Authors Note: Yoo it's me, back again with this crap. I am already a couple of chapters ahead so updates will be steady. I'm off for easter for another week so I will probably upload a couple times a week. Anyway, we left off with enoby spontaneously combusting in the forbidden forest after mixing up her boyfriend, who raped her, with some dude she just met, who is actually her boyfriend's ex, and then making a total dick out of herself. Also Hermione is now called B'loody Mary Smith. Yeah.
I have the entire story saved in one document and just take bits and pieces out. Did you kow the whole thing is like 51,000 words long? Yeah and im commenting on the whole thing. amazing
Enjoy xx
Chapter 9.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! Yeah, we gathered that sweetie dis is frum da movie ok what movies were these? We watched very different movies so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers!well…. it is. besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE!same and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! Yeah instead of the usual, 'I wanted to bang ur mum but ur dad was a dick to me and u look like him so therefore u suck. Also I inadvertently killed ur parents soz' trope. Cos that got old real quick MCR ROX! Yeah… not anymore.
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I was so mad and sad. she was smad I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. This was already explained, he fucking didn't. he dated harry before you. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. Ok that's a fucking big ass forest, how the fuck do you know what tree he raped you against?
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything "and everything" that's all I need to say. started flying towards me on a broomstick! Voldemort just hanging out, y'know, no big. He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) yeah, you said that already. and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. Remember, only goffiks can wear black. If u wear black and ur not goffik, ur a preppy poser and u should die. It was… Voldemort! Yeah we kinda guessed that, but good on you trying to build up suspense.
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. I think she means Petrificus Totalus tbh.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Yeah, fuckin hermione's cat just explodes out of nowhere and killed Voldemort. Bet harry wishes he thought of that. Also in this entire fanfiction based in Hogwarts, there has been no mention of wands at all. Weird. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. Voldemort is scared of cats, amazing. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. What… what do I even say to that? What can I say?
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" Don't tell anyone, but Voldemort really fuckin loves Shakespeare. Also shoutout to Voldemort knowing harry's fuckin gay ass nickname.
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes yeah… no. and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. Uhm. No. it- it doesn't. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? Have you ever seen that 'mind blown' gif floating around on tumblr and it's the guy with a shocked face while like fireworks explode? That's literally me right now.
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. Oh she ballsey.
Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.he-what? Thomas! You don't give kid's guns! Honestly. I suppose it would be very confusing, in a wizarding school.
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" that is an exhausting way to talk. Snape and Voldemort went to the theatre lately and they really loved it and they just can't let go. Also wow Voldemort threatens to kill malfoy's a lot. Remember when he held draco's family hostage last year. Also, following timeline, draco's already a death eater.
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. Again, draco's a death eater. Have you tried lying to Voldemort? Never works out.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. HAHAHAHA fuck, me always tbh."I hath telekinesis."isn't that one where you can move shit with your mind? She's got her tele's mixed up. he answered cruelly.yeah its so cruel he can do this. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. I wanna leave the room by flying away angrily on a broomstick now. That'd probably be a bit weird though. A god damn 20 year old on a brush pretending to fly away angrily. YOLO as the kids say.
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. Again with the convenience.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) how does one do their fuckin eyeliner like a pentagram? I don't remember that michelle phan video. between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. Gross. I mean, Gerard Way is a very handsome dude, but Joel Madden? Nah.
"Are you okay?" I asked. Aye, clearly he's fuckin grand. He was half way through fucking you, then you fucking freaked out like a nutjob and then he ran bollock naked through the school to announce that he used to fuck harry potter. He's having a great day.
"No." he answered. Im truly shocked.
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. Sorry I had a total psycho bitch fit that resulted in you showing your ding dong to the whole school, my bad boo
"That's okay." he said all depressed yeah he just realized he's gonna have to fuckin kill zabini for convincing him to do this shitty bet and shag ur ass and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. That's quite an achievement. How does that work exactly?
Chapter 10.
AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! how enlightening, thanks.
