Disclaimers:
This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.
You should feel bad for reading this version
Super Mario and the
Thousand Year Drama!
(Dumbass Version)
Chapture 3: The Great Surreal Land of Drug Based Character and Scenery Designs!
[Petalburg]
Kooply gave his salutations off to Mario, Goombella, and Koops.
Kooply: Hehe! Well it's good to see you all off on more adventures bringing my son with and all.
Koops: But daddy... dad! I... I wanna stay here with you!
Kooply: Ah just get the fuck out of here!
Koops: Aww gee wizz. Alright.
[Ghettoport Sewers]
Koops: Wow! So this is the 1000 Year door huh?
Goombella: Yes Koops. That's why we're here If you'd put down the DSi already.
Goombella placed the Star of Wrath into it's assumingly designated location.
Mario held the map up in the middle of the shrine. It soon began glowing the same way before.
Koops: HOLY SHIT WERE GONNA DIE!
The map began to animate a giant black tree with white leaves in the upper middle part of the map.
[Professor Frankly's]
Mario hammer smashed through his door like an impatient asshole.
Frankly: GOOD GARTERBELT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?
Mario: Yeah. We almost died getting this 1st dedly star. Look.
Frankly: Astounding! You actually did it! I was honestly expecting to receive a letter about a funeral instead! Welp… you children must be off to the Boggly Woods now.
Goombella: Wait! Aren't you gonna tell us how to get to Boggly Woods!
Frankly: OH FIGURE IT OUT YOU DAMN DIRTY NINCOMPOOPS
Frankly kicked Mario, Goombella, and Koops out 20 feet away.
[Ghettoport Sewer]
That same small grey creature with the antenna popped out.
Punio (Age 14): GUYS! DON'T EAT ME!
Mario: Guess again nerd.
Punio: I'll show you you bully! COCKNOSE COCKNOSE COCKNOSE
The thing pulled out a wooden bat and whacked Mario on the head knocking him out for awhile.
Koops: Whoa! Chillax dude! Were not here to eat you... I think.
Punio: Oh for realzeez! Thats good.
Punio: Well... Yeah! Yesterday, this ugly looking cuck came inside our Great Tree of Might in the Boggly Woods and started tearing it apart! He created these metal doors and just mutilated our home!
Goombella: Oh no! I guess this guy causing alot of trouble than huh?
Punio: Say! You folks think you can help me out?
Goombella: Of course we'll help you! So wait, you must know how to get to Boggly Woods then.
Punio: Yeah... I do. Gimme 1 second. Fucks fucks fucks
Punio knocked Goombella and Koops out cold with a wooden bat like what happened to Mario. Then he pulled down the blanket blended in with the wall unveiling a grey warp pipe.
[Boggly Woods]
Mario: Holy shit. Where are.. what the fuck is this trippy looking place? I don't remember taking acid recently!
Goombella: DUDE! You didn't need to hit us with a bat Punio! What the hell!
Punio: What? This? No! Its not a bat, it's my stick of teleportation!
Koops: Guys... Wanna hear about this strange dream I had just there?
Mario: Look, how we got here isn't important. Lets just find this Great Tree shit and get our star.
Somewhere else located in the woods, the 3 Shadow Sirens rose up from the ground discussing shit.
Beldam: Alright. So we a have the plan to take town Team M. May I just ask what's that you're holding in your hand VIvian.
Vivian: Me? Oh. I just found this pearl necklace dangling on this tree... It must have been there for a long time. And-
During when this is going on, the M Team showed up. Mario compulsively trampled over Vivian like a football player to steal her necklace she just found.
Vivian: OWW!
Marilyn: GUH!
Mario: HA! TAKE THAT UGLY BITCHES!
Goombella: Mario! What was that about!
Mario: I'm selling this necklace for some dank ol' weed mutha fucka!
Beldam: Spazzes!
[Flurrie's House]
After that awkward endeavor, Team M entered straight to Flurrie's place for help getting inside the tree..
Punio: Hey Flurrie!?
Flurrie: Is that you Punio!? What are you doing here?
Punio: Well you see uhh... We need your help.
Flurrie: My adorable Punio! I can't... be seen without my famous pearl necklace... I must have dropped it.
Mario: Hmm…. SAY! We have a pearl necklace!
Flurrie: Oh! That is just astounding! Delightfully Astounding. I'm beside myself, truly! But... can you kind gentlemen leave the necklace by the door? I wish not to be seen so indecently without it. !
Background Music: Milkshake by Kelis
Madame Flurrie at last made her appearance. Unfortunately for everyone, she looked and smelt absolutely terrible. She is basically this fat purple old gross blob looking thing that wore more makeup than 1000 cheap hookers combined.
Mario, Koops, Punio and Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!
[INITIATION MODE]
Flurries Abilities a Primer,
Flurrie can break wind in any direction making any enemy puke. By "break wind," I mean... you know.
