Chapter 3: Debbie Downer

Shikamaru sighed. He hated when it rained. The sky was so much pleasanter when it was clear and blue. When it was overcast and gray and rainy, he couldn't help but be reminded of his mother's face when she stepped into room and happened to put her bare foot directly on his dirty underwear. In a word: angry. (More words: ready to explode, promise of inconvenience, sure to put a damper on your day).

To make it worse, it was raining and he hadn't brought an umbrella. When he left for work, it had still been beautiful. Who knew such beauty that seemed ready to last forever could dissolve within the day? Maybe that was a symbol for something.

If Shikamaru wasn't so tired from going into work early and dealing with greedy informers he would make some poetic metaphor about it. As it was, he shuffled down the road with hunched shoulders and fantasized about the dry, warmness of his house.

When his feet touched the first cement square on the walk leading to his house, he saw a figure tucked under the balcony over his door. He paused as someone unmistakably female stood, her face hidden behind a purple umbrella hovering close above her head. For one terrifying moment, he worried that it was her (the last person he wanted to see today), but then the umbrella was raised higher and he saw that it was only Ino.

"Hey," she said, seeming oddly shy. He didn't answer right away, instead looking at her closely. Her eyes were pink and slightly swollen, like she'd been crying. Her hair was falling from its ponytail. She was still wearing her work uniform (he recognized it from the other night). Basically, she looked troublesome. Like the human embodiment of time passing and hassle.

Sighing again, he put his key in the door and said, gruffly, "Well, come on in then."

He thought earlier that the rain must have been a symbol, but now he knew it was a warning. How had she even known where he lived? Had she watched him go home like a creeper (even after claiming she wasn't)?

"Can I get you some tea?" he asked, peeling off his wet jacket.

"No thank you," she answered as she bent to remove her shoes.

Shikamaru shrugged and then disappeared down the hallway to change into dry clothes. He returned a couple of moments later to find her looking curiously around the living room. From her expression, he could tell that she was surprised.

"What's with that look?" he asked, though he had a pretty good idea.

"I…I just didn't expect your house to look so homey," she said, running her hand along the back of an arm chair. "I guess I expected something more along the lines of white walls and randomly placed furniture."

"There you are," he said, dropping lazily onto the couch. His house had been white walls and randomly placed furniture for the first few months he'd lived there and would have stayed that way if Hinata hadn't insisted on making his home look less like a hospital in gratitude for all the help he'd given Naruto in college. But, she didn't have to know that.

"What?" Ino sat next to him and hugged herself for warmth (if she was cold, she ought to ask for a blanket. He wasn't going to go out of his way to get one for her).

"You were acting weird and that was the first thing that you said that sounded like you," Shikamaru explained, sighing at having to explain it and resisting the urge to turn the television on. That's what he normally did when he got home, but he knew Ino had something to say. Better she get on with it so he could relax in peace.

She sounded oddly touched when she said, "But, you haven't known me all that long."

"You don't have to know someone for very long to determine if they're shy or not. You are definitely not shy. So, don't act like you are, it's annoying," Shikamaru said to her straight.

"Wha-?" Ino's mouth hung open. She was so shocked whenever he insulted her, as if she thought there was nothing about her to be insulted. "I wasn't acting shy! I just didn't know how you would react to seeing me! You can be somewhat mean, so I was worried you'd just walk on by and leave me out in the rain!"

"That's not it," Shikamaru said, crossing his arms. "There's something more. You wouldn't have let me walk on past."

She scooted closer to him, looking up at him from under her lashes. In a sickly-sweet voice she said, "You know what? I had nothing to worry about. You can't resist this."

"Disgusting," Shikamaru deadpanned in response, pushing her away until she was all the way on the other side of the couch.

Ino burst out laughing, "That never gets old! Are you sure you aren't gay?"

"Just because I can 'resist' you doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means your creeper face doesn't work on me," he leaned back and closed his eyes. She wouldn't attack him again if she had learned her lesson from before (unlikely, but he liked to give people chances).

She was quiet for a long time. Curious, Shikamaru warily opened his eyes and peeked over at Ino. She was fuming. Her eye was twitching (just like Topanga's did on that one Boy Meets World episode where they're telling the family to back off the wedding planning). It was freaky.

