AN: Thank you all again for following, favoring and reviewing! It means so much and it makes me so excited to keep writing.
Rain Addict CM: I don't think Lexa will be able to resist for long either ;)
Phoenix072124: I'm glad you liked it!
It was almost midnight when Lexa could finally retreat to her quarters. She was exhausted, but still managed to maintain her hard, emotionless expression until she was safely inside her hut, alone. She dropped her shoulders and released a long sigh before trying to rub some of the exhaustion off her face. She unclasped her belt and was just about to drive her knife in the table when she saw a note with her name on it. She picked it up and studied the handwriting, which she didn't recognize. After laying her belt and sword on the table she carefully opened the piece of paper. It contained few words, but her reading abilities weren't the best, so it took some time before she had deciphered the message.
Meet me at the lake at dawn. Clarke
We need to talk.
Lexa tried to think of why Clarke would want to talk to her, and why she wanted to go to the lake to do it. She thought maybe Clarke would want to talk about Costia, but pushed it away quickly. She had told her the whole story and didn't feel like talking about it again, not right now, so if Clarke brought it up she would refuse. At least that's what her plan was, but considering everything that had happened that day, and everything she had felt, she didn't know if she'd be able to.
She put down the note and went outside to tell the guard situated there that he needed to wake her at dawn. He didn't question his commander, just nodded. Lexa went back inside, took of her armor and went to bed. Sleep didn't come easy, she was too busy thinking about her impending meeting with Clarke. She didn't know whether to feel excited or nervous, and settled on a mix of the two.
Dawn was approaching and Lexa's guard entered her quarters to do as he was asked. He tried calling her from the opening to her room, but to no luck. He then decided to try shaking her awake. While he knew what he was doing was risky, he wanted to fulfill his duties. Walking over the bed he started to get nervous. It was the commander after all, and she hadn't lost a single battle. Surprisingly many people had tried challenging her leadership, but all had lost their lives. When he reached the bed he stuck out his arm, and tentatively stirred the sleeping form. The moment his hand touched her, she turned around faster than he could blink and he felt a knife at his throat. "Heda! It is me!" he yelled out. Lexa slowly brought her knife down and released her guard. She quickly remembered what she had told him to do and apologized. He bowed his head and walked back outside. Lexa got dressed but didn't put much armor on knowing she was safe at the lake, and started walking.
When she reached the lake she saw that Clarke had already arrived, and had even started a campfire. She decided to stay back and observe the girl that had occupied her mind lately. The light from the fire created an almost magical light around Clarke that made her glow. She was close enough to see that Clarke was drawing in her book again, but far enough away to not be noticed. Lexa felt weird about creeping on Clarke like this, but she couldn't help herself. Despite trying to convince herself that love was weakness she found herself straying more and more away from her beliefs, and rather more towards the girl that fell from the sky. She was fully aware that love was weakness, but she couldn't help but be weak around Clarke. She realized that now. She was falling in love with Clarke Griffin. She recognized these feelings from when she got to know Costia, but at the same time they were different.
Stronger.
She had thought Costia was her soulmate, but was it possible that Clarke was the one? All these thoughts and feelings scared her, but they also made her somewhat excited. She knew love was exciting, she had experienced it, but she also knew it could be excruciatingly painful. If she were to take Clarke as hers, she would be in great danger. That was, if Clarke even liked her back. Suddenly Lexa felt like a little girl again, unsure of the world around her, and surprisingly self-conscious.
Clarke was sitting in her favorite spot by the tree when she heard twigs snapping behind her. She knew it was Lexa immediately. Had it been anyone else she probably wouldn't have heard them before she was dead. She put her book down and threw another log on the fire and some of the embers erupted from the ashes. She had been there for a few hours now, and decided to start a fire to get some light and keep warm. Lexa appeared from the shadows and sat down next to her.
"To be honest I didn't know if you would actually come," Clarke said when Lexa had settled.
"Like I said, there are many things you don't know about me," there was a hint of a smile on Lexa's face. "You mentioned you wanted to talk? What do you have on your mind?" She looked expectantly at Clarke. Deciding to get right to it, Clarke asked her about Gustus, and Lexa hesitated a bit before answering.
"We have received word that the Ice Nation is marching. We do not know why yet, but we have two groups of scouts observing them, we should know in a few days. It is nothing of worry," Lexa didn't want Clarke to overreact to the news, and tried to downplay it a little. Technically, she wasn't lying; there was no specific reason to worry, not yet.
