Chapter 3: About a Girl
Beca had been sitting at her desk, hovering over her laptop and mixboard for the past 3 hours. As soon as Chloe dropped the DJ off at her dorm and hugged her goodbye, she dove straight into one of her mixes, hoping the task would distract her from her lingering thoughts after the redhead had invited Beca on vacation with her. Her plan had succeeded for the most part, only breaching the forefront of her brain when she took a break to eat or pee. Of course, in those moments, her mind would always drift back to her admission to Chloe. She thought about how vulnerable and exposed she felt speaking about her past, about her mom―albeit briefly. She thought about the fear she had, hoping that the redhead wouldn't reject her after discovering how broken she was inside. She thought about the tightness in her chest and the wave of relief that crashed over her body when she felt the older girl embrace her. But mostly, she thought about the feeling that encompassed her whole body when she realized in that moment she could trust Chloe with her most personal secrets.
It was that epiphany that was causing Beca the most distress, the reason she was trying to distract herself the most right now. She wasn't entirely sure what to make of this feeling. Beca hasn't been able or willing to open up to anyone about her parents for the last five years, and yet this ball of energy that is Chloe Beale managed to quickly maneuver her way into Beca's life and unlock some of her most private secrets.
Maybe this is what it's like to have a best friend? Is that what this is? Beca questions to herself. I mean, it couldn't possibly be because… No, no it can't be because of that.
Her whole life, Beca hasn't really had a lot of friends. Any friends she had manage to make, she wouldn't necessarily call them 'close' by any means. Her closest one would have to have been Sam when she was in high school. He was a sweet guy, kind of quiet and aloof like her, but not in an angry, rebellious way. He was artsy, loved to draw, and could be consumed by his art for hours on end, just like Beca could be with her music. Maybe that's what attracted her to Sam, the shared bond of expressing their emotions through a creative outlet.
But even when the status of their friendship change into boyfriend/girlfriend, she never felt comfortable fully opening up to him. They would talk about art, music, food; the future, what their goals in life were. But they never talked about anything truly personal―not her fears, not her family, not the past―and Beca liked it that way. She didn't need nor want more than that. What they shared physically and creatively between them, it was enough, and she was content for the six months they'd been together. Of course, she managed to completely screw that relationship up. Beca didn't completely blame herself... she wasn't the only party involved, and she certainly didn't initiate anything. But hormones can be a real bitch when you're a teenager; when you're not completely sure of who or what you are; and when you suddenly find yourself questioning your feelings towards those of the same sex. And when she found herself at a party one night their junior year, a few beers consumed and Sam off somewhere else, it was Sam's twin sister Holly sauntering up to Beca as she sat on the couch, avoiding interacting with anyone. Part of her found the other girl attractive, and if she was being honest with herself, occasionally found other girls at school attractive. At the time, Beca hadn't been willing to admit to herself those feelings actually meant anything. She played them off as if it was one of those competitive girly things… comparing the way she looked to other girls. Now, of course, she has no problem admitting that it was in fact, physical attraction.
Holly had clearly been intoxicated, Beca well on her way to getting there, and when Beca felt a weight land next to her on the couch and lips press against her own, she chose not to question what was happening. She relished in the embrace, allowed their lips and tongues to fight against each other, hands to wander carelessly. Beca barely registered someone yelling out angrily before she could feel Holly being unceremoniously pulled away from her and up from the couch. She looked upward toward the figures in front of her, setting her gaze on Sam's angered and devastated expression. She remembers the guilt and the fear she felt from her actions, the overwhelming confusion.
But she'll always remember the friendship that she lost that day. The close connection that was severed because she couldn't keep her feelings in check.
As Beca sits at her desk, practically staring through her computer screen while a low beat hums through the headphones suspended around her neck, she contemplates her short time at Barden and the enigma that is Chloe Beale.
Beca has never been one to gravitate towards a personality like Chloe's―bubbly and cheerful; essentially like staring into the sun whilst engaged in a sugar high 24/7. Beca hates people. She especially hates people who live their lives like everything is puppy dogs and cotton candy, where boundaries are non-existent, and personal details are shared and prodded at like it's a sixth grade sleepover. If it were anyone else, Beca is sure she'd have some choice expletives and a middle finger to throw their way if they came anywhere near the moody girl. But with Chloe, she doesn't mind any of those qualities. In fact, she finds each and every aspect of the older girl endearing and adorable―two words she'd never say out loud, of course.
If she were to look back on it, Beca could confidently say the activities fair is the day her whole life changed. To the casual observer, meeting the two Bella captains that day doesn't seem like it would have had any kind of significant impact… However, if she really thought about it, she believes her snark and resistance to the concept of acapella as a whole that day was what likely fueled Chloe's determination in recruiting the freshman. The shower incident, as she dubbed it, is simply what cemented the altering of her life.
