A/N: I fear I may spoil you with this many updates..I hope that is not the case. Let's see what 's in store for Edward...
*sigh* I do not own Twilight or its characters, what I do own is all the books and my computer.
Chapter 2
The last few weeks of summer flew by and before I knew it and school would be starting in a few days. It was one of the best summers that I had ever had. I rediscovered the connections that I had forged with my family members. I was ashamed that I let them drop to the wayside. I tried my best to live in the moment and enjoy it. It seemed like such a silly concept for a vampire, especially when we have an endless amount of time stretched in front of us. Yet in all honesty, I felt as if I was too wrapped up in how I thought things should be and forgot to enjoy what was really happening.
I allowed myself to be sucked into Emmett's latest video game obsession. It was the one way for us to be on a level playing field, especially if we played with others online. I found it enjoyable, but what I really liked was watching the faces that he made. Although he did not need to, he would weave and bob with his character, he would get extremely pissed when he died and loved to create havoc when playing online. He was highly amusing and I forgot about that part of him.
We even spent more time hunting. Instead of getting irritated with his constant need to play with his food, I joined him when he found a grizzly just to get it stirred up some more. We even spent time on the ATV's racing and getting dirty. I forgot how easy it was to be around Emmett.
What made Emmett even happier was that I spent time with Rose. It wasn't a huge amount of time, but it was more than I ever spent with her prior to leaving. Together we would tune up the cars and made plans for some modifications she wanted to make on some of the cars. We even spent a day in Seattle doing some test driving of new models of Volvos and Mercedes. While I liked the car I had, we both knew that Carlisle could use an upgrade. We did not talk much, but we rarely did before.
I helped Esme in the garden and even went with her to the shelter in Portland to deliver the food and clothing we did not need. As we worked we would talk about anything and everything. She never pushed if I was unwilling to talk about something; she just calmly redirected us to another topic. I helped her do research on a remodeling project of an older Victorian house in Oregon. It was her latest client and they were extremely picky. The stories she would tell of the meetings she would have and phone conversations had me laughing. It may go unnoticed, but Esme has a quick wit.
Jasper and I spent the majority of the summer debating. You name it; we debated it forwards, backwards, sideways and upside down. We were evenly matched and it was nice to flex my brain with someone other than Carlisle. Often it would get so heated Esme would make us take it outside in case it turned into a physical issue. It rarely did, but we were very passionate when we argued and it tended to get loud and intense. Even better were the times when Carlisle would join in and plays devil's advocate.
Some nights I went to work with Carlisle. It was nice to put my two medical degrees to work. It would be too suspicious if I went on rounds with him, so I helped in the lab and with research. We would talk about his patients and possible diagnosis and treatments. It gave me a chance to brush up on topics I was less familiar with and just spend time with my father.
He seldom pushed me to open up about why I left and for that I was grateful. I was undecided why I was hesitating. I knew that Carlisle would never judge or criticize me or my actions. It wasn't that I didn't trust him with my fears and concerns, I did. I think I wasn't ready to really delve into what was really bothering me. A part of me was hoping I could ignore it and it would go away. Logically I know that will never happen but it didn't hurt to try.
In all, it was a great summer. I was a bit bummed about the fact that it would only be Alice and I in school. But maybe it would be better that way. Emmett and Rosalie were planning on taking another honeymoon like vacation. They were using the hunting guide I got for Emmett to plan where to go and what to try and hunt. Em was all gun ho to hunt an anaconda, Rosalie was less than thrilled at the idea.
A few days before school, I went with Alice to Seattle to shop for school clothes. I know, it's not something I normally do, but Alice declared my wardrobe out of date and chucked it all. I promised the annoying little pixie that she could pick out all my clothes but I got free reign on my shoes. It was an uneasy compromise in her eyes, but sometimes she had no idea what was comfortable for a guy's feet.
Several hours and an obscene amount of money later we were finally done. We were on our way home when Alice was hit with a vision. Just like the one shortly after I got home, it was quick and rather blurry. Again, I was recognizable as was the figure of a girl. I had my arms wrapped around her and I could tell her hair was brown.
"Was it the same girl as from before?" I blurted the question before I could make sense of why it was important for me to know.
"I think so; it was the same feeling as the last vision."
"What does it mean?" Fear and concern was laced in every word, but I did not know why.
"Like I said before, I think this where you are meant to be. I think that whatever is going to happen will be soon. That vision held more detail; we saw the color of her hair. She had more definition to her." Conviction rang loud and clear.
She looked right at me, "Trust me, things are going to get better."
