Artifacts… Chapter 3
Fernando was sleeping uneasily; it's not every day he gets to stay in a barracks in another universe
"HUAAHH!" He shrieked as Vier gave Fernando a quick poke to awaken him
"Fernando vake oop itz 10 am vake up already you have to meet ze major!"
"The major? Who the hell are you talking about?"
"I don't have time to explain, follow me!"
Vier escorts Fernando to a large hallway just outside his room "Go down zhat hallvay and make a left, I have ozer matters to attend to…" Vier trotted away into another room, the door had a cross on it "Ok tell me vere it hurts"
Fernando jogs down the hallway as told, he reaches a large set of double doors, he pushes one of them open and cautiously walks in; there were guards everywhere. Brandon was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room eating an apple
"What took you so long?"
"I overslept, but Vier managed to wake me up…"
"Just take a seat; he'll be here in a minute"
"Who, Vier? I thought he was busy-"
A scream could be heard from down the hall, an equally loud voice came over it "Hold still I said it vould sting for a moment!"
"Well, I guess Vier is busy"
"Just take a seat"
Hoofsteps could be heard coming from the hallway, and the double doors opened again, a tall, scarred earth pony came into the room his coat was a dull iron grey, with a deep silver mane; it almost looked like wires were growing from his head, and he wore royal guard issue helmet specifically made to cover his left eye, it had been gouged.
"Are these the monkeys I heard so much about?" he spoke with a disturbingly soft voice
"Yes we are, and you got it wrong, we're humans" Fernando responded
"A strange name for a strange species, fitting, I also find it strange that you wear clothing all the time"
"Well, back in our universe being in the nude is kind of… frowned upon"
"It's still strange, anyways, I heard that you two are now helping figure out how to use those objects that keep appearing out of nowhere, how do you do it?"
"Well you see most of the things are common place in our world so we know how to use it" said Brandon
"Really? Then I would guess you two would know to use this…" Two royal guards were carrying a large box into the room, it had the word "rations" on one side, and one guard opened the box and carefully removed a smaller plastic-covered box from it.
"We know that it says rations, but it's just a block covered in… something, do you know what it is?" The major asked, Brandon answered
"They ARE rations, it's just that you gotta add water to it first"
"Really? Prove it…"
"Alright then"
Brandon ripped open the plastic package and unveiled a metal container, everypony except Fernando watched in anticipation
"You go get some water!" the major barked an order the nearest pony
Brandon continued to work, he pulled the tab on the container, ripping off its top, and inside of it was dried meat inside yet another plastic covering, "Here's lunch" he whispered, the guard who had been sent to retrieve water had arrived with a jug, Brandon left the meat inside its container
"Here it is, now where's that water…"
Brandon opened the bag but left the meat inside, he approached the jug, and dumped water into the metal container until the food was completely submerged, he then put it on the table
"What happens now?" the major asked
"Just give it a few minutes, it'll heat up"
They waited
"Is it hot yet?" Fernando finally spoke
"Go check if you want to know…"
"Fine…"
Fernando approached the container and dipped his finger in the water
"AGH!" he yelled as he retracted his whole arm
The whole room except the major burst out laughing for a moment, Fernando quietly snarled at Brandon and went back to his corner
"Could someone get a plate, I think it's ready" Brandon said as he finished laughing
A plate was quickly brought in and Brandon lifted the container, most of the water was gone, absorbed by the meat, Brandon shook the container over the plate and the meat fell out with a loud plop, one guardsman actually gagged at the site
"Oh don't be such a baby; back in our universe the soldiers loved this stuff when they were on duty" Brandon nudged the pony, who quickly ran out of the room, moments later a loud familiar voice came in
"Augh! Dummkopf!" everyone and everypony burst out laughing this time
"Well, now that that's over, who wants to try it?" Brandon challenged the whole room "No one, Fernando, major, no one? Alright, more for me!" Brandon sat down and ripped a piece of meat off with his hand and quickly downed the morsel, everypony in the room cringed or strange looks
"What, you don't have anything that eats meat in your universe?"
"Uhh… yes but they're all wild animals…" An earth guardsman responded, Brandon finished the slab of meat
"Well I guess we're the first…" Fernando finally spoke
Vier barges in through the door, nearly hitting the Major in the flank
"You two! Come on Its time for ze seminar!" Vier called out to the humans
"Seminar?" Brandon responded
"Vell, more of a debriefing, but still, come on!"
The humans followed the pony through a series of hallways until they reached a large auditorium, everypony from Vier's medical interns to the new recruits in the guard were present
"Ok, you two just stay by my side and say nozing, I'll handle it from here!" he whispered to Brandon and Fernando as they walked towards the stage, turning heads along the way.
