Being Apart Of Something Special
On My Own
"So guys," Mr. Schuester announced one Monday afternoon, "This week's lesson is 'goodbye.' Regionals this year is going to be themed all about it. So we might as well start practicing now." He wrote in giant letters on the whiteboard, 'GOODBYES.' "Now, how do you all say, 'goodbye?'"
"Have a good night, or afternoon." Rachel answered with a smile.
"Peace out!" Both Artie and Mercedes answered at the same time.
"You keep mistaking me for your doctor, stop calling." Tina sighed.
With a laugh, Mr. Schue spoke once more, "No, no, no; I mean goodbye as in a break-up. A lot of songs are about heartbreak, so I figured we'd give that a try."
"Mr. Schue, not to toot my own horn," Puck slyly grinned, "But the Puckasaurus doesn't get heartbroken. He does the heartbreaking."
"So you're telling me that there's never been a time where you felt heartbroken?"
"No, sir."
"So not even when Quinn chose Finn over you? Or even when she chose to give up Beth without consulting you? Or how about the multiple times you tried to woo Lauren and she turned you down?"
Puck stood quiet.
"My point exactly." Mr. Schue felt a sense of pride when he got him to be quiet. "Oh, and Kurt, if you want to sit this one out just to see how things work around here, I wouldn't mind."
"Oh, no, not at all. I'm willing to participate. I even have the perfect song!"
"And if I know Kurt—in which I do—it's probably a Broadway classic featuring a deep meaning with heavy vocals and meaningful emotions." Rachel shot out from under Blaine's arm.
"Good, good. So for now we'll do some singing exercises , and we'll start this little heartbreaker's competition tomorrow."
"Kurt's really amazing, don'tcha think?" Blaine sat across from Rachel later than afternoon. They were sitting at their usual table next to the back windows in the Lima Bean, drinking their usual caramel cappuccinos, discussing song choices for Regionals. That is, until Kurt popped up into the conversation.
"Yeah, he's great, but-"
"And his voice—his voice is so smooth."
"Yeah, I guess, but-"
"His confidence is amazing as well. He's so inspiring."
"Yes, Blaine, inspir-"
"Not to mention his fashion sen-"
"BLAINE!" Rachel snapped at her prep school boy toy. "Stop! Ever since Kurt transferred here last week, it's been all about him. Kurt this, Kurt that! Kurt can sing female songs. Kurt wears Marc Jacobs and Prada. Kurt's from New York. I'm sick of it!"
"Rachel, you're overreacting..."
"Overreacting? Oh my dear Blaine, I am not overreacting." She stood up in a hormonal fury, pointing her finger, scolding him, "Maybe it's because I'm on my period, or maybe because I lost my copy of Funny Girl on DVD, but my emotions are on a crazy high right now, and you're pissing me off with all of this Kurt speak." With that, she was gone just as fast as she became angry.
Blaine just sat there with a confused look. He didn't mean to upset her, nor did he mean to bring up Kurt so much in their conversations. Never did he think his girlfriend would be jealous of a boy.
"What's her problem?" a familiar voice chimed in from behind Blaine.
He slowly turned, "Kurt?"
"The one and only." He took it upon himself to sit across from Blaine, where Rachel's territory had previously been marked. "So what happened with her? Did she find your secret porn stash?"
"Secret porn?" Blaine blushed, because he actually did have a secret stash of videos. "No, that's crazy," Smooth, Anderson. Very smooth. "She was just... moody I guess. You know girls."
"No, not really. I'm on the opposing team, remember?" He replied in a serious manner.
"Right!" Blaine became defensive, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend-"
"Relax, Blaine!" Kurt chuckled, "I'm joking! Gays tend to do that sometimes. It's not always a political deal with us you know."
"Right, politics..." Blaine's voice trailed off before he caught himself, "Anyway, Rachel was just upset because I didn't agree with her song choice for Mr. Schue's whole heartbreak thing." Liar.
"Oh, well what was she going to sing?"
"Uh," why is he being so curious? "She said something about Les Mis, I think. I can't remember the song name at the moment."
"Interesting..."
"Are you familiar with the musical?"
"Not really, but I do love me a good sob story."
"I'm sorry?"
"Les Mis," Kurt began, "Isn't it short for 'Les Miserables'? And if I'm not mistaken, that means miserable in French."
"Oh, right, of course. I wouldn't know, I'm taking Spanish." Blaine was acting uncharacteristically oblivious and mundane.
"Right... well, it was nice talking to you, Blaine. I should get going; curfew and all." Kurt dismissed himself before it got even more awkward.
"Yeah, of course. Have a goodnight, Kurt."
"You too, Blaine."
Later that same evening, Rachel had called over Mercedes and Tina for a girls' night sleepover. They had been watching a bunch of romantic movies, sobbing about how much they wish they had that kind of love, and that their pints of ice cream were almost gone. It was almost too soon that Kurt's name somehow got into the conversation, and Rachel, once again, wasn't having it.
"Oh God, not you guys too!"
"What?" Tina asked as if it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world.
"Kurt? You guys can't get Kurt out of your mouths."
"Well sorry little miss Streisand, but he's the most interesting person besides myself that I've met in a while." Mercedes spoke in her natural diva tone.
"I just—I've had enough of hearing his name come from Blaine's mouth, and now I have to hear it from you guys as well."
"Wait, Blaine's been talking about Kurt nonstop?" Tina was suddenly more intrigued.
"I knew it!" Mercedes practically threw herself in the air in excitement.
Rachel, confused, asked, "What? What it is?"
