AN: It's been a while since I last updated, so I'm sorry about that. I've had health issues getting in the way of things for the past few weeks, which have thankfully passed for now. But I'm back! With a new update that I plan on improvising 100% because that's what I do and I never have a clear idea for anything.
I just want to say a quick thanks for the reviews I've received, they mean a lot to me. And for that anon who was worried about the addition of Korrasami, you needn't worry too much. Ships aren't my primary intention for this fic and any I do include will be minimal and in the background.
That being said, warnings still apply. This story deals heavily with the topic of rape, so proceed with caution.
Beifong seemed eerily calm throughout the whole thing. Although, her jaw seemed to grow more and more tense as time went on, to the point where it looked like it was about to retreat into her skull. She was mad. Mako could tell that much, despite her stoic demeanour, she was absolutely livid. His stomach had been twisting in on itself the entire time he'd been sat there. Sending anxious signals to his brain, that Beifong would find the whole thing stupid. That she wouldn't believe him. That she'd tell him to go home and stop being so stupid.
She hadn't said anything like that. Gently prompting him to continue every time he paused or struggled for the next sentence. His brain was just being paranoid. He needed to learn to ignore it.
"You can stay the night if you wish." Mako looked up to meet Lin's narrowed eyes, she shuffled some papers on her desk, raising herself to stand. "Get some sleep."
He nodded. He was exhausted. He watched as Beifong stood up, a deep frown on her face. Was she leaving? Where was she going? "Where are you-" He began.
She cut him off, "-I have matters to attend to." She stated, ice in her tone. Mako had a feeling these matters were related to him. He cast a worried look at her, which she caught. "I'm not doing anything stupid, don't worry." He nodded silently. "I just have some things I need to do, okay? You need to try and get some sleep."
He nodded once more. She was right. Starving himself of sleep wouldn't help. Even if every-time he closed his eyes there were hands all over his body. "I'll try and rest."
She pursed her lips into a thin look of approval. She left the building without another word.
Mako raised himself to his feet. He was alone. Just him. Him and the shadows on the walls, which danced in the dim light from the lanterns. Him and the anxious voice in his head that kept spilling lies. He'll come for you. He needed to ignore it. Stop being paranoid. He trekked into his office, shutting to door behind him. Locking it. He was fine. He was safe. He'd told someone. That alone should have been enough to ease the pressure off his chest, help him breathe easier. But he couldn't.
Each shadow on the wall was a hand, long and grotesque. Reaching, clawing out at him, trying to grasp him it's hold. He turned off the light, plunging to the room into darkness. Just sleep it off. He lay down on the ground, staring into the blackness. Get some rest, you'll be fine in the morning. His hands toyed with the ends of his shirt, running his fingers through the fabric. He could feel his heart hammering like a caged bird against his rib-cage. He willed himself to close his eyes, to relax. Stop panicking.
He let his eyelids slip shut, focusing on the blackness rather than the feeling of dread which had suddenly consumed him. This isn't real. Focused himself on ignoring the phantom hand which was trailing up his leg slowly, clawing at his flesh. Go to sleep. Rejected the feeling of nausea in his stomach as he could feel himself violated once more, rough hands pulling on his hips. He swallowed the bile in the back of his throat. None of this was real. He could sleep. Stop. He could feel earth creeping around his paralysed limbs, as the drunken voice whispered into his ear.
The caged bird was trying desperately to break free, beating against the insides of his chest madly. It was like someone was strangling it, crushing it, choking away it's air. He couldn't breathe. Stop! He drew himself into a sitting position, hugging his knees to his chest. Calm down. There was hands around his lungs, squeezing the air out of him. He couldn't breathe. His eyes burned with tears, throat unbearably tight, shoulders trembling. He couldn't do this, he couldn't-
"Mako?" His eyes snapped up at the voice, frantic gaze searching for the source amongst the darkness. He hugged his shaking legs closer to his chest, burying his face into his knees. It couldn't be real. It was fake. Like everything else, none of this was real.
"Mako, open the door." He recognised the voice. Lin. Lin was back. His eyes darted toward the door. It was locked, he'd locked it. He needed to open it. Getting to his feet was a difficult task, his entire body felt like it was going to give way at any second. His mind to frantic and blurry to balance himself, he lent heavily against his desk. "Kid? You alright." The door was in his vision, wobbling in front of his eyes. His hands trembled, struggling with the lock. A satisfying click.
