That night, Olivia was sitting on the screened in porch at the back of the house. She was sitting on a couch there wrapped up in a blanket; the fall air was getting colder by the hour. She had a cup of hot chocolate in her hands keeping her warm and she closed her eyes, leaning her head against the back of the couch. She was interrupted by her thoughts when her cell phone rang, she placed her cup beside her on the table and took out her cell, she read Fin on the speed dial.

"Hey Fin." Olivia said flipping open the phone.

Elliot had walked towards the door entryway, he hesitated knowing it was wrong to listen to her conversation or half of it anyway but he couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"Hey baby girl." Fin said on the other end. "Where are you?"

Olivia didn't know why, but she couldn't seem to tell him the truth about being with Elliot. "Just taking a few days to myself Fin…nothing to worry about."

"But you aren't at your apartment. I'm here now and you're no where to be found…" He said softly.

"Yeah I know. Just left the city for a few days…had to clear my head. I'm sorry I didn't call." Olivia said pulling her blanket around her tighter.

It wasn't lost on Elliot that she wasn't mentioning his name. "You're not gonna disappear like Stabler did are you?" Fin asked.

Olivia sighed. "No Fin. I'm coming back…I promise."

Fin was silent for a moment. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'll be fine…I just needed some space ya know? Besides…I had enough sick days lined up I had to take them sometime didn't I?" She teased.

"I suppose so…" Fin chuckled. "Well call me in a few days okay? Let me know how you're doing…"

"I will. Tell John I said hi and I'm sorry for leaving like that." Olivia said.

"I will. We're here if you need us you know…" Fin said softly.

Olivia smiled. "I know. Thank you. I'll call you soon okay?"

"Alright. Take care of yourself baby girl. Talk to you soon." Fin said before hanging up.

Olivia sighed and shut her phone and placed it on the table beside her before picking up her mug again. Elliot walked all the way onto the porch, he smiled and sat down beside her.

"Who was that?" Elliot asked.

Olivia wasn't sure how long he had been standing there, but if he was going to play like he didn't know she would play along. "Oh. Just Fin…just checking in."

Elliot nodded. "He cares about you."

Olivia took a sip of her hot chocolate. "He cares about you too you know…we all do."

Elliot smiled at her before settling into the couch. "Yeah I guess so."

"Did your Mom call yet?" Olivia asked knowing better than to push him.

Elliot nodded. "Yeah. She's safe in the city with her friend…"

"So she didn't make that story up?" Olivia asked. "I was wondering if she just wanted to get out of the house because she was afraid we would kill each other."

Elliot chuckled. "No she didn't make it up…she has been planning on going to see Mrs. Jackson for awhile. Although I thought she wasn't supposed to leave until tomorrow…"

Olivia smirked. "Oh…"

Elliot smiled at her. "Are you cold?"

Olivia shrugged. "A little…but I don't mind. It's nice out here…the sunset was beautiful."

Elliot nodded. "It is a beautiful view. I used to sit out here and do my homework as a kid…"

Olivia smiled. "Must have been nice…"

Elliot sighed. "It was…" He turned back to her, her cheeks were flushed because of the cold and he lifted his arm up and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Come here…"

Olivia tensed in his arms for a moment, she wasn't used to this much closeness with him but she couldn't pretend that she didn't like it. She finally relaxed against his touch and snuggled into his side and watched the moon reflect on the water.

"This is nice…" Olivia whispered nervously. "I haven't felt this…relaxed in a long time."

Elliot breathed her in and rested his cheek against the top of her head. "Me either…"

"Do you think it's weird that we are as close as we are?" Olivia asked curiously.

Elliot waited a moment before answering, trying to find the right words. "No. We've spent a large part of our lives together…we've experienced things that no one else could possibly understand. It would only make sense for us to be close like this…"

Olivia closed her eyes against him. "Yeah but…not all partners are as close as we are. Why do you think that is?"

Elliot smiled against her head. "I guess we're just lucky…"

Olivia lifted her head and shifted to look at him for a moment. "But you didn't feel like you could talk to me about what happened…"

Elliot grimaced. "I'm not ready to talk about that day yet okay?"

Olivia thought about arguing, but she knew she couldn't when she was hiding her own secrets from him. "Alright."

