Hey y'all! Thanks for your reviews! This next chapter in more out of Erin's perspective since you wanted to see her side too. Happy reading!

Her legs are getting weaker with every step. Running isn't really her thing but it's worth it when it means that she can escape her past. At least for now.

She keeps running, her heart beating faster than ever. She wasn't prepared to see him, even now she still can't believe it happened. She passes a crowd of people and sees her opportunity to disappear.

She grew up in these streets and knows where to go if she doesn't want to be found. She finds a little alley to hide in. Suddenly she is sober. Completely sober. Her mind clear and full of adrenaline.

She looks around to figure out where to go next, It's not like she had a lot of options. Erin leans against the wall taking a couple of deep breaths. Trying to calm down when her stomach basically tells her to 'fuck herself' and she can't even make it to the dumpster before she throws up.

'Karma for running from everything in my life', she thinks.

She smiles, thinking that she deserves nothing less. She remembers the encounter she just had and can't believe how it went down. Erin slapped him, hard. The only person that she ever really loved.

'I need to get the fuck out of here, numb all of it.' she thinks.

With her legs shaking, she starts walking to get out of the alley passing a few dumpsters, wondering if the horrid smell is coming from there or from herself. She's a wreck and she knows it, but she also doesn't care about herself enough to actually give a shit. This life was meant for her and she always knew it.

The cold wind blows in her face as she steps out of the protected alley. And it is the first time this year that she notices how cold it is. Even though it is February already. When her nose feels like it's about to fall off, she starts walking faster in need of the warmth of her apartment. Though she's not sure if it is that much warmer in there.

X...

Erin arrives at home, a tiny apartment on the south side, around 50 minutes later. She can't afford a car anymore so her only choice was to walk. She's shaking without really knowing if it is from her being sober for once or because it is 35 below and she's only wearing a hoodie. Her feet are soaking wet as she keeps fighting her way through the snow in nothing more than her sneakers. When she looks up she sees that the light is switched on and she sighs knowingly. He's home.

When Erin opens the door, she tries to be as quiet as possible. It happens all the time that he falls asleep on the couch with all electronic devices still going.

'Asshole' she thinks, since he isn't the one paying the bills. But she needs him for business. And as much as she hates it, this is the price she has to pay for her own survival. Plus it's not bad to have company sometimes.

Walking on her tiptoes she tries to pass him. It works out in her favour and her next stops are his pockets and the fridge.

"Of course you only have pills.", she madly whispers to herself while she goes through all of his jeans pockets. It's better than nothing, she decides, and so she walks into the kitchen keeping an eye out for alcohol. Two minutes later, she finds what she needs in the form of a half-empty bottle of cheap whiskey.

A small cough escapes her mouth as she downs a couple pills with the whiskey now burning her throat.

Her body stops shaking and she can finally feel herself calming down. She sits down looking around the room as the pills slowly kick in. The tiniest sob escapes her lips, when she allows herself to think back to her time as a cop, to her time with Jay.

She didn't allow herself to think about it, until now. It was easier to just forget, to pretend it never happened and that those years that she got to spend with the love of her life were nothing more than the best dream she'd ever had.

She feels her heart ache as the memories hit her for the first time in years.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

He asked, obviously confused.

"I Uhm... I just wanted to check on you. See if you're alright." Is all she can bring herself to say.

"I'm good, Er. Will sent me to his best co workers the second I arrived at med. But seriously, thank you for coming back, it's good to know I still have backup." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes and her heart breaks at the thought of how much of a disappointment she must be.

She reaches for his swollen eye, "you don't have to pretend with me Jay, this looks bad." he winces at her gentle touch. Her hand sliding over his face like a soft feather and only in that moment he notices that she's shaking. He grabs her wrist, "Erin..." his voice is only a whisper as she looks up at him.

"You need to get help. This isn't you and you know that." He pauses and looks down sadly at the thought of the person he once knew. "I know how much it hurts you that Nadia is gone but-"

"Jay, you don't understand." She cuts him off.

