Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. Something to keep in mind here: In my story vampires can cry. I hope that you guys are liking the story. Sorry I haven't been updating on time...but it is SUMMER now so hopefully that will change. And another thing...if you guys would like me to put things in different points of view let me know! Hope you like this one :)


I had no clue that I had even decided to go until Alice came up to me. It was only an idea in the beginning. But, in the end, it had become something that I was really considering.

"You've already decided, Jasper, I've seen it," Alice said to me one day. We were still at the Denali house in Alaska. I was outside the house, just thinking. I knew that no one would be outside right now. It was really cold, and right now I just needed to be alone.

We had already been here for a few months, and the Denalis accepted us just like the friends they had always been. But, the truth that I was too afraid to admit to anyone else was that I wanted to go back to Forks. Forks had become home to me and I truly missed it there. This was what Edward wanted though, and we all vowed to him that we would leave Bella in peace. But, Edward wasn't here right now, and to tell you the truth I don't think that he really cared what the rest of us thought. But I knew his reasons for leaving her and they were legit.

"I'll go," I said, "but what will the others think?" I asked her after I made up my mind. "What about Edward?" I asked realizing that he could come back at any time.

"Those things don't matter," Alice said simply, "the only thing that matters is what you feel you should do. You can't live like this anymore, Jasper."

"Okay," I mumbled. I hated to do this. The risks were infinitely greater, but I knew that it would be the only thing that would make me feel better.

"And take your time, okay. Explain things to her," Alice said. I could feel the sorrow coming from her. Bella was her best friend, and I knew that it hurt her to leave Bella too. "And if Edward happens to come back, I will make him understand. But, I don't see him coming here any time soon. He's hurting her, and I think that she deserves some sort of answer. I love you, Jasper. I know this will be fine." She comforted me. It was working.

"When's the next flight there?" I asked. Alice knew everything, of course.

"In a few hours, but I think it would be better if you drove. I think that it would give you a chance to think about what you are going to say." She suggested. I guess that that would be okay. I really hadn't thought through all the details that I was going to say.

"This is going against what Edward wanted," I said stupidly. Why was I still fighting this? We both knew that I was going to go.

"Doesn't matter," Alice repeated quickly.

"Okay, I'll go," I finally decided. What would I do without Alice? She had always been there for me and I should have talked to her about this before instead of keeping it to myself. "But I need to tell Carlisle before I go," I said as I rushed into the house. I felt like it was important that Carlisle knew my reasoning for going back to Forks. I owed Carlisle everything and he sure as hell deserved the right to know. Esme and Carlisle were talking to the Denalis in the kitchen. I murmured hellos to them, but I needed to get down to business and I really didn't feel comfortable talking with Carlisle in front of them. It wasn't that I didn't like them it was just I felt like it should only be kept in the family for the time being.

"Excuse me, Carlisle, but can I speak with you about something?" I asked him. He nodded and the Denalis left politely. I waited until I could no longer hear them before I began talking.

"What is it Jasper?"

"I'm going back to Forks. I need to talk to Bella," I stated calmly. I studied his expressions but they gave away nothing.

"Do you honestly think that's such a good idea? What if she is doing fine without us? What if your return only causes her more problems? What about your promise to Edward?" Carlisle bombarded me with questions but I couldn't detect any anger coming from him. He was perfectly calm and the questions he asked were wise, but my decision was already made.

"Would Edward really want me to be living with this guilt? Carlisle, I need to do this. Edward left her because it was too dangerous for her. But I was the one who pushed him off the edge in the end, and Bella might be thinking that this was her fault. Would we really be a good person if we did that to her. I feel responsible and I think that talking to her will make me feel better."

"I see. But why risk it after all we have done?" Carlisle had a good point and I suddenly felt stupid standing there but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I felt so incredibly guilty about what I had done at Bella's birthday party. If I had more control of myself…. I stopped myself. It wasn't the time to get angry with myself. We all would've been in Forks and everyone would have been perfectly happy.

"She deserves answers…..and I want to apologize," I mumbled.

" I understand Jasper. I am on your side believe it or not. I never wanted this to happen either, no matter what we promised to Edward. When are you leaving?"

"Any minute. I just had to let you know my plans."
"Thank you for telling me. I wish you the best luck to find what you are searching for," Carlisle said smiling.

"Thanks," I mumbled. What I'm searching for? What did he mean by that? Who knows I decided Carlisle was always been cryptic. Carlisle gave me a brief hug and then I went upstairs to get some things. I didn't have a clue how long I would be staying. Alice was waiting for me after I returned from our bedroom with my things. She walked me to my car in silence. All I could feel from her was calmness and determination.

