A/N: Hi people!
I apologize so much for the long suspense again. I knew I said I will better myself with updating, but really, it's kinda hard at the moment.
I was just so busy these past days, having many major exams coming up plus dealing with things such as a major mental breakdown, physical injuries and a writer's block. But now I am getting better and I thought it wouldn't be fair to let you all wait so long for this next chapter just because I am having some troubled times right now. That's why I'm uploading this now.
I hope I'll be able to update sooner from now on, despite everything going on. Cross your fingers it'll work.
Also, I know I said this'll be a story from Alec's POV, but I decided to switch POVs throughout the whole thing, just as it happens to fit in. I hope you are okay with that.
If you want to, you can go check out my other works on here or on wattpad (I am really crap at updating over there, worse than here, trust me. It's horrible.)or just take a look at my other sites:
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As usual, read, comment, favorite, spread the word and enjoy!
Cheers!
Xx
chapter 3
Magnus's POV
I sit and stare. That is all I do. I sit on my couch and stare at Alec while he forces down a glass of water, trying to catch his breath desperately. I sit and stare at the wall as soon as he leaves to collect a towel and clean clothes from his room. I sit and stare at the wall while he showers, and I sit and stare at the wall when he goes to sleep. I don't answer when he mumbles „Goodnight." I don't pet Chairman Meow when he meows at me accusingly. I don't do anything but sit and stare.
And all the while I think. I wonder about what happened to him, of course I do. I try to imagine where he went and what events have taken place that he came back all sweaty and dusty. I think of what was going on between us earlier. I think of what will happen in the future. And I wonder why he denies his feelings for me.
I know they're there. He wouldn't have kissed me back if he didn't like it. But what keeps him from acting on his feelings now? He knows I'm bisexual. He knows how much I love blue eyes and dark hair. He now also knows I like him.
He could get me to do anything, really, and yet, he doesn't do anything. He pushed me away and there's this feeling in my stomach telling me he won't change his attitude that easily.
Maybe it's because he's afraid. That's okay, most guys I have had were a bit scared. There's something about that naive confusion that I find rather appealing.
Maybe it's because he's a Shadowhunter and those goddamn bastards aren't gay. That just never happens. I should know, I've had to bear with these self-claimed saints for an unbelievably long time. I know how they roll.
And maybe it's because he wants to take things slow. I admit, almost jumping him in my bathroom probably wasn't the best way to start out. But I couldn't help it. He is so sexy when he talks crap, and he did a shitload of talking about damn rubber ducks. No one gives a fuck about rubber ducks. And the fact I used to collect them for a long time doesn't change that statement in the tiniest bit.
I am still sitting, staring at the wall and trying to figure out things my undoubtedly brilliant mind can't quite wrap around when the sun comes up, sending warm, bright sunbeams creeping through my windows and up my legs.
I haven't moved when his door opens and he walks out, yawning. I try not to stare at his muscles when he stretches and the hem of his shirt lifts a teeny bit. It doesn't even reveal much, but it is enough to assure certain parts of my body that I do like him, an awful lot. He's still in his pajamas, wearing a white shirt and black flannel pants which are dangerously low on his hips. With all my willpower I tear my gaze away from him and look at the wall instead.
Rubber ducks, rubber ducks, rubber ducks, I think, trying to cool down. There's nothing in this world that's as unattractive as rubber ducks.
„Morning," Alec says, and dang his morning voice is freaking sexy. I try not to focus on the husky, sleepy sound but on the hesitant tone instead.
„Hello," I say, my voice not giving away any emotion. I don't know why, but I feel defensive. I can't afford him coming along with these disturbing blue eyes and the sinful long legs, mixing up my feelings like a whirlwind and shaking up my whole world down to it's very last fundament, just to ignore me later. I can't afford having my heart broken. It may be the last straw. I fear I have been broken one too many times.
„We... wanted to talk?" he states, making it sound like a question. I nod and continue staring at the wall while he sits down opposite of me, lacing his fingers in his lap nervously. I can tell he's shaken up, but so am I.
„Magnus," he says, sounding so vulnerable I almost jump up to give him a comforting hug. „See, I – I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run off like that."
„Yeah, you shouldn't have," I say coolly, still refusing to make eye contact.
„I am – confused, I guess that's the right way to put it. I never thought I was going to – to kiss someone like ... like you." He stumbles over his words, nervous, and I can't help but think it's cute. Damn those blue eyes.