Elliot nodded and retracted his arm from around her shoulder feeling as though the moment had been ruined, he saw the pain on Olivia's face when he did so but he couldn't pull her back to him. "So…what happens when you go back to the city?"

Olivia sighed and rested her head against the back of the couch again. "I don't know…you already said that you don't want to come back yet."

Elliot sighed and rested his own head against the back of the couch. "No I'm not…"

"Well…then I guess I go home and you stay here?" She asked rolling her head to the side to stare at him.

Elliot turned his head towards her too. "Yeah I guess so…you can stay if you want you know."

Olivia smiled. "I wish I could…"

"Why can't you?" Elliot asked reaching over to push a strand of hair out of her face. "You said Cragen was willing to give you some time off…"

She was getting lost in his eyes again and it was worse now when he was asking her to stay, it seemed so much more inviting than facing the truth back home. "I have to be at court…"

"So come back afterwards…" Elliot whispered. "Hide from it all for just a little while longer…it may not be the most productive decision but who really cares?"

Olivia smiled. "Cuz its working so well for you…"

"Maybe it's not fixing my problems but it's giving me more perspective on what's important and what isn't." Elliot said.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked snuggling deeper into the couch and her blankets.

Elliot sighed and turned his head away from her again, he closed his eyes and began to talk. "I don't I guess I feel like for so long I was just working ya know…I never really took anytime for myself. I needed this to really find some perspective…to really see if this was the life I want anymore."

"If you don't go back to SVU…what will you do?" Olivia asked curiously, the idea of him never coming back scared her almost more than cancer.

Elliot sat up before standing up to walk towards the window overlooking the beach. "I don't know…start over I guess?"

Olivia sat up and pulled her legs up onto the couch and stared at his back. "Would you live here permanently?"

"I think so." Elliot said nodding, still not turning to face her. "I guess I'd get some kind of job here…not sure what yet. I'm sure there would be something down at the police station I could do…but I don't know if I even want to do that. Maybe I'll just get some bar tending job…for now anyway."

He turned to face her as he leaned against the cool glass of the window. "You being a bartender?" Olivia smirked. "I can't picture it…"

Elliot laughed. "Just an idea…didn't say I was definitely going to do it.

Olivia smiled. "Do you think that would make you happy?"

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know what will make me happy anymore to be honest…"

Olivia's smile turned to a frown. "I hate to see you hurting like this Elliot…it breaks my heart."

Elliot tried to smile before he looked down at his feet. "It's not your job to worry about me Olivia…I know you have your own life."

"No it may not be my job…" Olivia whispered. "But it doesn't mean I don't worry…don't' you worry about me?"

Elliot looked up at her slowly, this time he was getting lost in her eyes. "Always."

She could feel something shifting in their relationship and it scared her to death. As much as she wanted it…she knew it couldn't happen. Not like this. Not when he was so far gone and she was about to face the hardest fight of her life.

"I guess that's what made us such good partners for so many years…" She whispered.

Elliot nodded. "I guess so…"

Olivia sighed. "Don't get me wrong…Nick's a good detective but he's not you. It doesn't feel the same…I feel like I've lost my touch ya know?"

"You can always leave…" Elliot whispered.

Olivia sighed. "I could…but Cragen is retiring…"

"Cragen is retiring?" Elliot asked in disbelief. "Wow…well who is taking his place?"

Olivia laughed, she didn't know who would do it now. "Well…it's supposed to be me."

Elliot's eyes widened. "You? Wow Liv that is a huge honor. Congratulations!"

Olivia smiled. "Yeah well…I don't know anymore."

Elliot walked back over to her. "What do you mean?" He asked as he sat down beside her again. "You don't want to be Captain?"

Olivia shrugged. "Let's just say there are complications now that I didn't foresee when he first offered me the position…"

"This is about the thing that you aren't telling me…" Elliot whispered, squinting his eyes at her. "Are you ready to tell me yet?"

She shook her head. "No. Not yet…"

Elliot sighed. "When will you be ready?"

"Well when will you be ready to talk about the shooting?" Olivia fired back.

Elliot smiled. "Touché…"

"It's like I said Elliot…you weren't the only one that changed that day…" She sighed turning back to look out the window.

"I guess not…" Elliot whispered, he paused for a moment. "So…what time do you think you will leave tomorrow?"

Olivia shrugged. "I haven't decided yet…why?"

