Disclaimer:I don't own freakin' Harry Potter. Good grief.

A/N:Okay. Throw your stones. I haven't updated for many good reasons. Slight writer's block. SAT's. AP Bio and History tests. Finals. And in like 2 days I leave for Germany. And I'll be there for a month. So this will be the last update for quite a while. If I'm feeling bored, maybe a one-shot drabble will appear. However, thank you for all the kick ass reviews, and I hope you enjoy the latest installment.


CHAPTER THREE

"I know you're following me, Harry."

……

"I can hear you breathing."

……

"I will castrate you with your own wand, you can be sure of that."

……

"Harry! You've smudged my lip gloss! Now Binns is going to think I've been snogging about."

"Ah, but you have been snogging about. Just now in fact."

"I'm still not speaking to you though."

"You can kiss me, but you can't talk to me?"

"Baby Jesus is helping me to stay strong. He's my emotional-y friend-ish thing."

"Luna said you'd strapped him to your bed. How'd he like that?"

"It was for his own good. He wasn't safe until I brainwashed him."

"Brainwash? He's plastic. He has no brain to wash."

……

"Are we really doing this now?"

……

"Ginny!"

……

"Fine. I won't tell you what I wanted to tell you then. You obviously don't want to be told."

"Harry! I was looking for you! Oh, hey Gin."

"Ron?!? What in the name of ……. What are you doing here?"

"Erm."

"Is that an acronym? I haven't seen you in a billion years, and all you say is Erm? That better stand for one of Hermione's crap organizations, like the Elf Rehabilitation Movement!"

"What in Merlin's name are you raving about?"

"Sod it. Men never listen. All of you have tiny little gnomes that block out anything intelligent. Namely, what girls say."

"Look Harry, we need to get going."

"What?!? You just bloody got here! I'm not even done yelling at you! Or being mad! We haven't even had a good row yet!"

"Let's go, Ron. Our kinumphs are waiting."

"


JANUARY 5TH

7:29 am
Secret sleeping place for boys who keep secrets……

Harry Potter awoke with a start, launching his body vertically into the air, a feat that would be revered under different circumstances. This however, was very strange in Harry's book. Even stranger than Ginny's diary. And Baby Jesus. And the gnomes that liberated Baby Jesus who then in turn, made Baby Jesus their king. And now, as Harry reflects on these points, he realizes that Ginny is very odd and all odd things appear to stem directly from her.

Which brings us back to the odd dream which so blatantly startled Harry. He didn't dream often, but when he did he usually dreamt of Lord Voldemort murdering his parents, his friends, or even Harry himself, and the occasional fantasy involving Firewhiskey, Ginny, and a rug made out of Hippogriff furs. But that is not important. The fact that Harry did not dream of any of these things is important.

Firstly, what is a kinumph? And why doesn't Ginny have one?

Secondly, Ginny in a vat of custard, or any other liquid desert for that matter, is bloody fabulous. And also, should happen immediately.

And lastly, any dream involving Ron would most certainly not end in a naughty fantasy involving Ginny or liquid deserts.

Terrible shame, really.


8:18 am
Breakfast…Great Hall
…..

Harry was feeling quite odd after his odd dream involving his odd ex-girlfriend. Which feels very odd to say.

His mood only brightened slightly when the real Ron Weasley plopped down on the bench beside him.

Harry began contemplating the finer points of his fork, when Ron tried to speak while chocking back his eggs.

"I fweel owed."

"Come again, mate. I can't hear you amongst all that rubbish."

Ron swallowed awkwardly. "I said, I feel odd."

"Sodding shame, really."

"Do you even want to know why?"

Harry straightened up, placed his fork on the table, and pretended to listen.

As you know, Harry had bigger problems to deal with. "All right. Let's have it then. Why do you feel so odd?"

"It's Hermione. She's—"

Harry immediately began to block out Ron's ramblings. It wasn't until 5 minutes later, when Ron had stopped speaking and had begun to eat again, that Harry spoke.

"Do you want to know why I feel odd, Ron?"

"Swere."

"I had a dream. Ginny was in it, and we snogged. And I wanted her kinumph. And she suggested that she jump in a vat of custard. And you were there. And you made me leave."

"What's a kinumph?"

"Merlin knows. What do you think it means?"

"I think it means you want Ginny to jump in a vat of custard. Which is quite raunchy, and as her older brother I should pound the shite out of you. But you are my friend. And you are teetering on the edge of death. So I won't."

"Thanks mate."


9:49 am
Library…..hidden by a stack of books
...

Ron Weasley strolled across the library, obviously avoiding the beady glare of Madame Pince.

In Ron's eyes, the old bat should have shriveled up by now and been carried away by some mystical wind. If Hermione ever heard him say this, he would definitely be in trouble. And no amount of snogging would be able to save him.

He was just about ready to call out Hermione's name, when he spotted her signature stack of books.

"Hello, love. Did you find anything helpful?"

"No, this is really aggravating. I cross referenced this term in seventeen different volumes and I've found nothing."

"Well, this will brighten your day. Harry had a dream about Ginny."

"He did? It wasn't a dirty dream was it?"

"Bloody hell! No, it wasn't!"

"Shhh, Ron. Don't swear."

"Sorry, mum."

"Very funny. So clever."

"Do you want to hear the rest or not?"

"Proceed."