„But I didn't mean to hurt you. Really, I just – I guess I need a bit of time. I am a Shadowhunter. We – well, it's hard for our society to accept – accept ... unusual love."
That's also a way to put it, I think bitterly, though I feel like „stuck-up, closed-minded, old-fashioned, intolerant jerks" would be the more appropiate term to describe these wanna-be angels. But I don't say anything; I want him to continue talking, if only for the mere pleasure of hearing his voice.
„I ... ask you to give me a bit of time. Just take things slow, you know? Because," he takes a deep breath then, „I think I like you Magnus, and that's not easy for me. I know it might not be easy for you, either, but I ask you to go easy on me. We can try this out, I guess, look if it – if it works, but I need to take it all slow."
Then, and only then do I look at him. He looks so young, so vulnerable it nearly breaks my heart. He really means it. And that's when all my walls tumble down.
„Come here," I say softly, patting the spot next to me on the now canary couch. He falters, for the matter of a second only, but long enough for me to notice. I sigh, but eventually he gets up and moves, sitting down next to me. I don't kiss him like I want to. I don't even touch him. All I do is look at him, and then I tell him – well, not quite the whole truth, but bits of it. The bits that matter. He doesn't need to know just yet that I may not even believe in what I say, or that I feel wary from going through it all too many times. He just needs to believe me.
„Alec, I have lived through several hundred years. I have seen so many things you wouldn't even dare to dream of. I have seen people die and I have seen people love. I learned to hate and I learned to love again. I opened up and I got my heart broken, and then I opened up again because it's a circle I didn't wanna break. I got broken and fixed, again and again and again, and maybe that's my destiny, to be broken and fixed for all eternity. Maybe it is what I was born for.
And one day, you may understand what I am saying now. You will know what „taking things slow" does to people. What it does to me. You will know what waiting does. You will have learned to love and you will have been broken. And you will learn to love over and over again. Because out of all the things I learned, this is the most important: love is the first emotion a human being knows. And first things, as less as you might like that, do tend to overlast everything else. Whatever happens, you'll always come back to love, and whatever you may lose, when it all comes down to nothing, love is the one thing that will be there in the end.
I have loved many times, and I have been loved many times, but I have to say that even if I thought it wouldn't be possible, you may be able to show me a new way of loving someone. So please, let me show you new ways of loving, too. No matter how long it will take you."
He looks at me, and I am not entirely sure if it's a trick of the light or if there are actual tears in his eyes. Either way, his voice his thick when he says: „Really?"
I chuckle and tell him the truth: „I have waited through more than seven hundred years to meet someone like you. I might as well wait a little longer."
His face lights up then, and before I know what's happening, he pulls me in for a hug. „Thank you," he whispers into my ear, even if I don't know what he's thanking me for. But I don't care, as long as his arms stay around my waist.
Unfortunately, the moment passes, like moments always do, causing him to let go far too soon. We look at each other for a moment, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smile. I say: „Will you tell me what happened last night?", causing that adorable half-smile to fall off his face. He sighs, leaning back against the lemon green cushion. It's the first time since he came here that I see him relax.
„Fine, here we go," he mutters to himself, and then tells me a story that makes my blood boil with rage.
Alec's POV
The room is filled with silence when I finish my story. I look at Magnus, his expression unreadable. Somehow that makes me more nervous than if he were shouting.
„Well," he finally says, „that's quite a thing."
I don't know how to reply to that; I was terrified, I got chased, heck, I was certain I'd die for at least thirty minutes. Well, I almost died, running infront of that stupid mundane truck. Calling it „quite a thing" seems a bit like an understatement to me.
„Looks like you gotta make sure to stay away from that district till we know more about those guys. If you meet them again, make sure to contact me as soon as possible, got it?" he says, getting up. I nod, watching him fetch a dark green velvet coat, his keys and a mobile that seems too fancy for him in a grotesque way. He pulls the coat on over his bordeaux shorts, runs his hands through his hair in front of the mirror once and turns to look at me expectantly. „You coming?" he says.
„Where are we going?" I ask, confused, but get up anyway.
„I'm taking you out for breakfast," he answers, opening the door to his flat. I hesitate, then nod, tell him to give me a sec and almost run into my room, changing into a pair of jeans and a black shirt quickly. I shrug on my worn out leather jacket while joining him, feeling a little underdressed. But all thoughts about my outfit are wiped out immediately when he takes my hand and steps out with me into the sunlight as if it is the most normal thing in the world.
