The "short walk" was, in fact, a short walk and only took about ten minutes, during which time the tall man chatted in his colorless voice about how thrilled he was at their visit, and how pleased SG-3 would be with the fine merchandise he had for sale.

On the other hand, the "little shop" turned out to be a massive gray edifice constructed of enormous stone slabs and columns. It materialized out of the fog, looking imposing, gloomy, and strangely "off." Makepeace couldn't put his finger on it, but something about the architecture turned his stomach. The angles were somehow wrong, and he got the weirdest impression of spheres, even though none were in evidence.

Makepeace wasn't the only Marine whose "creepiness meter" was going off the scale. On the walk the rest of his team had hung back, letting their CO keep company with their unattractive host, and sticking tight in unacknowledged edginess. Now they were practically huddled together as they gawked at the structure. The looks on their faces would have been priceless, except that Makepeace suspected he was wearing the exact same look.

"Now how did we miss something like this on our sweep?" Johnson asked softly.

Good question. The building was too close to the Stargate and too massive to have been overlooked during SG-3's initial recon, no matter how thick the fog. And there was something else...

"Listen," said Makepeace. "Does that sound like the ocean?"

In the distance, the muted roar of breaking waves could be heard. Although the water could not be seen through the thick mist, the sound was unmistakable. His teammates confirmed that they heard it, too. How could he and his team have missed an entire freaking ocean? Yet another mystery. Makepeace really hated mysteries like this.

The tall man didn't give his guests time to dwell on the peculiarities of the local environment. "This way, gentlemen," he said as he lightly touched a giant stone door. The massive gray block obligingly swung open with a heavy grating noise. Bright light beamed out the new opening.

At least it wasn't dark inside. Makepeace had been getting ready to order his men to cut and run, just in case they'd been met with an ambush or maybe even a tomb full of monsters or something. Instead, he heard cheerful, canned-sounding music. Weird.

He cautiously stepped into the building and looked around. From what he could tell, it was empty of any other forms of life. The interior architecture was every bit as unsettling as the exterior, and was quite at odds with the bright light and soothing alien Muzak. In fact, if not for the weird angles and utter lack of crowds, he might wonder if he were entering a Colorado Springs shopping mall.

The tall man smiled unctuously at him, and then the tour-cum-shopping-trip began.

Makepeace decided that the tall man really was a salesman, and a particularly pushy and oily one at that. He practically hung over them like a vulture, tenaciously, like he worked on commission only and was desperate to avoid letting a sale slip through his fingers. Heck, Makepeace thought, that made as much sense as anything else today. He steeled himself for the hard sell he figured was coming.

The tall man led them into the first "shop." He said, "These are our space-time portals and dimensional gateways. A fascinating selection, you must agree."

The room was a cavernous space, filled with odd niches and shadowy recesses of various sizes. SG-3 walked in and looked around. All the recesses held bizarre objects.

On the left was a construct that looked like a giant artificial beehive with a doorway cut into it.

On the right was an enormous gyroscope armored in dull gray metal. Its three rings turned with ponderous grace around a tumbling sphere covered in hexagonal plates. The eternal motion was mesmerizing, and Makepeace stopped to watch it. He figured the demented contraption was probably three times his own height. How did it keep moving like that?

The rings stopped rotating and locked into place. Round lights on their forward surfaces came on and throbbed in time to a slow, deep pulsing sound. Each ring had lined up inside the other to form a circular frame around the sphere, which had also stopped moving. Its plates began opening up, and blinding white light streamed forth. When the brilliance faded, a pool of viscous, oily blackness had replaced the sphere within the rings.

Johnson said, "Looks like the Stargate's evil cousin."

"That it does," Makepeace agreed. He got a very bad vibe just looking at it, and was beginning to wonder if every single thing on this planet was going to be creepy.

He was so focused on the alien monstrosity's odd similarity to the Stargate that he jumped when the tall man leaned forward to explain. "This is the Gravity Drive," the tall man said. "It allows a spaceship to travel anywhere in the universe in the blink of an eye. It's much faster than even the Stargate. You can also step through it. You're welcome to give it a try."

All four men eyed the opaque black surface suspiciously and declined the offer.

"How does it work?" asked Henderson.

The tall man said, "It generates a miniature black hole, which allows it to fold space and punch a hole through to the other side. The spaceship travels through the hole, and when the Drive is deactivated space goes back to normal."

"That's it?" said Johnson, who really wasn't as impressed with the whole black hole thing as Makepeace thought he ought to be.

"Well, in the interests of full disclosure, I must tell you there is a slight problem with the actual transit."

Makepeace didn't like the sound of that. "Oh?"

"There are reports that a ship actually transits through a dimension of pure chaos, and the effects on the crew are somewhat...unfortunate."

"Unfortunate, how?"

The tall man hemmed a bit, then admitted, "They go violently, homicidally insane."

"Uh huh," Makepeace said, ignoring the way his team was twitching. "Okay, no offence, but we'll pass on this one."

The tall man nodded regretfully. "I thought you might say that. Let me show you some other items." He led them to the next alcove. The walls inside were pure white. In the middle of the alcove were two simple metal posts, a little taller than waist high. Beside one post sat several squat canisters. The posts were humming like an electronic tuning fork.

The tall man said, "This is another of our portals. It only goes to just one world, though."

"Not very flexible," Makepeace commented. He observed the tall man's poker face, and said, "This is just a wild guess, but I imagine this one has issues, too?"

The tall man sighed theatrically. "Yes, well, the place it connects to is rather barren, and I'm told that there's a being there who wants to become the Lord of the Dead." He said this with a suspiciously knowing smile.

"We'll pass."

Andrews wandered away from the group, towards a pair of seven-sided columns. A crystal skull with bright blue jewels for eyes sat atop the first one. He passed by that, uninterested, and moved on to the second.

This pedestal had a smaller stand on it, with prongs to hold a crazily angled gemstone. The stone was black with red striations, and glowed softly. The group gathered around it. Makepeace stared into one of the facets, and could have sworn he saw other worlds and grotesque beings.

The tall man said, "This is the Shining Trapezohedron. A nice little item, and it would fit easily into one of those backpacks you are carrying. I can give you a very good deal on it."

Johnson focused on it, then backed away with revulsion. "There's some weird stuff in there. I saw an alien with tentacles looking back at me."

The tall man nodded. "Yes, it acts as a window to other worlds. You can view anywhere in all of space-time with this and learn all kinds of fascinating things. It does require some special maintenance, though."

"Oh? Like what?" asked Andrews.

"Well, it is a special interest of Nyarlathotep's, and I believe there are certain, um, sacrifices required as part of its use."

"Sacrifices?" said Henderson.

Andrews said, "That doesn't sound good. And that name sounds kind of Egyptian. This Nyarlathotep isn't a Goa'uld, is he?"

"Hardly," the salesman sniffed. "He is one of the Great Old Ones."

"Is that like the Ancients?" Henderson asked.

"Sounds like it," said Andrews.

"Doesn't matter," said Makepeace. "Their old leftovers are nothing but trouble. We'll pass on this, too." He folded his arms across his chest. "Look, I know you're just trying to make a sale, but we've already got a dimensional portal of our own back on Earth, and we don't like it none. Sorry, but we don't need another."

"Of course," said the tall man agreeably. If he was disappointed, he didn't show it. He eyed them, considering the large amounts of armament each Marine was carrying, and offered, "We also have a wide array of weapons. Perhaps you would be interested in looking at those items, instead?"

Every member of SG-3 perked up at the mention of weapons. Glad to be on more familiar ground, Makepeace said, "Yes, I think we'd like that very much."