"It will be okay," I promised her. "I'll call."

"I love you," She said pressing her lips to mine. I was filled with the most wonderful feeling in the world that only happened when I was with Alice. She filled me with love and it made me feel like I could do anything. Her love would help me through this. She pulled away from me, but I pulled her back into my arms. I inhaled her scent and held her closely, but I knew I had to go.

"Love you too," I said. Then I was speeding to Forks.

The drive was much shorter on the way back than it was going there. But I guess that had something to do with the fact that we didn't have a specific purpose ahead of us, we were just leaving. During the time there I was given a chance to think, but that only brought up more questions.

What in the world was I supposed to say to her? I couldn't exactly find the right words to apologize for almost killing her and ruining her life. It was impossible, but I would do it anyway. I would do it for me…..and for her.

When I arrived at the Swan house she wasn't there. The familiar red truck was gone and part of me was disappointed. I wanted to get things going. I would wait then. I would wait as long as it takes.

The time seemed endless. I kept running scenarios through my head of what could possibly happen. What if she really was okay? What if coming back only brought up the memories that she was forced to forget? But, worse, what if she was completely messed up? How could I handle that?

I was suddenly forced into a flashback. It was the night that I screwed everything up. Why did this have to happen now?
"Happy Birthday Bella!" Alice said happily. Bella had just walked in the door and was already flushing a bright pink. I could feel her embarrassment and nervousness. But, I knew that she would do whatever it took to make Edward happy. And I couldn't resist being happy because Alice was so excited about this. We never celebrated normal birthdays so this was a new thing for us. I also wanted to see Bella's expressions as she opened her gifts. We had gotten her things that we knew that she would love. We had gotten her airplane tickets to go see her mom in Florida. Alice and I, along with Emmett and Rosalie had pitched in for a new stereo. But, I was wondering if Edward was going to show her his present.

Edward was planning on giving her a beautiful white gold necklace shaped into a heart twisted together at the bottom and that had many diamonds imbedded in it. It was his mother's and before that his grandmother's. He had told me a story about how his mom made him promise that when he found a girl that he truly loved that he should give it to her. Edward confided in us about his indecision about giving it to her. He hadn't actually professed his love to her. He was too scared that she would reject him if he told her his real feelings. But that day, he planned to when he gave her the necklace.

We watched as Bella opened the first gift, which was the stereo from us. She thanked us and we all assured her that it was nothing. She looked at us hesitantly and her eyes lingered on mine for a moment. Bella and I had never really been close and she felt shy around me. It had always been like that around us. I also knew that members of my family felt more assured if I kept my distance from her.

It was when she was opening the small envelope containing the tickets that things turned for the worst. Bella looked more comfortable even though she still didn't think that we should be doing all of this for her.

She slid her finger under the seam of the envelope.

The scent hit me like a wall. It smelled so sweet that it made my mouth water. I had to have some….screw this stupid vegetarian way. It wasn't worth it, not when I could have blood that smelled that good. I leapt towards her. It was like all of my rational thinking had cut off and the only part of me that was left was the irrational thoughts of a predator. The closest I ever got to her was about four feet. Emmett and Carlisle were pulling me back. I saw Edward spring in front of me. I could feel the fury coming from him and the protectiveness. The guys wrestled me back towards the door. But before I got out I happened to get a glance at Bella. She looked so shocked and sad. I was instantly filled with hatred for myself.

Once I was outside my head cleared of the scent of the intoxicating blood. What had I done? Why did I suddenly lose control like that? I saw Alice sprinting towards me as I ran towards the forest.

"Jasper!" She yelled. I didn't stop. I was so ashamed and I wasn't going to let her see me like that. She must hate me for what had happened. I was so stupid. I should've had more control. What would Edward think? What about Bella? I felt my throat get choked up. I just kept running.

The flashback was broken by the sound of Bella's truck coming up the road. She jumped out of the cab quickly and dashed to the porch. She didn't even notice me and I was only standing across the road. My car was a ways down the road. Something must be wrong, I thought.

I watched as Bella sat there crying. This must be bad. God, I hope it didn't have anything to do with Edward leaving her. Edward…he was a really great guy in my opinion, but sometimes he sure did stupid things. How could he even fathom giving up Bella? She was like one of the best girls out there for him, for anyone.

I tried to wait patiently for her tears to end. Her sadness that was coming in waves toward me was making me feel miserable. But, I feared that the tears would never stop, and if I kept waiting I might miss my chance.

