Finn shut the door to his room and sunk down onto his bed, kicking his shoes off.
Of course Finn knew Kurt was depressed. It was obvious that his breakup with Blaine had allowed him to spiral into his depression, but he would never have assumed Kurt would hurt himself. The thought of Kurt digging the spork accross his wrist made Finn shudder. He couldn't understand his step brother's habit.
Finn knew he should confront Kurt about what had happened, but he didn't know how. He wasn't sure what Kurt was going through, and he didn't know how he could help him through it. Finn's confusion drove him crazy, and he couldn't understand why. Of course Kurt was his step brother, and he cared about him, but they were never close. Kurt had always tried to have deep conversations with Finn, but he had always pushed him away. Now he wished he hadn't shrugged away from Kurt... maybe then he could help him.
In his confusion, Finn had accidentally punched the frame of a picture of himself and Rachel, leaving the pieces shattered on the floor. Something occured to Finn, and he picked up a long sharp shard of glass and examined it. Without much thought, Finn ran the glass across his left wrist.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" he exclaimed, clenching his stinging, bleeding wrist and throwing out more profanities. Finn didn't feel emotionally changed at all from the experience; he simply felt physical pain.
Finn's episode had caused Kurt to come peek into the doorway of Finn's room.
"Finn, what the hell are you doing?" Kurt asked with pain in his eyes, grasping his brother's wrist and applying pressure to the single cut.
"I-I dunno, something stupid, I'm not going to do it again," Finn answered embarrassedly.
"I've told myself that plenty of times..." Kurt mumbled.
Finn knew this was his chance to start a conversation and to understand.
"Kurt... Can I see?" Finn asked. Kurt crossed his arms, keeping his left wrist pressed against his slender body. The position seemed so familiar to Finn. He wondered how long this had been going on. "Please?"
Kurt huffed and turned over his thin white arm to show a horrible display of cross hatches on his small bony wrist. Some of the wounds were a very dark red, while some had faded to a tan, and others were only a silvery line. As Finn examined, tears came to Kurt's eyes, and he pulled his wrist away.
"Kurt, I wanna help," Finn told him, not knowing what else to say.
Kurt's tears came faster and he took a moment before he could coherently answer Finn. "I don't need help. I'm not in danger. I'm in control."
"But you're hurting yourself."
"Not really. They heal," he answered, holding out his wrist once more pointing at the silvery scars.
"But do you heal?" Finn asked. "You've been this way for too long Kurt... How long?"
"December," Kurt answered.
"So this is because of Blaine, because if you love him-"
"No."
"Huh," Finn stopped. "Then what is it? Why do you hurt, Kurt?"
"Because... because... because I don't know why. I can't control how I feel, and... and I don't know how I feel," Kurt answered through his sobs.
Finn awkwardly patted his step-brother on the back. He didn't know what to say or how to comfort him, and he suddenly found tears in his own eyes.
"I don't know how I feel either sometimes, Kurt," he said. Then Finn wrapped his arms around Kurt, pulling him into a hug.
"Do you know how you feel right now?" Kurt wondered aloud. Instead of answering, Finn leaned in to kiss his step brother on his soft lips. When Finn pulled away, cheeks red and tears in his eyes, Kurt was smiling for the first time in six months.
