Chapter three: "no drinking, no smoking, no fucking"

Chapter rating: T…if you want to be selective about kissing and very mild molestation

Pairings: kyman & K2

Chapter warnings: homoness (word? …possibly), horrible character dissection on the authors part, & tasteless cursing

A shifting in our stars

Kyle always thought himself to be a pretty ok guy; sure he had some faults but who didn't? Cartman on the other hand had always been an incredible asshole his whole life, he hadn't told the three people who were, in some fucked up way, supposed to be his best friends that his mother had died until recently. He constantly made Kyle's life a living hell. He made the town pay thousands in repairs on a regular basis. And he never once acted like a civil person unless he somehow benefited from it. How dare he worry Kyle like that?! Acting all solemn and dead without a hint as to why, and… what the hell just happened…?

Did he just… admit to himself that he was worried about him?! Surely the imploding of Earth approached.

He sighed to himself one last time and walked down the hallway towards room 345A. What would he say to him? He didn't want to come off as a heartless bastard again. But was Cartman even human enough to feel pain that didn't stem directly from Kyle's fist? There he went again, sounding like an asshole even in his own mind.

Kyle ran a hand smoothly through his passion fruit scented hair and continued to walk towards Cartman's room. Vaguely noting the crack in the otherwise perfect wall, he tapped on the door. When no answer came forth he tapped louder still, and like a child who refuses to believe the damn oven is hot he pounded on the door mercilessly until he was greeted by a very pissed of Cartman ripping the door open and pulling him inside by the collar.

"Do you have any idea what fucking time it is JEW???!!!!!" he bellowed, the fact that his hair was messy and his clothes completely rumpled messing with the angry atmosphere. He smelled vaguely of strawberries, chocolate, champagne, and fading cologne. His eyes were only mildly focused and he was swaying lightly, but he didn't seem drunk. He sighed roughly and flopped back on to the cream colored bed.

"Tone the lights down asshole my eyes are fucking killing me" he said vehemently.

"I'm not your God damn maid Cartman!"

But he did as told anyway.

He looked around the room slowly and let his eyes rest on the clock.

1:57 AM

When had it gotten so late?

They had arrived at the funeral at 9pm but that was more than four hours ago. He suspected they had spent about 3 & a half hours wandering around the mall until Kenny decided that they should apologize and about fifteen minutes waiting for Kenny to stop hitting on the pretty cashier at that one store before they came back.

He was lucky his mother had been more lenient and had agreed to let him sleep over at Stan's house that day. He took out his phone out and texted his best friend to wait up in the lobby for a bit. After closing his phone he noticed that Cartman hadn't gone back to sleep and had decided to stare at the blank television screen instead.

An awkward silence ensued.

Kyle cleared his throat lightly and walked over towards the bed, lazily sitting on the edge as far away from Cartman as possible.

"Get the hell out Jew, I'm tired."

"Look Cartman before you get all pissy and shit I want to apologize."

"Don't care, get out." Was the pillow muffled response.

Cartman turned his head slowly to face Kyle's silver framed silhouette, really what the hell was up with the lights? "Jews don't sparkle…" he mumbled to himself.

"Did you say something?"

"What… no, why are you still here?"

"You sounded a lot more cheerful over the phone."

They both stared at each other for what seemed like hours, though in truth it was likely no more than a few seconds… 26 if Cartman was right, but really who was counting? Neither of them broke the somewhat comfortable silence, instead they just listened to the sounds of passing cars 6 floors down, the occasional soft tapping of footsteps outside the door, and stared at each other with a gaze that could only be described as sleepy.

Eventually, the silent staring contest ended, as most things inevitably do.

"You haven't been at the Café lately, Pam is getting worried… you haven't called her huh?" Kyle asked in a whisper as if afraid that anything louder would stir Cartman from his calm. He looked away from Cartman, for some reason, and both choose to look out the window instead.

Neither aware of the others pounding heart.

"We broke up like... 15 minutes before you started to pound my door in."

"…oh…sorry" Kyle laughed awkwardly.

"You leaving anytime soon? I was about to go to sleep."

"I… Ill call you tomorrow ok? Kenny and I are going to the mountains tomorrow with Stan; do you want to come with us?"

His words were stuttered, remembering the last subtlety rejected offer to hang out.

Cartman stared at the boy in front of him; he was holding his arm (a habit of his when he was nervous) and still looking out the window with a seemingly calm face. He needed to get out, and to get away from his damn family.

"Fine but don't call before 9 or Ill kill you." he mumbled and waved his hand at Kyle as if shooing a smelly animal away. "Let the door hit your ass on the way out, I need some laughs."

Kyle didn't retort, instead he smiled lightly and stood from the soft bed, his mind on nothing but the joy of not being an asshole like his friends implied him to be. He walked away from the figure lying on the bed.

"Good night Cartman." His smile could be heard in his voice. Cartman continued to stare at his pillow.

Noticing Cartman's slight shiver, he turned the temperature 5 degrees up as he walked out the door.

Over at Stan's house, the three were now comfortably watching an old school horror flick… well Kenny and Kyle were anyway. Stan had already fallen asleep with his face pressed to the cool wall next to the bed, his tired body just barely rising and falling in rhythm to his breathing. He had apparently overdone it again during track practice and not noticed until later. His arms and legs hurt (according to his bitching) and he didn't stop complaining until he took his shower and just about dropped dead on his mattress 5 minutes later; forgetting the most sacred rule of sleepovers (never fall asleep first).

