Chapter Three

Kendall flutters home. Things are really starting to go well for him, becoming friends with James and whatnot, but he still has many questions unanswered. What happened to his high school friend? Kendall suspects maybe he died or they had a big, ugly argument. It's pretty unusual for someone to close up like that, especially since they've been opening so quickly about everything else. He doesn't want to pressure him at all though, and Kendall lets James take his time. He plays guitar on the block he lives at for two hours. It only brings in $26, but it's better than nothing. His excitement for tomorrow is overwhelming but he manages to get through the day regardless. Sleeps seems impossible but inevitable.

Morning rolls around and he is woken up by his phone. It's a text from James, naturally, asking if 10 o'clock sharp is suitable. Kendall can make any time happen for James (of course he doesn't tell him this) but agrees anyway and starts to get dressed. He heads out down the block, surprised to see that the snow has finally stopped. Now it's starting to get muddy and ugly from all the people trudging through it, and tall towers of dirty snow line the roadways. Plows and trucks dropping salt beep and roar down every street. Kendall sidles up along the window to Stella's bakery and sees that it's quite full of people. He's a little early, so while he waits for James he has a cigarette. A toothless bum asks for a smoke as well, and Kendall is happy to give it to him. He uses the boy's lighter and is on his way, pulling a small cart full of towels behind him.

"Hey! Sorry!" James calls out from down the block. He's jogging up to the bakery.

"Why sorry?" Kendall asks.

"I'm a little late."

"It's fine, I didn't even notice." The blond tosses his cigarette on the ground and kicks a little extra snow over it. His hands retreat into his pockets and they go inside the bakery together. There's a long line and they queue up.

"Lemon tart?" Kendall asks.

"Oh yeah, you know it," says James with a cheeky grin.

"I kinda feel like something different. What else is good?"

"Everything. You practically can't go wrong here."

The line moves slowly and Kendall observes the pastries that hide within the confines of the glass case. "What exactly is the Napoleon?"

"Layers of custard and flaky pastry, topped with a sheet of marbled icing."

"Oh, man. That's awesome. Have you had 'em?"

"Yes. Crazy high in fat, but totally worth it."

"Heheh, alright."

When it's their turn, Kendall gets one of those Napoleons and James of course orders a lemon tart. They get two cups of coffee and James insists on picking up the tab once more. Kendall has no chance to stop that, so he shrugs it off, smiles and carries their food to a table in the back.

"Alright, so how was the rest of your day, yesterday?" James asks. He takes a sip of coffee and sits up straight in his chair.

"Good. I played a little…that was pretty much it I guess."

"Guitar, right?"

"Yeah."

"I've seen you around."

"Really?"

"Yep." James takes another sip of coffee and smiles cutely. His cheeks are bright red. "I overheard some girls in my class saying something about this 'adorable guy who plays guitar in Central Park.' So I thought I'd find this adorable guy. You sound great. I've always been jealous of musicians."

Kendall cuts down into his Napoleon and swallows a lump in his throat. Did James just call him adorable? He isn't imagining it this time, that's for sure. He wonders if it's James's way of hitting on him, but he also doesn't want to read into it too deep.

"You ever try it?" Kendall asks. He puts some of the pastry in his mouth and can't help but let out a cry of pleasure.

"Try what? Music?"

"Uh huh."

"I took violin lessons as a kid, but I just didn't have a knack for it. How did you get into it?"

"Picked it up from my pops," Kendall explains. He resists the urge to cram the whole pastry into his mouth at once and takes his time savoring it. The custard is so intense and heavy he might get a boner. It's a little awkward. "I caught on quickly, and before I knew it I was writing songs. I spent most of my life back home playing for my friends and stuff."

"That's awesome," James says. "So why come out here?"

"I got tired of just entertaining them," Kendall goes on after drinking some more coffee. He watches James dab the sides of his mouth with a napkin ever-so-daintily. "They called me Sunshine, and I made everyone happy with my music. So I thought I could spread that sort of joy in other places, too. That's why I'm here. Not sure if it's working, though. New York people are a lot different from Kansas people."

"Yeah, definitely," James says. He rolls his eyes. "Good luck hitting home with any of them. But, I like your singing. You sound great."

"Thanks," Kendall mumbles.

"Okay, so, gym?"

They finish up breakfast and head down the street a few blocks. It's a brisk walk, but Kendall enjoys it. He keeps his hands tucked into his pockets and follows closely behind James.

"Here we are," the brunet announces. He holds open the door to the gym and allows Kendall entrance. They check in and head to the changing rooms. "What I like about this place," James continues. "Is how private it is. See? The showers are self-contained and they have enough room in there to put your clothes in, so you don't have to get dressed in front of anybody. I come prepared though."

Kendall examines the showers, which are mostly cells of white tiles with metal doors, similar to a public restroom, attached to the fronts. James goes to a locker and peels off his outer layers of clothing. First he kicks out of his shoes, then takes off his blazer, then his scarf, then a sweater he had on underneath and finally his pants. He had been wearing small gym shorts and a tank top underneath his clothes all along, so all he does now is grab sneakers from his duffel bag and laces them up. Kendall took the same sort of approach; workout clothes under street ones, but his shoes remained the same.