"Twice in one day! You've called me a creeper twice in one day! There ought to be a limit on that type of insult! Girls aren't creepers anyway! Strange older men who drive around slowly in big white vans are creepers!" Ino said. She obviously hadn't learned her lesson, because she swung at him.

Shikamaru, though sometimes (usually) rude and terse, was not a mean person. He felt bad for hurting her tail bone earlier, so he gently caught her fist and twisted her around. Even though he was using only about one-eighth of the force he normally used, she still made a small noise of pain (what a wimp).

"Oww," she whined. "You're not supposed to hurt a girl."

"Girls aren't creepers! You're not supposed to hurt a girl! I get whatever I want because I'm a girl!" he mocked in a false girl voice.

"I do," she confirmed with two nods, her hands still locked behind her.

Shikamaru went to release her, but then noticed something. He froze. His eyebrows furrowed. His nostrils flared.

"Ino," he said, his voice flat.

Said girl stopped trying to wriggle out of his grasp and said, fear in her voice, "What is it? Why do you sound so scary?"

"Did you paint my fingernails?"

"N-no! Of course not!"

"They're purple! Who else would paint my nails purple? And, they match yours. You're wearing the same color right now!"

"You can't prove it!"

"Wait, maybe it wasn't you. Surely you can paint better than that. Whoever painted my nails missed a lot."

"You moved around a lot, okay! I'll admit that I painted them if you admit that I did a swell job."

"Ino, I went to work with my nails painted like this. No wonder they were snickering."

Her shoulders were shaking.

"Are you laughing at me!"

"No, I'm crying for your misfortune," she said dryly with a snort that blew her cover.

"Fine. I was going to offer you a sweater and a blanket, but I changed my mind," Shikamaru said, releasing her and reaching for the remote. She whipped around and looked at him with starry eyes. He ignored her and turned the television on.

"I knew it! Deep down, you're a nice person!" Ino exclaimed, hugging his arm (and severely invading his personal boundaries).

"Oh, look, a baseball game is on," Shikamaru said disinterestedly.

Ino upped her ante, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder, "Shikamaruuu~, I'm sorry! I have fingernail polish remover at home and I'll revert your nails back to the epitome of manliness when you come over to eat bacon tomorrow morning! Please get me a sweater and blanket! It's like Russian tundra in here! What is your tile made of? Permafrost? I swear my skin stuck to it when I walked over to the couch! I bet enough of my skins cells are attached to your frozen wasteland floor to clone me!"

Shikamaru resisted the urge to snort (as if anyone would wish for more than one Ino) and turned the volume up.

"Shikamaru! Pleaseeee~!" she continued to whine. She tugged on his shirt and wrapped one ankle around this calf. "I'll take it back. You're not nice at all Shikamaru! That's what you want to hear, right? You're so manly and stuff! Rugged. Untamed. Boss!"

"Fine!" Shikamaru said, shooting up off the couch. "I will go get you a stupid sweater and a stupid blanket if you'll stop it with that troublesome chattering!"

"Yay!" she cheered, clapping her hands and waving cheekily at him as he disappeared to go get the mentioned items.

As revenge, Shikamaru rummaged through his closet until he could find his rattiest sweater and thinnest blanket. When he returned, he threw them at her face and plopped back on the couch.

She gave the disrepair of the sweater a judging look for a few seconds before shrugging and slipping it on. He could almost read her thoughts. They went something along the lines of, "It's only Shikamaru here; I can dress sloppily if I want."

While she pulled the old thing on, he turned the television off and prepared for whatever it was she came here for.

"Why are looking at me like that?" she asked, fixing her hair that had falling out completely when she had put the sweater on.

"I want to know why you're here. You want to talk about something, right?"

"Ah, do you want to get rid of me that badly?" she teased for a moment before becoming completely serious. "Actually, I am here to talk to you about something. Normally I could talk to my friend Sakura about these things…but, it's an issue concerning her. And, I can't get advice from any of my other friends, because they're all friends with Sakura, too. So, you're the only person I can come to."

He nodded to give her permission to continue. Ino retreated to the opposite side of the couch and, leaning against the arm of the chair, curled up under the blanket.

"Sakura has been my best friend since we were in first grade. We had a falling out over a boy that we both liked in high school. Eventually, we realized that no boy was worth our friendship and reconciled. When we left for college, that boy was in a lot of my classes. He and I would often partner up for projects, and I was sure I was in love with him.