[END OF INITIATION MODE]
After their 6 hour long of Team M and Punio passed out from the ugliness of Flurrie, she dragged their unconscious bodies to the tree all at 1ce somehow knowing they were planning on going there.
Mario: Uuhhhh... How long were we out?
Flurrie: About 8 sexual hours. Mmmmmm
Punio: Right... so anyway, thank you for bringing us to the tree and whatnot. Can you just open the secret path with your majical... wind... *sigh*... powers?
Flurrie: Say no more sweetie! I'm on it! Rootin tootin'!
Flurrie used her ass wind from a far. It was so powerful, it started to blow the entire tree back a little like some kind of category 5 hurricane.
Flurrie: I sure did a marvelous job didn't I?
Goombella: Jesus Fuck Flurrie! You almost killed us with that smelly ass attack!
Punio crawled up the tree reaching inside the tiny little tree hole like a hamster up a Frat Boy's asshole. He returned to open the door exceedingly quickly.
[The Great Tree of Might]
They later traveled upwards the tree and saw the Elder and the rest of the 90 punies were trapped in a red and blue cell.
Punio: Oh my god! Elder! What have they done to you!? Yeti Balls Yeti Balls Yeti Balls
Elder Puni: Punio, do you have my prune juice?
Punio: Wait... when was I supposed to get prune juice? Drilldo Drilldo Drilldo
Elder Puni: SEVERAL DAYS AGO YOU LITTLE SHIT!
All the other Punies: YEAH!
Background Music: E.G.G.M.A.N. by Paul Shortino
Robotnik: Oh man, am I good or what? Or am I just DAYAMN SEXY BIATCH!? THATS RIGHT CUMWIESLES! I trapped all these punies so I can rape them! In my rape cage! You see, my sexual like instincts told me that the star would be here. I mean, come on!
Robotnik held up the Star of Envy raising it over his head.
NowI can smash it up and INCREST THE STAR PIECES ALL OVER MY GRACIOUS NAKED BODY and NOW IT'S ALL MINE! So since you all brought me the star thing, I'm gonna give you a little treat.
Robotnik: MAGNUS VAG GRAPPLE!
Robotnik got on his knees and ripped off his shirt and pants exposing his big ass gut and diaper he had been wearing since the first fight against Mario.
The earth began to shake.
Robotnik did a high flip jump where he landed inside the cockpit.
Robotnik: Behold! My Magnus Vag Grapple! I made this out of supplies I bought at Home Depot!
Mario: Ha! No amount of protection you put on will change the magnitude of how thrashed your gonna get by my fist!
[BOSS BATTLE MODE]
Mario used his new ground pound attack for the first time in this series
Koops stubbed Magnus' foot by doing a badass shell slam.
Robotnik uses his robo foot fetish foot of pain to stomp Mario
Koops performed yet another toe stub attack on the Sex-bot
Mario: You got any bigger guns?
Robotnik: As a matter of fag, I do! Behold! MAGNUS VAG ROCKET FISTS OF FISTING PEOPLE!
Mario pulled out the Ice Cocaine sneezed cold air so freezing, that it destroyed the hell out of the fists and froze the engine of the main machine.
Robotnik hopped out of Magnus and started doing a hot sexy stripper dance while rubbing parts of his body on the Mecha.
Robotnik had a full body orgasm so hard that it made the penile part of his diaper blast off.
Battle Music: Gattai Nante Kusokurae! from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST
The steamy hot stripper dance of Robotnik majically warmed up the Robot and the engine started running again. Robotnik jumped back into his robot and geared back into bizarre mecha combat.
Mario pulled out the Star of Wrath and held it above his head. The star did a seismic fucking earth tremor. Magnus' body opened and a large rod shaped like a dick with a drill for it's head taking the form of a rocket.
Robotnik: WITNESS THE RAPE OF MY ALL POWERFUL MAGNUS VAG COCK!
Robotnik's robot cock drilled into Mario's mouth breaking 6 of his own teeth
Mario swapped Koops out for Flurrie.
Flurrie uses appeal for the sake of sheer narcissism. No star power was given to Flurrie's ugly face cause she was so ugly.
Flurrie stretched opened her pusswah and countered it by trapping the dick in her void of existential anguish being her vadgelly.
Robotnik: … Holy Shit!
Mario did 1 more ground pound attack really smashing the shit out of Magnus:
[END OF BOSS BATTLE]
Robotnik: ww...ww..www...w...WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
During Robotnik's tantrum, he ripped off his blastedly soiled diaper and chucked it at Koops' face.
Koops: Guys! Look what I found in his diaper guys! The Star
Goombella: Nice Koops! Also, you totally need to wash your hands big time! And the star!
Koops: Yeah I know.
Goombella: Wait! What about the Punis Mario.
Mario: Fuck that shit! We got the star bitches!
They have at last returned peace to the Great Tree of Might. Will more allies await them? Find out when we break on through the other side next chapture of SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!
- To be continued
Credits:
Credits music playing: I wanna be your dog by The Stooges
Creator: IAMMASTER
Based on a True Game
