Bella POV
From my walk upright, more and more limping was crooked. Jake supports me while I haunted mild stomach cramps. We were now nearly forty-five minutes on the road. It had to be after 20 clocks, it was drizzling, and you could see hardly anything. Thank goodness, we were soon `home '. Had we known what to wait for complications to us, we would surely have pressed before we left. Or, at least what brought.
We just wanted to steal a car radio, not tomorrow be able to buy as much money must. Yesterday Jake had got together quite well. It was enough for the whole day today, so we had allowed us to be lazy and just spend the day at the warehouse. How exactly he came to this chunk of money, I would rather not know. With the amount dope he had it was sure that he must have turned a big thing.
The streets were still dangerous tags, as in the night. Although this probably depended on the perception. For us, anyway, is the night, the safest time. The time when the scum of its holes comes. Dealers, pimps, whores, prostitutes and so many more, before which every good citizen sheltered tear would take off. Us, these figure less harm than the cops. They were trying to survive just like any other here. On the street, people learned how to do automatically what was forbidden!
That is why we are going in the evening. We have enough dope for tomorrow morning, but then we have to get something. One should always watch, enough reserve money or to have heroin but just in case there is a day when not so much drops. These days, unfortunately, it was more common than was good for us.
"Shall I carry you? " He asked me for the fifth time since 10 minutes.
"More and more ... no," I moaned.
"... You its self sucks."
In the corner of my eye I could see, as he rolled his eyes, before I lost the ground under his feet. Before I knew it, I was hanging on Jakes shoulder and cursed softly. He laughed and walked away with me.
"Honestly, this is not absolutely necessary," I wheezed and coughed at the same time strong.
"No, of course not," he said dryly.
I was beaten and left, like a real loser, let your arms. Actually, it did well enough to not run them. I hated these moments. You felt out shit and just plain awful. With my trembling hand, I wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and directed all my remaining concentration at Jacobs uniform steps to distract me a little of the pain and the oppressive feeling.
I saw with an inward sigh, as his jeans clung to his calves and felt the tremor of his body. The first signs made to create a not quite so much, but it's not long until it becomes uncomfortable. Seattle we had already left and were on an oviposited concrete path.
Only those who knew about it would discover it. Fortunately, almost nobody knew about it. A few years ago, Jake had discovered it by chance. Packed by curiosity, he followed him. It leads into a great forest. The concrete slabs are often so damaged that they cannot be seen once again in many places. Nature had her adopted.
But eventually the forest thins and exposes a rather gray spots between all of nature. Probably the area has once served the military for many, many years. As an arsenal or whatever. There was not much left. Two warehouses, one half collapsed and no roof. The other in much better condition, in which we lived, if one could call it because Sun
The place was like its path, paved with concrete slabs. Otherwise, there was much debris, rubble and ruins. You could at least be sure that many more buildings have stood here had. Some outlines were still be detected. And an old, rusty water tower and an observation tower. But everything so dated and rickety, one did well to keep his distance.
It was not necessarily the dream of every girl, but we could not say with certainty that we had made it even better, than many of us. Many of the others had, not even a roof over his head. No, we had it made ... really good.
And the best part ... no one but us knew this place. Except for a few children who were found here in the course of time through the play, we never had visitors. We had made clear to them that they should not come here again and they would do well not to tell anyone. They had to have it held!
We felt safe and, somehow ... home. We had to have no fear of being discovered. Had to look and not constantly. The best we could move freely here A few steps to the east, began shortly before the forest again, flowed a small stream. The water was clean and clear. It has allowed us to wash our clothes and our own.
The cold did not bother us. Who lives in this neighborhood used to be in the cold and the rain. For us it was as normal as other sunshine. Of course, we do not necessarily bath in winter, but in all other seasons already. Meanwhile, it was the beginning of March, the winter had been hard. But we had overcome, and then it gradually became milder. On some nights, we did not even make fire. We had enough to drink here and we had our rest.
Food was with us as scarce as any other homeless also. The only good thing was that heroin took one's appetite and hunger. Consequently we ate far too little, but it was enough to keep us strong.
We were lucky with food, so we buried them with a plastic bag, near the river. The earth is there so cold, that they do not spoil as quickly.
We had a small fire pit in our ... mmmh how should you call that? Housing? Well into the room where we stayed most of the time. The only one in which a window was broken. There was enough wood in the forest and lighters or matches, which included a junkie, as the drug itself
We did not freeze and could eat warm. Again a privilege that we had the other street dwellers ahead. Bush food! Well,.. Better than nothing!
If you looked at the circumstances, we had it made us even quite nice. I respected all times ensure that the clothes are clean and no trash lying around. Jake is actually the matter, but by my argument that I wanted to share my mattress with no rat, he was nevertheless convinced and failed to have lying around his waste
In this room there were out of the fireplace, a big old mattress on the loose seat four people and have to many blankets and pillows. In addition to the mattress, cabinets were thrown together from junk yards, where everyone could put his personal belongings and clothes. Then another old worn leather sofa and a small living room table where already the paint flaking off. For light, ensured two kerosene lamps. Jacobs pride and joy!
