Chapter 3: HR
Espio glared at Shadow. "Eggnamco… I would have never guessed you'd deliver the viper's poison to me."
"Cut the BS and sign it, Espio."
The chameleon glanced over the contract, flipping multiple sheets of technical definitions as he went along. "These pages are written in a demon's tongue. Our Legal Advisory Department will spend a whole week deciphering it, excluding the schedules and appendices." He slouched in his seat and sighed.
Rather than let the silence get to him, Shadow picked up his phone. "I have to take this call," he said upon exiting the room.
Espio raised his hands to the sky and opened his mouth. Tails couldn't tell what the broker was trying to say, but the point became apparent as soon as Espio looked at him. The chameleon picked up a pen and tapped it on his desk.
"My ancestors will rue the day I entered Eggnamco's domain. The viper will suck the life out of us, won't it, sir?"
"L-look, it's all well, Mr Espio. I helped my uncle draft the agreement. If you look at the subtotals, you have a 2.4 per cent margin at a negative 19 reference rate."
Espio dropped the pen. "Minus the dishonourable APR that nets the partnership a 0.6 per cent loss. Your demon speak cannot delude me! I have trained for this."
Tails gulped. It looked like the chameleon could easily get violent. "If you withhold the excess shares and agree to fill the minimum bid, you may-"
"Enough! I must consult the elders before I risk sacrificing our prime assets to an insatiable debt snake."
He ran away without waiting for Espio to finish the sentence. Breathing heavily behind the door, Tails searched for Shadow in a fit of panic. That was intense…
"How did it go?" Shadow asked. He was sitting comfortably in a corner, playing with his phone. The fox didn't say a word. Instead, he smiled stupidly and looked awkward overall. Shadow decided to encourage him. "You can speak freely, Tails."
Tails managed to stand up without the door holding him for balance and thought of the right summary. "He is very superstitious."
"That is his sales pitch. He did not leech any important info out of you during the magic mumbo jumbo fit?"
The fox was shocked. Shadow had only pretended to have an important call. He was eavesdropping the entire time! Before Tails managed to put his indignation into words, Shadow cut him off.
"You did not think I would leave you alone to be ninja'd by a stock broker, huh?"
Shadow pulled out a pair of headphones. They looked normal save for a suction cup-like thing replacing the plug. He put the end against the door and invited Tails to take one of the ear buds.
"What is that?" Tails asked in a whisper.
"Standard executive gear. Our HR used to work as a government agent. You will see her later."
"Are we going to get in trouble?" The fox hesitated before he met a stern look; curiosity got the best of him in the end.
Espio's ancestors seemed to have a good grip on finances, considering what the chameleon told them. "I don't trust Eggnamco either, but they've deposited the funds in our transit account already. If we floor it at 19.8, we'll break even. And if you round the partners to pay him back by the end of the first settlement cycle, we're in the green."
Shadow was happy with what he heard as well as with Tails' priceless expression. He unplugged the headphones and grabbed the door handle.
"I'll call you at 9:50, Vector. They're coming back," Espio finished off in a murmur.
"Your week is over. How was the spirit world?"
The chameleon assumed the lotus position. Shadow could tell Espio was enjoying the performance. "The elders shared my deep sense of anxiety about this legal cypher. They have spoken words of great wisdom: shelter the seeds from the wind and subject the spring growths to the elements to test their dedication to the forest. Ninja Partnership Consulting is dedicated to upholding the market's health above all, and so I sign the contract. Liquidity will flow."
They shook hands like old friends would have.
"Beautiful…" Tails commented.
Espio broke the handshake to point at the fox. "Shadow, I don't think I've been properly introduced to your companion."
Tails' face lit up in an instant, so Shadow decided to play along. He knew exactly what Espio wanted with the fox.
"Espio, Tails. Tails, Espio."
The vulpine didn't see how his own handshake with Espio began. "The most valuable of introductions, Tails, is like the art of haiku: an investment that grows with you from the first ring. We are looking forward to conducting business with you." Espio continued shaking Tails' hand, and it would have gotten worrying were it not for Shadow's save.
"About that, can you leave us alone for a sec?"
"Yes, Shadow."
Tails sighed in relief while Espio directed his frowns towards the hedgehog.
Shadow checked Robotnik's document he had delivered. Espio had managed to sign on every page. There were over 150 of them. Either Espio possessed magic signing powers or something was fishy. Shadow held the suspicion in; he knew of an easier method to throttle the chameleon's sales pitch.
"Haiku, eh? He just got out of college with a loan dangling from his neck and you are already seducing his wallet."
"My sources say you stole him from Eggnamco…"
"He took a chunk of Shadow Corp, threw it away, and reeled it back in along with your company. This is remuneration, not theft." Shadow folded his arms.
"Let the market distribute these assets."
"Before I showed you the agreement, you were ready to assassinate the market."
