OK, so I had this really random idea like, once upon a time; so… I thought it was time it came out. However, this is quite very different from my original plan; I changed it after I watched 'Lonely Day' by System of a Down. There is also use of Japanese in here because I say so. Of course, I've translated it out and if anyone spots a mistake, do point it out in a review and I'll get down to amending it. So, enjoy! (OMG, this is another Kanda-goes-crazy fic! WTH is wrong with me?) This is also the poll option that was taken down, so there.

Disclaimer – I do not own -Man or the characters within. I only own the plotline and thus it cannot be copied part or whole by any other party unless I personally give you the permission to do so via PM.

Warning – mild Lenalee bashing.

Shot Two---Alone… or not?

Summary—When the secret of the Fourteenth is revealed, the order shuns Ellen away. And the only man who stood by her to the end decides that not even giving Ellen a proper burial was the last straw; death-fic.


Alone… or not? Part 1.

"Is it true? Ellen, please tell me it isn't! You can't be a Noah!" Lenalee squeaked from the corner of the room.

"It's true, Lenalee. But, rest assured; I'm not going to let it take over me. Even if it does, I'll destroy it before it can harm anyone," Ellen replied, a gentle smile upon her young features as she approached the Chinese girl.

"No… no--!" Shrieked the other exorcist, hands clutching her head in fear, desperately blocking out all Ellen had said as she backed away. When she had reached the wall, she slumped down to her knees, shaking her head; pupils dilated in fear, tears streaming slowly out of her deep purple eyes.

"Lenalee, oi! It's all right; Ellen's on our side, remember?" Lavi spoke as he rushed to the side of his girlfriend, kneeling down beside her as he attempted to comfort her.

"B…Bake…BAKEMONO!!!"

"CHOUTO! (Wait up!) LENALEE!!" hollered Lavi as he ran after the girl who had just bolted out of the door.

"Ellen-chan, i…is it-?" Miranda choked, eyes straying towards the door every so often.

Ellen nodded, eyes downcast as she resigned herself to her fate. She didn't trust her lips to move just yet, Lenalee's previous statement bringing back painful memories of her abandonment… Boku wa… bakemono janai… Boku wa… ningen wa… ne? (I'm not a monster. I'm a human, right?)

"And when you brought me here to the Order I had thought you were an ordinary exorcist, I see I am terribly mistaken," huffed Krory, leading a quivering Miranda out of the room; shooting one last glare over his shoulder before he disappeared from sight.

"I knew it! I always did! You're one of the enemy; you're disgusting!" and with that, Chaoji followed the others; the light from the door seemingly engulfing him as he left.

Ellen remained where she was, chewing her bottom lip as she attempted to control the tears that threatened to spill forth. It was every orphan's worst fear, losing a family that had just welcomed them in. If one family had abandoned you, there's no telling if an adoptive family wouldn't, right? They would care for you and spoil you, until the novelty wore off and they threw you back into the streets; the false sense of hope shattered painfully by people they believed had loved them. They would laugh mockingly at you for your gullibility, your naivety, your innocence. Then they'd leave you to rot in the dark, not caring a whit about your wellbeing any longer. Then you'd cry when you realized then that you had no roof, that you had to fight with mangy, ferocious street dogs for a piece of rotten meat that was to last you a week, that when winter came it no longer meant Christmas presents and snowball fights. No, winter meant that you were going to die if you were too short or skinny, or if no one had found you by then. There would be no one to apply band-aids onto your every little cut and graze, no one to tuck you into bed and assure you that there were no monsters hiding in the wardrobe.

It was happening again.

Her heart felt like as though it had just stopped; for in the one place where she wasn't thrown aside because of her deformity or scar, she was being abandoned by those she called 'friends' and 'family'. It was misplaced trust; her desperate need for familial love had driven her to carelessly trust others. As she looked back upon her memories, it seemed as though every smile she had seen on the faces of her 'friends', was fake, like they were cringing at the thought of just looking at her hideous, scarred face and disgusting excuse of Innocence. Who had truly loved her? It seemed like as though the world was dead-set on proving to her that she was terribly unwanted, that 'friends' and 'family' was completely impossible for her.

Not even Mana had seemed to care about her any longer, a father forsaking a child that was never his. Merely taking her in on a whim as he had sensed his sister's (the Fourteenth's) soul being reborn within her. All Mana had ever really been was a desperate brother who wished that the last of his kin would truly come back to him, that he would have a family once more. She was but a replacement figure in his eyes.

A single crystalline tear slipped out of her eye, setting a salty track for others to follow…

"Kanda-kun, please escort Ellen-san back to her room, she doesn't seem well enough to be getting back on her own and she most certainly needs rest."

"Hn."

Her silent sobbing came to an abrupt halt, finally realizing that there had indeed been other people still in the room. And then her next thought froze her self-pity party:

Kanda hadn't left her; he had yet to say a single biting word about her relation to the Noah clan. He had not punched her, nor threatened her life while brandishing a very activated Mugen. Perhaps he actually cared for her? Perhaps he-

Iie, Ellen. Don't bother thinking that way; he would murder me in my sleep… or something. He had probably suspected it all along too, that must be the reason why he was always arguing with me and finding reasons to pick fights with me. Sou, I can't really trust anyone any more, can I?

A calloused hand was gently nudging her shoulder backwards, as if signaling for her to follow someone, that it was time to move on. Her body numbly complied, following after the blurry, shadowy figure before her. Her mind however, dwelled on increasingly depressing thoughts of the recent developments.

"Don't stop. Never stop walking until the day you die, Ellen."

The affectionate sternness of his voice back then suddenly sounded like malicious, mocking laughter at her expense, like as though he had been having fun watching her fall and stumble and fail, time after time. That false sense of hope that she had foolishly built from listening to his seemingly encouraging words; he was laughing, all this while, thinking what a naïve, insolent brat she was. Not any more, I won't be let down like this ever again. I cannot, no, I must never trust again.

Her head snapped up, her tears long gone. She glared at the Japanese exorcist in front of her, regarding him with suspicious and hurt eyes; as if daring him to turn around and launch a surprise attack on her.

I can't let my guard down, not in front of anyone. I've seen what the others had done, I was wrong, I know that now. I won't repeat those same mistakes; I won't hope for love any longer, because I know I'm not meant to get any. Bring it on, God; let's see what you plan to throw at me next.


Ok, so for the Christians who have felt insulted by the last line, I'm terribly sorry. But you must consider that all this while, E/Allen has been very religious and righteous, and look at where it has landed her. She is undergoing a lot of emotional turmoil, and like all humans, she feels the need the put the blame on someone. No matter how perfect we seem, we all have our own flaws, because we're only human.

So… this will probably have around two or three parts because frankly, I hadn't expected the part to be so… well, angsty. I can't write romance with so much angst fuel in me, so the Yullen will be coming in at Part 2.

Ciao,

Hana (honourifics, blergh…)