"Hello everypony! I hope you all had a decent breakfast and vatnot… anyways, I vould like everypony here to meet, Brandon, and Fernando!"
The room was silent; everypony gave them a familiar stare, until one intern raised his hoof in the air and finally broke the silence
"What are they?"
"Ve… don't know… and as you can see zey are not from around here, zese are ze 'hairless monkey things' you have all heard about so much"
Another pony raised his hoof, he was a grunt
"Can they, you know, understand us? And why are they wearing clothes?"
"Nudity is frowned upon in zere society and yes are quite articulate"
"So they can use those shiny metal things with a handle and tube?"
"Yes, yes zey can and so much more…"
The grunt nodded, and whispered to another guard near him, they both left and quickly returned with a small box and a dummy; they quickly make their way to the stage. One guard set up the dummy and the other handed the box to Fernando
"Just open it and tell us what you think!" he eagerly demanded
"Ok… oh hello…" Fernando's eyes widened, he pulled a magnum from the box and examined it
"Ruger Security Six…" the gun had a wooden handle, but the rest was stainless steel
"Well, how does it work?"
Brandon cut in and explained
"It's not that complicated… Fernando, take out a bullet" Fernando swung open the cylinder and delicately pulled out a round, he handed it to Brandon
"This, everyone, is a bullet!" Brandon exclaimed
"Everypony listen to ze monkey! You too Krunk don't zink I don't know how you doze off!" he pointed at the guard, Brandon began to explain
"It's filled with an explosive powder that's stored in the shinier part here, and the darker tip of it is made of solid lead, when something hits the primer, this little dot on the back of it, it makes the powder go boom, and pushes the lead tip out of the barrel, and then anything sorry enough of to be in front of you drops dead… well, if you hit it in the right place… take us off Fernando"
Fernando nodded his head and aimed at the dummy, "Everyone cover your ears, this is gonna be loud!" he quickly proceeds to squeeze off 5 rounds into the dummy, all of which go through dummy and lodge themselves into the wall behind it, chunks of cotton were scattered across the stage. When the echo of the gunfire subsided, everpony in the room calmed down and took a good look at whatever was left of the dummy…
"Brandon, you did this with a shotgun, and I did it with a magnum… who's more awesome?"
"Yea, that's because the shotgun was full of birdshot…"
Most of the ponies in the room were perplexed at what the monkeys were bickering about; Vier promptly silenced both of them with a hoof to the mouth
"Anyvays, does anypony have any questions before ve-" A load slam echoes into the room and all the lights in the auditorium explode, panic began to rise as shards of glass fell to the ground
"Oh Scheiße not again… Fernando, Brandon, follow me!" Vier barked
The humans followed Vier out of the stage and through the hallways that brought them in, they quickly made their way into Vier's office. The room was sterile but bleak, there was a shelf filled with jars containing random body parts, organs, and removed obstructions, on the opposite wall there was dozens of random drawings, newspaper clippings, and maps.
"Uhh… nice place ya got here" Fernando laughed awkwardly
"You zink so? anyvays, I need to tell you two somezing… somezing important"
"Well spit it out" Brandon demanded
"Ok ok I vas to getting to zat…"
"Well, you see, sixty eight years ago…"
"Wait a second, how old are you!" Fernando was skeptical
"Vill you let me speak!"
"Oh... sorry…"
"Anyvays… ven I vas forty two years old I vas living a razer peaceful life, I was a doctor zen I am a doctor now, and I vas married to Irma… oh vas she beautiful... Oh uhh… yes you see ve had a little ten year old filly named Amalie, and zrough a bit of a… how you say… freak accident? Amalie lives inside my head now… she's a bit of a half ghost… she likes to play tricks on everypony in ze barracks and…" The door swung open and the humans quickly looked behind themselves, for a split second, they saw something, a demented smile on an innocent frame…
"W-what was that?" Fernando was spooked by the apparition
"Zat vas… Amalia…"
"I thought you said her name was Amalie!" Brandon pointed out
"Yes, it is, but, ze accident split her in two... Zat vas her shadow… Amalia…"
"Why are you telling us all of this!"
"Because ve'll be spending a lot of time togezer, and ze sisters like to pick on ze one zey like better…"
"Then what happens?"
"Zey'll get bored of you eventually… zey like fresh meat, anyvays, keep zis secret between ze zree of us and ze major… To everypony else, zey are simply spirits zat haunt ze barracks…"
The humans nodded their heads in unison
"Good, now run along, za rest of ze day is yours…"
"Could we leave the barracks" Brandon asked
"Tomorrow"
"Why?"
