Disclaimer: Unless you don't recognize them, I don't own them. No money or other profits are being made from this attempt at entertainment.

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Naruto couldn't stop retching.

He was kneeling over the toilet - tears streaming from his face and his long, usually lustrous hair tangled in dirty knots that hung limply at either side of his head - as his stomach tried to turn itself inside out. He had long since emptied it, but the violent dry heaves continued to rack his slight body.

He wished with everything he had that he could just make everything stop. But every time he closed his eyes, all he could see were those blank green eyes staring up at him accusingly. No matter how much he washed – no matter how hot the water or how hard he scrubbed – he could still feel the blood spattered all over his face and hands.

He tried his best to keep quiet in spite of the misery he felt. He had already shown his shameful weakness once that day. He didn't want anyone else to witness it.

Kimi-nii and Kin-chan hadn't understood why he was so upset…

"What the fuck's your problem, brat? You think that bitch would be torn up if she had managed to kill you? You did what you had to do. Get the fuck over it."

And he didn't regret his actions. He didn't! The hunter nin had been about to hurt Kimi-nii, who had already been fighting two other hunters. When Naruto had seen the nin bring the blowgun up to her lips he hadn't thought, he had simply reacted as he had been taught. As stealthily and quickly as he could he teleported behind her and, as she was turning around to face the threat she had suddenly sensed, he had taken his kunai and sliced through her throat.

Through the holes in her mask he had seen her green eyes widen in disbelief even as she brought her left hand up to her throat, her right dropping the blowgun to the ground. In spite of her efforts the blood from her severed jugular spurted out, escaping from between useless fingers to paint Naruto with his guilt.

Naruto's bloody kunai had hit the ground at the same time as the hunter's body.

He'd moved as far as he could from the body before his stomach betrayed him, bringing up the breakfast he had eaten that morning.

It had taken him almost twenty minutes to get himself under control. Then they had continued on their way back to Sound, where Kimimaru and Kin had informed Orochimaru of the attack and Naruto's kill. Naruto was grateful that they had left out his reaction to the kill from their accounts.

He had almost been able to forget how sick he had felt… he continued to feel… when he had seen how proud his Father was of him. Orochimaru was careful enough with his praise that Naruto always found himself treasuring it when he received it.

Besides, he was a shinobi. The whole point of all his training was to be able to kill, to better serve his Father. Naruto could only hope that his breakdown was a singular event and that he would eventually become apathetic to killing.

His continued inability to gain control over his body did not bode well for such hopes, however.

Naruto stiffened as he felt a familiar chakra approach. When he heard the door to his room open he lowered his head in defeat. His forehead rested against the cool porcelain of the toilet as tears continued to fall down his face.

Not him. Please, anyone but him. If there was one person on the earth whom Naruto did not want to see him in this miserable condition, it was his Father.

And so naturally it would be his Father who entered the bathroom at that moment. Refusing to look up, Naruto felt Orochimaru pause at the threshold, taking in Naruto's shameful position no doubt. He had only every wanted to make this man proud. To fail in that so miserably… Naruto felt as if his heart was being crushed in an unforgiving fist and yanked out of his own chest.

Naruto closed his eyes as his hands curled into tight fists and waited for the words of disappointment that were sure to come. His stomach again tried to rebel and, though he put his entire will into stilling it, Naruto couldn't stop his body from spasming. He choked back a sob and pushed his head harder against the toilet.

Then a gentle hand settled in his hair, stroking softly and freezing Naruto in shock. "Naruto," his Father sighed, pulling sullied blonde hair back from Naruto's face, "have you been like this since you made your kill?"

Naruto merely raised one shoulder slightly in a shrug. He simply didn't have the energy for anything else, and he feared unsettling those tender hands.

"Naruto, why didn't you come to me?"

"I didn't want to disappoint you, Father," Naruto mumbled. "You were so proud of me for accomplishing my first kill. I… I didn't want you to know how poorly I reacted to it."

Carefully Naruto was lifted from the floor and placed in his Father's lap, who seemed to take no notice of the mess or smell. A large hand reassuringly grasped Naruto's right shoulder while another gently lifted Naruto's head until blue eyes met serious yellow. "Naruto, there's no shame in your response. We all are forced to face the first time we take a life in our own way."

Orochimaru paused and a wry grin came to his face. "Yours is likely more healthy than most."

The hand under his chin fell to his left shoulder, and both of his Father's hands tightened their grip briefly.

"I can't tell you that killing will eventually stop bothering you," Orochimaru continued. "I don't believe such will be the case. Your heart is too gentle for the type of life that we lead, for the requests I will eventually make of you…"

Naruto's chest felt even tighter at his Father's announcement. Orochimaru couldn't think that Naruto would let his heart of all things cause him to fail. He would cut it out of his own chest before that happened.

"No, Father!" he protested, falling forward to wrap his arms around his Father while his tear streaked face looked up at Orochimaru with desperate blue eyes. "I'll be a great shinobi. I'll make you proud…"

"That I do not doubt, Naruto," his Father replied, his own arms coming around Naruto briefly before he returned his hands to Naruto's shoulders. The awkwardness of the action did not bother Naruto – the embrace, however brief, was enough to send his spirit soaring.

"Your heart is gentle, but I have the utmost faith that your will and your sheer stubborn determination will see you through. These attributes will allow you to live up to my expectations in spite of the future pain your heart will suffer."

And a smile, bright enough to bring sunlight even to the darkest caves of Sound, finally broke through the storm. "I will, Father. I won't ever let you down. Believe it."

Hands on his shoulders tightened once again, and Naruto's smile impossibly grew even wider. "I know, my son. I know."