"Ready?" James asks, slinging a towel over his left shoulder. Kendall nods and follows him out into the main area of the gym. The whole thing is lined with mirrors and when Kendall looks into them he feels self-conscious. James has this massive upper body with firm, succulent pecs and strong arms. His waist is skinny but toned, and further down is two thin yet muscular legs, coated in sparse, stroke-able body hair. Kendall tries not to stare at James too much, but it's hard to resist. The brunet sits on a weight bench and begins to pump some serious iron like it's nothing. Kendall looks back at his own reflection and sees a sort of noodley young guy. A slightly toned string bean, if you will. There's some conflict in Kendall's mind as he finds James very delicate and beautiful, yet his body is firm and rugged. He's not sure how a string bean noodle boy could really get away with pounding James's ass, yet part of him yearns for it. Either way, he's jumping to conclusions. Just because James may have called Kendall cute and adorable doesn't necessarily mean he's gay. It also doesn't mean he isn't.

"Here, take one," James says and passes a dumbbell to Kendall. He struggles to curl it up. "Your arms are weak, man."

"Yeah, I know. I thought I was always pretty strong but I guess not."

"It's cool. Don't worry about it. I've been putting a lot of effort into my body." James continues to lift weights like a God and Kendall still feels like a sissy.

"Shouldn't you have a more, uh, buff gym partner?" Kendall asks.

"No. Why?"

"It just seems better."

"I'm lucky to have anybody come with me at all. My folks totally hate that I work out."

"What? Why?" Kendall tries to curl that weight again. He's already sweating.

"I dunno. Worried about the overly buff image, I guess. They'd prefer it if I stayed kinda lean and typical looking."

Kendall laughs. "You've got some crazy family, huh?"

"Yeah, tell me about it."

They continue to lift weighs for a while, and then James rotates to a few different machines. In all, the session is about two hours long. By the end, Kendall is completely worn out. He's sopping wet with his own sweat as he tails behind James back to the changing rooms.

[Note: For this scene I was listening to "Look of Love" by Susannah Hoffs. Just saying.]

"I'm gonna hop in the shower, and you should too," says James. He grabs two towels from a hamper marked, CLEAN TOWELS and tosses one at Kendall. He flips into one of the showers and closes the metal door with a clang. Kendall stands outside the stall awkwardly, hoping that James won't notice. He watches the brunet's beautiful big feet shuffle from beneath the bottom of the door, stepping across the smooth cold tiles. He lifts up one leg and the gym shorts fall down. He bends down now and picks them up. This is driving Kendall crazy, knowing that there's just a thin wall of metal between him and a naked James. Kendall takes a few careful steps over to the side and tries to peer in through the thin crack between the door and the tiles. Between three chunky hinges he sees a little bit of James's body. He really wants to get closer but he doesn't dare. Thank God the rest of the locker room is empty, or Kendall would look like a total creeper.

He sees the length of James's nude body, but the view is so thin he can barely make anything out; just a strip of bare flesh. It looks like his back. James steps forward a bit and the shower turns on after a loud squeal from the knobs. Water splashes onto the floor and Kendall tries to look closer, still about two feet from the actual door. He bites his tongue between his teeth, squinting through the thin space. James turns around and Kendall can see a bit of trimmed body hair, somewhere dangerously close to his pubic area. He has chiseled V-lines that Kendall wants to grab onto so badly. Soapy water runs down his body followed by his strong hands, lathering himself up in a tender, circular motion.

Kendall can't stand it any longer and goes into the shower stall next to James. He takes off his clothes and turns that shower on. It's cold and takes a while to heat up, but he probably shouldn't wait. Wow, Kendall's muscles really ache from that work out, not to mention the big throbbing boner he's sporting now. There's no time to jerk off, and that would be super awkward any way. So the water is finally comfortable and he gets underneath it. It runs into his hair and down his body. Kendall takes up a bar of soap and starts to lather himself up. He never thought he would wish to be in a big, open shower, but here he is, wishing he was.

It doesn't take him too long to get washed up. He switches off the water, towels off briefly and gets back into his street clothes. When he comes out, James is already back by the locker and putting his blazer on again. "Not a bad shower, huh?"

"Y-yeah," Kendall giggles nervously.

"Ready?"

"Yup. Let's go."

They leave the gym and head down the street together. Ironically after their workout, Kendall takes out a cigarette and offers one to James. They light up and keep walking.

"So you write music," James says.

"Yep."

"Do you play it? Play it live? I feel like you've only done covers."

"In general I just do covers yeah, you're right," Kendall says. He knocks some ash into the snow. "People can relate better if they know the songs. That's why I do a lot of Beatles."

"That's cool. It's smart, too." James slows down his pace.

"What's up?" Kendall asks, sensing something wrong.

"Hey um," James begins quietly. "Do you like hanging out with me?"

"I sure do," Kendall says. "You're a lot of fun. You're really intelligent, and fun, and thoughtful."