I desperately wanted to believe her, but I had been cynical for far too long, it was hard not to doubt what she was saying. But, this time I was going to try and have some faith in her. Wasn't that what I had learned these last few weeks? I needed to not get caught up in the all the possible outcomes and problems and just let it happen. I need to let it go.
I gave Alice a small nod and a weak smile; it was the most I could offer her. I would try and not dwell on everything. I would put it in the back of my mind and not worry about it. School was starting on Tuesday and that was as far as I was willing to focus into the future.
I spent the last few days before school just relaxing and not worrying. It was nice to just be, to be in the moment and seeing what comes. I also decided to talk to Carlisle, to let him in a little. I couldn't carry everything; I didn't want to carry it anymore. It was time I started to lean on my family, it was what they were there for.
We decided to go on an all night hunting trip. We left as soon as Carlisle was done with work on Sunday night and loaded up the cars and headed into Canada. It was fun to spend time with everyone this way, even when Alice and Emmett were constantly arguing over what music to listen to.
"Let me put you both out of your misery, your both wrong. If you want some decent music you need to change the channel." With that said I reached over from the back seat of Emmett's Jeep and changed it to a nice indie rock station.
"Oh, no you don't emo boy. No whinny ass music here." He quickly changed it to some techno crap that made me wish I was deaf. I rolled my eyes at him.
"Whatever, Em. You wouldn't know decent music if it hit you on your ass."
What's this? Edward got a sense of humor? No angsty, pansy boy? I am surprised.
I tried to give him my best death stare, but he was waggling his eyebrows, looking for a rise. So I flipped him the bird. His sudden eruptive laughter had everyone wondering what was going on between the two of us.
"E, you grew some balls. Welcome to big boy land." With that he changed the channel back to where I had it and that was the end of it.
Two hours later we arrived at a park just outside Vancouver. It was lush and spacious. Plenty of ground for hunting, it was perfect. We ran for about thirty minutes and set up base camp. Once settled we all headed out to hunt for the next few hours.
I stuck close to where Esme and Carlisle were hunting, looking for a chance to talk. I felt nervous and apprehensive and it was hard to shake. I tried to relax and not worry, but this time it was easier said than done. We found a small herd of moose and the three of us ran to take them out. While moose was filling, the taste left something to be desired, most herbivores were less than appealing. Another moose and deer later and I headed back to our camp site. I came across Carlisle's scent and took off to find him, it was now or never.
I found him lounging by a small brook with Esme. I was thankful that they were still clothed. I watched them interact for a just a few moments and a pang of longing filled me. It was tender the way Esme laid her head in his lap and he gently ran his fingers through her hair. They were not talking, they did not need to, their soft touches and caresses said enough. Once again, I wished for my own mate.
What can I do for you Edward? It shouldn't surprise me that he knew I was there; we always had a sense for the other.
"I was hoping we could talk, but not if I am intruding." I hesitated, unsure of what to do or where to go.
"No, Edward, come talk to your father." Esme's voice held no malice that I interrupted their couple time. You need him more than I do right now.
I threw her a quizzical look, not sure if I understood what she was trying to tell me.
I know you. You have wanted to talk to him for some time. I am glad you are, you need this, both of you. Just like that she was gone, the merest rustle of leaves showed her departure. I walked slowly and deliberately toward Carlisle who had moved to lying on his back to star gaze. When I reached him, I sat down next to him and stared at the water. Now I needed to figure out what to say, where to start.
After a few moments of heavy silence, I finally spoke. "I am not sure what to say or where to start. There is so much rattling up in my head." I felt as if I had disappointed him and I wasn't clear on why. I hadn't done anything that would bring attention to the family while I was gone. I maintained my diet flawlessly without any close calls. So, why did I feel as if I was nothing but a huge disappointment to him?
I took a chance and glanced his way to see only love and compassion. "Maybe if I could ask some questions it would make it easier? You don't have to answer them if you don't want to or only answer as much as you are willing." His generosity knows no bounds. I gave him a shaky nod of my head and took a deep breath.
"Can you tell me why you left? What brought you to the point you felt you had to leave?" There was no condemnation or shaming in his words, they were soft and gentle. I know that's a big question to answer, but it seemed to be the most logical place to begin. Again, answer only as much as you are willing.
I paused to reflect on his question. He was right in that it was the most logical place to start. What was hard was trying to make sense of the mess of emotions that were flying around me. "It was a lot of little things really." I ran my hands through my hair, trying to order my chaotic thoughts.
"The funny thing, it wasn't like something happened that made the choice for me. It was more like I had been thinking about it for quite some time. But one day I had the thought that I was never going to find a mate just hanging around Forks. It wasn't like there was a parade of unmated female vampires coming through every so often. So I figured I had to go beyond where I was."