Elliot smiled. "I'm just dreading being alone…"

Her heart ached for him. "So why don't you go home and see your kids?"

Elliot shook his head. "I don't want them to see me like this…"

Olivia stared at him for a moment. " Maybe they can help…"

"Maybe…" Elliot sighed again. "Maybe not…for right now I just need to figure it out without them." He paused. "Would it be selfish of me to ask you to come back?"

Olivia smiled at him. "You're entitled to be a little selfish every now and then Elliot…we all are."

Elliot smiled and asked hopefully. "So is that a yes?"

Olivia chuckled. "I'm not sure…I have to see what this court case will entail. I can't make any promises…" Olivia whispered, knowing full well that she would love to come back but wasn't sure how she would be feeling or how soon radiation would start. "How about I'll call you Friday?"

Elliot nodded slowly. "Fair enough I guess…"

Olivia stared at him for a moment. "Everything will be okay El…"

He smiled at her. "I know…" He stood up and walked back towards the porch entrance. "I'm pretty tired…think I might head in early tonight."

Olivia saw that he was fighting some inner battle and it was too hard to be around her. "Oh…okay."

"You're not leaving early are you?" Elliot asked. "We could go out to breakfast if you want…there's a diner on the pier."

Olivia smiled. "I'd like that…"

Elliot smiled. "Well then I guess I'll see you in the morning."

She nodded slowly. "See you in the morning…sleep well."

Elliot nodded before walking away. Olivia leaned back against the couch she was sitting on and sighed. She was hoping that being with Elliot was helping him deal with his inner demons but it was clear they were still very much there. She wanted to tell him so bad about what was going on with her, but she was afraid it would break him even more.

It was clear that for now, she was going to have to deal with her cancer without his help…


The next morning, Olivia showered and got dressed before she walked out to the living room to where Elliot was watching the news.

He turned towards her and smiled. "How did you sleep?"

"Good." She said lying, she had done nothing but worry not only about herself but Elliot too. "You?"

He stood up. "Better than I have lately…"

She smiled. "Good. Did you still want to go to breakfast?"

Elliot nodded. "Definitely. Ready when you are."

She pointed her hand towards the door. "Lead the way then…"

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in the diner enjoying tea and coffee as they looked over the menu.

"We used to come here every Sunday after church." Elliot said smiling. "It was my Dads favorite place…"

Olivia smiled. "It's nice that you have that memory of him."

Elliot nodded. 'Despite everything…I love both my parents."

Olivia nodded. "I know you do."

Elliot watched as she looked back down at the menu, there were so many things he wanted to say to her but he was afraid too. "I hope you didn't think I was running out on you last night when I went to bed…I really was tired."

Olivia looked up at him again. "I know El…you don't have to explain anything to me."

He shrugged. "I mean I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad that you were leaving…it's made me feel better having you here. It's almost like if you leave…I'm afraid I'll fall back into my old funk."

Olivia leaned forward and squeezed his hand. "Elliot now that I know where you are…and what's going on I won't let you go back to that place. I promise you that…"

Elliot couldn't help but smile at her, he even felt tears brimming up in his eyes again. "I don't know what I'd do without you…I'm sorry I pushed you away."

Olivia shook her head. "You didn't El…we all go through things and need to handle them our own way. I was upset when I first found out you left…but all I care about now is that you are okay."

"It may take me awhile…but I think I can get back to a good place again." Elliot said nodding. "But I wouldn't have been able to do that if you hadn't come here to find me…you're the only person that seems to able to handle me."

Olivia laughed. "We're the only people that can handle each other."

Elliot chuckled. "Guess you're right…"

She looked down at the menu. "So…what do you recommend here?"

"Well their Omelets are pretty damn famous. Hash browns are great too…get whatever you want. It's on me." He said smiling.

Olivia looked back up at him. "No…El I can pay for my own meal."

Elliot stared at her for a moment. "Liv you've done enough for me lately…I think I can handle paying for your breakfast."

Olivia smiled. "Well…when you put it that way…"

Elliot chuckled. "I kenw I wouldn't have to fight you too hard on this one…"

Olivia shrugged. "I was taught never to turn away a free meal if there is good reason for it…"

The waitress began walking over to the table, she had fiery short red hair, large black rimmed glasses, bright clothes and a huge smile on her face. It was clear that she was one of a kind and was the reason that this Diner was so successful.

