Zara has an essay due. It's not even funny how unprepared she is. She's supposed to be writing a critical analysis of Hamlet, but she hasn't even read the entire play yet. She understands very little of this strange Shakespearean language, and her professors are never around to explain it. She seeks help from Lottie, who now lives in her flat as a roommate, but immediately regrets asking her for guidance. She's even more clueless than Zara is, and that's saying a lot.

"I just don't get it, Lottie," Zara mumbles as she flicks through the book at her desk, "What's this whole thing even supposed to be about?"

Lottie smiles cheekily.

"Watch The Lion King. It's basically Hamlet with lions and fart jokes."

"You're not helping," Zara grumbles, "Translate this old English into normal words for me."

Lottie rolls over on the chesterfield, letting her arms dangle lazily.

"It's not old English. 'Meremennen dóc cwén' is old English. Shakespeare is just a little fancy, that's all."

Zara gnashes her teeth and grabs at her hair in frustration.

"Yes, well, this 'fancy' language is giving me a headache!"

Lottie stands up and meanders over to the fridge. She grabs an apple and takes a large, messy bite out of it, making Zara shudder with disgust.

"It's simple, Zara," Lottie says, waving the fruit around casually, "The guy can't make a decision, and everyone dies."

Zara scoffs.

"I'm not going to be using that particular phrase in my paper, thanks."

Lottie shrugs.

"I'm just trying to keep things simple. If you look at your problems in a complicated light, you end up like poor Hammy, here."

She picks up Zara's book and flips through it rapidly.

"Death, death, destruction, death. It's no fun. You've got to keep things simple."

Zara grumbles impatiently.

" 'Simple' won't get me an A. I need to be intricate to fool my professors into thinking that I know what I'm talking about."

"But you don't know what you're talking about."

"That's why I need to fool them."

Lottie sits on her desk, knocking over a cup full of pencils.

"Look, Zara, you're overthinking this. Try to relate it to your life. Heaven knows, you never make your own decisions, so this should hit close to home."

Zara frowns.

"I make plenty of decisions! Yesterday, I chose to drink coffee instead of tea."

Lottie gasps and waves her hands dramatically.

"Bloody hell! You're really shaking up the system, Zara. You'd better be careful, or the government will get on your case."

Zara sighs and places her cheek on the table. Her hair snakes out like spider legs, hissing across the paper delicately as she moves. The idea of failing her schoolwork is weighing down on her so much that she can almost feel it in real life.

"I'm going to fail."

"So what? Everyone has a bad day once in a while."

"Maybe you do, but I'm not used to failure."

Lottie grunts.

"Well, nobody's perfect. What goes up must come down."

"I'd rather not, though."

Lottie finishes her apple and tosses the core across the room. It lands in the sink. Zara turns her head and frowns.

"I'm going to have to clean that up later, you know."

Lottie snaps her fingers.

"Oh, that reminds me: I'm going out with Percy tonight. Can you do the dishes while I'm gone?"

Zara groans miserably.

"I have to finish my essay."

"Yes, but that won't take all night, will it?"

Zara narrows her eyes.

"It very well could, at this rate."

Lottie hums.

"Well, in any case, if we decide to come back to the flat, can you go out for a minute and-"

"Not a chance. The last time I left you two alone, you decided to shag on my bed."

"It's a lot cleaner than mine . . ."

Zara growls in frustration.

"Please, for the love of everything that's good and holy, do not shag on my bed . . . or in the bathtub or in the kitchen-"

"I get the idea."

"-or in the closet or on the floor-"

Lottie cuffs Zara lightly.

"You're too uptight, you know that?"

Zara gives her a serious look.

"I just want to do well on this assignment, and I can't succeed if I have to listen to your very distracting noises, which are unusually loud, by the way."

"The walls are just thin."

"Regardless, I don't want to listen to that kind of stuff tonight. I have to give this paper my full concentration, or I'll end up at the bottom of the class."

Lottie sighs in defeat.

"Fine, fine. But don't spend all night worrying about this essay. Remember: keep it simple."

Zara exhales as her roommate prances out the door.

"How am I supposed to keep things simple when the world is full of complicated decisions?"

Zara spends all night on the essay. Well, actually, she worries about it for most of the evening, then finishes the paper in an hour or so. She doesn't do too terribly on it, either, but she would have preferred to get something a little higher than a B. When all is said and done, it really wasn't worth stressing over the assignment as much as she did. It was only worth fifteen percent of her grade, and the class was a bit of a blowoff to begin with. Zara hasn't yet declared a major, nor will she ever. College requires a lot of very stressful decision-making, which is not Zara's strong suit. This is why she eventually drops out, against her mother's wishes. Zara reassures her that there are plenty of decent jobs that don't require an education.

A few years later, she finds a perfect career in Costa Rica.