"Bella," I said softly stepping toward her. We were still a good distance away. She looked up at me and her emotions poured through me- disbelief, sadness, and hope. She closed her eyes. Maybe she didn't recognize me; maybe she wanted me to go away.

"It's Jasper. Jasper Hale," I said trying to reach her somehow. I concentrated on her emotions and this time there was just a hint of happiness.

"You're here," she gasped and I nodded. "No…..not real," she murmured as she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

I stepped closer so she could really see me. She opened her eyes and stared directly at me. "Bella, o know you don't believe me, but I really am here. Please, you have to listen to me," I tried to reason with her. My dead heart was aching seeing her like this. No one should ever be put through this.

"But- you left. Is Ed-" She stammered, unable to make a complete sentence.

"It's only me Bella, I'm sorry," Her face saddened, but only the tiniest bit.

Then, before I knew it, she was standing up with her arms around me. She buried her face in my neck and I could feel her sobs that were interfering with her breathing. Her hands were clawing all over me, trying to pull me tighter, but I pulled away.

She looked at me, shocked, when I pulled away from her gently. She looked sad, and I suddenly felt like a complete jerk for it. Bella was so warm and distraught and I wanted to comfort her so badly. But, being this close to her was dangerous, and the last thing in the world that I wanted to do was hurt her. I felt myself feeling a little protective.

I was shocked at myself for feeling these things. I never opened myself to anyone but Alice.

"I'm sorry," She muttered looking away ashamed. I knew that she thought that hugging me was a mistake on her part.

"It's okay," I reassured her.

"If- if no one else is here…why are you?" I knew that she was going to ask this eventually.

"I came here because there is something important that I need to tell you," I said almost shyly. What was wrong with me?
"What?" She asked hesitantly. I was going to say something but I knew that her father was coming to the door. He would go crazy if he saw me here. I would bet that he would be upset with any Cullen because we had all left, but most of all Edward. He would be angry with anyone who hurt his daughter, and one of those people was I.

I started toward the forest. "Wait where are you going?" Bella asked sounding panicky. Then her father stepped out.

"Bells. What are you doing out here?" he asked. "Did something happen with Jacob?"

"No, dad," I could feel that she was lying. Who was Jacob? A boyfriend? Maybe that was why she was upset. But the way she hugged me…I pushed the thought away now wasn't the time for that.

"Bells, c'mon," Charlie didn't give up.

"Yes, something happened. No, I'm not going to talk about it," She said as the front door closed. I could hear the dull thuds as Bella walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Then she appeared at her window.

"Jasper?" She whispered. My stomach lurched when I heard her call my name. I came out from the trees and I saw surprise on her face. Did she really think I was going to leave?

"Yes," I said clearing my throat. "Can I please talk to you?"

"Ummm yeah, but you would have to come up here. I cant exactly leave." She bit her lip.

Okay. I know that I needed to talk to her, but climbing into girls' windows to get into their bedrooms was not my thing. It was Edward's thing. But, what the heck- it was only one time, right?

"Alright, I'm coming up," I walked a few steps back and then took a running start before leaping to the window. I landed in her bedroom silently and we just stood there for a moment.

Bella looked calmer than before. The only signs of her distress were the red rings around her eyes.

"Why don't you sit down?" Bella asked breaking the silence between us. I had no clue what else to do so I went and sat on her bed and she leaned on the desk in the corner of the bedroom.

"Okay….so let me explain a few things. I know you must be overwhelmed with questions," I started. She nodded and seemed to visibly relax. It calmed me somehow. I didn't want her to feel awkward around me I realized. "This is a long story….do you mind?"

"Not at all," she said a little too quickly.

"Well, it started before the night of your birthday party. Edward was talking with the rest of us about your safety. He has always been worried about you, even from the beginning. He always questioned whether he was good enough for you, whether it was the right thing," I paused for a moment. I left out the stuff about the necklace and Edward's insecurities about telling her how much he loved her. I was watching Bella's emotions carefully and she seemed calm enough so I went on.

"It was that one day that I…..lost control that he decided that it was too much for him to be with you. He thought that being together put you in too much trouble," I stopped. Pain was coming in waves from Bella. "Are you okay?"

Bella was sitting there, eyes closed, with her arms around her once again. "I'm fine," She said and I could tell from her voice that she was trying to hold back tears. Half of me wanted to quit right then. I wanted to comfort, but once again I reminded myself of the cautions.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said plainly. At that point I think I would have said anything to stop the silent tears that were raining on her cheeks. She looked up at me.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I really am. If I hadn't lost control at your birthday party….everything would have stayed the same. I came here to tell you how deeply sorry I am," I finished. It was an incredible feeling to get that off of my chest. It made me feel like I could breathe easier.

