AN: Hi! Thank you all for the awesome reviews! :) They made my day. :) So anyway, here're the next chapter before Addie goes back to New York and the real drama starts. Please bear with me, I think my plots are gonna be slow-moving until I figure what exactly I want to happen. I have a lot of choices and I can't seem to decide which one I want to incorporate in the story. If you got any advice, please please please, I would love to hear it.

This is a pretty short chapter, btw. :)

There. Thanks so much and ENJOY!

*I own nothing. Though I wish I do.


The conversation with Nancy ended with the New York end crying and the Seattle end begging Nancy to keep her word. Nancy was hysterics about Addie's decision and made her promise to at least think about it, to which Addison had agreed. Everyone knew that once Addison had set her mind on something, there was no convincing her otherwise.

That was another confrontation down. After the Chief and Nancy, all she really wanted to tell about her condition were Savvy and Archer. There was no one here in Seattle who would care. Well, possibly Mark, but she couldn't hurt him again. She didn't expect anyone else to understand her choice regarding treatment.

Addison walked confidently down the hall to the Chief's office. She had mentioned to him in passing her plan to move back to New York. Her right hand absentmindedly rubbing her left ring finger, her thoughts flew to Derek. She wondered if he would notice she was gone. After the divorce, they had only shared polite pleasantries and occasional consults. She wasn't ready to talk to him about anything other than work, and he wasn't, or rather, Meredith wasn't ready to see Derek friends with Addison.

In her most lucid of moments, she can admit to herself that she missed Derek. On other occasions, she just pushed any thought of him to the back of her mind. She missed him. She missed their playful banters, their passionate lovemaking, the way his eyes seemed to speak to her, his smile, and the way he brought her juju before hard surgeries. He had always been her constant. And it seemed so fucked up that even after all the shit he had put her through here in Seattle, she was more than willing to give him another chance if he happened to ask for it.

Adjusting her skirt a bit, she knocked on Richard's office, and when she heard his voice beckoning her to come in, she opened the door and walked towards him.

"Addison" he said, his voice full of compassion.

"Chief" she smiled as she moved over to give him a warm embrace. She had always thought Richard to be her second father. The man always looked out for her welfare and he and Adele considered her and Derek their children.

He motioned for her to take a seat as he positioned himself behind his desk. "How are you, Addie?"

"I'm actually feeling pretty good, Richard. I haven't had a chance to think things thoroughly but I believe nothing has been clearer in my life than this. You already know my decision."

"How could a man forget his star surgeon, his daughter, asking to go back to New York to basically die there?" he questioned, looking at her with a pained expression. "You're like a daughter to me, Addison. And I get why you're deciding to go back to New York. What I don't get is why you're deciding to end things. Why are you giving up without a fight? That's not the Addie I know. The Addie I know never loses hope. The Addie I know is strong."

Addison shifted her gaze to the ground. She knew her decision would send a message about her being weak. She inhaled deeply. "Yeah, well, maybe I'm tired of being strong. Maybe… maybe the Addison you know is gone." She said the last part in a whisper. "I've changed Richard, since Derek, since Mark.. I'm just not the same."

"I know you've changed. Anyone who has to go through something like that would definitely change. But I expected your change to be a positive one. I was expected you to be stronger. As hurtful as this is to hear, you've changed from independent, strong, confident and talented to someone akin to a weepy housewife who begs her husband not to leave her. And that's not you Addie. You know that as well as I do." He was right, and she knew it. But there was a fine line between being independent and being alone.

"I hate being weak Richard. But sometimes… sometimes knowing when to let go is strength too."

He sighed. It saddened him that Addison was strong-willed as ever, but strong-willed to die.

"Have you told anyone yet?" he said, trying to get his mind off of her letting go.

"Nancy called yesterday. I spoke to Savvy this morning. She's arranging a room for me at her complex."

"And?" urging her to continue.

"And they're both asking me to think about it before it's too late."

"Nobody wants to see you die, Addie. As hard as it is for you to accept it, people love you. People care for you."

There was a thoughtful silence that settled between them. Richard never thought that Addison's zest for life would ever dull. She was always so energetic that it pained him to see her give up so easily. It was probably the result of how badly Derek treated her. At the thought of Derek, he cleared his throat and Addison's green eyes looked up at him.

"Does Derek know?"

That was the million-dollar question. Addison sighed heavily. "I'm not planning to tell him. I don't want him to know."

His brows knit in confusion. "Why not?"

"I'm afraid, I guess. I don't know how in the world he's going to react. I don't think I can take seeing him happy about it or indifferent about it. Because basically those are the only two possibilities: happiness or indifference."

"You have to give him more credit than that, Adds. You were married for 12 years. Even he can't be that dense. I know you don't see it but he cares for you. He'll always care for you. He asks about you, you know? He's told me before he wants to be friends."

"If he wants to be friends with me so badly, why isn't he making any moves? He's just trying to be the good guy again, Richard." she countered, pinching the bridge of her nose as she started to feel a headache coming on.

"He's scared, Adds. He's in a transition state. He wants Meredith, but he wants you too. I know you'll make some snappy retort but it's true. He's conflicted. He may very well still be in love with you. He's scared you won't accept his friendship, and he's scared of Meredith's reaction. Meredith's been through a lot this year. He just doesn't want to hurt her."

"So it's alright for him to hurt me but it's not okay to hurt his precious Meredith?" Sighing, she started to feel conflicted. He loves me and he loves Meredith. I can't compete with that. I refuse to be second best. "I don't want to cause any trouble between them. They've both sacrificed a lot to be with each other, I'd be sorry if they ever break up permanently. I can live without him, seeing as I don't have much longer to live anyway."

Richard looked at her sympathetically. "It's a choice, Addison. You have a choice to live or to die."

"I've chosen Chief. And I plan on sticking to that choice. I appreciate your concern though."

If there was anything that saddened Richard more, it was the underniable defeat in her voice. It was clear to him, the way she was handling her life; it was Derek or nothing.

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Later that week, Addison found herself in the Attending's locker room, clearing out the last of her things. She hadn't told anybody, and strategically avoided seeing Derek. The conversation with Richard weighed heavily on her mind, and they had agreed for her to leave by the end of the week. There would be no fuss about it, she would leave quietly and Richard would find a replacement for her position. It hurt her to see Richard's disappointed face, but it would hurt her more to see Derek's reaction, whatever it may be. Whether Derek was sad about or indifferent or happy, it would still hurt her. But she knew what she was doing. She wasn't going to fight this that thought, she walked out the door, out of Seattle Grace and into her future. Addison was going home.


So.. what do you guys think? Like I said, this is the last chapter before all the drama so stay tuned. :) Thanks to all those who reviewed! :)