"So the word kinumph was mentioned. And Harry and I didn't know what it meant. You wouldn't happen to know, would you?"

"No, but I think I know where to look. If I just look it up in the index of this book, then I can find its relative term which I can then use to find a more thour—"

"You're giving me a headache."

"Oh, please."

"How about a snog?"

"How about I castrate you?"

"Very well, then. Cheers."


11:03 am
Hagrid's cabin….pumpkin patch….

Hermione Granger stumbled down the damp hill as she carefully balanced her stack of books. Hagrid really needed to start learning how to use the library to its full advantage.

She carefully placed ¾ of the stack on a rather shapely, frozen pumpkin before calling out Hagrid's name as loudly as she could.

The half-giant strode boldly from the door and gathered her in a bone crushing hug. Hermione stopped breathing, but only momentarily.

"I've brought you those books." Hermione wheezed as air rushed back into her lungs. "And, I've also brought some news."

"Let's hear it then."

"Harry had a dream about Ginny."

"Yer don't say?"

"Yeah. They snogged, Ginny wanted to jump in custard, and Harry really wanted to see the kinumphs."

"Interestin'."

"Precisely."

"How does Harry feel 'bout this?"

"Moody. The usual 'I left my girlfriend and now that I've seen her I desperately want her back, but now she wants nothing to do with me' phase."

"Right."


Library
1:43 pm

Ellen Queeney and Paige Lobstering were quite proud of themselves. In a tart-ish sort of way.

They had been innocently tanning on the Quidditch pitch when Hagrid had come ambling towards them.

As usual, Hagrid would tell them to skive off and as usual, they would stay right where they were. Pretending not to notice or hear.

But during his bumbling, Ellen could have sworn she heard Hagrid mention Harry Potter, Ginny, custard, snogging, kinumphs, and Baby Jesus all in one flustered breath.

This was a smashing find. The Gossip Queens had struck gold again, without lifting any perfectly painted fingernails.

So as Ellen and Paige sat huddled together in the library, they barely noticed Luna Lovegood's approach. Luna sat "innocently" across from them, quickly becoming "immersed" with her book.

"I swear that giant man said something about custard." Ellen said in a loud whisper.

Luna dropped her book and winced as it cluttered loudly against the table. Ellen and Paige chose to ignore her.

"I heard Harry Potter and Baby Jesus."

"And snogging. Lot's of it."

Luna cleared her throat loudly. "Excuse me, but aren't you Paige and Ellen?"

Paige sighed and began to pick at something under her nails. "Yeah. What's it to you?"

"I couldn't help but overhearing your conversation. Did you say something about Harry Potter?"

"Yeah," Ellen sighed. "We might've heard a thing or two."

"Will you tell me?"

"It's gonna cost you, honey." Paige said as she extended her hand. "And we ain't cheap."


2:14 pm
Dormitory….hiding…

Luna has requested a secret meeting in the boy's loo on the third floor.

How she ended up in the boy's loo, I may never know. Nor do I wish to know.

Not the point.

The pointiest point of them all is this: Harry's here. As in the same building.

Merlin, I loathe him. Honest.


2:16 pm
Dormitory….lurking…not in a scary way…..

I lied. Set fire to me.


2:19 pm
Common room……

It was getting too hot up there. I really felt like I might combust into flames at any moment.

I must stop saying things that I don't really mean. It will only lead to my inconvenient death.

Blast.


"Password?"

"Osh-kosh-bi-gosh. Luna, what is this all about?"

"Quiet. You have to come in first."

"This is sodding ridiculous. I was busy knitting Baby Jesus a new pair of hand-warmers due to the poor circulation in his hands. You know, with the whole being bound to my bed by ropes and all."

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you just said that. Okay. I've heard some fantastic news."

"Lurker Boy has fallen deeply in love with me and wants to fondle my crumblie catchers?"

"Unfortunately, no. It's to do with Harry."

"No fondling?"

"No. But I had to do some detective work to verify my sources."

"Who was it?"

"Paige and Ellen."

"Those tarts?"

"I know. But I checked their sources and traced them all the way back to Harry."

"Bastard. Sorry. Go on."

"Right. I eavesdropped on Ellen and Paige, who had heard it mumbled by Hagrid, who was told by Hermione, who was gabled to by Ron, who was told in confidence by Harry."

"Did you just hear yourself? You sound mad."

"Do you want to know what I heard or not?"

"Sod it. Tell me."

"Supposedly Harry threw you in a vat of custard, tied you to your own bed, and then snogged Baby Jesus to within an inch of his plastic existence."

"That sounds completely logical and not in any way fabricated. Cheers."


3:14 pm
Common room…..baffled……

A lynching mob just left the premises.

It was mainly led by Paige and Ellen, who don't really know what lynching is.

That's what happens when your brain is the size of Baby Jesus' left nut, due to excessive sun exposure.


3:16 pm
Common room….slightly warm….

Again, I shouldn't say things I don't mean.


3:17 pm
Common room….stifling….

Even if there the truth.

And I do secretly mean them.

Is it hot in here, or is it just me??


3:19 pm
Common room...spazzing...intense heat...

I can feel the fires of Hell burning me already.

Even Baby Jesus couldn't save me now.


A/N:I know the style was a little weird, but next chapter we'll be back to the old swing of things. So, while I'm gone, you could...oh, I don't know...review??