So this is where the story actually gets interesting. No more of this straight fluff. Also, this one is longer. You're welcome :)
Anyways... please review! I really would appreciate some feedback. Or if you're shy, message me. I don't bite. Hard.
"So where were you today?"
"There were some things I had to do, Stella. I can't be Javert anymore, so I had to completely destroy anything left of him."
"What did you have to do?"
"Sold my sword, burned my uniform, and changed my name."
"What am I supposed to call you now?" Stella's voice was playful, completely ignorant of his pain. He could not blame her, as he was doing his best to hide it from her. He tried to say the name, but the memory of it caused it to stick in his throat. It was far more than just a name, it was one of the bravest people he had ever known.
"Gavroche." That was only half the story. "Gavroche Madeleine."
In that single moment, Stella understood his pain. With the most sympathetic smile and voice she could manage, she said quietly, "I loved Gavroche."
"He nearly killed me to save his friends. It's a pity his plan didn't work." Stella softly laid her hand on his shoulder to quiet him. Javert silently cursed the fact that he could not show or tell her how much he appreciated her love. Stella silently cursed the fact that she had brought it up.
"Madeleine… wasn't that the name of our mayor back in Montreuil?" Javert could barely nod. "Why did he leave? He was a great man."
"He and I…" No. There was no way he could reveal it to Stella now. She was the only person whom he had ever loved who loved him as well. He couldn't risk losing that so soon. But could he lie? Javert thought back to the first person whom he had ever called "Father" (never aloud, of course), his instructor in the police academy. "Never hide anything from your unit. They are your brothers, and anything you hide from them is a betrayal of them, of you, of me, and of your uniform. You're a family, aren't you? Act like it, for goodness' sake." Father was a devout Catholic who believed that abstaining from use of the Lord's name would get him out of time in purgatory. All the other boys had mocked him for it, but Javert only looked up to him all the more for it. As much as he hated any reminder of his old self, Javert realized that Father's advice could be applied here as well. Stella was his only family now. He could never dream of betraying her. "Monsieur Madeleine was just a name invented by a criminal named Jean Valjean. I had suspected it, but tried not to think about it. Anything else would be disrespectful. When he finally told me who he was, I tried to arrest him, but he fought me and won." Javert's eyes clouded with regret.
Stella could sense it. "Why do you regret it?"
"He could have killed me more easily than I could snap a twig. He'd been in a labor camp for seven years before I even met him, and I watched him there for twelve years after that. I couldn't see that side of him at the moment. I only saw what I wanted to see – a fugitive. He ran away after we fought, and I followed him all the way to Paris. That was nine years ago."
"You followed him, and I followed you." Stella wished to take it back as soon as she had said it – this was the first time she had ever dared speak of it to anyone. Her eyes widened in fear. There it was, her biggest secret, and she had spit it out without a second thought.
Her shocked expression was reflected in Javert's large eyes. It was a short statement, sure, but it had gone deep into his soul. Stella's simple confession had penetrated the depths of his heart he never knew existed. "She loved me before I even knew her. How? Why? God, why would you give her to me? You know full well I could never deserve her." An unexpectedly stern voice appeared without warning in the recesses of Javert's mind. "Javert, my son, if I had given you just what you deserved, there would be a body inside your jacket right now. Do you really think I would let you throw your life away, when there was still so much you could learn? I've always wanted you to succeed. She is your second chance, my son. Do not question why I have given her to you. Simply learn from her all you can."
Stella had turned away from him and was covering her face with her right hand, supporting herself with her left. Hesitantly, Javert outstretched his own right hand. Doubts flooded into his mind. He thought back to the voice. It seemed trustworthy. How could he learn from Stella if he did not somehow let her know that he wanted her to express her feelings? He closed his eyes, and then enveloped her tiny hand in his. "Will I ever be able to say how I really feel?"
"Patience, my son," the voice replied. "I will decide when the time is right for you." When Javert's eyes opened, he was still holding Stella's hand. She had let her guard down and was smiling.
"I can't. I can't. I can't I can't I CAN'T." Javert stood up and walked briskly over to the riverbank, crouching with his eyes shut like a beast about to spring from its cage upon a Roman gladiator. "Stella is just another person. Why should I care about her? Is it because she cares about me?" "Sure. Like that would ever happen. Nobody cares about you, Javert. It's just in your head. Telling yourself that there are people who love you is a dangerous route. Love causes you to do things you would never do, neglect things you would never neglect, forgive people who shouldn't be forgiven…"
"I DON'T LOVE HIM! I never did, and I never will love anyone. Especially not him." Javert realized that he was on his feet even though he had no memory of standing up. Fear began to rise, but he could not allow it to grow. Fear could be easily crushed by hatred. "24601! I will find you if it takes me every last breath I have left!"
Stella looked up at the man, her broken heart repeating his words in a constant loop. "I never will love anyone."
