Chapter 3 Hurt

By Ariadne

Why did he not tell me he could have helped me I am not blaming him looking at how I turned out if I was ten years younger i wouldn't recognize myself I swear it ten years ago I thought I would end up Arthur's bride aghh the thought gives me shivers you know I wouldn't be surprised if uther did marry me to Arthur all things considering you keep the bloodline pure and all that rubbish more of uthers prejudice the only person I would have ever considered marrying was Merlin and me burned that lie in a fire and then covered it with more lies and deception I wonder what or who turned him so thoroughly against me was it gaius the traitor to magic I remember when Merlin drank poison for Arthur the first time I really saw him I visited him when he was ill I muttered words under his breath gaius ushered me away as soon as he said them he had a strange expression on his face I didn't recognize it then but now i realize it was fear that I hadn't experienced yet the words were of the old religion I know that now I really should have realized how I naive was I how many times did he do magic in front of me and I just didn't notice didn't realize when we talked in the crypts a small part of me registered that he must have magic memories rush around me all those times I think he was about to tell me but something held him back what though? I am tired of this war but my insanity pushes me on these feelings of betrayal and hurt just don't go away not now probably never I want to forget

I want it all to go away