"Thanks," James laughs. He flicks his cigarette butt onto the ground and looks up at the sky. "I'm really lonely. Isn't that funny?"

"Why funny?" Kendall asks. His feet begin to walk a little closer to James.

"I got this big family, I'm in school, I'm in shape and I look good. People walk by me and probably think, 'damn, wish I had his life.' No, it's not that good."

Kendall is quiet for a minute. He listens to the sound of their feet crushing the snow beneath the soles of their shoes and thinks about James. He's insecure about himself.

"Why aren't you happy?" Kendall asks, trying to sound comforting and not too invasive.

"You don't know what it's like to live with my parents." James sighs heavily.

"Why don't you just move out?"

"I can't. I'm in school. I don't have a job and I can't support myself."

"But you don't want to be in school?"

"I dunno. Ahh, man. I really don't know." James stops and kicks some snow up. Kendall stays close bye and looks down, too.

"Life can be confusing," Kendall says and James nods. "I still don't know what I want, really. But I'll figure it out. How old are you?"

"22," James says. They still don't move and just stand firm on the ground.

"We have plenty of time. You need to focus on relaxing and having fun."

"I'm trying to. It's been rough. You know, my friend…really only two people in my life have mattered to me."

"Oh yeah? Do you want to find a more quiet place to talk?"

"That would be nice."

"Let's grab lunch somewhere."

They look around and James points out a small place. It's out of the way and not too crowded so they go in and take a seat. Quiet music is playing over a few speakers and the clinking of silverware resounds throughout. Behind the menu, James continues where they left off.

"My friend from high school, right? My best friend. My only friend. But my parents didn't like him and there was a big fight. He went back to Israel and we weren't allowed to talk to each other."

"Ohh, what happened?" Kendall asks. The waiter comes by with water and Kendall orders a Coke and James gets iced tea. The blond boy rips off paper from a straw and sticks it into his water. James sighs. "My parents didn't like us. His parents didn't like us." He says sadly.

Kendall takes a sip of the ice cold water and smacks his lips. He tries to put on a considerate face. "Was there a reason?"

"Well…" James looks over the table and Kendall and makes a small smile. "I wouldn't tell just anybody this, but I feel really close to you, so. Okay, see, I'm gay."

Kendall almost does a spit take. He stares back at James and tries his best to keep his lips together. James is gay? He knew it. There was speculation but know that he knows for sure, Kendall thinks that it was obvious.

"That's fine," Kendall says coolly. "So am I."

At those words, James looks relieved. He slumps back in his chair and sighs in content. "I had a feeling," James says quietly.

"Your parents aren't okay with it, huh?" Kendall asks and James shakes his head.

"It's forbidden," he says. "So we were fighting and arguing and my friend, Itay, gets stuck going home to Israel with his family. I never saw him again. It was terrible. My parents…" James breaks off the sentence and closes his eyes tightly. The waiter comes by with their drinks, ready to take their order, but Kendall tells him they need more time.

"Hmm? Your parents?" Kendall asks soothingly. He tilts his head to the side.

"My parents sent me to a 'pray the gay away' kind of camp."

"Ohh," Kendall inhaled. "No way? They have that?"

"Mmhmm."

"What happened there?"

"I met my other good friend. And we became a couple," James burst into laughter. "Can you believe it? Go to a camp to get straight and I get a boyfriend! Yeah…heh…they never knew about that."

"Oh yeah?" Kendall is very interested in James's life story. There is a lot hiding behind that beautiful face.

"Uh huh. But his mom realized it and had him sent home. Ugghh. It's been really unlucky. But, but you are gay?" James whispers the last part.

"Yes. I am. But my parents don't care."

"So lucky," James says. He picks the menu up again, looking relieved somewhat, and reads it carefully.

"Is this like a date?" Kendall asks. James purses his pink lips together and peeps over the menu at Kendall. "Um, I dunno," he says quickly. "Maybe?"

"Are you still interested in men?"

"Yeah of course, I'm gay."

"But your family?"

"They don't like me because of it."

"Rabbi Berkovic?"

"I didn't want him to know, but my stupid mom told him," James grumbles. "What do you think about quiche?"

"I don't know what that is."

"Like an egg pie."

"Sounds…different."

"Let's split one. They say they're big enough for two people."

"Okay, cool. New things are always exciting. Uh, but what does the rabbi think?"

"Sort of a sympathetic tone," James says, nodding as he thinks. He closes the menu and looks around for the waiter. "As if he can 'cure' me or so, but doesn't want to dislike me for it. Don't get me wrong, I love Rabbi Berkovic. He's a great guy and a fantastic tutor. Shit, I love Judaism. My religion is very important to me and I would never denounce it. I just think the whole 'homosexuality is bad' thing is a bit outdated."

"Yeah, makes sense," Kendall says. The waiter comes back finally and they put in their order for the quiche. "Sorry your parents are mad about it."

"Eh, I'm dealing with it. Just trying to figure out what I'll do."

"You'll manage. There's always a way," Kendall says quite confidently. "Gotta find what makes you happy." James stares across the table at Kendall and smiles.