Finally arriving in Ecruteak City, the group looked for where to go. Unsure, Sue tapped someone's shoulder. "Excuse me, could you direct us to where Yoshi will be presenting?" she asked.
"Ah, yes. He'll be presenting in the theater, over on the corner of 2nd Street and Bark Street."
"Thank you," Sue woomy'd, and the group headed there. Scowling, they took their seats. And just in time, for at that moment, Yoshi stepped onto the stage.
"Hello, everyone. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk tonight. I won't bother with some silly introduction, so let's just get right into it. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas is my name, and imma tell you how I beat the IRS at their own game. I lied on my tax forms cause I just don't give a fuck, now I'm practically swimming around in big bucks. I got 12 million dollars in my attic undeclared and I got another million more right under my stairs. I do my business deals under cover of the night so I can hide the cash away from Uncle Sam without a fight. I take advantage of every loophole, even ones that don't apply; it's been 20 years, still haven't been caught in a lie. I claimed Baby Mario as a dependent though he ain't my kid and made up charity work I never even did. I must have cheated on my tax forms at least a hundred times. So many clever tricks, I can't fit them all into rhymes. Yoshi is my name, money laundering is my game, and committing tax fraud is worth every single dime. I'm a tax dodging badass, I don't play by the rules. I make the government look like a bunch of damn fools; I keep 99 cents of every dollar that I make. Nothing makes me cum faster than a good old tax break. I hate paying taxes if there's anything I hate. I supported Ron Paul back in 2008. You might think it's unfair that I don't have to pay, but it's okay, because taxation is theft anyway. Word to your mother. Peace out, yo."
With that, the audience stood up and burst into applause. "I see," Zelda muttered, a look of contemplation on her face. "So that's how he does it."
"Pi chu…" Pichu angrily pichu'd.
"It's alright, Pichu. We'll make Yoshi pay," Sue reassured. "Not just in a vigilante justice sense, but also in an actual monetary sense. He will pay back all of those tax dollars he owes. Also, his speech took our one and only use of the f bomb we can have without raising the age rating, which I wanted to use later."
The Salt Squad tried to sneak into the back to confront Yoshi, but unfortunately they were caught by the security guards, who threw them out of the building. "Well darn," Zelda complained. "We were so close to catching him."
"I agree, Zelda, but unfortunately we can't end the story this early. Yoshi has to be able to go about his business for the sake of having content," Sue explained.
"Hold up Sue, stop being so meta."
Meanwhile, in New Ylisstol (which was right by Smash City, for the sake of convenience) Chrom and Garon were watching romantic movies while drinking Dr. Peppers again. This time, they were watching The Fault In Our Stars. In the room as well was Lucina, who was tapping her foot impatiently. "Father, you've been watching movies for nine hours now. When's it my turn?" she complained.
Chrom paused the movie and turned to her. "Lucina, hold your horses. Garon and I are mending our relationship now that I'm a Smasher. I promise you can pick the next movie."
Lucina sighed. "...Fine…"
But the moment Chromaron's movie ended, Lucina snatched the remote and began playing Passion of the Christ. "Father, why can't you watch movies more like this? I don't think you love Jesus enough."
"This again? Lucina. We're Ylisseans. Ylissean royalty, at that. We're strictly a Naga-worshipping family."
"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY DEVOTION TO HIM!" Lucina screamed through tears, now an emotional wreck from Chrom's religious attack. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
"Lucina, calm down. Your father didn't mean what he said. Right, darling?" Garon reassured the future heir.
"No, Garon. I'm sorry. Lucina needs to learn that as a princess, she has a legacy to uphold," Chrom scolded.
"GO TO HECK, FATHER! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE JESUS!" Lucina yelled. Suddenly, she jumped out of the window and ran away, shattering the glass in the process.
"Gods, why…" Chrom moaned, as he went to change the movie back. But he couldn't find the remote. "...Garon, did you take the remote?"
"No, love, I thought you did."
The remote was nowhere to be found.