"Then, Sakura visited me. You see, she wanted to be a doctor, so she went to a medical school. She found out that I spent a lot of time with Sasuke and that we were pretty close. We'd gone on a couple of dates and were in the beginning stages of being in 'a relationship'.

"When Sakura found this out, she was really angry," Ino rubbed the side of her neck, obviously still upset about what had happened even after all this time. "But, she didn't say anything about it. She started to visit a lot more. I don't know when it started, but I guess there was a lot of chemistry between older Sakura and Sasuke. One night we were blowing off steam after exams and got really drunk. I passed out and they…they did the deed."

"Did the deed?" Shikamaru repeated. Honestly, her innocence sometimes threw him for a loop. He tried not to judge people based on their appearances but – with her blonde hair, mascara painted eyes, and form-fitting clothes – she looked like someone who was promiscuous.

"Yes. Had sex. Engaged in intercourse. Slept together. Did the nasty. Made sandwiches. However you want to call it. When I woke up, I found them together. They hadn't even bothered to leave the room. I felt betrayed. I had told Sasuke that I promised my mom that I would wait until I was married and I believed he was okay with that. Then, he slept with my best friend."

She sighed deeply, "Sakura was really apologetic afterwards. She told me that she had been fighting her attraction for him, but when she had gotten drunk she couldn't resist. I knew it was a mistake. I couldn't blame her for that, I guess. So I forgave her.

"I guess it's my fault for dating someone I knew my best friend was in love with, too. She must have felt betrayed when she saw I was in a relationship with him. Anyway, Sasuke and I fell apart after that. A year later, he married Sakura."

"That's why I decided to not fall in love. It sucks," Shikamaru said.

"It does," she agreed.

"Is that what you wanted advice about?" he asked. There wasn't really anything to say, was there?

"No. When she visited me earlier tonight, she told me that she thought she was in love with Naruto. His wife is our friend…and she's already married. To the man that I would've been happily married to. When she told me, I was so angry. I swear, everything turned red."

"What'd you say after that?"

"I told her that I couldn't tell her anything. She had come over for advice, you know. I didn't want to hurt her feelings or anything…I was so angry. So I told her to come back in a week and I would give her advice then."

"That was a good idea," Shikamaru said with a nod.

"After she left, I threw a tea cup at the wall."

"That's really violent."

"I tried to calm down, though. I don't know if even after a week I'll be able to tell her anything without still being angry. I mean, she can't just do that to Naruto and Hinata or Sasuke. It isn't right or fair."

"That's…wait, Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Uh, yeah. Do you know him?" Ino asked, sitting forward.

"And…Sasuke Uchiha?"

"…Yes. You know both of them?" She put a hand to her forehead, "You knew them and didn't say anything!"

"I didn't realize at first. How was I supposed to know?"

"I came to you because I thought you were outside of the situation. But, you know everyone involved. Now I feel like I'm gossiping. This is bad," Ino said, slumping back into the couch.

"It's not really all that bad. I won't say anything about it," he promised. Running a hand over his face he said, "Look, what would you say if it hadn't been Sakura?"

"I don't know. I would probably tell her to go on dates with her husband more and to write a list of things that she loved about him to remind herself. Maybe try to pin down why she was so attracted to this other man and see if it's because of a problem within the relationship that can be fixed," Ino said.

"There you go. Just tell her that," he said, turning the television back on. That was pretty easy. Now he could watch television in peace.

"But, I don't know if I want to," Ino confessed.

And…there it goes.

"Why not?"

"Because," Ino started. Her strange, uncharacteristic shyness returned. She pressed her two index fingers together and avoided meeting his eyes, "I don't think she deserves Sasuke. I think she loves drama, and I want her to get the consequences of it for once."

"Ino," Shikamaru said. He sat up straighter and squared his shoulders. What he was about to tell her would make her angry, and he wanted to be prepared for her attack this time. "Isn't that hypocritical? You look down on her for wanting Naruto, but haven't you wanted her husband all this time?"

Her jaw fell open.

"And, you don't want to tell her how to fix it because you want her marriage to fall apart. You want her to go after Naruto so that maybe you can have Sasuke back."

She was as still as a statue.

"You do realize that if you did happen to get back together with Sasuke, you would lose Sakura as a friend. You can't have both."

Then, she was crying.

