Chapter Three: Why won't you just believe me?
For a while, they just sat there in silence as Watari performed the rape kit on Light. He grit his teeth and clenched his eyes shut as much as he could, until he started seeing spots of white. Finally, it was over. L watched his face relax, his mind visibly slowing down from its rampaging swirl of emotions.
"Light-kun..?" L asked worriedly.
LIght smiled at him, though it still didn't reach his eyes. "I'm fine, L. Really. Just tired," he lied. BUt it was something more. It was the constant nagging that he was lying through his teeth about his innocence, even when his once-arch-rival was in the process of saving him, even when he was in the process of kissing the guy and receiving undeserved comfort form the detective, he was still KIRA, and he was still lying.
What was it worth, then, to get so involved when, sooner or later, one of them would have to die? Light couldn't be the G-d of the new world with L still there and waiting for the advent of KIRA's arrest, which meant that L couldn't be left alive. The only way to protect L from Rem was for Light to kill Misa himself and have Rem, in a rage, kill him.
Light narrowed his eyes and groaned as he leaned back in distress. It wasn't supposed to get this difficult! He yelled at himself in his mind.
L stared at Light as he began to breathe heavily. "Light-kun? What's wrong?"
Light stared at him for a moment before he sat up. He really didn't have much to lose at this point. He'd lost everything already, really. His last bit of innocence, his plan to become G-d, and his idea to kill L...all of them were failing with every passing milli-second. And it was driving him slowly insane.
"Everything is wrong, L," Light whispered. He couldn't look him in the eyes. "Everything is just so completely wrong. This case, this idea, this plan, this world...it's all wrong."
L cocked his head and narrowed his once-shadowed eyes. "What's going on, Light-kun...please. Tell me what's the matter and maybe I can help you."
"I don't think you can, though, L," Light whimpered.
L grabbed Light's shoulders. "You never know until you try," L told him. "So how about you tell me what the problem is. Secrecy is not something that is smiled upon, Light-kun."
Light nodded. "You're right, L. Secrecy is not smiled upon...and neither is what KIRA is doing."
What the fuck is he going on about? Has his mental stability been displaced by what Beyo-by what the culprit did to him? L thought worriedly.
"Y-yes, Light-kun. That is exactly why we are in the process of capturing KIRA and bringing him to justice."
"But...L...you already have," Light said almost in a joking matter.
"Is this a confession, Light-kun?" L asked, not actually expecting Light to honor him with a reply.
"Yes," Light said simply.
Silence number one.
Silence number two.
Silence number three.
Silence number four...
"I beg your pardon?" L asked.
"I said 'Yes' L-kun," Light replied, looking at the wall next to him and thinking this wall is extremely fascinating. (A/N: If you want to know, go to .com/watch?v=jcL-9Y5JgIU&feature=related and watch the entire thing. :) )
L stared at him for a second before he climbed over the bed and straddled his waist, one knee on either side of Light's body.
"Light-kun, look me in the eyes and tell me what you just told me."
"Yes," Light said.
"No. What are you saying 'yes' to?"
"Yes, L, I am KIRA," Light replied.
L growled under his breath. "This isn't right. This isn't right at all."
"What's not right? Me being KIRA or what I was trying to accomplish as KIRA or..." Light was saying in an almost mockingly nonchalant tone of voice. he was cut off by a rather angry detective.
"SHUT UP!" L snapped at him. He whipped his head around and glared, snarling. "JUST SHUT UP! Y-you're not in your right state of mind. There is NO reason for you to admit this to me. Is it the trauma is it the pain is it the regret? What are you feeling?"
Light ignored the shrinking feeling in the pit of his stomach at L lashing out at him like that to reply rather heatedly, "I'm feeling scorn toward you for not just believing me. Isn't this what you've been wanting Mr. Bigshot Detective? Haven't you been waiting for me to admit that I'm KIRA as you've been saying all along?"
L was pinching the bridge of his nose (A/N: Another 1KIDSENTERTAINMENT mental image...lol) and grimacing. "Light...you have to just tell me straight out. What. Are. You. Saying. And. Why?"
Light looked at L, then looked away at the ground. "I-I don't want to be alive anymore," he admitted.
"W-wait...what? Where is this...where is this coming from, Light-kun? You're still young, you've got so much going for you in life. Just look at all you've accomplished in your young age. And to get into To-oh University at the very top of your class and to go through school with a 4.0 GPA every year-"
"LOOK AT ME, L! JUST LOOK! WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME!" It was Light to cut off the detective this time.
"I see a golden-ratio'd young man."
"No. You see someone whose had their hair and innocence cut away from them, both metaphorically and literally! My fucking virginity in one sense of the word was brutally ripped from me, L. A g-d doesn't get fucked senseless by a man who looks like the evil fucking twin of the one he loves. A g-d doesn't beg on the floor beneath a predator and plead for it to stop. A g-d doesn't yell for help. A g-d doesn't fucking cry and shrink away from every little tap on his shoulder! Therefore, i am not a g-d. And therefore, i no longer deserve to be called KIRA. I'm feeling like a disgusting whore because of something that you're evil fucking twin did to me. You wanna know what i'm feeling? I'm feeling like i'm sick and tired of being alive and feeling like a whore."
L was silent. How could he not fall silent? Light Yagami...the beautiful, intelligent, clever, resourceful, logical Light Yagami...was making next to no sense but at the same time was verbally solving a jigsaw puzzle that probably even Near couldn't solve.
"Light-kun-"
"NO, L. You were right. All along. About me being KIRA, about Misa being the Second KIRA, about everything."
"I can't believe you, Light-kun, I'm sorry."
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BELIEVE ME, L! WHY WON"T YOU!"
"Because I don't want to believe you Light-kun."
"WHY NOT!"
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."
Everything fell completely silent. It was perfect for Christmas day. It wasn't a silent night before, no, not at all for Light. But this morning…it was like a silent morning. And for a while, even Watari in the other room couldn't help but sigh.
Perhaps L stood for Love?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok. For those of you who don't know what i was A/N'ing about 1KIDSENTERTAINMENT, let me take a quick moment to explain: 1kidsentertainment consists of the following AWESOMEST peoples on YOUTUBE (in my humble opinion) Someone named Jerry, someone named Evan (or Newbski who sounds just like NEAR, just watch the DN4-WALLS-COMMENTARY video on their youtube) someone named Kirbamon and someone named Salguy. There are more peeps but i forgot their names. However, 1kidsentertainment always makes my day by making me laugh, no matter how many times i've seen their DN:Abridged series on youtube. I STRONGLY suggest that you, my other favorite people in the world (my readers/reviewers) go and watch their Abridged series so that you know what i refer to in alot of my other stories that i plan to write. Also check out HIKARIPOP and watch DND GOLD EDITION and L'S AWESOMENESS. Hope you enjoyed!
