A/N - THANKYOU so much for reading this far! Really! Please remember writing styles will differ due to collaboration with dauntlesscake51. Any ideas for the stories direction are all welcome. :)
Chapter 3.
His words echo in my head.
"I need to tell you something."
Of course he needs to tell me something! I've been waiting here this whole time to find out the reason as to why he killed my best friend. And why I'm the one who has to tell Will that his girlfriend was shot by his initiation instructor? I think an explanation is due for all of us really.
I follow him out of the cafeteria, ignoring the whistles and snickers emitted from Uriah and Zeke.
Once we walk out the doors, he leads me out into the pit. We walk along the dangerous pathways that still do not have railings, enabling anyone to plummet to their death by just one misstep. There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity.
I suddenly think of Al. What thoughts went through his head before he plummeted to his death? Was I the main contributor to his death? I pushed him away when he needed me most. I could've used the inner abnegation in me to talk to him when he wept himself to sleep. I could've tried harder in cheering him up when I realised he liked me and I didn't share mutual feelings. A voice in my head rings 'it wasn't your fault.' He did hang me off this very foundation, over the chasm. That's when I stop blaming myself and snap back to reality. I remember that Tobias is still standing next to me and halts to a stop. We have reached our destination.
We have somehow found a way to the chasm and I haven't noticed before. The chasm roars as it hits the railing, spraying water over the rocks. I sit down on a rock, easily sliding my skinny legs through the gaps in the railing. Tobias sits down next to me and does the same thing. I look out onto the raging water, remembering the time that Tobias let down his defences and let me in. He shared with me everything he kept secret right in this very spot. He didn't say a word to me over the walk to the chasm.
He finally looks over to me, his eyes troubled, not knowing where to start in this mess. I decide to speak first; being direct is the only way I've ever talked to him.
"So, why'd you kill her?" My voice coming off cold. I can't contain my madness which has been bottled up ever since the gun was fired in Christina's direction. He's about to speak in his defence but, I'm obviously not done yet.
"Why did you kill my best friend? The first friend I made at dauntless? The first friend I had ever made who would actually exchange a proper conversation with me? So why would you do that hmm? Four?"
He looks directly into my eyes. He looks hurt but determined to let the truth escape from his lips.
"So that's the way you wanna play it, Tris? Not like I saved your life or anything!" He chuckles but quickly stops. He turns away. He cant be cruel to me.
"How did you save my life?" I say in a huff.
"I guess you wouldn't know; disappearing off the face of the earth and all."
"Don't change the subject." I mumble.
His chest heaves as he sighs. I can tell I won't like what he's about to say.
"I had to shoot her before she shot you."
I shake my head in disbelief.
"Christiana would never kill me!" I say outraged. Why is he even excusing his own terrible actions? I shake my head.
"Was it to get back at me? I've already lost my parents so why not shoot my best friend!"
"Tris!" he yells
"What" I spit back.
I look down to the chasm. I shouldn't have to deal with this, not from someone I thought I might've loved.
"I thought this would be best heard from me so I told the others not to tell you.."
Tell me what!
"Before Jeanine was assassinated, she realised that she could still control anyone who she had injected with a certain serum. Whilst you were gone, God knows where as far as I knew, Jeanine was using serums and intelligence to mind control over the dauntless at random times. There were people jumping off of buildings for no apparent reason, murders becoming a more frequent trend and even individuals declaring war on their own faction."
This can't be true. Christina taught me a couple of ways to see if a person is lying. I search Tobias' face, looking for a tell. No twitching, no avoiding eye contact, no fidgeting. He must be telling the truth.
"One way you could tell if someone was under the syrum was by their tone of voice. Each person that was linked to the mind control spoke in a monotone voice."
"But her tone of voice wasn't any different!" I yell over the roar of the chasm.
This isn't fair. A tear rolls down my cheek, leaving my skin damp and cold.
"I know that Christina's voice didn't sound any different" he continues.
"She had been under the same mind control previously, on ten different occasions in the last week actually. She had mindlessly murdered 15 different people without even knowing it."
There is something that doesn't really add up in all of this.
"How did Jeanine make Christina kill so many people when the lovely lady herself is dead?" I say, my hidden Erudite is showing.
"So many were loyal to Jeanine. She had a whole faction and more wrapped around her finger. They could have easily carried on her work from where she left off."
He looks genuinely sad as the words stream from his mouth.
"I couldn't let her hurt you, Tris. I care about you too much."
Another tear rolls down my cheek as he speaks.
I never really thought about what happened to Christina, to all of the dauntless after I left. She must've woken up killing so many people, adults and children, without even knowing it. I guess death could've been a way to ease all of the pain that Jeanine had caused to her, physiologically. But it only half justifies his actions.
"I'm sorry" he says, almost pleadingly.
I'll want to forgive him, but not right now. I know I will forgive him. I know he did it for the right reasons. I carefully shimmy my legs out of the gaps in the railing. I stand to leave, but I turn my head into his direction instead. The water is reflecting onto his face
"Me too." I whisper.
Tobias walks slowly towards me.
"Why did you leave? I looked for you everywhere, not even the allurement could find you." Right. His band of leaders.
"I..." I stutter. I told the others why I left, so why is it hard to tell him?
"I missed you." He says, his voice cracks, I pretend not to notice. His deep blue eyes draw me in. I have missed his eyes.
"Me too." I say softly. "But I just can't do this right now." I turn my back and leave, its hard. This is the right thing to do for the time being. He knows it too.