She curled tighter into a ball and peered at Shikamaru over her knees. "It's not that I'm mad at her for wanting Naruto. I understand that. What I'm mad at is that she can never be satisfied. She always wants what others have. It's like this complex of hers. When she was younger, her mom always tore her down. She took many things from her, including her confidence. So, now she takes from everyone else."

Ino shook her head, tears still running down her face, "She's my best friend and I love her to death, but I could never stand that part of her personality. It hurts and I was often on the losing part of the deal."

"And, it's not like I don't know that I can't have them both. I understand that. I've chosen Sakura over him basically. I could have fought harder to keep Sasuke after that incident. But, I love her more. She's my sister, basically."

She tried wiping the tears away, sniffling pathetically.

"I can't keep forgiving her for hurting me, though. Her apologies begin to lose meaning after a while."

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru said. She was so troublesome, but he hated seeing her so miserable. She had been so resistant to his barbs, he found himself working harder to irritate her. But, to see something actually touch her and hurt her this bad…he felt he ought to be nicer to her (though it was fun and a bit of a stress release to tease her). "I shouldn't have said that. I had no proof, only assumptions."

She looked up at him. He held his hands arms out to her in offering and she lurched across the couch to bury herself in them.

"You always assume the worst of me," Ino said, her voice muffled as she talked into his chest.

"When you assume the worst out of people, you never have to be disappointed. The only thing that happens is vindication," Shikamaru said.

"That sounds so lonely and sad."

Shikamaru was struck by her words. He wasn't lonely or sad…was he? He had friends, a fulfilling job, a nice house, and…well, that's all. But, that's enough right? Maybe he ought to get a pet? No. That would be stupid. He didn't really feel like there was a void in his life.

"Not lonely. Not sad. Content," Shikamaru said. "I'm very content."

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Buum bum bumbum," Ino hummed the wedding march.

"What?"

"I don't know, just whenever I hear someone say the phrase 'I do', no matter the context, I am always reminded of a wedding."

"Gross, you're such a girl."

"Ouch! My heart," Ino said, gripping her chest. "Your words injure me."

"Would you get off of me? You're so clingy," he said, pushing her away.

"You're the one who held his arms out to me in the first place!" she said, pulling away, but not before jabbing him hard in the ribs.

He rubbed the now tender spot and scowled at her, which she studiously ignored as she grabbed the remote.

"Eh, what's this? All of the recordings saved on your DVR are sports! Don't you ever watch any real television?"

"Just because it's not what you watch doesn't mean it's not real television, Loser."

"So, then when you said salad wasn't real food you mean I had brought fake food, ne?"

"Shut up."

"Don't worry, I'm about to expand your tastes. This is a little magic something I like to call: How I Met Your Mother."

"What do you mean you like to call it that? That's the title, everyone calls it that."

"Oh, yay! It's the Robin Sparkles episode!"

"Are you even listening to me?"

As an answer, she simply turned the volume up. He sighed and slouched lower into the couch. Ino had let go of him as he asked, but was still sitting pretty close. He would have asked her to move over and give him some space, but he recognized that she needed comfort right now. That, and it actually felt kind of nice.

It wasn't like it was breaking the Bachelor Oath when he was only sitting by her.

They spent the rest of the night watching How I Met Your Mother. There was lots of laughter (all from Ino) and mournful sighs (all from Shikamaru). Though she was introducing the show to him, she had little patience for his questions ("If Barney is so in love with Robin, why doesn't he just man up and tell her?" "He obviously is afraid of love, Shikamaru! Now, shush!") and elbowed him quite a bit. He was definitely going to have a bruise there by next morning.

It was a pretty good night.

He would never tell Ino that, though.

She already had a big enough ego as it was.

Shikamaru was finally able to watch the baseball game when she fell asleep, snoring quietly on his shoulder. He looked down at her and supposed this is when he would notice how angelic she looked when she slept and be filled with tenderness. Instead, he only felt relief that she was asleep and he could watch his program.

He carefully lowered her on the part of the couch he wasn't sitting on and watched the baseball game. It wasn't good. His team was losing the entire time. After the game was over, he told her sleeping form to stay out of his things and then went to sleep.

Shikamaru fell asleep right away (he was probably worn out from Ino's annoying presence) and slept well through the night. He was pulled from the deep recesses of sleep by a tickling sensation on his nose. Sniffing, he turned away and mumbled.