"I knew it all along, Rachel, you've got yourself a closet-case as a boyfriend."
"Closet-case? Mercedes, what are you talking about?"
"As if I couldn't be more obvious. Blaine—your man—is on the down low."
"No... he can't be."
"It seems likely," Tina chimed in, "All the magazines state these signs."
"Signs? What signs?"
"The signs that your boyfriend's best friend might be a little more than that."
"Okay, Tina, if these magazines are so wise, what do they say?"
"Well, first," Tina began, "If he's talked about him excessively, that's one sign. Another is if there's an awkward tension whenever they're together. Also, if Kurt tends to stare at Blaine, even in your presence, that's a big giveaway."
"I—I don't buy it. Blaine's not gay. He's just more feminine than most is all." Rachel deflected.
"I say you should call him." Mercedes smiled like it was the best idea ever, and it might have been just that at this point.
"What? No—why?"
"To see if he's hiding anything!"
"It's a good idea, Rachel. Believe us." Tina smiled with the same eagerness as Mercedes.
"How odd will that be? What am I going to say, Hey Blaine, I was just wondering if you were gay and cheating on me with Kurt. Oh okay then. Have a goodnight? That's insane!"
"Insane? Or absolutely genius?" Tina questioned.
Rachel hesitated. She was scared of his reaction, mostly because she thought he'd be offended by the question, and also because she didn't want to face the reality of he said yes. She bit her lip before replying, "Fine."
"Fine?"
"Fine, I'll call him."
Both of her friends nearly jumped with joy. Mercedes grabbed her phone, and dialed Blaine's number. As soon as it began to ring, she tossed the phone to Rachel, who slowly put it to her ear.
Ring.
Ring.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.
"Hello?" Blaine's groggy voice answered on the other end.
"ohmygodwhatdoidonow?" Rachel panicked, tossing the phone at Tina.
"Hello, Rachel?" Blaine asked once more.
"Talk to him!" Tina shoved the phone in Rachel's face. She took it, scared as ever, and addressed her boyfriend properly.
"Hi, Blaine." Smooth, Berry. Keep it going. "I'm sorry to call so late, I—this just couldn't really wait."
"It's no problem, I had to get up to turn off my TV anyway. What's going on?" Blaine's voice cleared up a little, and he sounded a lot less tired than he did when he first answered.
"Well, uhm... I actually wanted to apologize for—ow!" She was interrupted by a nudge to the shoulder from Mercedes.
"Rachel?"
"Sorry, Blaine, I guess I should just get to the point."
"Ya think?" Tina whispered.
"I—I was just wondering," Come on, out with it, Berry! "Are you... are you gay?"
"What?" he moved his phone away from his mouth to laugh. Loudly. "Rachel, that's ridiculous, I'm not gay! Do I need to come over and show you just how straight I am?"
"Alright," Mr. Schue's voice boomed in the choir room the following Tuesday afternoon, "First in this little competition is our newest addition, Kurt Hummel!" There was a light opening applause for the boy.
Kurt stood in his place, as opposed to taking center stage, "Mr. Schue, if I may, I'd like to go second—or third even. I don't really feel comfortable going first yet."
"Oh, uhm, of course." The curly haired teacher looked down at his clipboard, which held the sign up sheet. "Brittany, would you like to go?"
"Go where?" The ditzy girl replied.
"Go first? To sing?"
"Oh, yeah, duh!" She got up from her seat beside Santana with a pep in her step.
"The floor's all yours."
Brittany whispered something into the leader of the band's ear. He nodded with a smile, and started playing. The other instruments soon followed his lead. She untied her ponytail, and made her hair messier. Once she felt comfortable with the beat, she began to sing.
"Maybe I need some rehab
or maybe just need some sleep
I've got a sick obsession
I'm seeing it in my dreams
I'm looking down every alley
I'm making this desperate call
I'm staying up all night hoping
Hitting my head against the wall!"
"Brittany!"
"What you've got boy,
Is hard to find
I think about it
All the time-"
"Brittany!" Mr. Schue interrupted once more.
"Yes?" She stopped with the singing, just as the band had stopped playing.
"That song isn't about heartbreak..."
"Sure it is. It's about love being like a drug, and drugs are bad, and when love is bad people break up, right?"
There was a laughter from a few members of the club.
"Not quite, Brittany." Mr. Schue sighed, "Have a seat."
Brittany walked back to Santana with a look of defeat and sadness. She thought she had done good, but apparently it just wasn't right.
"Kurt? Would you like to perform now?" Mr. Schue quickly changed the topic.
"Oh, of course." He replied with a smile. As he got up, he announced to the waiting band, "Don't worry, I won't need any accompaniment for this. I'll sing completely a capella." He closed his eyes, took a breathe, and when he opened them, they immediately zeroed in on Blaine. There was a lusting for this boy he had just met a week ago that was stronger than any of his feelings for any other boy. He quickly glanced at Rachel, who was staring at him with a keep your damn hands off my man glare. At this point, he knew it was time to start singing.
"And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to
without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head..."
Kurt let his eyes wander the room as he sang. He could see most of the glee clubbers connecting with him.
"On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes
And he has found me
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness the trees are filled of starlight
And all I see is him and me
Forever and forever..."
Now, it was almost completely blatant that he was singing about Blaine, which made Rachel very uncomfortable. By the looks of it, Blaine was enjoying the song, and that pissed her off even more. Noticing that Kurt's eyes was found their way back to her man, Rachel got all lovey dovey with him, by cuddling closer, and resting her head on his shoulder.
"...And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world would go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own."
