Ahoy there! Welcome to chapter three! Well, the story behind this one was that I was on vacation (road trip, ugh) and bored out of my mind, so I got a TON of writing done! This was in the mix! The next chapter should be up soon as well, since I managed to get that one down as well!

BTW. Sorry in advance for the bluepulse. I just couldn't help myself, if you know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge...XD

Enjoy the texts between our lovable heroes! Don't forget to review for more! :D

B: Bart

T: Thad

O: Owen

J: Jenni


B: will

T: will not

B: will

T: will not

B: WILL

T: If you don't stop now, then you'll be WRITING a will


J: hey, are we still on for tonight?

O: This may sound stupid, but who is this again?

J: ?

O: somebody deleted all my contacts. I have no idea who this is…

J: …

J: This is Spongebob


B: Thhhaaaddddd?

T: jesus almighty

B: ppllleeeaaaassseeeee

T: no

B: pllleeeaaaasseeeeeeeeeeeee

T: no

B: PLLLEEEAAASSEEEE

T: fine


J: Hey Bart! How did it go in the end?

T: Actually, this is Thad

J: OH. Whoops.

T: How do you even get us confused, this is a TEXT MESSAGE


T: I'm tired of people thinking i'm you, Allen

O: actually, this is Owen

O: If it's any help, i'm also tired of people thinking i'm Bart


B: So, I just woke up in a bed with some dude in a poncho and sombrero. He keeps yelling at me in chinese, or something, but i'm really more concerned about the donkey peeing on my suit in the corner

J: how do you even…?


T: I LOVE YOU

O: UM...

T: SO MUUUCCHHHHHHH

T: *kisses*

O: Thad? Are you high? Again?

T: goddammit

T: Sorry. The idiot stole my phone.

O: the sad part is you're going to have to be a little more specific on which idiot you're talking about


O: I feel like we're the parents in this relationship

O: and, i'm the only real legal adult

T: bitch, i'm over two hundred years old. Do not question me.

O: I am now a single parent in this grand shebang. Awesome.


B: I feel like we never talk!

O: good.


T: so

T: I woke up today, and my hair was dyed purple

J: OMG

T: I demand to know who is responsible.

J: I CANNOT BREATHE


O: Bart, did you dye Thad's hair purple?

B: SOMEBODY DYED THAD'S HAIR PURPLE!?

B: GET THE CAMERA


T: I am surrounded by idiots

J: bah humbug

T: this just furthers my point


B: i'm thinking of upgrading the suit

T: please do

T: as your nemesis, I must have the same outfit as you

T: the current one doesn't have a zipper

T: do you see how this could be a problem?


J: i'm bored

T: fuck off

J: WELL THEN


B: Thad

B: Thad

B: Thad

B: Thad

B: Thad

B: Thad

B: Thad

B: Thad

T: WHAT. WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT, YOU HAD TO WAKE ME UP

B: I love you

T: i'm officially disowning you as a brother


T: i'm disowning you as a brother

O: oh please

O: I already did that a LONG time ago


J: so

J: I was sitting in the park eating nuts yesterday

J: and this squirrel comes up to me

J: and bites me

B: were the nuts good?

J: …

J: Bart, I was bitten by a squirrel

B: Yes, but were the NUTS good?


O: help

B: Bart Allen, at your service!

O: You need to call 911

O: i'm going into anaphylactic shock

O: it's an insane allergic reaction

B: were you eating nuts again?

O: accidentally, yes. Now i'm having a terrible allergic reaction. I cannot breathe. Help. Please

B: were they any good?

O: Bart, i'm DYING

B: yes, but were the NUTS good?

O: you know what

O: i'm just going to die. Better than having to deal with you.


B: sometimes, I feel sad inside

T: go tell somebody who cares

B: I thought you did

T: well, you were mistaken

B: I would tell you to go fuck yourself, but you'd probably be disappointed

T: O.O


T: did you teach Bart what comebacks are?

J: I might have

T: you huge wanker

J: I would tell you to go fuck yourself, but you'd probably be disappointed ;)


O: knock knock

B: come in

O: no

O: you're supposed to say: "who's there?"

B: why would I say that?

O: because you do. That's just that.

