We had been sitting in traffic for a while and Stu was still freaking out about the cop car. I sighed and leaned my head against the window.
"This is so illegal."
Phil looked back at him "Can't you see the fun part in anything?"
"Yeah we're stuck in traffic with a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun?"
Alan looked at him "I think the cop car part is pretty cool."
Phil looked at him through the rear view mirror "Thank you Alan. It is cool. Doug would love it."
Stu looked at me "Come on Monroe you can't tell me your happy with this."
I looked back at him "Stewart my brother is missing and I'm all of a sudden married. A stolen cop car is the least of my worries."
Phil was looking at the traffic impatiently. He honked the horn and yelled come on out the window.
I shook my head at him "Honking and yelling is not going to clear the traffic up magically Phil."
He looked around "Yeah your right. Check this out."
He flipped on the siren and started to pull onto the sidewalk.
Stu started freaking out "Oh no, Phil don't. Oh no. Don't do this!"
Phil just kept driving "Take it easy."
"Just try to call more attention to us."
Phil picked up the speaker "Attention please. Move out of the way. I repeat, please disperse."
I started laughing as people jumped out of the way "Ok now this is fun."
Stu kept complaining in the back "Phil stop the car. I want to get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over."
Phil just ignored him "Ma'am in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack."
She smiled at him and I raised an eyebrow at him. He looked at me and shrugged.
Stu started yelling "Get off the sidewalk! Get off the Sidewalk!"
Phil just ignored him "I should have been a fucking cop."
It didn't take long to get to the hospital with Phil's special way of driving. We walked up to the nurse's station and I smiled at them."
I pointed to Phil "He was in here last night and he still has a few questions for the doctor. Can you tell us where we can find…" I grabbed Phil's arm band and read the name "Dr. Valsh?"
The nurses pointed us to the third floor. When we got up there we found Dr. Valsh walking down the hallway.
Phil called out to him "Excuse me Dr."
He turned around and looked at us "Oh it's you guys again. What do you want?"
"We don't remember last night and I was wondering if you could tell me why I was in the hospital last night?"
He looked at us for a minute and nodded "Yeah but you'll have to come with me while I do a check up on a patient."
We followed him into a room with and old man just in his underwear. He sat down in front of the old man "Look, I already told you. You came in here with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal. Although none of you could articulate very well how it happened."
Phil looked around "Do you remember how many of us were here?"
"I don't know. I think it was just you guys. Definitely no baby. And one other guy."
Stu got excited "That's our guy. Was he okay?"
Dr. Valsh nodded "Yeah, he was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were." He turned his attention to his patient "Alright lean forward. And turn."
He pulled down the old man's underwear and told him to cough. I looked at Phil "Now you know why I work in labor and delivery. "
The doctor finished up and handed him his robe and told him the nurse would be in soon. He got up and walked out of the room with us trailing behind. He stopped and washed his hands.
"Guys I really got to go. I have surgery up on the fourth floor."
Phil reached in his pocket and pulled out a hundred "Yeah I know. But we just need a couple of more minutes of your time."
Dr. Valsh looked at the hundred "Yeah tuck it right in there. I don't want to re-sterilize. Walk with me."
He walked over to the desk and grabbed Phil's file and started reading it as we walked.
"Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a.m. arrival. Minor concussion like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard."
Stu leaned forward "Do you mind if I take a look. I'm actually a doctor."
Dr. Valsh looked at him "Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist. Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. Wow. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system." The boys stared at him with blank expressions while I tilted my head in confusion "Ruphylin. Roffies. Commonly known as the date-rape drug."
Phil looked at him "What? So , you're saying I was raped last night?"
Dr. Valsh looked at the file "Actually… I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything."
Alan laughed "Doc none of us could remember anything from last night. Remember?"
Phil looked up "How could someone have drugged all of us?"
"Look I wouldn't worry about it by now it's out of your system. You're gonna be fine. I have to go."
Stu held up his hand "Wait doctor is there anything else? Like something we were talking about or someplace we were going?"
"Actually there was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."
Stu looked at him "Yeah, no shit. Our friend Doug is getting married tomorrow."
Phil reached for the doctor's jacket "You know I want the hundred back."
The doctor leaned away "No, no. Easy. You kept talking about some wedding you just came from. At the, uh, Best Little Chapel. You guys kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it. Okay I really hope this helps. I really have to leave."
Phil pulled out his napkin and a pen "Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?"
"I do it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off. I'm a doctor not a tour guide. Figure it out for yourselves okay? Your big boys and girl." And with that he walked off.
I glared at him "It's probably my wedding and he won't tell us how to get there, ugh."
I pulled out my found and called information for directions. Once I got them we took off. It didn't take us long to get there. I looked up at the cheesy little chapel and groaned.
"This is most likely where I got married."
We all started to get out of the car and Alan looked at Carlos.
"What about the baby?"
Phil shrugged "Just leave him in the car. We're gonna be five minutes."
Stu looked at him "Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car."
"He'll be fine. I cracked the window."
Phil started walking to the chapel and I sighed "Fine but I am not happy with this."
"You never are."
We walked in and up to the little counter. Stu looked around "What if they don't remember us."
I looked back at him "Well, let's just find out."
We walked into the chapel part where a man and a woman were hanging some decorations.
Phil called out to them "Excuse me, sir? Hi."