Kenny had drawn a penis on his face as a result.

Kyle had laughed.

The eerie music played softly so as not to wake others in the house. All the lights were off and the only way the two could tell the other was even there was the dim light that reflected of their faces. Eventually though, the movie got a little boring. The two began to talk, despite the fact that there was an image of a girl getting cut in half right in front of them. Naturally neither of them was particularly coherent considering the fact that it was now… 4 in the morning.

"How come you aren't practically dead like Stan is?" asked Kenny just as a chainsaw made its way past a nice young mans femur.

"I guess high jumping just isn't as intense." responded Kyle with a light yawn.

"Dude you can go to sleep you know."

"I don't want a dick on my face."

There was a soft seemingly understanding silence before Kenny let out a giggle and a 'that's what she said.'

After a few more minutes the two began to hear Stan's slight snoring, an effect of his asthma. It was light and barely noticeable, but the two could easily tell the poor youth was having trouble breathing.

And being the true friends they were, they solved the problem by jabbing the near comatose teen in the gut. It was amazing how the only response was a slight grunt and an 'aflarghbafssshhh' before he went back to his normal breathing.

The two conscious ones resumed their conversation. "Kyle…?" asked Kenny lightly, though it certainly wasn't needed if Stan's heavy sleeping was any indication.

"Yeah?"

"…You think I should quit my job?"

Kenny's eyes were starring at the television intently, slight bags beginning to make their way into his tired eyes, though they were easily hidden by the shadow cast by both his eyelashes and his long, messy, blond hair.

"What…why?"

"Because dude, it's like… I think that… maybe Mika really likes me and I'm leading him on like an asshole even though I don't like him that way." His answer seemed almost pained, he was either genuinely affected by this or a great actor.

"Dude… I'm gonna be honest, that guy has it bad for you… like, BAD."

Kenny buried his face in his hands and ran them through his still somewhat damp locks of hair.

"I think you should like tell him you're just not interested, maybe he'll understand and like… you can still be friends." He continued. "Besides, you need that job dude, and the kids that come rampaging at that place love you man, think of the children!" Kyle's tired side was beginning to make itself known.

"…think of the children? Dude you're exhausted aren't you?"

His response was three blinks and a slight nod. Kenny chuckled into his fisted hand and crawled closer to Kyle's swaying frame. "Dude go to sleep, we're going to need the energy for tomorrow, and I don't want you getting hurt because you were too tired to realize that you shouldn't fall asleep in the snow."

Kyle smiled at him nimbly and dropped his head on his shoulder lightly, noting that despite Kenny smelling like Stan's favorite shampoo he still had that citrus tinge that could only belong to him. In short he was the greatest smelling pillow substitute ever.

"I want waffles…" mumbled Kyle.

"How charming, please stop drooling on my shirt."

Kenny slapped Kyle's face lightly and lifted him to his feet. "Time for bed." he said and helped him settle down into Stan's spacious room couch only to be pulled down with his uncharacteristically cuddly friend.

Personally, he preferred girls, because…come on, boobs were just an awesome part of the body, and the shape of their hips just begged to have an arm around them. But then there were guys like butters, or tweak, and in this case Kyle, who had unnaturally big bright eyes and slim frames. True they had no hips whatsoever (a shame really) but for some weird reason it didn't matter.

He felt Kyle wiggle uncomfortably under him and felt himself attempt to pull away, an action that was strange considering he usually adored this type of contact, with anyone, two x chromosomes or otherwise.

He tried to stand up despite having Kyle's arms around his neck and slipped on the air mattress not inches away, falling right back down with his left leg between Kyle's. He blushed at his idiotic move and moved his leg in an attempt to stand up again but ended up just grinding himself on the poor brain dead Kyle underneath. Kyle sighed contently under him. Something he smiled perversely at and decided would keep in mind for blackmail if necessary.

Kyle lifted his head up slightly and kissed him square on the lips, mumbling something along the lines of 'Goodnight babe'

"You realize I'm never going to let you live this down right?"

"…It's cold" said Kyle.

Kenny smiled at his half unconscious friends antics and replaced himself with a warm blanket over Kyle's lithe body. He turned the T.V. off and went to lie down on the air mattress that was nicely set up 3 inches from the couch. He noted that it was surprisingly comfortable before surrendering to sleep with the rhythm of his two best friend's breaths.


A/N: Oh Kyle how forward of you! :O

The time it took me to get this chapter up was just…embarrassingly slow. I've just had so much on my plate and no drink to help me get it all down. So, I want you all to know that I love this story and I'm not going to give up on it… I hope you guys don't give up on me :'(

I know I don't deserve it because oh b'jesus I'm such a slow uploader, but I'm really trying to make a story that has a good flow and isn't rocky but at the same time has those awkward moments and I'm trying to get everyone in character which is hard cuz Kenny is such a lady killer and I don't know where that waffles line came from! D:

The next chapter will be up sooner that the last time (I hope) tell me if you think I should fix something, add something, or downright delete this crap story (I wont do it but eh…its good to know about the audiences opinion)

Best regards,

Loveless Gin