Nevermind the fact that a gorgeous and very naked woman walked into her shower stall practically demanding she sing the song said girl masturbates to. And despite how awkward and embarrassed Beca felt, that was certainly something she took notice of and burned into her brain. But it was the experience of harmonizing together that really caught Beca's attention. Their voices fit so perfectly together, and as the final note rang out between them, Beca knew in that moment this woman was special and she wanted to know her.
So if she were being honest, her dad's offer of helping her move to LA was not her only motivation for attending those auditions. It might have sort of, maybe, mostly been because she wanted to see the redhead again, if even for a few minutes. There was something about her that Beca couldn't put her finger on, something that drew her to the other girl. The way their voices intermingled in the shower that day, how their eyes met with shy smiles; they connected on a level that was far more intimate to Beca than she'd ever experienced before. A level that goes beyond physical, mental or even emotional. She and Chloe connected musically, and for Beca, that is something special. Because Beca is music. She lives and breathes each and every lyric and beat the world has to offer. And in that moment in the shower stall, Beca had found a kindred spirit, and they were one.
It is since that very naked meeting that Beca has not been able to get the redhead out of her mind. Seeing her every day at practice certainly hasn't helped. And from day one, surprisingly to Beca, Chloe dove head first into befriending the prickly DJ. They would spend time together outside of Bellas, hangouts almost always initiated by the redhead, with moderate protestations from the younger girl. But over the last couple months, Beca gradually found herself only protesting to tease the other girl and keep up appearances that she didn't care or want to engage in fun with Chloe. Secretly, she loved it; loved every second she got with the redhead. They were compatible on so many levels despite being so different in personality, but it worked for them. They fit together so effortlessly.
Sometimes they'd get adventurous with their activities, but most of the time it was simply hanging out in one of their bedrooms―Chloe studying or reading, Beca working on her mixes. They would talk; about the Bellas, about school, about random things, the newest cat video Chloe found online, the latest mix Beca was working through. Their conversations were never stilted or awkward, it just came easily to them. And with that easy conversation came jokes and banter, innuendoes and flirtations―mostly from Chloe, as Beca would just splutter when it happened, but occasionally she'd get one in and catch Chloe off guard. It also brought the occasional more personal conversations―family, past relationships and friendships; hopes, dreams, fears, ambitions, desires. Again, it was mostly Chloe sharing, but the older Bella managed to squeeze a few details from the closed off DJ.
Not since Sam had anyone been able to worm their way into Beca's life and routine so easily―admittedly, even more than Sam had―and it seems as if the redhead has made it her mission from the beginning to tear down her walls bit by bit. This afternoon's confession only strengthens that suspicion. Briefly straying her thoughts from the redhead, Beca thinks about the small group of misfits she's found herself immersed in. She's not sure if she'd call them all friends, but they're friendly. She really does like all the girls, well except for Aubrey―she likes to push the uptight blonde's buttons, that's for sure. But all the others have their quirks that make them tolerable enough to Beca to hang around them almost every day. But to say that the bubbly redhead was one of her closest friends on campus would not be a stretch. Beca has exactly two people she'd ever consider confiding in―not that she does that often, or ever, really―and Chloe was certainly on that list. A fact that causes the brunette great discomfort and anxiety due to her rapidly growing feelings for the senior Bella. Beca's been burned in the past before by letting her emotions and attraction get the best of her, and what she's come to learn and accept is that Chloe is far too important to her life to throw their friendship away because of her feelings.
Which is why Beca is burying herself in her mixes, something she finds herself doing even more frequently since accepting her attraction to Chloe. Music is the only thing that helps Beca channel her emotions; the only thing that calms her, that can push all of the frustrations and fears and doubts to the back of her mind, and give her moments of clarity and peace.
Having regained her focus moments ago, Beca is fine-tuning the tail end of her latest mix when she feels something vibrating near her arm. She looks down at her phone and notices a text notification flashing. Smirking when she sees the name on her phone, she clicks open the message.
Chloe: Hey Becs! Everything's all set. I've got our tickets and we'll fly out at 2pm tomorrow. I'll swing by your place at about 11, help you with any last minute packing ;)
Chloe: Also my mom says she can't wait to meet you and to prepare yourself. xoxo
Wait, prepare myself. Prepare myself for what? The brunette thought anxiously.
Beca: What does that even mean?
Across campus at her apartment, Chloe sits in bed reading over the text she received from Beca. Knowing her mother is probably up to something, the relationship meddler that she is, Chloe ponders whether or not to forewarn the girl. If I don't say anything, getting a little help could be my best chance at figuring out whether Beca likes me or not. Besides, I can stave of my mother's meddling if necessary.
Chloe: You'll find out soon enough. See u tomorrow! G'night 3
Beca stares down at the text, attempting to figure out what the first part of the message meant while her brain processed the heart emoji in the back of her mind. She sighs, thinking about the week that lies ahead of her.
"What have I gotten myself into?..."