Originally there were times three. Well, I had one defused. Jake was a whole two weeks angry on me. Since, I could not those things get too close. He had stolen on a flea market 4 years ago. They spent little of the stuff, and what they can burn if it runs low, we get ourselves new. In very rare cases, we even buy it. That was it, strictly speaking, but it was enough completely.
"Now let me down yet, we're almost there," I said, choppy, and he began to cough.
He did it without a murmur. Despite the darkness I could see the sweat shining on his face. We drew the rest of the way with each other and were both breathing through a relief when we saw the outline of the buildings.
Once inside, I let myself fall immediately on the mattress. Jake turned on the light and went to one of the cupboards. The turkey gave me a hard time. The stomach cramps were getting stronger. Softly whimpering, I rolled into a ball and squeezed his eyes shut. To the disgusting, cold sweat could get used to, but this pain was unbearable. And this was just the beginning!
My headache had also increased in intensity and my bones ached at this constant shaking. I breathed choppy through the open mouth and wished at that moment nothing more than a shot.
"Right honey, I'm almost done," whispered to me and stroked my Jake the bonded hair from her face.
With an effort I opened my eyes and saw the look with shiny cutlery, which he had spread out before me on the floor. Although there it went bad, he took care of me at once. That was the best proof of friendship, a fixer could make another. Because in most cases, everyone thought only of himself.
While Jake half of all Gram did the blackened spoon, I tried my right arm, so good, I was able to rescue from the annoying stuff. He passed me without a word and without looking at me, with a hand strap for the setting, with the other he dribbled a little water and lemon juice to the heroin.
When I was ready, I let myself fall back moaning and pumped his fist properly before I firmly stuck together. The clacking of the lighter sent a chill through my wet back. The hairs on my arms and my toes lined up bow to with anticipation up.
With veiled glance I saw him raise the syringe and easily with the nail of his index finger on the other hand snapped, then turned his gaze back to me and smiled slightly before he grabbed my arm and gave him his attention. He brushed a few times with his thumb over my elbow, it was not easy, there still to find a suitable place. It was generally not easy at all to find a place. I had some thrombosis on the body and numerous abscesses.
His hand was shaking badly, but I trusted him. Frankly, I was basically also a damn. I felt the sting and certainly not to miss the vein, you get used to. My marksmanship was, at that moment, much smaller than his.
As the small tip, touched my skin, I let out a gush of accumulated air and closed his eyes. Then came the sting, he sat perfectly. And at the same time, the desired feeling of weightlessness.
My upper body bucked as he slowly pumped the poison in my vein. I moaned and gasped, fast and loud! Any walkers would interpret my lute with certainty differently. Because it sounded to me REALLY ALWAYS ... to quite loud and passionate.
But that's about it. The absolute ecstasy! Everything flew past me, my world suddenly became loose and fluffy and colorful,... so colorful! She devoured me in a moment, full of future bliss.
_
I opened my eyes, the flash was over. My breathing was shallow, wet my view. Comforting warmth flowed through my limbs, my bones, retreated to my organs and stepped forward to the spinal cord. I sat up, stroked my face and looked out for Jake.
He sat on the sofa, put his head back on the seat, his legs stretched out of hand. The left arm still tied and the syringe limps in his right hand. A smile on my lips as I got up and lazily walked over to him.
I sat down beside him and dissolved the band. He took the syringe out of his hand and laid it gently on the little table next to the rest of the dope and the other syringe. I lightly stroked his cheek, his eyes were half open. He stirred and opened it completely. I leaned over to him, he laughed when I came into view.
He suddenly he straightened up and pushed me onto the couch and fell right on me instantly. I giggled as he began to tickle me. This hearted moments were ... the most beautiful, the feeling of well-being ... the most satisfying ... and this man's best friend, because you can ask for.
"Let go of me Jake," I gasped air gasping.
Laughing, he stood up and grabbed the two syringes. Walked casually to the bucket by the door. There was fresh water in it and next to it in the small ... well, the contents must not be discussed carefully. He moved to fresh water and squirts the contents of the smaller ones. He repeated this until the syringes were clean.
Each had his own cutlery. In very rare cases, we used the same needle. We were very careful to avoid any infection. We were able to say with assurance that they are both healthy. None of us had ever shared the cutlery other Fixers. Nevertheless, the cannula, inflammation or bacteria share with you. These are things over which make no other thoughts. You do not care. We were lucky that we had someone who we do not does not matter. And if one is so lucky, then you begin to think about his actions in order to protect the loved ones.
He cleared all the utensils back into the drawer and threw down next to me on the sofa. His little needle and fixed pupil, took me prisoner. His eyes were swollen and he was in the truest sense of the word, delivered from shoots. I giggled and snuggled against him.
He absently strokes my shoulder. We enjoyed the large effect, they flew by much too quickly again. It usually took 5-6 hours, but the elation, in which we hovered just ebbs, starting much earlier. Chronic users receive hardly satisfying, but the avoidance of withdrawal symptoms is the goal!