The man turned around and got really happy "Oh look at this guys. What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me?" He started hugging us "How are you my friend." He grabbed Alan's face "Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy." He hugged him and Alan returned enthusiastically. Eddie looked at Stu "Listen, let me tell you something. I know some sick people in my life. This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life, man."
Phil looked at Stu surprised "this guy?"
"This guy is out of his mind. What's going on, you fucking crazy mother fucker? I thought he was going to eat my dick. What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?"
"No, no. It's not that, Eddie. Uh it's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night."
Alan looked at him "Yeah was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings here?"
Eddie laughed and looked at me "Do we do weddings here, haha you are cracking my balls man. I love these guys. Zolea, what are you doing? Bring my friends some tea, some baklava, huh? Come on. Unbelievable man. Look at this chick. Beautiful ass, no fucking brain." He looked at Phil "Not like yours huh? But this is Vegas. You want intimacy, forget it. You're gonna get sex. That's it here, man. No problem for me, though. You want some chicks? I can get you some chicks from the Eastern Bloc. No questions. Clean. Tight. The tits like that, the nipple like that."
Phil cut him off "Obviously we were here. We're looking for our friend Doug. Do you remember him?"
"Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey."
I chuckled at his description while the guys agreed.
Stu looked at him "Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?"
"You don't remember nothing?" We all shook our heads "Come I show you friends."
He led us over to the counter and handed me and Stu each a book. Stu flipped his open first and groaned. There was a picture of him with a beautiful blond and it was obvious they had just gotten married.
Alan looked at the picture "Congratulations Stu. You got married."
Stu looked sick "This—this can't be happening."
He started flipping through the book some more and I turned to mine. Obviously it was my wedding album and it would show who I married last night. I opened it up and saw a picture of me and Phil kissing. My eyes popped open "Oh, no."
Phil leaned over "What?" he saw the picture and started smiling "Well look at that. We got hitched."
I glared at him. Stu was still moaning about his marriage. Eddie and his girlfriend came back with a box filled with stuff with Stu and his wife's face on them. Eddie was explaining what they were and called the girl Jade.
Phil looked at him "Jade?"
"Yeah and she's beautiful man. Clean, very tight. Tits like that. But that's because she had a baby."
"That explains the baby."
"Stu don't worry we can get these marriages annulled." I looked at Eddie "Do you do annulments here?"
"Of course I do annulments, breaks my heart and gonna make me sad but it's no problem. Good price for you. I can't do it with just him though. I need the chick. I need both parties. I can do yours now though."
Phil stepped next to me "Well we need her address. She filed out paperwork right? And we aren't getting annulled."
Eddie nodded and yelled for his girlfriend to go get the paperwork. I looked up at Phil with eyebrow raised "We aren't getting an annulment?"
He looked down at me "No of course not. I told you earlier that if it was me I wasn't letting you go and meant it. I mean it's not conventional and shit but I think it's great."
"Why? Why is it great?"
"Because now we're together and this proves that it was always about more than just getting into your pants for me."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I've always kinda loved you."
I smiled and looked down "I think I kinda loved you too."
Eddie interrupted our moment with the address for Jade. Phil and Alan grabbed a box and we headed out.
Alan looked at Phil "What about my dad's car?"
"I'm sure it's fine. Maybe Doug has it."
Stu glared at the boxes the other two men were putting in the car "Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it."
Phil stood up straight and looked at him "Torch it, who are you?"
"I don't know, Phil. Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers. This whole situation is completely fucked. These mugs. This hat. This car."
Alan protested to Stu ripping off his hat.
"It is all evidence of a night that never happened. That is why we're torching it."
Phil looked at him "Whoa whoa I'm a school teacher, I got a kid and a new wife okay? I'm all for secrecy but I am not going to torch a cop car."
"Fine I'll do it."
Alan looked at Stu "Can I Help?"
I groaned and shook my head. I tuned them out and went to go check on Carlos. He smiled and reached for me when he saw me. I grinned and picked him up. I bounced him on my hip to make him giggle. The guys walked over to get in the car and I handed Carlos to Alan so he can buckle him up in the back seat while I got in the front. Stu got in the back while on the phone with Melissa.
Alan looked up front from baby Carlos "It'd be so cool if I could breast feed."
Me and Phil looked at each other and then Alan, hardly believing what he just said. This orange car peeled into the parking lot and stopped in front of us. Two men got out and started yelling at us. Phil started yelling back when they hit the window with a baseball bat. Carlos started crying and Stu was lying to Melissa about what was happening. Eddie came out from the chapel with a golf club and started yelling at the guys. The guy pulled out a gun and told Eddie to stay out of it.
Alan saw the gun "Phil he has a gun."
"No shit he's got a gun!"
Stu hung up the phone and Phil hit the gas running over the guys foot making him shoot Eddie in the shoulder. Stu started freaking out in the back and Phil slammed into the orange car and a bus bench pulling out into the street.
Phil looked at us "Okay. Whoa that was some sick shit."
Carlos started to cry and Stu rubbed his belly trying to calm him down. He looked at us and started yelling "What the fuck is going on?"
Phil looked back "I have no idea."
Stu's phone started to ring and Phil looked back at him "Why don't you just let that one go to voicemail?"
"Ha-ha-ha. That's a fake laugh by the way."
Phil looked over at me "Are you okay?"
I nodded "Yeah, let's just get to Jade's and see if she knows where Doug is."