"This is me. I've always been that person until Voight sent me to a school and I pretended to be someone else. And at some point I always got sucked back in." Her eyes are watery and the only comfort he can give her is his hand, cupping her cheek. Erin sniffs while slightly leaning into his hand. "I caused this. I tried to turn her into someone she wasn't and it cost her her life." Her voice is shaking.

"What difference does it make if I help someone when they end up dead because of me anyway?" She swallows as a tear rolls down her cheek and looks down.

He stares at her and finally understands what has been going on inside of her since Nadia died. She wasn't grieving, she was punishing herself. She was grieving too but her doing everything she did over the summer, was her way to proof herself what a disappointment she was.

He sighs sadly "Erin, none of this is your fault. You are a good person. I mean you just went into a house filled with criminals to save me. I'm alive right now because of you." He says softly, his hands unsure what to do to get her to look up at him.

Erin hates to cry infront of people, she thinks it's a sign of weakness, but this girl in front of him is definitely not weak. So he uses his hand to raise her chin gently.

"Hey, you saved my life Erin. I would be dead right now if it wasn't for you."

Erin stares at him through glazed eyes, "I was ready to die, for or with you. I had nothing left to lose, Jay."

"I know. And I know you think it's easier to just let go but I've known you for a while now. And let me tell you that the Erin Lindsay i know is not a quitter." A soft smile spreads on her face. "And you have me, always. And Hank." He adds. Jay reaches down to kiss her forehead and she can't remember the last time such a small gesture gave her so much comfort. And for the first time in her life, she didn't feel like the disappointment she always thought she was.

Another sob exists her throat and she finally realizes that she's crying. Causing her to chug the rest of the whiskey down. If she was feeling something tonight, then she'd do it the right way.

"Babe!" A loud voice interrupted her thoughts. And suddenly she's thrown back to reality. Ripped away from the world she once had.

"What do you want Mick?!" She shouts back. Just the sound of his voice annoys her.

"I was wondering if maybe at some point you'd move your ass to actually sell my stuff instead of just taking it yourself." He looks at her, eyebrows raised.

"Excuse me?!" She gets off her chair looking at him in a mixture of disbelief and anger. "You do know that I'm the one paying the bills here correct?! I'm the one going onto the street at night selling your shit! While you sit here in my apartment and eat my food! And now you want to pretend like my work is not enough?!" Her eyes are full of anger and he looks at her with his hands pulled up in defense.

"Phew Lindsay, I was joking. What the fuck is going on?"

She's surprised at how concerned he actually looks.

"Uh, nothing...I just had a rough day that's all."

He cups her face with his hands, it doesn't feel the same but she'll take any comfort she can get after today, and leans down to kiss her. Erin let's him use his tongue after he practically begged for entrance. His hands travel down to her butt, squeezing it roughly as his kisses grow sloppy.

'Not today', she thinks and stops him.

"Babe you know I'd love to," She smiles and it's probably the worst faked smile she's ever given someone. "But I have to get going. It's Friday, there'll be a lot of party people out there tonight."

A smile crosses his face at the thought of all the money they could make tonight.

"You're right. Wear something pretty, you know how much those loser assholes are into buying shit from a pretty lady." He shrugs. Erin knows that and that's exactly why she's doing it. She knew how to wrap guys around her finger. Mick gave her another kiss and went back into the living room. It was time for her to get ready.

X...

After another half hour she was ready to get going. Mick gave her the cocain she was supposed to sell.

"Okay," he sighs "as always be careful and check in with me every once in a while."

Erin didn't know if he ever meant it when he said stuff like that but at least someone pretends to care.

"Always." She smiles and makes her way to the door when she hears him speak up again.

"Oh and Erin." She turns around to look at him.

"Nate called me earlier. He told me that some guy was asking around about you. I don't know if some dude fell in love with you at the club or if we should be worried. Either way, try to keep a low profile out there."

Erin immediately freezes. After a while she just nods and leaves.

Okay that was it for this chapter. I'm sorry it took me a while but I'm still figuring out how this story will turn out. I hope you liked it and drop some reviews for me. So now you could see a little more out of Erin's POV. I'm excited for the story to pick up a little speed. :) thanks for reading and your reviews!

Thank you so so much to a special someone for always helping me out since I'm still new to the Fanfic world lol

Thanks M! Love you!