I glanced at Bella to see what her expression was. She was just staring at me in disbelief.

"Jasper, this would've happened anyway. Edward was never meant to be with someone like me," she spoke, almost numbly. Her words angered me.

"Bella, you have no clue- absolutely no clue. Edward cares a lot about you, at least I think he did. What he did to you was wrong even if some of the reasons were right. This is not your fault Bella," It was an effort to keep my voice in check. The last thing I needed was for Charlie to come in. I had ended up close to her again. I had risen while I was speaking, not being able to keep myself seated.

"It's not your fault either, Japer. I'm sorry you came all the way out here for this."

"Bella I….." I didn't know what to day. She just nodded. I felt so stupid just standing there. What was I supposed to do now? Maybe the best thing for me to do was leave. I had turned to the window, but I glanced back at Bella because I could feel overwhelming panic coming from her.

"Please stay, Jasper. Please. Just stay," She begged me. "I need you Jasper." How was I supposed to say no to that? She needed me.

"Okay," I said and I knew that I would have done anything for her. "But I can't stay here, as in your room. But yes, I will stay," Then, for the second time, Bella was in my arms trying to pull me as close as possible.

"Thank you," She gasped relief flooding through her. I couldn't believe she was so…..different. I couldn't believe we had done this to her. This time, unlike the first, I didn't want to let her go. But, I had to and I gently stepped back. Right now, I needed to hunt, and she was making things a little difficult.

"Sorry, Bella, but I think you should move away," I said desperately. She looked up at me suddenly.

"You need to hunt, don't you?" She asked, "I should have realized, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. I should have hunted before I came."
"When will you be coming back?" She asked. I honestly didn't know when. What would my choosing to stay do to her?

"Tomorrow after school? Maybe I could explain some more things."

"Okay," she said but I could still detect worry coming from her.

"I promise, Bella, I will stay," I said and I truly meant it. That seemed to help her. "So lie down and I will see you then," She nodded and I disappeared out the window.

What was I thinking? I thought that I was going to get this over with and get back to Alice. Alice….I would call her as soon as I finished hunting. She needed to know what was going on. But what would I tell her? But first….I needed to get into the forest before any humans got hurt.

As I ran into the woods, I opened my senses to the life forces around me. Deer…up ahead. I ran faster, eager to satiate my thirst. It seemed as if the deer were miles away, but I finally reached them and lunged for the kill.

I was instantly pleased as the blood flowed through me. But, the blood of animals never compared to that of a human. I tried to think about Bella and her irresistible scent and that made hunting the animals easier. Even though I thought that being a good vampire wasn't really my thing, I didn't want to go back to hunting humans. Now was not the time to fall off the wagon.

I finished quickly and headed back to my car. As soon as I was in the seat I reached for my cell phone and dialed Alice's number.

"Jasper. How did it go?" I knew that she would know that I was calling.

"It went okay," In my heart I knew it went better than I thought but I still had a lot to deal with.

"What's wrong?"

"I need to stay longer than I thought," I said as an excuse. Staying in Forks wasn't a problem. But, Bella's emotions might be.

"That's fine Jasper. I knew that it would probably take some time," I didn't say anything. "How is Bella?"
"I don't know," I said honestly. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. "I miss you."

"Baby, I miss you, too" Alice said softly. We hardly ever spent time away from one another.

Then I heard some sort of screeching nearby. I got out of the car and listened. Bella.

"I have to go Alice," I said hurriedly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I love you."

"I love you too" She said sadly and hung up. I hated not telling her everything. But what she didn't know couldn't hurt her.

I ran to the house and leapt to her window. I was getting used to it by then. Bella was thrashing around in her bed, but she was still asleep.

"Edward! Please don't leave!" She yelled and I couldn't help the tears that sprang in my eyes. This was unbearable. I put one foot in the window ready to come in and help her. But, I couldn't. So I sent waves of calm towards her hoping that it would help, but it didn't that much. I wanted to touch her and to comfort her, but that was crossing the line.

The tears went away abruptly and I felt undeniable fury flooding through me. Edward. This was unforgivable and if I saw him I had no clue what I would do. Never, I promised myself, would I do anything like this to her.

"Don't leave me," She murmured once more. I made my decision at that moment. I would stay in Forks to do whatever it took to make her happy again, to make her whole. I wasn't leaving her, no matter what.


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