Dear Mum

This is the second one of these letters I've written for you. But you never got the first one 'cos I came back. I won't say I was alright, we both know that it ain't the truth. I'm hoping this next tour will sort my nut out about the whole thing. But I have to write a new one of these 'cos I'm going back and some things have changed. I'm hoping you'll never see it but with Smurf going the way he did, you can never know for sure.

There are a few things I need to tell you.

Now, my Captain James, the one I saved with Smurf on the last tour, will come around and want some things from my kit, Mum. You need to let him take anything he wants. Anything. And you need to look out for him, seeing I won't be able to. You see Mum, him and me well, we got pretty close in Afghan. He has helped me believe in myself. He made me see I was only part way through a journey and had to go back.

Mum, I need you to know that I love you. I know that you tried to be the best Mum you could possibly be for us kids and I didn't make it easy for you. I wish I had been better for you and listened to you more.

I'm sorry for that and that I wasn't a good example to the younger ones by going to school and making you proud of me. Which brings me to the next thing, make sure the rest of the kids stay in school and get good marks. There will be some money left over from helping my little friend Bashira. I want you to use any money to help the kids at school. Maybe one of them might gonna go to bleedin' University, one of thems got to be smarter than me, and if the money can help then use it. Captain James will help with all that and set up some sort of fund.

Tell the kids that I love them and that they're not to be sad if the worse happens. I'll miss them all. Give Nan a hug and kiss for me. She's always been good to me. Tell her to keep Dad on his toes as I won't be able too.

Keep an eye out for the other boys in 2 Section, Jackie and Katie. They were all good friends to me and they feel like family. Katie got me through basic. As normal I cocked up the clothes and she sorted me out. Jackie helped me settle in Afghan and become a good medic. The first day was a shocker and she talked me through it. The boys all treat me like a younger sister and give me shit all the time. Don't worry I gave 'em as good as I got. I still got a mouth on me. Even though I had a rocky start, the boys have become important to me. I didn't like leaving them for RnR I can tell you.

Tell Dad I love him. I could kill him most of the time but I still love him. He's my Dad after all.

Don't forget about Captain James, Mum, please! You see, the truth is I love him and I think he loves me. That's why I went to the hospital when I got back, not to see Smurf. Well to see Smurf but it was Captain James I really wanted to see. Dad was right and all, I didn't have permission to go, but I did.

We didn't do nothing in Afghan, we waited out but it all went to shit at the end. I couldn't have done any of it without Captain James believing in and supporting me. Plus he loves me enough to let me go back and finish what I started in Afghan.

So look after him for me Mum, please.

I love you all

Molly