And chapter three is here :)Thank you so much to those of you who reviewed, it inspires me so much to read your feedback.


Chapter Three- I Need You Now

Four days had passed since Valentines' Day, but to Emily it seemed like years; it wasn't that Spencer had been avoiding her, as such, in fact, she'd been around more than ever- but it seemed that she was avoiding spending any time alone with her. Whenever it was approached, Spencer was quick to shut down any idea that involved close contact or privacy without what seemed like supervision. She'd tried to reassure herself over the duration of the past few days that it wasn't about her, or because of her, Spencer probably just had something going on at home or, more likely, she was confused. Whenever Emily thought in a derogatory manner regarding Spencer, she quickly scolded herself, reminding herself painfully of how it had felt to finally face her emotions and then to come out. Not that she could really say that she 'came out of the closet' as such, it was more like she fell out...on her face. It had to be hard for Spencer to realize whatever it was she was trying to come to terms with, but it didn't stop the ache in her chest. Especially after last night, now she thought that the pain may never go away.

She wondered how she'd never noticed before; Spencer wasn't exactly the most subtle person that she knew and wasn't Emily supposed to have 'gaydar'? Shouldn't she have flagged Spencer as a possibility? You're over thinking this, a small voice in her head stated; the voice, she realized, sounded suspiciously like Spencer herself, Yeah, Fields, just tell her how you feel! That wasn't Spencer any more, but Hanna sounding through her head, she smiled subconsciously as she pictured her blond best friend rolling her eyes.

"Hey," A voice called softly across the room, startling Emily slightly and making her jump,
"Oh, hi," she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. She coughed a little to clear her throat and pulled her cardigan tighter around her, before finally looking up into her best friends eyes. Aria crossed the room slowly, as if making any sudden movements could be fatal, she sat down beside Emily and placed a hand on her forearm.
"How are you holding up?" She asked sweetly, her ever expressive eyes burning with honesty, Emily shrugged,
"I'm fine." She mumbled. Aria raised her eyebrows in a slightly sarcastic way, "What? I don't have any reason not to be fine." She said bitterly, Aria bit her lip, deliberating carefully over her word choice so as not to upset her,
"Well, technically that's not true." She said sternly, "You have lots of reasons not to be okay, and it's alright to be scared Em. We're all scared." She added quietly, Emily smiled a little but shook her head slightly, Trust her, the voice in her head screamed, It's Aria, she's not going to tell anyone. As if to confirm her thoughts Aria squeezed her hand gently, "And if you ever need to talk about any of those reasons, or if you just need someone to hang out with or to cry to...well, you got me." she grinned, her goofy smile brightening Emily's darkness just a little.


"Cut the crap Spencer," Hanna shouted, walking into Spencer's bedroom and opening the curtains wide, letting the morning sunlight flood into the room.
"What the-Hanna?" Spencer asked drowsily, sitting up in bed and looking at Hanna through bleary eyes,
"No shit, Sherlock." Hanna muttered, picking up an almost empty bottle of tequila from the floor and waving it in the brunette's face, "You want to explain this to me?" Spencer looked from Hanna to the bottle and fell back down onto her mattress, attempting to cover her eyes and ears with her hands,
"Han, it's early and my head hurts so can you, I don't know, leave?" She mumbled. Hanna sighed in exasperation, setting the bottle down on Spencer's desk before crossing the room to her best friends' bed and, in one swift movement, grabbing the sheets in both hands and pulling them clean off, dropping them to the floor as Spencer squealed.
"Do you mind?" She muttered,
"Not at all." Hanna smirked,
"I could have been naked. What would you have done then?" Spencer asked bitterly, looking down at her barely clothed body and trying to recall the point in the last night in which she had gotten undressed, Hanna rolled her eyes,
"You think that would have phased me? And quite frankly, I don't think that that classes as clothed." She bit back, bitterly, gesturing to Spencer's see through white tank that was resting lopsidedly on her chest, and extremely short boy shorts that had pulled down at one side, showing Hanna a little more a her best friend than she'd needed to see. Spencer shifted uncomfortably, pulling up her underwear and trying to cover her chest,
"Don't bother," Hanna muttered, "It's not like you have anything to show anyway."

"What is your problem?" Spencer practically screamed, sitting bolt upright in bed now and glaring at Hanna. She laughed dryly, shaking her head and closing her eyes before responding,
"My problem? That's a little rich Spence, coming from you. You want to explain to me what happened last night?" Spencer looked to Hanna quizzically, try as she might, she actually couldn't remember a thing of the last night. Replaying the days events in her head, she skipped through school, remembering how she'd driven home and done her homework, before making dinner and calling Emily...uh oh, Emily.
"Oh God," Spencer mumbled, cradling her head in her hands.
"Oh God's right, Spencer. You care to explain to me why, in the middle of the night, Emily sneaked into our bedroom before collapsing on her bed and crying so hard that she couldn't breathe? Why, when I called you come help me you didn't pick up? And then why, when Aria came over, and we finally calmed her down, the only words we got out of her were your name?" She looked at her incredulously, emphasizing every word with bitterness, "I called you again because we were worried about you. And all I got was your drunken ass on the other line muttering darkly about God knows what..." She shook her head, looking Spencer straight in the eyes, "I love you, Spencer, God I love you, but you can't pull crap like this." She paused and her tone softened. "What the hell happened?"