B: But, if they were knocking, it would probably mean I didn't know who they were. And, if they answered with the response of who they were, but I did not know them, I would not be able to recognize them, because of the fact that there is a door in the way

B: consequently, if it were somebody I could not recognize by voice patterns, there would be no point in asking who was there, as I would not know who they were to begin with. Even if they told me and it somehow made sense, how could I possibly know whether or not you are telling the truth, and are who you say you are, as there is a door in the way

O: Bart, it's a knock knock joke

B: this is no joke, Owen. Because, there comes a time in our lives when we have to ask ourselves, who's REALLY on the other side of the door?


J: peanut butter

B: jelly

J: SANDWICH

B: SANDWICH

J: …

J: it's stuff like this that makes people assume we're crazy


B: you know what they say

B: great minds think alike!

T: i'm so glad you're not a great mind


O: why is Bart in my bed?

O: WHY IS JENNI IN MY BATHTUB

T: I had to leave the bodies somewhere

O: THAT'S NOT FUNNY


B: I feel like singing a song

B: but have no one to sing with

B: would you sing with me, dear Thad?


T: Bart's coming to visit

J: oh! Yay! When?

T: right now

T: this instant

J: JESUS CHRIST HE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME

T: I tried to warn you

J: Honestly, this is what I get for being born into a family with superspeed


O: Bart almost killed me yesterday

J: again?

O: this time, he tried recreating that experiment that gave you all super powers on me

O: i'm in a wheelchair

O: my fucking chest hair is singed


B: i'm a manly man!

O: I honestly wish you were

O: then you wouldn't be my responsibility anymore


T: was I really that drunk?

O: dude, you asked Bart to marry you, and he said yes. You had this whole celebration. You named your kids Gerald and Blasy.

T: I may have been a little tipsy…

T: on the plus side

T: at least i'm married now


O: okay, I have the bodies, where should I put them?

J: just leave them down by the river, just the way we planned.

O: O.O

O: I didn't actually expect you to play along

J: Oh. Sorry Owen. That was meant for somebody else.

O: O.O


J: I JUST TRICKED OWEN INTO THINKING I'M A MASS MURDERER

J: THIS IS AMAZING

T: It was then that Thaddeus Thawne the second reavaluated his choices in life as well as his taste in friends, and wondered just how he had gotten stuck in this situation in the first place.


O: okay. I'll admit it.

O: You were tight.

T: Oh? ;)

T: How tight was I?

T: I didn't know you swung that way, Mercer

O: ?

O: CHRIST ALMIGHTY, NO

O: RIGHT******

T: glad to hear you think that i'm tight

O: OMG. NO. SHUT UP.


T: the idiot's calling me

T: give me a sex

J: ew

J: no, Thad. That's just gross. Tbh.

J: Even for you, that was taking it too far.

T: wat

T: WAIT, NO

T: SEC. GIVE ME A SEC. I MEANT SEC JENNI. I SWEAR

J: Uh huh.

T: FUCKING AUTOCORRECT


O: Sometimes

O: I think about how amazing this world can be. And how much there is worth living for. How precious life can be.

O: Then I think of you, Bart

O: and it all goes away…


J: roses are red

J: violets are blue

J: but I wouldn't know that

J: cause you never buy me flowers

J: you bastard

T: Well that escalated quickly…


B: THAD

B:THERE'SAMOTHINTHEBATHROOMANDIT'SSCARINGMESOYOUHAVETOCOMEKILLITQUICKPLEASEI'MSCARED

B: Thad

B: THAD PLEASE

T: Thad is dead. You're next. Love, Moth.


O: dude

O: I just found Bart curled up on my couch

O: he keeps on repeating that you're dead and that the "moth" is going to get him

O: wtf did you DO

T: ...I did good

T: that's what I did


J: And I was like, "no way!"

J: "we're BFF's!"

B: why were you banned from fridges?

J: …

J: I have no words, Bart

J: none


O: why do they call it Facebook

O: If there are no faces on it, really

O: if you don't have a profile picture

O: it's just a guy with no face

O: I am so confused right now

T: It was then for the second time that Thaddeus Thawne the second reavaluated his choices in life as well as his taste in friends, and wondered just how he had gotten stuck in a situation like this not once, but twice


J: why do you have a picture of Bart bound up and gagged on your phone?