"Well hello there Elliot." She said. "Whose this pretty lady you brought to our fine establishment?"

Elliot smiled. "Hi Caroline, this is Olivia my partner at SVU. Olivia this is Caroline, the owner and head waitress here."

The older woman turned to Olivia and smiled. "So you're the one that's been saving his ass all these years?" She teased as she stuck her hand out for Olivia to shake.

Olivia laughed and shook her hand. "Oh so you've heard of me?"

Caroline laughed. "Heard of you? It's hard to get this one to stop talking about you when he visits…especially lately! It's always Olivia this…Olivia that-"

Elliot's cheeks were turning red. "Yeah, yeah…stop exaggerating Caroline…"

Caroline laughed and turned to Olivia whose own cheeks had began to blush, she winked at Olivia and leaned into him. "I will say this…you make a cuter couple than him and the blond."

"Jeez Caroline…" Elliot said trying to laugh off the situation. "That is the mother of my children you know!"

Caroline smirked. "And she's a lovely woman Elliot…you know how much I like Kathy. Just saying…there's a chemistry here you can't ignore."

Olivia couldn't even look at Elliot, but she couldn't keep from smiling as he fidgeted in his seat. "Yeah…alright well can we just order some food please?"

Caroline sighed. "Oh fine…what can I get you?" She asked turning to Olivia.

Olivia looked at Elliot quickly and then back at Caroline. "Well I've been told you have very famous Omelet's…so I think I'll have the veggie Omelet with a side of home fries please."

"Good choice." Caroline said before turning to Elliot. "And what about you Stabler? The usual?"

Elliot smiled. "Please."

Caroline smiled. "I'll put these orders right in for you then. Holler at me if you need anything you crazy kids!" She said as she began to walk away.

Olivia watched her leave and she giggled before turning back to Elliot. "Well she seems to know you very well…"

Elliot laughed, his cheeks still red. "She grew up with my Dad…she's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. She's a great lady…a little intrusive at times but great none the less."

Olivia smiled. "She cares about you…that's all."

Elliot shrugged. "Yeah maybe…"

Olivia folded her arms on the table. "So tell me…what's your usual?"

Elliot smiled. "Clearly you didn't study the menu that well…" He reached for a menu at a table beside him and opened it up for Olivia. "Second page…half way down…"

Olivia looked up at him, her eyebrow raised before scanning the page before coming across the words 'The Elliot Stabler Breakfast Special.'

She rolled her eyes. "Just what you need…something else to fill that ego of yours. You have a breakfast named after you?"

Elliot chuckled. "Yup."

Olivia smiled and looked back down. "Okay so what do we have here…two sunny side up eggs, three slices of bacon, home-fries, a small stack of buttermilk pancakes, warm maple syrup and a cheddar cheese biscuit." She looked up at him. "Geez…hungry much?"

He shrugged. "I was a growing kid when they created that…what can I say?"

"Oh yeah and what's your excuse now?" She said closing the menu and smiling over at him.

Elliot laughed. "Now? Now my excuse is that it tastes so damn good."

She laughed and shook her head. "Unbelievable…"

Elliot smirked and leaned back in the booth. "You can't tell me that you didn't miss me these past few months…"

Olivia's smile faded slightly. "No. I guess I can't…"

The unspoken words between them were hanging over them like a dark cloud, but neither of them could open up to the other. At least not yet…

Elliot got lost in her eyes for a moment before he looked back down at his coffee and picked it up before taking a sip. "So…"

Olivia reached for her own tea. "So…"

Elliot stared at her for a moment before beginning to laugh again. "It's crazy that I would be okay with just sitting here with you for the rest of my life…never talking about anything deeper that we need to resolve. This right here…just you and me spending time together…its when I feel the most comfortable."

Olivia smiled sweetly at him. "I know what you mean…you're the only person that I feel completely comfortable with in this world. Whatever happens…just know you're my best friend okay? Know how much you mean to me…"

Elliot leaned into the table and squinted his eyes at her. "What do you mean no matter what happens? You going somewhere Benson?"

Her heart began to beat faster, and she was sure that her cheeks were turning red again. "No…I just mean…you said it yourself you don't think that you are ready or ever will be ready to come back to SVU. And if you don't…you'll still always be my best friend."