There was a giggle, but his hazy mind didn't process it. The irritating tickling sensation returned and he turned the other way. Another giggle. This continued for another five minutes or so, until Shikamaru became so annoyed that he finally woke up completely.

He sat up straight on the bed and glared at the source of the annoyance. It was Ino, of course. She was still wearing his sweater…only his sweater. It was long, an old one that was baggy even on him. He often used it when he was doing yard work (not very often, but it happened despite his laziness) or just lounging around the house. On her, it hung almost to her knees. Even though it still covered her well, the idea of her wearing just his sweater over her underclothes was…not appropriate.

Her hair, which she had been using to wake him up, was loose and around her shoulders. There was still a slight crimp in it from when it was in a pony tail, but he thought it looked nice. When her hair was down, it softened her face, making her even more attractive.

Shikamaru hated her attractiveness. It made her even more annoying.

"What are you doing in my room?" he asked, raising his one eyebrow. He loved to do that. When he was younger, his uncle taught him how and he'd been doing it ever since. Nothing expressed his sarcastic and intelligent personality much like lifting a single brow. "And, why are you practically naked?"

"I'm not practically naked! I'm wearing a shirt and my underwear! Sleeping in jeans is uncomfortable, so I took them off halfway through the night," she chirped. It was confirmed: Ino was one of those annoying morning person types. Add that to the list of reasons why she was troublesome. She stretched her bare legs out and rubbed her ankles across his knees, "Why, is it distracting?"

"No," he deadpanned, pushing her legs away from his. It was distracting (he was a man after all), but there was no way he would ever tell her that. "You haven't come in here to seduce me, have you? Because, you might want to put a bit more makeup. Those dark circles aren't doing you any justice."

Shikamaru could have sworn he saw smoke coming out of her ears.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" she demanded through gritted teeth.

"I think you heard me just fine," Shikamaru said, smirking slightly.

"I'm sexy!" she said, jumping on him and grabbing the collar of his shirt. Instead of fighting back like the times before, he just laid there limply. Obviously, his earlier methods didn't work and he was much too tired to flip her yet today. She gave him a firm shake, "Say it! Say I'm sexy!"

"No," he said, closing his eyes.

"I'm sexy! Say it!"

"Meh, I'm too tired."

"It doesn't take that much energy to speak!"

"It takes about 72 muscles to talk."

"You're sexy is only two words. You've said more already just trying to avoid saying it!"

"Incorrect. That phrase consists of three words. You've just contracted one of them."

"For the love of God, just say it!"

"No."

"Please!"

"I don't know why you have such an intense need to have your looks validated. Is it because you're insecure?"

"I really hate you, you know that?"

"Then I'm doing it right."

"You want me to hate you?"

"You're so astute!"

"You're such a freaking smartass."

"Why did you replace one curse word, but then still say the other? Shouldn't you have said smartbutt?"

"I don't like the 'f' word."

"You don't like the word fu-"

"Don't say it! I hate that word. It's a nasty word that grates on my ears."

"Mmohmeff."

"What?"

"I said get your hand off my mouth."

"No you didn't! The noise you made wasn't long enough."

"You're right. But, it worked, didn't it?"

"I – hey! Don't change the subject. Open your eyes and tell me I'm sexy!"

"I don't wanna."

"You know you think I'm sexyy~!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"

"Still no."

"I'm not going to stop until you say I'm sexy!"

"Fine," Shikamaru said with a heavy sigh, properly threatened. He opened his eyes and saw that she was leaning pretty close to his face. He pushed back deeper into his pillow in surprise. Maybe it would have been better to keep his eyes closed. "You're sexy."

"Thank you!" she said, her face lit up with happiness even though the compliment had been forced. She sat back and crossed her arms, "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Whatever," he mumbled. Then, "Why are you still straddling me?"

She let out a strangled squeak and fell over onto the bed beside him. They laid there in silence for a few moments.

"Hey, Shikamaru," she asked, propping herself up on her elbow and peering down at him. He repressed the urge to roll his eyes (of course she'd be the one to ruin the nice silence).

"What?"

"Do you work today?" she asked.

He considered lying and saying that he did, and that it was all day. But, he saw her face and how hopeful it was. Did she really want to hang out with him? It made no sense. She was bursting with sunshine and he was a Debbie downer. Maybe opposites really did attract.

"No, I don't."

"Yay! Come over and I'll make you that bacon I owe you!"