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I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. most people in that time were, yes. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Wow they're my all time favourite band ever. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. Well I hardly expected her to say 'I play the triangle' People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. That would literally just be a blur of noise. I don't like good charlotte, I like maybe three songs of slipknot and I don't even like my chemical romance that much. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary,of course Vampire, Draco, if you were in a band with these two this whole time, how come you were never aware of draco or harry and you never knew they dated? Plot holes. Ron (although we call him Diabolo diabolo is a form of juggling. Does ron juggle? I don't think so. now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.im sorry but gingers that dye their hair black, NEVER look nice.) and Hargrid.cos hagrid's down w the kidz yo Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead.same. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too that's mighty convenient.and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak)Please take note of this sentence, it will become very important at the end of this chapter and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.Tim Burton movies are shite, I'm sorry. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs again with the chaffing and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt.the band that hasn't even formed yet. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. I mean, I don't care either way. Not sure what how you dress has to do with your sex life but ok.
We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. Dramatic.
"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. bitch, don't be fuckin rude And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. Yeah you did that already.
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. CONVENIENCE. I swear this fuckin story man. Also jumped out from behind a wall? Draco is apparently a ghost now.
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) yeah, she's posing as a muggle, also don't even speak to me about out of character.
I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. That is a lot of crying, im uncomfortable just reading it
We practiced for one more hour. Fuck, enoby got over that fast,Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. Glad you're well informed about dumbledore's mannerisms.
"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." Now, remember what I said about remembering that above sentence? The one about how draco is a vampire AND CAN'T BE KILLED BY SLITTING HIS WRISTS. Like that was a literal statement that was made AND YET. Here we are.
Author's note: this next chapter is a real gem, like I'm cackling my way through it
Chapter 11.
AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!
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"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. You literally said yourself, he's a vampire and can't die from sltting his wrists. Also how does this bitch have friends? Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. He is the headmaster of the fucking school, yes he can go into your room if necessary.
Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. A perfectly normal reaction also please get that blood thing checked out They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume.Oh jesus Christ Linkin Park. You know they're trying to make a comeback? Yeah it's fuckin awful. I grabbed a steak aww im hungry now. and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. This bitch just wants to commit suicide all the fuckin time. When is she gonna grow a pair and do itI was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.her boyfriend just killed himself but I'm glad she's taken the time to tell me what shes wearing. I would be lost otherwise. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. Snap and Loopin. Sounds like a kiddies cartoon show. Also please remember this is in the slytherin dorm. Underneath the lake. These two are literally at the bottom of the lake just to take photos of this one student. If you're gonna perv on a student I'm pretty sure there are easier ways to do so. Also since when did fucking snape and lupin hang out?
"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Thank you for telling me about your towel at this distressing time. Suddenly Vampire ran in. yeah harry potter just fucking ran into the slytherin dormitory. Never mind how he got the password, how the hell did he get past all the slytherins and find her room?
"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.his womb. Yeah, harry is ftm trans and literally just fuckin ripped his womb out to shout the killing curse at lupin. I took my gun oh yeah I forgot Voldy gave her a gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times she counted. and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Again, she's under a lake. If she shot them through the window, all the water of the lake is going to flood the slytherin dormitory and kill most of them. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" fucking reunion in enoby's bathroom. Also what a cliff hanger.he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… yet more cliff hangers.
Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. Hagrid ran outside and announced this to the world, because everyone else is miles away under the lake, drowning cos enoby fuckin broke the windows.
"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" ok this is taking place in 1998. If hagrid is a student, we should be in the early 1940's.
"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" thank you for sharing hagrid, but currently the slytherin students are drowning so we're a bit busy, can we do this some other time?
"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." His hand. Apparently enoby has shit aim and missed him despite shooting him a gazillion times. And dumbledore's wand now has the ability to shoot people. And he heard hagrid from all the way under the lake. Hogwarts really is magic.
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. Yeah she really did yell madly because this IS madness, like I have no fucking idea what is going on at this moment.
Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. Yeah, that's really not how that's spelt."The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" Loopin knows his priorities.
I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. Yeah same, I hate that feeling.
"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. Literally no one is doing anything right now, except drowning BECAUSE WE'RE UNDER THE FUCKING LAKE. Why has the giant squid not fucking showed up.
And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. I AM SO LOST WHAT IS HAPPENING.
