Chap 3
"Neku! Shiki's here!" A voice called from downstairs. Neku was too busy thinking about the day before to hear it. All he could hear in his head was the words Yoshi had spoken and the gestures he had made. His head couldn't help matching them with the words and gestures Joshua used to use. Yoshi sounded the same, looked the same but he didn't really act the same and Neku didn't want the way Joshua acted to disappear from his memory and be replaced with this new kid's attitude.
At the same time, he didn't want Yoshi to act like Joshua because he didn't want someone else trying to be his best friend. The two conflicting ideas gave Neku a headache as he realised he just didn't want to see the other boy at all.
The day before had been filled with angry remarks from Neku as the other boy tried to act normal. Neku was still acting childish in his head. He didn't want Joshua to be gone, he didn't want this second rate excuse of a replacement, he didn't want to have to explain to anyone what this feeling he didn't understand was but it was clogging up his throat and making his eyes sting.
He knew he was being childish, but all he could think about was how happy he would be to see the smug bastard that was his Joshua even if it was just once more. In his head, he felt like a bratty child having a tantrum but at the same time he didn't care enough to stop.
Neku was still lost in thought as Shiki entered the room. She had a smile on her face hoping to pretend to scare the boy but one glance at her friend's face made the smile slip off her own features.
"Hey Neku, if this is how you're feeling I guess yesterday wasn't exactly sunshine and roses when you left," Shiki said. She received no reply at first and in the end had to put a hand on the distracted boy's shoulder in order to get his attention. She didn't bother repeating what she said when she realised a tear was sliding down her friends cheek without his knowing. Shiki knew if she overreacted or even mentioned it then Neku would get angry at both himself and Shiki so she kept silent.
"Come on, it's not good to keep it bottled up, your face tells me you have a lot on your mind. Tell me what you're thinking!"
Shiki sat down next to Neku on his bed and patted his leg in comfort. Neku had stayed silent the whole time she had been in the room so Shiki was shocked when Neku's hands moved to his face as he started to violently wipe at his eyes. He scooted away and flopped down face first onto his bed so he could hide his face in his pillow.
"Neku...?" the brunette asked in a soft voice. The girl hoped he would take her advice and talk instead of bottling it up like he would've before.
"Why do you always want me to tell you everything?" the boy muttered into his pillow as he moved his head to the side to rub over his eyes with the heels of his hands. Neku only stopped when he could see white dots behind his eyelids before he turned so he was face down again.
"It's for your sake, not mine. You need to get it off your chest before it just bursts out in a fit of rage," Neku turned his head to see her reaction to him. The matter-of-fact look in her eyes made Neku fell bad. She was only looking out for him; it's not that she wanted the gossip. The ginger boy sat up shakily next to Shiki as he scrubbed at one of his eyes with a fist again to attempt to stop his tears. Shiki looked at him with sympathy in her gaze "Please Neku, I want to help you," Shiki assured the other as she shuffled closer to him. This was all it took for Neku to finally give in to her coaxing. With a sigh, he lowered his head in defeat before looking back up into the girl's brown eyes.
"I felt like, at some points in the day, he was trying to be Joshua... And I don't want anyone to replace him," Neku said as he tried to disguise his emotions that were now rushing to the surface after being bottled up for so long. He didn't realise that this ran as far into his subconscious, but as a memory surfaced he remembered why losing friends was so upsetting to him.
"Neku...I know this can't just be because he's gone, what's wrong?" Shiki murmured quietly. There was silence for a moment that was only filled with Neku's sniffles as his memory finally got the better of him. a broken half-memory came to the surface but he couldn't see half of the memory playing out because of sunlight in his eyes like it would bleach a scene from a camera lens.
"I... Don't want to forget another friend..." Neku told Shiki. He spoke so quietly it was almost as if he didn't want her to hear him at all. Shiki looked at Neku sadly for a minute. He was rubbing angrily at his eyes again but his rubbing was getting less frequent.