Espio deposited the contract into a safe. "Ninjas learn to control their urges."
"I see you are chipper again."
The broker grinned, happy to reveal one of his cards. "Eggnamco's papers do not negotiate our commission, so we'll charge them the standard quarterly safekeeping fee based on asset value."
"I am sure there is more to it than that, but you two can sort each other out without my help."
Shadow turned to leave only to be stopped by Espio's voice mid-way.
"Aren't you going to buy a portion of the shares back from Mr Robotnik?"
"I am the CEO of Shadow Corp. If I buy my company's shares minutes before an announcement comes in, I will get a sentence for insider trading."
"You dodged the question…"
Shadow waved at him and closed the door. It flipped back open a second later.
"We are heading home, Tails," the hedgehog said in a hurry.
Espio followed them to the corridor.
"Tails! You must open a trading account with us."
The fox smiled back. "I have a discretionary portfolio at Eggnamco…"
"Is it managed by a market ninja?"
Even though Shadow was pulling his hand, Tails stood his ground with the help of Espio, who grabbed the fox's other hand.
"If I may have your number, Tails, we'll contact you in…" the chameleon cooed, carefully eyeing the two for a reaction. He thought the period was right, "…two weeks. Till then, have this."
Tails sprung to his feet as soon as he got a shuriken engraved with Espio's credentials. He would have enjoyed a longer chat with the broker under different circumstances, like not being pulled outside by a boss in a hurry.
They didn't talk until Shadow reached his motorcycle. "Your verdict?"
"I'm bad at humour," Tails admitted, prompting a chuckle.
"Chin up. I do not know what you did, but you have made a great impression on Espio. He never makes offers outside the safety of his office."
"Unlike you."
Shadow gave the fox a helmet before mounting the Dark Rider. "Beware of flattery, Tails. We are responsible for what we have tamed."
Traffic had already dispersed by the time they took to the streets. Tails' head was full of stressful thoughts, so the fox was unlikely to bother Shadow. It gave the hedgehog a moment to gather his own thoughts. Everything went well at Espio's. Surely, Robotnik could have delivered the contract via courier?
He swore under his breath as a suspicious thought crept up: Robotnik had given him only one copy of the contract as opposed to two, and Espio mentioned the money being already on NPC's transit account, just waiting for a plain accountant to accept it. Espio must have signed Robotnik's own copy no later than last Friday before the central bank's clearing system shut down for the weekend.
Without the signature, Eggnamco would not have wired the funds. Without the time, the funds would not have made it to NPC's account. The speed at which Espio signed a large contract without reading it also fit in the conspiracy theory. Shadow grumbled at the idea Robotnik had suckered him into acting as a delivery boy to a bogus third copy.
No doubt, the magnificent show Shadow had to experience was to indebt him to both Eggnamco and NPC. Instead, they'd see how they've fallen out of favour, in due time.
To lighten up, Shadow channelled his attention towards Tails.
"You said Robotnik was your uncle."
"Yeah?"
"I did not know he had a brother." Shadow knew he didn't have one, more precisely. He only needed Tails to confirm it.
"He doesn't. He has a younger sister."
"And her name is?"
"Maria Robotnik."
The hedgehog grinned as the motorbike reached the final stretch. "This will be interesting."
Shadow Corp stood before them. A tall, but otherwise dull glass building situated on the outskirts of downtown Station Square, a ride away from Speed Highway. When picking the spot for his corporate HQ, Shadow aimed for something that would please most stakeholders: employees and investors alike. The roof had enough room for a helicopter pad, yet Shadow rented the space out to a telecom, which took care of lightning insurance as well.
A logo plate made of marble aside, the bouncer was the most distinctive part of the establishment. At least, that was Tails' experience.
Shadow allowed the fox to walk one step ahead until they reached a bulky red, yellow and black robot with Latin symbols on its shoulders.
"IDENTIFICATION REQUIRED," it droned at Tails.
The fox retreated until he pressed against Shadow and nearly fell down; the guard robot was after him. Its glowing eyes frightened the fox more than embarrassing himself in front of his new boss.
"Hello there, big robot, sir…"
Shadow grumbled. "Tails…" This got the vulpine to stand up straight while the bouncer took up a less threatening posture.
"DATA UNAVAILABLE. Are you here for an interview?"
Shadow took his backpack off and looked around. "He is, Omega. Escort him to Rouge's office while I change. Be courteous."
"ABORT CURRENT ASSIGNMENT?"
Omega knew what to do as per normal procedure, so Shadow took his time to respond, giving Tails a chance to explore inside the building. A few people were unloading identical-looking boxes and makeshift furniture. It seemed like they were going to host a convention in the lobby. Tails found it unusual, but kept his thoughts to himself.
"Find a substitute," Shadow said with disinterest. He was busy counting the boxes put on both sides of the entrance hall.