"...and I don't know when, but at some point along the line I realized it." Emily finished, looking up sheepishly at Aria, who had sat and listened attentively, staying totally silent except for interjecting the occasional murmur of support or understanding in the right places, "I love her." She whispered, admitting aloud for the first time the truth that she supposed she'd known for years. "I love her," she laughed slightly, her voice cracking from the honesty, "I've fallen in love with my best friend and I don't know what to do." She bowed her head as she felt the force of her sobs shaking her body become to much, "What am I supposed to do?" She asked Aria in the voice of a frightened child. Aria swallowed hard. Keeping calm and thinking logically was always her strong suit, that was probably what had made Emily so obliging to open up to her, she brushed her fingertips against the taller girls cheeks, holding her face in her hands to procure their eye contact.
"First, you're going to take a deep breath," She whispered gently, breathing in time with Emily to slowly help her to calm down, "And then we're going to sit here," She encouraged, patting the seat beside her and taking Emily's hands to pull her towards her, "And you are going to cry on my shoulder for as long as you need to."

She wrapped her arms around Emily, pulling her long legs over her lap and letting her head rest on her shoulder, running her fingers through her long, dark hair, making soothing, shushing sounds until long after she fell asleep in her arms.


"I am so, so sorry Han..." Spencer sighed, feeling a scalding lump forming in her throat, Hanna closed her eyes and nodded, sitting down next to Spencer,
"I know you are," She said sincerely, appreciating how her best friend felt and starting to feel sorry for her, "And I'm sorry, about this morning...I was kind of a bitch." Spencer laughed and shook her head,
"It's cool, I deserved it...I was an ass." Spencer admitted,
"That you were." Hanna conceded, Spencer fake glared at her before they both giggled. As the silence fell, Spencer let her gaze drop back to her lap, slipping slowly into a deep, pensive state of mind. Exhaling deeply, she locked Hanna's penetratingly bright blue eyes onto her own dark ones, fiddling with the hem of her tank top.
"I really screwed up, huh?" She whispered, her voice catching on the tears that were evident in her throat, yet not in her eyes, Hanna raised her eyebrows,
"Well," she started carefully, "it might not be as bad as you think..." Spencer cocked her head to the said and Hanna nodded fervently, "You can't remember anything, and she won't talk...so who's to say that it's all on you? Sure, some of it probably is your fault...but Em has a lot going on, we all do; it's probably not as bad as I made out." She admitted sheepishly,
"It's okay Han, I deserved the verbal beating for the drinking alone." Spencer bit her lip, "But I hope you're right."

The girls sat in a comfortable silence, both of them trying to organize their thoughts and neither of them finding themselves able to fathom out the recent events that had plagued them. Out of them all, Spencer was sure that she and Hanna had the most complicated friendship, but in a way that was what made her feel so comfortable around her. They understood each other in a way that the others couldn't, which probably came from their subtle similarities. Namely their blunt nature, but also their passion. Spencer's was most evident in her school work, her constant need to out do herself, to rise above her natural capabilities; but Hanna's was most conspicuous in terms of her friendships. She was fiercely loyal, and once she loved someone, she would do all that was in her power to protect them, even if that, paradoxically, entailed hurting them herself.


Emily cried softly. She remembered now. It had started all so calmly, with a phone call between friends, innocent banter and sweet conversation, an exercise for the tongue and not the mind. They'd been at it for hours, talking about everything and nothing, bouncing thoughts and feelings off of each other the way only best friends can, completely wrapped up in a utopia that appeared alien to the outside world, talking in a tongue of their own. Talking of life and love and loss, and then of love again. And of that kiss, the elephant in every room. The kiss that had ignited a fire between them that was so powerful it was impossible to ignore the flame.

It was hard to remember now who had said what, but somewhere, in the sea of loneliness that they had both found themselves floating in...they found each other. One moment had lead to the next and Emily was in Spencer's bedroom, barely recalling the journey there or the plantation of the idea. But somewhere, within both of their minds, was sex. A mystery to both of them, but a step that seemed safest and most comfortable to take with the person who knew the other better than she knew herself. No talk of the consequences, or the repercussions of their actions, nor of the effects that it could have on their friendship that had taken years to build.

There was no awkwardness or shyness that many describe of their first time, no doubts or traces of uncertainty as they lay next to each other. There was nothing, not so much as a kiss as they let their fingers trace along each others skin, leaving in their wake a burning trail of desire. And then, as suddenly as the idea had been initiated and the confidence built, it shattered as the both of them had reached an equilibrium of desire and logic; suddenly painfully aware of the possibilities.

In just the same way as it had started, with neither girl knowing who had voiced it first, it was over. Words were screamed and tears were shed, hearts broken in the moments in between, the bitter taste of regret lingering on the palpable tension in the air- making the atmosphere too foggy to see clearly. Emily had left, the distance between them only increasing their fears.


"Spence?" Spencer looked up in surprise as she heard the voice coming from her doorway; turning around in her chair she mentally pinched herself to check that she was still awake,

"Emily, hey." She smiled, awkwardly standing and walking towards her,
"I-I just came to say that...you know, I-I..." Emily stammered, Spencer rocked back and forth on her heels, debating whether or not to cut in with an apology- but to say what? Emily, I'm sorry that i was an ass but I actually don't remember what happened and by the way I think I'm in love with you? Yeah, that would be about as successful as an open top submarine. "Spence, I don't want to talk about last night. Ever again, for that matter, but, I had to see you. We never go a day without speaking and I just, yeah." Spencer nodded and smiled at Emily, for the first time in her life at a loss for words. Emily returned the smile and turned to leave, Just do it, Em that all too familiar voice in her head whispered. She bit her lip and screwed her face up in concentration, What the hell?She thought, surrendering to instinct and whirling back around, taking a few long and deliberate strides towards Spencer before grabbing her by the waist and pressing her lips against those of the girl she loved.


A/N Hope you liked it :)

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