He stood back, dim light flooding the room. Beifong stood in the doorway, staring at him in concern. His hands instinctively reached for the desk, to balance himself. They found nothing but air.
"Mako?" Mako threw himself at her, latching on to her body. She was firm, real. It was okay. He'd be okay. He buried his face into her shoulder, sobbing. A hesitant hand made it's way to his back, trying to soothe him. "Hey, it's alright."
Spirits, he wanted it to be alright. He wanted to forget. For all of this to go away. It wouldn't. It refused to let him sleep, refused to leave him. He doubted it would ever go away.
"Calm down."
Calm down. Right. Breathe. He was okay now. Lin was here. He wasn't alone anymore. In, out. His chest fell back to a normal rhythm, eyes grew dry.
"I shouldn't have left you alone." He released Lin, drawing away from her. Back into himself. "You alright?"
"I think so." He replied, startled by the shakiness in his voice.
Beifong nodded, concern still etched on her face. "Do you want me to stay with you?"
He wanted to say no. Tell her that he'd be fine. "Please."
He was exhausted in the morning. Beifong must have been too. He felt bad that he'd made her stay up with him. She left the room during early hours, to get ready for the day. Told him she'd be back shortly. He still didn't know where she'd been last night. He hoped it wasn't to do with him. It was nice to have light back in the room. It made him less anxious. He could sit, semi-comfortably on his own, without the horrible panic consuming him.
Beifong returned at roughly nine, set a cup of coffee down in front of him. "Drink up." She stated. He let his fingers wrap around the warm sides. "You didn't get much sleep last night."
"Thanks." He took a sip, savouring the strong flavour on his tongue, as the warm liquid slid down his throat.
"You're probably not going to take this well." He looked up, raising an eyebrow. There was mild worry on Lin's face. "I've been in contact with your friends. It's beneficial for someone to have a wide support group when they've been-" She paused, cutting herself off, "-Attacked, like you have."
"You, told them?" Mako asked, voice wavering with anger. He didn't want people to know. He hadn't wanted her to know.
She grimaced somewhat. "It's best that they know what happened. That they can support you the best they-"
Mako cut her off as he stood up suddenly, an angered growl tearing from the back of his throat. He couldn't listen to this. He needed out.
"Mako! Listen to me!"
He didn't want to listen. She'd told them. He wanted to get away from this. Away from here, where no-one could ever find him again.
"They understand, they're supportive."
"You had no right!"
Lin sighed. "Your brother is on his way. He said he'd be willing to look after you whilst we sort this out."
Bolin. Bolin was coming? "You shouldn't have told them." He could feel his throat tightening once more as he mind grew blurred with panic.
"Mako!" Sharp words cut through his ears, Lin's hand was on his shoulder. "Look at me."
He couldn't. He shouldn't have told her. Shouldn't have-
"-You need support. Your friends can do that for you. Isolating yourself is only going to make this worse. You understand?"
Spirits he was an idiot. If he hadn't told her no-one would know. Bolin wouldn't be coming her, right now-
"-Besides, you can't stay here forever. And I sure as hell won't let you work in this state. This is for the better."
Her hand left his shoulder. He swallowed the lump which had rapidly started forming in the back of his throat. Her words falling deaf to his ears.
"-We'll bring that man to justice, alright? You can't work through this alone."
He nodded wordlessly. He couldn't fight this, couldn't just up and run away. The others were involved, whether he liked it or not. And Bolin was on his way. He just needed to pull himself together before he arrived.
AN: I honestly wasn't sure where I was going with this as I wrote it, but I think I have a few ideas now? Which is good and should hopefully mean updates are more frequent from here on out.
This chapter isn't my best quality, since I'm a bit less inspired than I first was when I started writing this fic, but hey I tried. And I don't think it's the worst.
So if you enjoyed this latest update, please consider dropping a review to let me know. It's really reassuring to see people like what I've written. And helps me stay motivated and soothe my anxiety. It really means a lot to me when I get one.
Any who, please enjoy this update.