I tried to listen in on his thoughts, to get an unfiltered glimpse of what he thought as I was talking, but I was met with a block. He was guarding his thoughts, so that we could have an honest talk. He was going to let me say what I wanted, but at the same time, he was allowed to have his own private thoughts about it all.
"Why were you thinking about finding a mate?"
This was a simple one to answer, "I wanted to have what I saw everyday at home." The wistfulness was apparent. "I know that I am loved by everyone, but it is the love of parents and siblings. I wanted the deeper, connected love that you all share with your mates. I wanted to be a part of something like that."
"There is no shame in wanting that. It's natural. It's what set us apart from others of our kind. It tells us that we are still in touch with some part of our humanity."
"It was hard to watch from the outside, some days I felt like an intruder and it was disheartening." I closed my eyes against the well of emotions this was bringing up. I was never more thankful that we are physically unable to cry than I was at that moment. I knew if I could, I couldn't hold back the sobs. As it was, I was trying so hard to keep my shoulders from shaking.
Carlisle was there in a flash and he laid a gentle arm around my shoulders. "It is ok to feel this way. To feel the loss and grief over what you feel is missing in your life. None of us would think less of you. In fact, I think we would all tell you that you are more than worthy and deserving of love."
Just like that, he found the real crux of my issue, I had often worried I was undeserving of love. I worried that my rebellious period had forever ruined my chance of being loved. That somehow it was obvious when you looked at me that I was tainted. I had no more to say, I was too wrapped up in my own grief to say anything more.
"You are a kind and wonderful man, Edward. I know you feel otherwise, that you have done too much wrong. But I am a firm believer that everyone is worthy of love, because it is what we do with that love once we have it that deems our worthiness of it."
The rest of the night I spent in quiet contemplation. I once again found myself wanting to place my hopes in Carlisle. That he possessed the knowledge that would set me free from the prison of guilt I was living in. Was it possible that someone could find it within themselves to love me? My thoughts began the normal downward spiral full of concern, worry and indecision. I fought against them, knowing that it would only lead me to feeling lost and depressed.
The morning rays of light found me still at the creek and I was still struggling with my emotions. I knew we were close to leaving, but I could not find it in me to move. I heard Esme before I saw her sink gracefully down beside me.
"I am not sure what you and Carlisle talked about, but I have no trouble seeing what you are thinking. I want you to listen to me." Her voice was soft, but full of authority. I rolled on my side and gazed at her apprehensively.
"I may not be your biological mother, but I love you like you were my own child. I know you, Edward. I know your heart and your mind. You need to let go of your past. You need to move on. One day, you will find someone to love and she will be the luckiest woman ever. Believe in who you are, not what you think you are."
With that said she stood up and offered her hand to me. I placed my hand in hers and she pulled me into her and the hug I did not realize I needed until that moment.
"Thanks, Mom. I needed that." We met up with the others and made our way home. The next morning I would be back in school. So for tonight I wasn't going to worry. Instead, I went to my piano and I let everything I was feeling out. I played for hours, sometimes fast and furious, other times soft and poignant. By the end I felt calm, at peace even. It was a surreal experience. I got dressed for school and met Alice by my car.
I knew that my sudden appearance back at school would be cause for stares and whispers. The public story was that I spent the previous school year abroad in a special college prep program. Still, I found it all a bit disconcerting and overwhelming. I haven't had to play a role in sometime and I found it a bit tedious. The inane chatter of voices in my head made me wince
Oh my goodness, it's true, Edward Cullen is back.
Why couldn't he stay away? Leave me to all the ladies of this school.
Wow, he is still so fine looking. I must tell Bella about him. But what if he notices her? I doubt it, she is so plain looking.
I rolled my eyes at Jessica; her voice was still as loud and annoying as ever. I followed Alice into the school and to homeroom, we were lucky that we shared this part of our day. The only other class we shared was gym, which we both hated. My first hour was Calculus and I made my way there as quickly as possible. It was then that I noticed a pleasant scent in the hall that was unfamiliar. It was faint, but I could still detect it. It was floral and sweet. I looked around for the source but saw no one that I was unfamiliar with. I pushed it out of my mind, went to class where I concentrated on Mr. Varner and his lecture on the seriousness of doing well in your senior year.
Second hour was English with Mr. Berty and I was the first to arrive. I glanced at the syllabus on the desk and realized we had a group project for the entire year. As the others students filed in, I ran through several arguments to use with Mr. Berty to make mine a solo project. Just as I settled on the best course of action, the same floral scent I had noticed earlier filled the room. I looked up and saw the most gorgeous pair of chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen.