"Because I said so…"
Fernando felt his stomach growl
"Could we get something to eat?"
"Go ahead, zeres food at ze mess hall… just go down zat hall you'll reach it" Vier trotted out and pointed down a hallway.
"Thank god…" Fernando was actually thrilled for once
"You go on I'll catch up…" Brandon was still staring at the hallway, just waiting for the apparition to reappear with its sister and say "come play with us…. Forever and ever…" He quickly the pushed the idea out of his head and made his way down the hall, he caught a brief glimpse of Fernando opening double doors to the mess hall, but Brandon heard something coming from a room, he passed by a door and heard an unfamiliar voice coming from behind it, he began to wonder "That's either really angry sex, or someone being beaten to death…" the voice calmed, and Brandon pressed his ear against the door…
"In here I have no qualms over race; I do not care if you are a unicorn, or a pegasus, or an earth pony, in here you are all equally worthless, the lowliest scum on the face of equestria… YOU, unicorn, name!"
"Cadet Snowball sir!"
"I'm Sergeant Hartmane! Were you from?"
"Manehattan sir!"
"Let me hear your war cry"
"What?"
"WAR CRAY YOU PIECE OF SLIME"
"AAAHH-AHHHahh…."
"City colt that is the sorriest excuse of war cry I ever heard… NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 50"
"SIR YES SIR"
"Wait… but first, look at this necklace (shows him necklace) what does this look like to you?"
"A pointy rock?"
"WRONG, it's the horn I ripped off an unknown unicorn in the middle of everfree forest during a skirmish, you see the stains on it?"
"Y-yes…."
"That's his brain juice… now give me 60!"
"I thought you said 50!"
"70!"
Brandon removed his head from the door and continued down the hall, he pushed open the doors and found an all too familiar sight; Fernando was being stared down by the same ponies they saw back at the auditorium, he was eating an apple and bread while he was being asked random questions by any guardsman who mustered up the courage to approach him.
"Do your kind have magic?"
"No…"
"Are there pegasi where you come from?"
"No…"
"Are there any ponies at all in your world?"
"Sort of… just not what you'd expect"
"Whats wrong with your teeth? They look pointy."
"I'm an omnivore; I can eat meat and plants"
The ponies around Fernando began to back away at the sound of that
"You do! Ugh!"
"Well get used to it, besides I don't need meat, I can get everything I need to get by the day with this food, and no, I won't even think about eating any of you"
"Why would you do that?"
"I'm just saying… I have to go now" Fernando took one last bite of the apple and threw away whatever trash he made, Brandon ignored whatever was going at the other side of the mess hall as he downed bread as fast as he could, his appetite kept the ponies at bay, Fernando saw Brandon and walke dup to him
"If you need me I'll be with Vier, I've always wanted to get to know a surgeon"
"I-mphh mpphh mph mphh mmmphh"
"Uhh… right… weirdo…"
Fernando left the hall unmolested, the ponies around him satisfied with the answers they received, Brandon was too busy stuffing his face to notice.
"Now… where's that bastard's room…" Fernando quietly stalked the hallway looking for the door to Vier's office; he had an urge to learn more of his "daughter" Fernando finds a door with a plus on it, opening it slowly, he catches a glimpse of Vier at work with a fellow surgeon, something was odd in the way they were speaking though… it's almost as if they were breaking out into song…
Vier jumped around and gracefully donned his surgical coat
"I'll sew it up, sew it up!"
"Where ze hay is my knife!" Vier gave an annoyed look to his assistant
"You left it on the table!" the assistant returned the arrogant look
Vier checked the tables prior, they weren't there
"I don't take lies from RUNTS"
Fernando shut the door and gave a blank stare into the hallway and thought
"What the FUCK did I just see?"
Shrugging off the event, Fernando goes another few doors down the hallway, the third door down revealed Vier's office
"Yes!" Fernando thought
He crept into the room trying not to touch anything; he stared at the wall covered in seemingly random newspaper articles and strange drawings, he looked closer and felt a chill run down the length of his spine
It was a swastika
[-Author(s) note: Believe us when we say this, it's not what you think-]
[-Oh, and, for anypony or anyone out there wondering, here's the humans overall appearance:
Brandon: 5 foot 4 black hair, baby faced, and wearing leather…. And brown, kind of Asian-y looking
Fernando: 5 foot 11 black hair, long faced, wears a bright yellow shirt and jeans, is Mexican American