"What do you mean they are marching? Are they attacking? Do you have a plan?" Clarke had turned her body fully towards Lexa now.
"Like I said, we do not know why. I will inform you once I get news of my own," Lexa said calmly.
"Tell me about the Ice Nation," Clarke said after a minute of silence, "please. You said they were the ones who killed Costia?" Costia. Lexa had promised herself not to agree to talk about her, but with the way Clarke was looking at her, she didn't know if she could keep that promise. Clarke looked eager, to learn perhaps, but she also looked compassionate and caring, as if she wanted to take some of Lexa's pain on to herself.
God Lexa, get it together. You're the commander for crying out loud. Don't let her break you, she thought. No matter how much she tried talking herself out of it, it didn't help at all. "Yes. They were the ones to kill her. As I said, their queen believed she knew my secrets. When she did not talk, she was of no use to them. The Ice queen has tried to take me down ever since I became commander." Lexa was silent after that and tried to keep her feelings in check. Clarke wanted to ask more questions about her past with the Ice Nation, but she could see that Lexa didn't want to talk about it anymore. In the time Clarke had known her she had learned to somewhat read her. She couldn't figure out what she was feeling all the time, but in moments like these, when she let her guard down, she managed to get a sense of the commander's thoughts.
The sun started to rise and they sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the fresh air.
"I guess you have to leave soon, go back to your commander duties," Clarke said, not knowing if it was a question or a statement.
"I have time. If something is really important they know where to find me," Lexa answered with a twitch in her lips.
As they sat in silence, enjoying each other's company, Clarke realized that she had never heard Lexa mention her parents or her family. She wondered if they were gone, or if Lexa just didn't have contact with them. She also wondered how the grounders thought about family. She knew they didn't have last names, just what clan they were from.
"Lexa, where is your family?" She decided to just come right out and ask. She was never known for beating around the bush after all, even though she did find herself stammering and blubbering around Lexa at times.
"My parents are gone," was all she got in return. Lexa looked in the opposite direction, fidgeting with her hands, something that was very uncharacteristic.
"What were they like?" Clarke asked softly, seeing how Lexa reacted on the topic of her family. This was obviously something she struggled with, and Clarke was hoping she would let her in. Lexa was taking her time again, and tried to regain her posture before answering.
"My mother was sweet as the day is long. She was also strong and a fierce warrior. One of the best archer's I have seen in all my lives. My father was hard on the outside, but at night, when we were back in our home, he would always make me laugh and smile. It all changed though, when the commander spirit showed itself in me," Lexa started to smile as she told Clarke about her parents, but her face turned darker at the mention of the spirit.
Clarke also smiled. She was imagining Lexa as a little girl, running around camp, fighting other kids with wooden swords, laughing and smiling all the time. She liked to think of Lexa as a happy child.
"What happened with the spirit?" She could sense that it was hard for Lexa to talk about this, but she couldn't contain her curiosity. She wanted to know everything about the complexity that was Lexa.
Lexa took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. She had never talked to anyone about her family, not even Costia. Again, she found herself realizing the extent of her feelings. Here she was, opening herself up to Clarke like she had never done before, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She wanted to tell Clarke about her life. She wanted Clarke to know everything about her, and she wanted to know all about Clarke in return. This was a completely new feeling for Lexa, and she didn't know what to think about it. She thought about the question Clarke asked her, and decided to answer her, knowing she would keep asking if she didn't.
"Like I said, my father would always play around with me, and my mother would sometimes join him. After the spirit presented itself there was no more playing. I was training all day, attending different meetings and lessons. By the time I came home, everyone had gone to bed, or they were being too respectful to do anything. In our culture, when a child is chosen by the commander spirit she is to be treated almost the same as the commander. None of the other children were allowed to play with me either. I didn't have many friends before, but the one I had, Ayandra, ran away when I was chosen. My parents became very distant after that. They soon died in battle and I was left with Anya. She became my family." Lexa turned away and tried discreetly to wipe a fallen tear. Clarke noticed, but didn't say anything. The commander had never been this vulnerable around her before and she didn't want to do anything that could ruin it. There was one thing she wondered, and figured it wouldn't hurt to ask.
"Who was Ayandra?" Clarke asked softly. Lexa turned around and looked Clarke in the eyes.
"My sister."