I breathed deeply, letting the delicious aroma penetrate my nose, my mouth, my mind. I scanned her thoughts and realized I could hear nothing. She was standing next to Angela and I had no trouble hearing her, but the beautiful creature next to her was silent.
I watched as they choose seats next to each other and continued talking. They were catching up with each other as they had not seen each other in a few weeks. Angela had just gotten back from a family vacation and the other girl went to see her mother in Florida. I wondered who this girl was and when she started school. She was not a student when I was pretending to play sophomore, so it was possible she started last year when I was gone.
Angela caught me staring at them and mentioned something to the new girl. "Bella, don't look now, but Edward is staring at you."
I watched as her shoulder stiffened as she whispered back, "Edward who? Where is he?"
Angela leaned in even closer but I could still hear her perfectly. "You did not get to meet him last year as he was gone. He went overseas to some exclusive college prep school. His father is Dr. Cullen, you know him, right?"
Bella nodded vigorously. I saw in Angela's mind the few times she had to take Bella to the hospital for some cut or sprain. Angela seemed to think that Bella was clumsy.
"Anyway, Dr. Cullen and his wife adopted Edward, his sister Alice and the three others. You remember them from last year? They are the ones that are all together." Again, Bella nodded her head.
"Why is he looking at me?" Her voice was soft and gentle, but there was a hint of confusion in it. I switched to Angela's thoughts to see her face. Her eyes were wide and there was a crease between them as if she was trying to figure out some problem. Her lips were a pale pink with the bottom one slightly fuller than the top. Her cheek bones were high and there were the remnants of a blush that gave them the most appealing pink color ever.
Angela opened her mouth to answer her but just then Mr. Berty called the class to order.
"Listen up everyone; we are going to go over your group projects. They are worth sixty percent of your grade, so give it the attention it deserves. I have already assigned you partners and you will sit next to them for the rest of the year."
The room erupted into a buzz of noise. Most of them were protesting the assignment of partners, while others were just bemoaning that there was such a huge project to do. Mr. Berty went across the room assigning partners and their seats.
He stopped where I was already seated and spoke, "Well, you can stay hear Mr. Cullen and welcome Ms. Swan as your partner."
My eyes snapped over to where she was and watched as she looked at me through the long curtain of her hair. Her eyes were full of shock and a full blush spread all over her cheeks. I offered her a small smile. She gathered her stuff and slowly made her way over to where I sat. Mr. Berty continued to make his way through the class and matching up the students.
"Hello, I am Edward Cullen. It's nice to meet you." I expected her reaction to my voice; it's the same with most people. Her eyes widened even more and her heart gave a few extra beats.
"I'm Bella, Bella Swan nice to meet you as well." She looked lost for what else to say and so she fiddled with the hem of her shirt.
"Ah, so you must be related to Chief Swan, his daughter?" I calmly questioned. I found myself intrigued by her. Even sitting this close her thoughts were a mystery. But it was more, it was her scent. While mouthwatering, I felt none of the normal bloodlust; instead it was quite calming to me. With her so close, I could detect the subtleties of it, there were hints of lavender and strawberries, but the main scent was freesia. It was perfect. Her skin looked so soft and creamy, she was a stunning woman.
"Yea, he's my dad. I heard you just got back from overseas, right?" With her mind silent to me I watched those eyes and realized how much I could discern from them. Like now, she was surprised by her sudden question, almost like she had no intention of asking it. A blush colored her cheeks and she started to bite her lower lip.
I gave her a soft chuckle and smile, "You heard correct. I got back a few weeks ago. I spent the last year in England studying. Seems we missed each other last year. When did you start?"
That pucker was between her eyes again, I wondered if she didn't like talking about herself.
"I started in the middle of January. I moved from Arizona to live with my dad." The sigh after she was done told me she had gone over this story numerous times and wasn't pleased to be doing it again. I had a million more questions I wanted to ask, but was interrupted by Mr. Berty. Reluctantly I faced the front and listened while he described our project. It was then, while I sat silently by her, that I noticed the low hum of energy that seemed to emanate from her. It vibrated between us and it felt oddly exciting. I puzzled over it the entire hour, aware of every sigh and shift that came from Bella. Just before the bell was to ring, I slipped a piece of paper to her:
Here's my number, give me a call and we can set up a time to work on our project. Suddenly I had no more desire to do the project solo; I wanted to spend time with Bella and maybe get to know her better.
A/N: Soo Edward has finally met Bella...it's soo cute. Please review to make me happy...I like being happy! :)