"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. LMAO me though, I always sing gothic covers of 50 cent songs.
"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. What is going on?
"Because I LOVE HER!" what. I am so fucking lost. I have no idea what is happening.
Author's note: this next chapter is even better than the last. Also please help me is there plot at this point? I don't even know.
Chapter 12.
AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! Paedophilia is a worldwide issue and if hagrid's a student, he's the same age as ebony so he's not a paedophile. That would be snap and loopin. how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! wait, cedric's here? Since when?
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I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? Also now he's drago. AND IS NO ONE GOING TO ADDRESS THE FACT THAT EVERYONE IS DROWNING UNDER THE LAKE? NO? OK. while all this is happening enoby's just gonna slit her wrists, no big.
"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!"yeah, harry says that a lot. and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. His. Red. Whites. Yep.
I stopped. "How did u know?" ? Know what?
"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" uhm what. How can you tell what shape your scar is without looking at it?
"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. Fuck, me too girl.
"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation."HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH yeah that sounds like the usual type of shit friends do. I can imagine how that went down. "man I hate my fuckin scar. I wish it would go away. Or at least look cooler." "dude it's lightning bolt, how much cooler can you get" "idk like a fuckin pentagram or something" "really?" "well no-" "TOO LATE" hahaha aw man, I'd cover that shit too man. he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! Im glad harry can tell what shape. Also save him? Like bitch wtf? Ur supposed to be the savior. then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" kinky. Harry just openly admits what his wet dreams entail, thanks for sharing.
Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. That was quick, did they stop the lake from flooding the slytherin dorm? Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. Love me some HAHRID.They were going to St. Mango's St. Mango's. yep. after they recovered cause they were pedofiles how does that work? Why does that mean they have to go to the hospital? and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Well no, but shouldn't they go to Azkaban? Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. Yeah Dumbledore just fucking rammed the camera up his ass where no one would find it. Nice one Dumbledore. I put up my middle finger at them. Ok.
Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. Did he pull them out of his ass?
"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.
"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. Ignoring the generic 'I hate pink' shite, why is hagrid in a gothic heavy metal band with you if he bullied you for being a weirdo? And if he's a prep, why is he in your band? Once again, Ebony Dark'ness DEMENTIA Raven Way, living up to her name.
"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." I mean they look like roses, I've been told a few times they're roses now.
"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. Yeah we got that already.
"I saved your life!" when and how. He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Right, no, ok, paris Hilton had a sex tape. She had sex with someone, you were in a bath and they were spying on you, and they cant sue, they just perved on a minor naked? Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) no comment. to it he added silently.
"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.
He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . what.
"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. What.
"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Please no. Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" it's happening.
And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep. What.. what am I supposed to say to this sentence. I cant even think of a comment im just laughing. I may need to take up drinking to finish this.
"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" wtf is drako, yeah my thoughts exactly, what is that.
Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing. At what point did hagrid say they would show you something?
"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" WHAT LANGUAGE IS THIS?
"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. Yeah, I don't even know know what to say here. Like. Dumbledore can only reply if he has a headache.
Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" that has been well established.
Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. Who has pictures on their shoes? I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. Samara is not a good look, im sorry.
"You look kawai, girl."is that racist? I think it is. B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset.well you did answer sadly, so we knew you're upset. WHEN ARE YOU NOT UPSET THOUGH I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed every time I read this sentence, I slit my wrists. and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time.im glad the lake has been cleared out of it. I went to some classes. Classes just happen whenever Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. Hair of magical magic creatures. Is that like the Hogwarts equivalent of level 2 hair and beauty? He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. Right ok. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. That is not sanitary
"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. She literally said "hi back" amazing.
We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. Wow this bitch has no self control.
"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" lmao same that's amazing. shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. Kinky. Also since when did mcgoggle teach this subject?
"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. YOU JUMPED ON HIM? WHAT.
Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" CONVENIENCE. and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. Again with the red whites.
"NO!" I ran up closer.
"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.
"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" wait. Am I losing my mind, or did I already read this part? What?
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SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111
wait there's different writers? Since when?
HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I
yeah raven, where is it? Bitch.
Right that's enough brain damage for today, until the next installment, posrs! x