Omega made a sound similar to an email notification before diverting his attention to the newcomer. "AFFIRMATIVE. Follow me, GUEST."
"You can call me Tails…"
"ON-BOARD MEMORY ACCESS DISABLED. REGISTERED USERS ONLY."
Tails sort of understood what it meant. Was the robot trying to offend him by refusing to remember his name? Then again, a machine was limited to its programming, so he would be better off not pursuing the conversation. Getting smashed to bits by one of Omega's powerful arms didn't appear high on Tails' bucket list, either.
As they reached the building's main section and picked the floor, Tails realised Shadow Corp was an establishment like any other…only with a huge robot at the front door.
And huge lifts, too. Much bigger than what Tails had back at Eggnamco. Obviously, this company needed more room to accommodate special security personnel.
He still couldn't believe it, murmuring under his breath, "Shadow Corp has a robot guard…"
"LICENSED BY FUTURETECH. CUSTOM-MADE E-123 OMEGA AUTOMATON."
The volume deafened Tails, so all he managed to peep out was: "Nice to meet you, Omega."
Omega's tone changed in an instant when his front panel slid down to reveal a touch screen interface. "Will you sign the GUESTbook?"
Tails didn't know why he got the offer so suddenly, but he decided to play along and leave something nice. "Sure!"
Worry coupled with excitement shortened the ride: they reached the designated floor before Tails pushed the Submit button. Omega's screen showed a smiley face in the end and Tails was glad to feel less threatened by the guide while walking down the hall.
Too glad, perhaps, because he accidentally bumped into something soft. A someone, to be precise.
"Hey there! You must be Tails," a female voice said.
Tails looked up to see where the voice came from. He lost his own in the process. "I-I-I…"
He wanted to claw his own eyes out from who he saw. There was no way he just absentmindedly walked into...
"That will be all, Omega," she said. Oh, the beautiful way she said it! Tails wished his ears exploded because every other aural experience in life would be a disappointment compared to this.
Omega seemed unfazed. "INPUT RATING."
"Five stars."
"YOUR FEEDBACK IS IMPORTANT. THIS UNIT WILL PASS QUARTERLY ASSESSMENT."
The owner of the voice produced a smile Tails detected even through blurred vision. "Don't worry about the accident last week, Omega. Shadow probably forgot about it already."
"TESTIMONY RECORDED."
When Omega left, Tails realised he was all alone staring upwards at her nose in a zombie-like fashion. He really wished he was a zombie because he wouldn't have to think about what would happen next. Right now, the fox was up against a white female bat dressed as seductively as high street formalwear allowed it. Tails dared not to stare at her deep cut cleavage, which he suspected she put there to pre-emptively turn every attempt at a perfect strike into a gutterball interview. And she was taller than him.
If Tails had any mental capacity left behind by debilitating terror, the gutter would have been a proper place for said capacity. Tails would have never thought that not thinking could be a solution. Unfortunately, the fox had a poor record at letting his brain take a break, so he fell for the obvious trap.
Everything about the bat was inviting, and Tails knew in the back of his head that it was done on purpose, an evil purpose. Only the most resilient applicants had the nerves of steel required to keep cool in her presence, and even they would have had trouble containing themselves whenever the temptress did anything at all. Just knowing she existed burdened Tails' thoughts. She existed less than a breath away, forcing Tails to stop breathing.
He bounced back and bowed, eyes dug into the floor. Then, he realised the folly of his ways. The bat didn't sound like she hailed from Chun-nan or Mazuri, where bowing was customary. He should have shaken her hand…the folks in Central City did that, and she could have been from there.
Tails consoled himself the best way he could, and if he couldn't save his face, he'd at least hide it from her as long as possible. Not long, considering she wanted to address him.
"My name is Rouge. I run the HR Department at Shadow Corp. My assistant Cream normally handles the introductory interview, but the CEO agreed to do the first round with you, so we can go into more detail now. Please, step inside."
With a swipe of her employee ID card, a portal to a magic place filled with knickknacks as intricate as Rouge herself opened in front of Tails. The fox gulped at the idea that his turn to speak would come the next time the door would shut.
How should he start? Did she care about his college degree? Would she appreciate knowing more about his credentials? Wait… She represented Shadow Corp, a corporate machine that ventured into every field discovered by entrepreneurs to skim all the surplus profit and treat its competitors to ungodly ruthlessness.
That logic helped Tails return to thinking with his brain in a way that didn't shut down the rest of his being. Rouge was no different from Omega as a serial sprocket in the system. He considered their exchange to a great effect: Omega seemed oddly concerned for a robot about feedback and a quarterly assessment. Tails had such assessments before, but those were a formality. He was quicker than most at finding certain solutions, and his uncle had an important role in the organisation.