"Look, Neku if this is something to do with the game then-"
"It's not," he cut her off before she could say anything else. Shiki looked almost hurt at him cutting her off but when she noticed Neku stand up and walk over to the dressing table across from him, her expression turned to one of confusion. She made sure understanding was still present on her face so Neku would still feel ok with talking to her. He picked up a photo and looked at it fondly for a few seconds before returning to sit next to Shiki. The orange haired boy pushed the photo into Shiki's lap without looking at her.
The photo was old; it was crinkled around the edges and soft from being held by sweaty fingers too often. The colour was slightly faded to an almost yellowy brown and there was a large mark over it from what seemed to be exposure to light before it was developed In the photo, the outline of two boys could be seen standing together at a fairground. Neku was young, around twelve in the photo and he was holding a balloon in his one hand. He smiled widely and showed a peace sign at the camera. He didn't wear any headphones at all making Shiki wonder how he had changed so rapidly in the years after this to the year she met him. Shiki looked at the other boy in the photo but noticed that the face couldn't be seen because of the light exposed spot which had turned white with flecks of brown and green along the edges. The boy's slender figure could be seen as well as a whitened smile which was at the edge of the exposed spot. The boy had an arm around Neku and seemed to be holding a glob of candy floss in his other hand.
"The boy in the photo with me was my best friend," Neku told Shiki after a few seconds of her looking at the photo. "He died years ago in an accident. I think he had been running late and when I wasn't there, he was going home. But then on his way, a car hit him," Neku added as he pulled his knees up to his chest and shuffled back on the bed so he could wrap his arms around them. "When he died I realised it was my fault because I hadn't been there and blamed myself fully. I convinced myself that I didn't need friends and that they were all noisy and just dragging me down in life," Neku looked down so his hair covered his face. Shiki looked at him in confusion for a second before she spoke up.
"You haven't forgotten him if you can tell me that much. He still lives on in your memories," she told Neku softly placing a hand on top of one of his knees. Neku shook the hand off immediately but didn't look up as he let out an angry report.
"I don't know his name, his age or what he looked like, I can't remember how we were with each other or how we met, I only remember that he died and as hard as I try that's all I can remember,"
Shiki didn't know what to say to that. She remained silent for a moment trying to think of something to say.
"Can you remember anything about him?" She asked quietly. Neku shook his head and took the photo off her and back to his table. He laid it down like it was a precious item and sighed as he stayed facing away from the girl. Shiki was thinking. She remembered Yoshiya telling her about Joshua's death and his entrance fee. She couldn't help but feel the stories were the same. Although she wouldn't assume something like that, she knew she would have to chase it up eventually. She didn't say anything to Neku about it.
"Shiki..." Neku murmured suddenly. The boy's speech startled the girl and her head shot up to look at her friend. Neku was looking round at her out of the corner of his eye to see if she was actually listening to him.
"Me and Josh weren't just friends... We had more of a 'friends with benefits' type thing going on." He said. Shiki blinked in surprise. This was not what she thought she would be hearing from Neku.
"What?" She replied. Her voice was a little louder than it could've been causing Neku to wave his hands at her to be quiet. Shiki realised his mother could hear them.
"Sorry. Continue," she said with a flick of her hand. Neku looked at her for a second to gauge her reaction. When he got a thumbs up, Neku continued his explanation.
"Well... What I mean is, I don't think it was love in the slightest but the... The things he did to me, I don't think it's something you would do to someone who was a quick fuck," the boy put an one of his shoulders he was facing her now just a little way away from the bed.
"Neku-" Shiki started. She didn't really know what she wanted to say, so she was glad when Neku cut her off.
"I'm sorry, I had to tell someone," he said. He was blushing a bit and had turned away again in a rush so Shiki couldn't look at him.
"No, no. It's fine it's just... I don't know, I always assumed..." Again, Shiki struggled for words. She didn't know why she was having so much trouble with her speech. The brown eyed girl looked down at her lap with furrowed eyebrows as she pushed her glasses back up her nose.
"Assumed I liked you?" Neku cut in as he looked over his shoulder at the brunette still sitting on his bed. Shiki looked up at the sound of a humourless chuckle in Neku's voice. She messed with her hair while she searched for the words to say to Neku.
"Well more like girls in general but... Yeah point still stands," Shiki's head nodded like a bobble head for a little while causing Neku to sigh and make his way back over to the bed to crouch down with his hands on her knees.
