Ch.4 Habitual

It was already nightfall when they arrived.

"Damn ghost town." Bobby commented, slamming the car door.

"Yeah." Sam agreed. He shuffled his boots around in the rocky soil, it was the only other sound being made aside from the muffled chirping of crickets out in the distance.

"I hope you don't mind, but I think I'm gunna find a place to sleep first- we can have our little reunion thing in the morning." Sam turned to face Bobby but he'd already taken off, hardly giving Sam the time it took to respond.

Sam shrugged, and chose not to think anything of it as he started towards his own cabin.
It was empty and dust ridden,just as he'd left it. There wasn't much there aside from a bed and a small, empty dresser.
He dropped onto the worn mattress with gusto and stared listlessly at the ceiling.

The sudden gravity of solitude felt peculiar to Sam, it also made him restless. Admittedly, he'd gotten used to sharing a cabin with Cas; it was precautionary, back when Cas was still recovering from the worst of his injuries and could hardly move. He was quieter then, and not just because it pained him to speak. Often Sam would find Cas gazing out through the window, every time he'd been staring up into the skies.
He wondered if Cas remembered what it was like to be an angel, whether humanity had fully consumed that part of him or not.
Whenever Cas looked at him, Sam felt an incredible pang of guilt for ever having had the thought cross his mind.
The feeling worsened as Cas started talking to him more frequently, and with such familiarity. It reminded him of Dean. Sam could tell that the time spent with his brother had rubbed off on Castiel by certain aspects of his personality.

Sam turned roughly on his side. His eyes started to droop slowly-snapping open when suddenly, there were fumbling noises coming from outside.
Sam reached underneath his bed and grabbed a pistol that had been kept hidden there.
He then creeped cautiously towards the window and pulled back the curtains.
There wasn't anything out of the ordinary as far as he could tell. Still, he decided it was better to make sure.
Sam tucked the pistol into his back pocket and went outside.
A few minutes had passed and after another random outburst he hurried over towards Cas' cabin, where the noises seemed to be coming from.
He rushed through the beaded curtain, taking a few strands down with him as he did.

This seemed to catch the attention of the chuckling form sprawled out by the bed.
"Sam!" Cas beamed as he watched a couple of beads roll idly by.
Sam hesitated. Cas was delirious. He couldn't have been sober, at least that's what Sam thought to himself.
He took a few steps forward before he noticed the makeshift box toppled over on the floor adjacent to Cas' foot.
In it were a number of miscellaneous bottles and bags filled with what he could only assume were drugs.
"Cas-" Sam said ,greatly taken aback.

Cas laughed hysterically at the dumbfounded look that sprung across Sams face.
Sam in turn fixed his face into a much more stern composition. Cas didn't seem to notice, and allowed Sam to walk up to the box and snatch it in his arms.
Sam rifled through the various labels until he noticed an opened baggy containing a few small pills.
"What is this?" he scolded, holding the bag in front of himself.
Cas tilted his head up lazily, then dropped it back down against the floor with a thud.
"Desoxyn." he murmured airily.
Sam fumbled with his words- unsure of how to deal this situation, he settled for an aggressive approach. "Meth?" he rebuked.
Sam wiped his his hands over his face and sighed, frustrated.

He took the box outside with him to dispose of its contents.
Cas, too occupied by the hallucinations that formed on the ceiling above him, let Sam do as he pleased.
Sam walked far along the outskirts of the camp and tossed the box into a large ditch. He then sat there at its edge and rested for a moment.

Although Sam wasn't sure what he should've been feeling at that time, anger was certainly seething in him. He wasn't even entirely sure why, but the thought of Cas poisoning himself with drugs had him feeling betrayed. All the time he'd spent taking care of him, only to be wasted.
However, Cas hadn't been the only one trying to put an end to himself. Sam didn't want to think of it that way.
He was the worthless one, his life was disposable- no one deserved to die more than him.
One of those small tablets Cas had taken laid beside Sam in the grass. He picked it up and turned it over between his thumb and forefinger before violently chucking it down into the ditch with the others.

When Sam returned, Cas was convulsing on his stomach.

Almost immediately, Sam ran to turn him safely on his side.

Cas' face was strained. Tears streaked out from his eyes. He was having a seizure.
Sam kept one hand firmly on Cas' shoulder so that he wouldn't roll over, any further contact wouldnt have been very helpful.

It lasted for several long minutes.

Cas settled down after a few final spasms, but said nothing. His gaze was sullen and empty.
Sam sighed, relieved that it was finally over. He then lifted Cas to the bathroom, ignoring the urine that seeped through his pant fabric.

Sam stripped the soiled clothing off and tossed it to the side. He then briefly clothed Cas in a pair of clean drawers and slowly placed him on the bed.
Cas sighed faintly, wincing when he felt the hard mattress against his back.
Sam started to pull away, releasing his grip on Cas' shoulder as he finished placing him on the bed.

There was a sharp intake of breath as Cas caught Sam by the wrist.
Sam looked down at him warily, but Cas refused to let him go.
"Stay." he pleaded.
Sam wasn't sure how to react. He wrestled his arm back gently, brows furrowed. Cas observed him in dismay.

"Please."

Sam stood there for a moment, holding on to the wrist Cas had gripped so tightly before. He appeared to be conflicted.

Without speaking, Sam shifted out of his boots and coat and lied down beside Cas.
Cas trembled with gratitude, his eyes watered against his will. Sam breathed deeply inward as he reached out to wipe Cas' face for him. Cas' eyes flickered closed at the touch, it wasn't long before he fell asleep.
Satisfied, Sam tucked an arm underneath his own pillow and slept.