Rouge pointed him to a small coffee table with four cushioned chairs surrounding it. As Tails got seated, the bat picked up an egg timer, a folder and a sheet of plain copy paper. So far, nothing unusual. Tails almost mustered up enough courage to establish eye contact, which went to naught once she sat down opposite to him.
Normally, the interviewer would sit next to the interviewee to encourage cooperation. Doing otherwise was a sign of aggression. Uncle Robotnik always did that when he had bad news to share…
"Thank you for coming, Tails. I hope you are satisfied with what you have experienced at Shadow Corp so far."
Tails nodded. He didn't know what to say, do or how to cope with a sudden change of tone. He didn't even know what she said because of the way she said it.
A nod just seemed natural. Judging by how she smiled in response, he did the right thing. The relief was akin to losing a boulder from his back. There were many left, but it was a good start, right?
She picked up the empty sheet and traced her gloved fingers over it, eyes fixated on Tails the entire time. "Right now, you are like this sheet of copy paper. Beautiful, as pure as a field of fresh snow. It is my job to see what, if anything, lies underneath this top layer and decide whether it is sufficient for you to become a proud member of our large corporate family."
He nodded again while his heart sank into a hole. It'd take days to recover from that blow, but he didn't have the time to sulk. She was burrowing into him with her eyes!
Tails had nothing against eye contact, no. He was a sociable person who wanted to be good to everyone. For some reason, though, he thought that being good at anything by Rouge's standards would have been bad in general. But it'd feel good…that part was obvious, and most worrying. If Rouge demanded it, Tails would find bliss in committing the worst of crimes.
Reduced to an empty page that lay next to a folder containing what might have been all of Tails' posts in social media, he listened to her, both scared and delighted about his role in the conversation.
"Our company is known for unique recruitment techniques, so don't let the fact you don't know the position you're applying for discourage you. We want the best of what you have, and we want it all, Tails. What do you say?"
"I, uh…"
"Splendid. The methodology is patented, which is why you are needed to sign this release form and NDA. Protection is key to our mutual trust."
It sounded important, so Tails signed the papers provided to him without thinking or breathing.
"Why don't you start by telling me something unique about yourself?"
Intelligence? No, that's what everyone had…to a degree. An influential uncle? No, Rouge must have rejected a bunch of applicants with rich relatives. Having two tails? It was weird, yes, but Tails couldn't guarantee there were no other foxes with such a genetic error. The fox didn't notice when he got paler than a ghost, unlike his companion.
Rouge brought a hand to her lips to hide her smile. "This is perfectly normal. After all, everything depends on my endorsement of your application. I'm sure a cup of tea will help you speak the right words."
She stood up, dragging Tails' eyes up from the table to her face. Gosh, she looked almost his age, and yet she moved with the experienced grace of a fully-developed woman. Tails owned a book about protocol, which gave him some understanding of behavioural canons. He didn't realise anyone could be a perfect representation of protocol and still exhibit great freedom in every step, swayed ever so slightly by a pair of high heels.
And Tails didn't care about shoes. A cloud of shame suddenly covered the fox. Eggnamco allowed him to wear running shoes to work. He didn't see anyone else with them at Shadow Corp. Another faux pas of his to add to the list. This time, he didn't dare to sigh about failure; bats had impeccable hearing.
She brought two cups of yellowish fluid to the table. "It is a special blend of Yinzhen reserved for executive interviews. The flavour can easily overwhelm entry-level candidates used to Lapsang souchong preferred at Eggnamco, but you've been doing great so far."
He didn't care how she found out his uncle's favourite tea or if that was supposed to be a poke at the drink's price. If he started to, or got the idea that he could choose to care, his alarm bells would implode and make him jump out the window.
Still, he had to entertain Rouge with a response. "Thank you," he said before taking a gulp. It helped ease the spasms in his throat. Otherwise, just regular white tea.
The bat grinned at Tails' expression. "Continue."
She must have meant the interview question. Tails almost forgot about it with all the commotion in his head. Right! Work your magic, brain. "Unique about myself? Well, I don't know. My colleagues at Eggnamco would often compliment me on my intelligence and my ability to tackle various challenges."
Tails cringed at the amount of first-person pronouns in his speech. He was bound to get bummed by this later on. Uncle Robotnik loved poking the applicant about it during showcase interviews.
"Lovely. Here's a challenge for you: say that you are a turnip."
He blinked. "I am a turnip?"
"Say it like you mean it," she pleaded in a cutesy voice while setting the egg timer.
"I am… I am Miles Prower and I hate that name." Tails put a hand over his mouth in a fit of panic. "I didn't just say that out loud, did I?"
Rouge put the timer down. "You did, and those were the right words I wanted. Let's get down to business, Mr Prower. You may begin by telling me about your real family."
She picked up the pen and started writing on the empty sheet of paper she had shown earlier. So much for staying a field of fresh snow…