He could tell there was more, but he knew he couldn't push her when he wasn't being honest about everything himself. "Well…" He reached over and took her hand. "You're my best friend to Liv…always have been. Always will be."

Their eyes locked, daring to say all the things they were too afraid to say. It was like everything else around them stopped when his hand reached for hers. Neither of them wanted the moment to end because it was clear that things were changing all around them and they couldn't stop it no matter how much they wanted too.

Olivia pulled away first when she heard footsteps beside them signaling Caroline's return with their food. "Plates are hot…" She said as she put them down in front of them, it was very obvious to her that she had just interrupted something. "Can I…get you anything else?"

Elliot was still staring at Olivia but Olivia was ignoring his gaze, she turned toward Caroline. "No thank you. This looks wonderful! Smells unbelievable too!"

Caroline stared at Olivia and then looked at Elliot. "You okay Elliot?"

Elliot finally turned away from Olivia and over to Caroline as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah…I'm fine. Looks perfect as usual Caroline. Thanks."

The woman nodded. "Alright…you know where to find me if you need me."

As she walked away she glanced back at them one last time. Olivia grabbed her fork and knife feeling Elliot's gaze burning through her again. She cut off a piece of the Omelet before putting it in her mouth.

She looked up and smiled at him. "You were right…they are amazing."

It took him a moment but Elliot finally smiled and nodded. "Told you…"

She smiled again and then turned back to her food. Part of her wanted to stay in this place with Elliot forever, but the other part wanted to run as fast as she could. She knew that there was this bond between them, Caroline's words had just made it that much more evident for her.

And now she was faced with the prospect of dying and leaving him here alone. She didn't know what hurt more…thinking that they were going to miss out on an amazing life together or thinking about leaving him alone again.

Nothing seemed fair…


Late that afternoon, Olivia's car was packed up and she and Elliot were sitting on the front step. They were quiet, and it was clear that Elliot was devastated that she was leaving again. Olivia's heart felt like it was going to j ump out of her chest. Not only did she have to say goodbye to her best friend that was clearly falling apart but tomorrow she had to have surgery and she was going all alone.

"Will you call me when you get home?" Elliot asked as he stood up and turned towards her.

She stared up at him. "Sure."

He nodded. "Tell everyone…" He paused before starting to laugh. "Never mind…don't tell them anything. They probably hate me."

Olivia stood up and shook her head. "They don't hate you Elliot…they miss you and they are worried."

He nodded slowly. "Well then tell them I'm sorry for leaving without saying goodbye…"

She smiled. "I will."

He stared at her for a moment. "I know you're keeping something from me…and I can't even get angry with you because I've been doing that for months. I hate it…"

She laughed. "Don't you worry about me Elliot. I'm a big girl, been taking care of myself for a long time."

Elliot shrugged. "We all need help sometimes…I think I learned that with you here. So when you finally figure that out…will you call me and let me know what I can do for you?"

She smiled. "Sure."

She knew she was lying but she obviously couldn't say no. She figured Elliot could see right through her but he knew better than to argue with her about it. SO instead, he pulled her in for a tight hug and kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you Liv…thank you for being stubborn enough to not give up on me." He said as he held her close.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled. "I learned how to be stubborn from you El…and it's like I said you're my best friend. I won't let you go without a fight…"

He smiled against her head and kissed it one last time before pulling away again. "As much as I want you to stay….you should hit the road so you can get home before it gets dark."

Olivia sighed. "Okay…"

"Be safe." Elliot said as she started to walk towards her car. "Call me the second you get back…and if you see my kids tell them I love them."

Olivia reached her door and smirked at him. "Call them Elliot."

He sighed. "They hate me."

"No. They don't." She said as she opened the door. "Call them."

He nodded slowly. "Alright I will…"

She smiled and waved goodbye. "Tell your Mom I said bye and thank you for letting me stay."

"I will." He said as he put his hands in his pockets. "See ya Liv…"

She smiled one last time. "See ya El…take care of yourself."

She got in the car and started it, Elliot waited and waved as she drove away. Once her car was completely out of sight he turned back to the house, now that she was gone he was all alone with his thoughts again.

And the demons were already crawling into his mind…he missed her already.


What did you think? Hope you liked it :) The next chapter will be Olivia going in for surgery and how Elliot is dealing with being without her again. Will Olivia's secret be revealed sooner than she would like? Review and you'll find out sooner!