her shoulder. "The bullet went straight through."
"Bring her back to the foundry, Digg." Felicity's voice spoke into his ear, a voice that was surprisingly level.
"On our way."
-x-x-x-x-
"Go home, Diggle. There's nothing more you can do, it's late and Lyla will probably begin to worry." Felicity said, placing her hand on Diggle's shoulder.
He turned his head away from where he had been staring at Laurel's unconscious body in his silent vigil. "You sure?"
Felicity nodded, "I'll stay here tonight, make sure she's stable. And I'll get her home in the morning."
"Okay," he acquiesced, sliding off the stool and collecting his jacket. As he ascended the stairs out of the foundry he called over his shoulder, "call me if you need anything."
He caught Felicity's wave that she sent over her shoulder as she sat back down at her desk and turned the chair so she was facing the table where Laurel lay, and then he was gone.
-x-x-x-
"How did I get here?"
The sudden sound of a voice caused Felicity to jump and drop her tablet onto the concrete below her.
"Frack!" She yelped before hastily stooping over to pick up the tablet and setting it down gently on her desk before rushing over to Laurel, who was sitting up on the metal table, eyes squinted in pain.
"Diggle found you, brought you here. How are you feeling?" Felicity asked, her hand flitting nervously in the air above Laurel's arm, not sure if touching the woman would be appreciated.
Laurel slid her eyes to Felicity, "I was shot."
"Yep. I'm pretty good at stitches, I've had a lot of practice," Felicity stopped short at the expression on Laurel's face.
"Um, thank you, I guess." Laurel said, dropping her gaze to the floor. "What time is it?"
"Just after seven am." Felicity replied, she had called into work stating she would be talking the first half the day off. She left out the part where she would be looking after an amateur vigilante who got a little more bang for her buck than expected the night before.
"Shit, I have work."
"Call in sick. You're in no shape to work right now."
"I'm sorry, but I can't just call in sick. I'm the assistant DA."
"You're suffering from a blood loss and the embarrassment of making a huge mistake." Felicity countered and the brunette woman just stared at her, shocked at her vehement words.
"Look, you need to rest. Trust me, I've seen people in your position several times before, heck, I've even been in your shoes—not that I would fit into your shoes, because you look like you have really small feet and my feet just are not very...3.2.1." Felicity stopped and took a deep breath, rubbing her fingers along her eyebrows before opening her eyes again and fixing her gaze on Laurel.
"You went into that robbery last night with a half-baked idea, and you got seriously injured. I'm not letting you leave this foundry just so you can go make the same mistake again and get killed this time."
But, she wasn't finished, "plus, what would you even say to your boss when you pull your stitches and start bleeding onto your finely pressed blazer? It won't take long for the DA to put two and two together if you're not careful."
Laurel ground her teeth together as she looked away from Felicity, her hands gripping the edge of the table on either side of her legs.
"Laurel," Felicity let out a sigh before continuing, "if there is one thing that I've learned from Oliver and all of...this," she motioned with her hands to the foundry around her, "it's that you can't live the vigilante lifestyle halfway."
Laurel's eyes narrowed at Felicity, but she stayed silent, listening.
"Oliver tried for years to live half his life as Ollie, irresponsible playboy or Oliver Queen, irresponsible CEO and the other half of his life as the Hood, an avenging murderer with a warped sense of justice. He spent all of his time crafting these two separate entities that were housed in one mind and one body and it's not healthy. I mean, there are diagnosable disorders based off that kind of thing—not that Oliver is crazy, 'cause he's not—he's just stubborn, misguided and has a self-sacrificial tendency. But, he hasn't come away from this crusade unscathed, mentally or physically."
"I've seen the scars," Laurel spoke suddenly, neither of the women expecting it.
Felicity felt a sting at the older woman's words as she realized what she was implying, knowing she'd only brought it up as a barb to hurt Felicity, as a defense mechanism to keep a distance between them.
Felicity pressed her lips together as she met Laurel's eyes, "and so have I." She wasn't sure why she said the words, but it felt like a small victory when Laurel winced, "but while I know you've seen the physical ones, I've seen the mental ones that he's been trying to keep sown shut for years now. This life that Oliver's been keeping a secret, it's not an easy secret to keep. It's taxing and emotional and sometimes the risk seems to outweigh the rewards. But he's never given up on it, but he knows he can't be Oliver Queen and carry out this crusade effectively," she paused, her eyes falling on Oliver's suit, still stashed away in its glass case.