T: Give it back. Never speak of it again. And I promise I won't kill you.


B: I see you

T: I'M IN THE SHOWER WTF

B: why do you have your phone in the shower with you?

T: BART. NO.


O: I JUST RAN OVER A SQUIRREL

T: good

O: I'M CRYING ACTUAL TEARS

T: squirrels are literal dickwads. Die, motherfuckers.

O: SHOW A LITTLE COMPASSION

T: a little what now?


B: Owen, where are you?

O: just leaving Walmart. Coming home now.

O: why?

B: you took me to Walmart with you…

O: FUCK


B: Owen?

O: yup.

B: what's this "pornhub" Jenni keeps trying to convince me to go on?

O: ...

O: Bart. Whatever you do. Do not go there.

B: ?

O: It is a bad place. Where youth is murdered and innocence taken by force.

B: Um, are you ok?

O: YOU MUST NEVER GO THERE


J: do you want to dance with me?

J: why won't anyone dance with me?


O: just got back from ripping into your grandma

T: Um...

T: dude. Barry's going to be pissed.

O: NO

O: JESUS

O: VISITING

O: VISITING YOUR GRANDMA

O: I WILL HURL THIS PHONE OUT A WINDOW

T: wow


B: making my way downtown

B: still making my way downtown

B: oh, look, i'm in Argentina


O: standing in the middle of an iceberg

O: would very much appreciate it if one of my relatives would come get me

O: one of my SUPER-POWERED relatives

T: jesus. Drama queen. I'm on the way. Calm your tits.


J: Disney movie marathon?

B:Iamcomingwiththepopcornandsodarightnowdon'tyoudaremovethisisgonnabesupercrashhellyes


O: I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel

O: I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real

T: good for you, Owen


T: I just realized

T: If I rearrange your name

T: it spells "Brat"

B: …

B: you're only figuring that out NOW?

T: I feel complete in life


O: that awkward moment when you forgot to lock the cellar door and your prisoner makes a wild escape attempt and you just barely manage to catch them

J: WHAT


T: I feel like i'm clinically insane

J: you're insane period


O: how are you?

B: not dead

O: always good to hear


T: don't touch that

B: WHERE ARE YOU EVEN


O: I need help with a school project

O: how exactly does one do it in one night?

J: you're fucked

O: figured as much


B: Thad?

T: what

B: help

T: help?

B: help.

T: why?

B: i've been kidnapped

T: bullshit

B: *sends picture of selfie with Captain Cold, Trickster, and the other Rogues*

T: WTF

B: send help


O: did Bart get kidnapped?

O: again?


J: eenie meenie minie moe

T: I'll cut off your pinky toe

J: O.O

T: is that not how it goes?


T: this movie makes no sense

T: the kid who was kidnapped should be smart enough to just run away

T: and not trust his cellmates that he meets in prison

T: and the main character shouldn't be as stupid as to trust the mentally ill woman to help him out

T: it's always better to go alone

T: everyone knows that

J: jesus Thad, it's Finding Nemo


O: did you just fly past my house?

B: yeah!

B: Blue's taking me out for some fun time together!

O: HE'S WHAT


O: Why wasn't I aware that Bart and his new friend "Blue Beetle" were dating?

T: THEY'RE WHAT


T: hey, did you know about Bart dating this new friend of his?

J: what


J: Um, Bart?

B: yeah

J: have anything to tell me?

B: hmmm?

J: anything...boyfriend related?

B: ?


B: An apple a day keeps the doctor away

T: an apple a day keeps Thad away

B: you're scary

T: Boo


GROUP CHAT! :D

O: Kay

O: i'm at McDonald's

O: Waddya guys want?

B: BIG MAC

O: no

O: i'm not getting you a big mac Bart

B: why notttt?

O: because

O: you're a small boy that eats WAY too much

O: you'll get obese

O: this shit is super unhealthy

O: see, i'll ask the same question to Thad and Jenni, and they'll respond with appropriate answers, watch:

O: Thad, Jenni; what do you guys want?

T: Big Mac

J: a big mac, please!

O: …

T: we're speedsters

J: Eating a lot is just in our nature!

B: I have a crazy metabolism

O: -_-

T: I'll have two, actually

B: THREE PLEASE

O: why do I even bother?