"Shiki, you're my best friend. I wouldn't want any other girl by my side, but he was just so different and he understood where I was coming from," Shiki looked Neku in the eyes and nodded again but quicker this time. Neku got up slowly to stand in front of Shiki.
"I understand Neku," the girl sighed. She really did. She knew what it was like to have that one person you could trust with all your secrets. She stood up to put her hands on the ginger's shoulders but Neku was looking at the floor and only sighed in recognition to the fact she was there.
"Not possibly as much as he could've," Shiki knew he didn't say things to hurt her but the fact Neku didn't want to talk to her as much as someone else hurt a little. He was looking off to the other side of the room with his arms crossed. Shiki was getting a little annoyed at his moping but at the same time she wanted to remain understanding.
"Neku, you need to pull yourself together," she told him enthusiastically. She expected more of a response from the boy but all she got was his head lolling up like a dog to look at her.
"I do?" he asked in a dead voice he looked like he didn't really want to enter whatever topic of conversation Shiki wanted to have with him. The girl plastered a serious look on her face and balled her hands into fists as she nodded in affirmation to his statement.
"Yeah! How can you stay in here moping all day? The past is in the past and as Mr H says you have to enjoy the moment and trust your partner. Now trust me when I say being cooped up is bad for you and enjoy the moment by going out and not wallowing in self-pity!" Neku looked back down at the girl's speech and seemed to actually think about it for a little while before he plonked down on the bed next to Shiki with a sketchbook he had scooped up off the floor.
"I don't feel like going out today. Maybe tomorrow..." he told her dismissively with a wave of one of his hands as he opened his sketchbook with the other. Shiki was growing more annoyed with him by the second.
"Neku! How many times will you say 'maybe tomorrow'? You have to face the world sometime!" as Shiki raised her voice to him Neku bristled like an angry cat but tried to remain as calm as possible so he didn't annoy the only person who had decided to pay him a visit in a while. He ignored her for a little while as he plucked a pencil from his desk and started to doodle something. It was silent until the brunette gave an angry huff at Neku's behaviour.
"Shiki, I'm not avoiding the world. I'm just avoiding Yoshi. I'm sure he's going back to Paris or something for a few days to get his stuff so I'm hiding today," Shiki gave Neku a look of shock and stood up from the bed. Neku looked up at her at this point.
"That's horrible," she told him as she crossed her arms and looked away.
"You don't understand,"
"You're right I don't," she snapped back. Shiki was getting more and more annoyed as time ticked on. She didn't know how Neku could judge someone for their looks after all he had been through with the game and with Shiki's own dilemma with her appearance.
"He's too similar,"
"But he just wants to be your friend!" she yelled. She was trying to make the boy see sense but Neku just dropped the sketchbook and looked away from her. His short, disinterested answers showing that her words had no effect on him.
"I don't need a new friend," Neku told her as anger flashed in his own eyes.
"You're so stubborn!"
"Yeah?" he gave the girl a dirty look and looked away again before pulling his earphones over his ears. They had hung around his neck up until that point. He turned the volume up so loud even Shiki could hear it as he swung his legs around up onto the bed and laid back with his sketchbook on his stomach. Neku's eyes closed and he started moving his foot in time with the beat Shiki could clearly hear. This action make Shiki seethe in anger and had effectively ended their conversation.
"Ugh!" Shiki threw her hands up in the air in exasperation and walked straight out of Neku's room. "Fine! Be that way!" she called back as she slammed his door shut. The brunette was so annoyed by how rude he acted towards the other boy. She knew eventually they were going to have to become friends and that would be the day Neku came whining to her about everything he did.
As soon as his door slammed Neku's sour expression dropped and he picked up his paper to see a doodle of a figure with large white wings and a white aura around him. Neku's mouth opened but he didn't know what to feel at the drawing. He closed his eyes and breathed through his mouth as he took in what his subconscious was telling him. His eyes opened again with the same angry expression he bore earlier. Mindlessly, he ripped the paper out of the book and balled it up before throwing it at the furthest away wall. The boy then pulled his knees up and curled in on himself as he finally took the time to think about what Shiki had said. He'd never admit to the tears that gathered in his eyes again as he was overwhelmed by his own feelings.