She swallowed thickly, brushing her hair out of her face, leaning one hand on the medical table that Laurel was still sitting on, "anyway, what I'm trying to say is, if you're going to do this—this vigilante thing—you need to really commit to it. You need to realize that you can't be just Laurel Lance—gorgeous, generous, humanitarian lawyer—anymore. You may be trying to be a hero, but there's a darkness that comes along with it—even if you don't kill—you still have to do things that the Laurel you used to be wouldn't condone. And you have to understand that the people who you once thought knew you the best, won't know you anymore."
Laurel glanced away from the blond and Felicity set her jaw.
"Trust me, I saw Oliver try to maintain two separate lives but it always backfired in his face because the people who once knew him the best—his mom, Tommy, Thea—suddenly didn't understand a thing that was going through his head, they couldn't sympathize with a single one of his worries, and that took a toll on their relationships. It's a lonely life, and you have to be willing to accept that, or I suggest you stop trying to be a vigilante."
Laurel stared at Felicity for a long moment, her lips pursed, eyes narrowed.
"If it's such a lonely life, how did he have you, and Diggle, and Roy and Sara." Laurel shot back.
Felicity pressed her lips together and glanced up at Laurel, "Sara was a trained assassin, she'd been forced to do countless horrible things because she was bound to it, and she thought she couldn't do anything better, she thought she was incapable of doing good and not being a murderer." She paused for a breath, "Diggle saw atrocities and horrors when he fought overseas. He lived day to day where he didn't know if he was going to wake up the next morning, or be blown to pieces in his sleep. Roy has lived on his own for years, with no support from family and no real friends. He's had to scrounge and fight to sate his basic needs just to survive. He's felt misunderstood and under appreciated his whole life—alone. They all know what it's like to live lonely lives, just like Oliver."
There was something in Laurel's gaze that changed as she stared at the blonde, "and you?"
"Me?" Felicity asked, sounding shocked by the question.
"You're a part of Oliver's life as the Arrow, and you said everyone who's a part of his team knows what it's like to be lonely. How have you been lonely?"
Felicity looked stricken and shocked and uncertain of how to answer. Laurel watched the woman's hand curl into a fist on top of the table before she spoke, "My father abandoned me when I was five years old. My mother worked day and night just so that she could put the most modest meals on the table—that left me a lot of time to be on my own. I was smart—and being smart doesn't mean you're popular—it means people ostracize you, they keep you separate from everyone else because they're intimidated by you, because they know they live in a world where they'll benefit because they're attractive or charming and then don't need to be smart because they have money or connections. I've spent years falling in love with men who can never return my feelings or who have had something tragic happen to them, like death or being struck by lightening. I've spent every day since I moved to Starling City trying to keep everyone at arm's length because letting people in is hard, and frightening and not many people get who I am. But—"
She stopped suddenly, looking shocked at her own confession.
"But Oliver gets you." Laurel's voice was soft as she stared down at the concrete floor.
Felicity swallowed past the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, tears stinging at the backs of her eyes, "yeah, he does." She closed her eyes, willing away the tears, swallowing back the grief, "he did."
"Felicity?" Laurel asked after several moments of silence that each woman used to attempt to compose themselves.
"Hmm?" Felicity glanced up at the brunette.
"I know what it's like to be lonely, too."
"I know. That's why I told you all of this. I know you can do this, you can take up your sister's mantle—but you have to do it right, Laurel. You can't go in haphazardly, you have to plan and strategize and know what you're getting yourself into because I won't be here to patch you up every time. I'll try to be here, but, things are changing in Starling City, things are changing in all of our lives and we can't stop it. So, don't take unnecessary risks and always be prepared. I don't want to see you get hurt because of another stupid mistake or accident that could've been easily prevented."
There were tears in Laurel's eyes when she looked up at Felicity, "why do you care?"
The question is bereft and confused because Laurel honestly couldn't comprehend why this woman cared about her well being. From Laurel's position, she could see how her relationship with Oliver had inhibited Felicity's relationship with Oliver, how it had put her and her team in danger, and cost Felicity countless moments with the man that she loved before he died. She couldn't comprehend why she would care.
"Because, I know two things."
Laurel's brow furrowed at Felicity's words but she waited for her to continue.
"You are not alone," Felicity repeated the words she had once told Oliver, when Slade was ravaging his city and his family, "and if Oliver were here, he would want to help you."
With that, Felicity placed her hand over Laurel's for a brief moment before pushing off the table and moving away. The blond gathered up her coat and purse before heading toward the stairs, "lock up on your way out," she called to the brunette.
Laurel stared after her, finally understanding why Oliver was in love with her.
She made you feel less alone.
When everything is wrong, we move along
When everything is wrong, we move along
Right back what is wrong
We move along
xo
