Chapter 3
Earlier that night...
Pace. Don't look at her. Pace. Pace. Pace around the room.
The nights are getting harder. Much harder. Since we started school again Juri's just kept getting better in everything. She's grown a lot. Not just physically, though she is a lot taller and... the rest...
You can see it when she fences. She can beat anyone, Koji's so pissed off, well anyone apart from that Ruka. God when she fences. Her strength, her determination, the way she moves, the way her... what am I thinking?
Hentai.
That's what she's call me if she knew. That's what anyone would call me. Girls don't feel this way. Girls are flowers and dresses and lace not this. Girls don't think these thoughts. Especially towards other girls, it's just... unnatural.
Then again this place is unnatural. The weather, the secrets behind everything, even the flowers. Flowers should be safe but here they're not.
"Don't trust flowers that don't die." That's what my mother always says. "Flowers that don't die are lifeless already or just cheap imitations. A flower that lasts is an illusion."
Yet in all my time here a bloom has never been out of place, not a petal withered. No gardener could ever tend the acres of rose gardens so perfectly. Maybe it's a miracle.
I give in to the urge to gaze. She's sleeping, arms open waiting to hold me, or am I just thinking that they are? Her delicate eyelids flutter, she's dreaming. She twists and groans gently. She looks troubled. A bad dream.
"Shh Juri, shhh..."
I get into bed and hold her just like she used to do to me. I was always the cry baby, she played the big sister. A cut knee and she'd tell me that it was serious, "We're going to have to amputate." whilst smiling, putting on a plaster and kissing it like a prince.
Childhood games. Isn't this just a game? I'm not serious just practising. Yes practise! Juri was just playing for my real prince, so this is just me practising for a man. It's not wrong that my hand is running through her curls, it's not wrong how close my body is to hers. It's not wrong how I want to touch her more...
"Shiori..."
She murmurs, or did I just imagine that? She stirs, rubbing her soft body against my tender spots. I can feel my heat rising, pulse quickening. She said my name. Her head is nuzzled between my breasts now. They're still small but that just makes her closer. My nipples are growing hard. The warmth and wetness down there is becoming unbearable, it's starting to hurt. I can feel all my nights of frustration culminating.
It's not perverted if nobody finds out is it? I mean it's just practise.
My hand not in her hair moves down. Don't look at her. My deft fingers ease the throbbing. A few minutes of pleasure made sweeter by her scent and the feel of her breath on my skin. Moans from me and her mixing. Finally blissful release.
I look at her through my panting. Her eyes are half open...
"Shiori..." she mumbles.
SH*T.
I whip round, face away from her. I don't want to see the expression on her face.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
I stumble to the door and race out the corridor, out the building, race out into the night. Anywhere. Anywhere where she can't see me.
Run. Run. Run anywhere.
"Ufff!"
"Koji... what're you doing here?"
We're by the side of mine and Juri's dorm building. Right outside our open ground floor window. Koji is a bright shade of red. This doesn't look good.
"Were you watching us?"
He looks embarrassed and disgusted enough for the both of us.
"At least I wasn't doing that."
He saw. He saw. He saw. What do I do?
"I only look but you do... that. That's wrong, so wrong."
"It was only practise! It wasn't real."
I'm clutching at straws here. I have nothing to stand on. Nothing.
"Look I won't tell." I look at him surprised. "We both want the same thing. We both won't get it. She only sees us as friends, especially you. I don't think anyone can be as weird as you..."
"You're wrong! I'm normal! I'm just a normal girl! It's just a phase..."
I start sobbing. Koji crouches to face me, smiling an odd smile.
"We can work through this infatuation together. Come with me, let's forget about her. You were only practising right?"
I nod slowly, hiccupping a little.
"Well then we shouldn't have a problem." He leads me away from the dorm room, our dorm room, taking me by the arm.
I creep back into the room. Juri's bed is empty. I note it but I'm too tired to care.
Tonight with Koji was fun. Reminiscing about the summer, watching all the other night couples go by...
He was right. I do need to stop practising and move on. Move on to the real thing. Stop being a child. Become an adult. Become a woman not a girl. Maybe I should keep seeing him. Maybe I can make this work.
I pause by Juri's bed. I ponder it but it's best to sleep in my own from now on.
Maybe I can forget about this and become a normal girl. Just like everyone else. Just like Juri. Yes, just like her.