The girl in question now stomped down the stairs and startled Neku's mother who was on her way up to see what the ruckus was all about. She had waited until it seemed to die down a bit because she knew better than to interrupt if it was something that needed to be said and knowing her son, Shiki was probably yelling for a reason.
"Shiki, Sweetheart, what's the matter?" the woman asked as she caught one of the brunette's arms.
"I'm sorry Ma'am but your son is being stubborn," Shiki couldn't wipe the sour look off her face.
"What did he do now?" The woman asked with a sigh. She sounded tired as soon as she realised it was Neku who had upset Shiki. The hand that was once holding onto Shiki's arm moved up to massage the woman's left temple. She sighed again before taking Shiki's wrist into her hand gently to lead her over to the table in the kitchen. "Have a cup of tea with me dear? You seem like you have something to let out," the woman asked. Her motherly tone shone through her words and Shiki wondered how someone like this could've raised such a stubborn and angry son.
"Ok, but I can only stay for a little while," Shiki decided as she sat down in the chair opposite where the woman had stood as the mother went to put the kettle on. Eventually, the two sat with warm mugs of tea between their fingers as they rested them on the table.
"Mrs Sakuraba... Do you know anything about a boy who used to live next door? Neku said he died…" before Shiki had even finished speaking the woman had a frown on her face again.
"Yes. His name was Josh I think… It's been a while since I heard the name. Neku's all but forgotten about him. He doesn't have any photos of him or any memories either. He didn't go to the boy's funeral or even seem to mourn," the woman sighed again and turned her steaming cup. "He didn't remember but it turned him antisocial. He just knew he had a friend who died and that was the end of it. He told me he didn't need friends," Shiki didn't want to think about how Neku was in the time before he entered the game. Her thoughts were swirling around the bits of information the woman had given her.
"Did he mention him to you?" Mrs Sakuraba asked kindly before taking a sip of her drink. She waited patiently for Shiki to answer. Shiki wondered whether it was right for her to involve Mrs Sakuraba in her thoughts. She wondered if Neku would care if she asked his mother for her advice. In the end, Shiki decided as long as she kept it vague, she should be fine asking advice.
"Someone we know died recently. Neku told me he didn't want to forget another friend," Shiki said shyly. She didn't know whether telling Mrs Sakuraba was a good idea, but the woman should at least know why her son was acting strangely. The mother put a hand to her heart as a sad look crossed her features.
"He's sensitive like that. Maybe if you leave him to think-"
"That isn't why we argued," Shiki interrupted before the woman got the wrong idea. Mrs Sakuraba was silent as she waited for Shiki to continue.
"The boy's… twin came to speak to us pretending to be his brother and he got Neku really annoyed. The boy explained to him he just wants to be friends but Neku won't have anything to do with him! Neku even refused to leave the house today in case he bumps into him!" Shiki's voice got louder as she kept talking until she was almost yelling. She was still annoyed at Neku for that but the other person at the table seemed to understand.
"He's being childish. Give him a few days, I'm sure he'll come around," was all the advice Mrs Sakuraba could give to Shiki. She assured the brunette that none of what she had said would be mentioned to Neku to which Shiki was thankful for.
The two chatted idly about school and hobbies and how Shiki's designing was going while they drank their tea. Shiki enjoyed chatting with Neku's mother whenever she got the chance because the woman was so genuine. She always had advice to offer or a friendly ear. Sometimes she'd need it with Eri popping back and forth between Paris and Tokyo.
Shiki thanked Neku's mother for the tea as she stood up. The woman smiled brightly at her.
"Don't worry about it sweetheart, it looked like you needed some cheering up," she assured she smiled as she got up to walk Shiki to the door.
"Just give him a few days, dear. But remember don't be a stranger! I love a bit of company around here," the woman said with a chuckle. Shiki smiled back and promised to come back soon. As Shiki made her way down the steps she looked back up at the house to see Neku's curtains still shut. She sighed as she carried on hoping the other boy would accept what was happening sooner rather than later.