Well, with us ... and it was! Previously, we had spent hours flat. We floated in a permanent cloud of euphoria. It was absolutely amazing, we finally had the feeling with themselves to be at peace. No one had told us that it will not always be so. If we press now holds the euphoric feeling to much longer. A small price to pay for the effort we take on ourselves.
But as for us, the intoxicating effect is not the real reason. The reason begin to push more than half, is escape from the experience. The Eitsch (heroin) helps dislodge and it's ... really good at it. We needed something to forget about and found it in heroin.
Today we only press for three reasons. Because we are no longer dependent and without cope because we have no reason to try it because it would not and without lengthy euphoric effect, still repressed the memories and the lasting, fortunately.
Problems arise, then they ... DRIVEN away!
For me, handed out the ultimate reason to keep going. If one before I'm more afraid than before the withdrawal, then ahead of time and then the thoughts and memories that are then haunt me again. Once again, I would not be able to withstand. No never, I wanted to be reminded of what has made me what I am today. I would rather die!
And as it was in the moment, I liked it quite well. It was still just as at the beginning. We were just us, with the difference that was missing Leah. But everything else remained the same. We had a lot of friends in the scene, but did not want to require the fully belong to them. Her life was more complicated than ours. Here we had it quiet and cozy. Located in central Seattle, everyone thought only of himself. Fixers were loners. If a group came together, she shrank back as fast as it grew.
Besides heroin, they needed nothing to be happy. With us it was different. We need, as much as we needed the Eitsch (heroin). We simply would not fit them. When we are in town, then we visit the people who shared the same pain and the same fate with us.
But we did not want to live just like them. We had over the years, created a kind of everyday life and we did not want to give up. Only one thing had changed.
The time has left its mark on us!
I could not cover up the consumer, they looked at me right away that I'm doomed. When Jake was different, as I said, he took him outside the dope is not so much to like in the normal cases.
His hair was dull, the dark circles were only from nearby to identify with him. His lips were rough and brittle and cracked his skin. In many places, he had literally scraped down to the meat. But all that could be seen through his dark skin barely. What is amazing with him, is this mountain of muscle. I had never seen a junkie who was outwardly in such good shape as Jacob. Anyway not pushing on this duration. His stamina was almost limitless. One could see that he for his size, was much too thin. But the muscles, made it up for it.
Really impressive, but everything had its price! Because only he and I knew what it was really about his health. He seems to work fit and healthy, but if it was in any way. SOME after physical exertion, with him came the aftermath. At first, he can run and jump likes a young deer, but he hardly takes a rest, his body shows him what has become of him. Because what it does to their appearance does not heroin, it to his organs. We did not need a doctor to know that they made gradually limp.
How often he had passed recently? How often he had the gall half out when you cough? How many times he suffered from shortness of breath? At heart racing, from constipation, diarrhea or fatigue? Last year, he was suffering from jaundice twice. His health gave me great anxiety. But who is surprised? A 20 year old man who has suppressed his five producers of age?
Only the next shot fueled it up again. After each print, he was as fit as a half years ago, when I first met him. Even if the dope, not permanently bring the desired sensations with it, so it gave us the level that we need to feel good. It was like an alcoholic who runs again only right if he has reached his blood alcohol level.
And I well ... I looked like a walking death. Just how big I was, I could not say. I had no idea when the last time I measured. Probably 5 years ago, when the world was perfect for me yet. But I could say with certainty that I was too thin for my size a lot. My bones sticking out and an ass you could not find with me. At least breasts were visible.
My once-smooth skin was now itchy and cracked. They itched like hell. My hair had lost its luster. They were dry and broken, handed me up to the shoulder blades. Eventually, they stopped easy to grow or grow only very slowly ... I know.
As Jake, my lips were cracked. My dark circles I hung up to the knees and on my face loomed distinct red spots. My nails were thin and broke after only three millimeters. At least I still had all his teeth in his mouth! Jake could not say what. He had to say goodbye to two already.
Outwardly, I was thus a lot worse off, but inside still quite acceptable. But you could also not forget that Jake pushed much longer than me. My poor condition, you could not move to heroin, which had always been lousy.
I often had a nosebleed, which was due to all the stuff that I had snorting. Otherwise, I felt actually pretty good. I was a bit shocked when my period was just one day away and never came back. In retrospect, I was quite happy about it. It was just disgusting. No way to wash thoroughly, no way down there to stop anything. I mean ... Hi, has anyone actually have any idea how expensive are tampons? For that we would get two loose needles!
Jacob made yet often chooses the Leah and I had something. He did it anyway, but he did all of this. He is just too cute! But that's not important anymore. I probably could not even have children. And probably that's a good thing. What should I do with a child? And above all, what would become of this child?
No, no ... should get children be for the women who deserve it. I could not even take care of myself, as a child then? Honestly, I never felt the desire to become a mother.
After all, what ... no one has one ... cannot be taken!
