He never left, in fact he had somehow unknowingly meshed his own routine into hers. Although they barely said more than 5 words to each other whenever they would meet, he was still there. The pain of the last few months still lingered under the surface, but still he could not bring himself to leave her.
They would brush past in the hallways during the day, smiling an awkward hello as they sauntered through their daily check list. It felt strangely normal to be so near each other yet not say a word, the occasional 'good morning' and 'how are you' sufficing in moments here and there. But their presence together alone was something that was healing the wounds of the past and in some cases confirming the promise of the future.
In the morning she would walk, bringing back interesting flowers she would find along the way, sometimes she sat to watch him swim. He noticed her only a few times. Occasionally they would run into each other hunting, and would silently sit to watch as the sun set over the lake. Stefan knew she would approach him when the time was right. Meanwhile he noticed every change in her step, every trait that enriched her personality seemed magnified now that she had embraced herself as a vampire. He felt drawn to her and sometimes would watch her as she meditated near the water and scribble in her diary.
As the days passed, their movements slowed, they would sway near each other when they met, he would whisper goodnight before he fell asleep, and hear her return it although they were in separate rooms. More and more they would meet at sunset unintentionally, but both seeking to find each other at this time, and find themselves leaning closer and closer as the sun set.
On this particular night though, the air was cooler, they could see their breaths. It had been days since they had exchanged more than a greeting or a polite question. Elena closed her eyes and fell back in the soft grass, running her fingers through it. Noticing the swirly orange and green colors in the sky resembling a desert she once loved. Under her eyelids she could see the light fade away, another day had ended and night was beginning, she wondered how many of these she would see, would she enjoy it as much as she enjoyed it now? Beside Stefan, would they be different together, would they have figured everything out? Would he love her again?
She could feel him collapse beside her, the grass shifting slightly beside her, his breathing slowing as he enjoyed the final beams of light ellipsing from the sun.
"Do you still feel the same about sunsets?" she asked casually, even though it had been the most either of them had said in a long while.
"Yes. Those things will never go if you don't let them" he replied as though he had just been thinking about the same thing before she asked.
"Why would one want to let something as simple as the sun setting go?" she asked curiously.
Stefan turned his head to look at her, her eyes still focused on the fading light in the sky.
"Because sometimes beauty can cause pain Elena" he turned his head back.
Elena opened her eyes wide and her hand skimmed his accidentally, but neither moved away from the touch.
"When do you feel pain Stefan?" she was looking at him now, hoping he would not avoid the answer she needed to hear.
He took a long moment before answering.
"You don't realize Elena that you are the most beautiful person I know, and sometimes, that brings me pain." Elena's heart raced, it made her physically ache, she didn't know how to respond. She simply laid there waiting for him to continue.
Stefan rolled over slightly, his arm touching hers now, his face was so close to hers, it made her nervous. He moved his hand to touch her cheek, it made every muscle in her body tingle from his simple gesture.
"But i will never let someone like you go" he whispered and left a small kiss on her shoulder.
"How can you still look at me after everything Stefan?" Stefan shifted his facial features, his brow was furrowed as though he was disappointed in her for forgetting anything he had said to her in the past. He moved above her, hovering over her body with his arms holding his weight on either side of her shoulders.
"Because I know who you really are Elena" he said with complete and full confidence as he gazed into her eyes. Her hand wandered to his lips, her fingers traced them slowly, he settled some of his weight on hers, automatically fitting between her legs. She ran her fingers passed his jaw and over his shirt. Her skin quivering, her lips trembling, his body was inching closer to hers.
He moved his lips to meet hers, slowly caressing her's, allowing more of his weight to fall, for the first time ever, he was not afraid of his strength around her. He knew he couldn't hurt her, his weight would be like a feather above her, his movements would not be a threat to her fragile body. It would be different, but far more enjoyable to caress her body now, they were equally powerful, she knew what he was capable of with his strength, as he was with hers. Elena ran her fingers through his hair, her lungs nearly empty as the kiss filled her with the most amazing sensation's she had ever felt. He pulled away to meet her eyes.
"Wow" their eyes locked together now, magnets as they lay focused on each other.
"That was you Elena" she pressed her lips together finally understanding what he meant. Separating love from hunger, separating want from intimacy. This was real. This was the real her.
"Stefan" the tears fell from her eyes and he fell back on her lips again as their kiss intensified. The sun finally sinking into the lake and leaving them with the moon for illumination. They stayed for most of the night in that place before parting ways in the house.
A few more days passed, each one bringing them closer and closer together. Sunsets were a ritual now as they lay on the grass and snuggled into each other , kissing tenderly but still innocently until it was dark. Still they slept in separate beds, and Elena was thankful and frustrated with that at the same time. On one hand she wanted to wake up in his arms, watch him sleep, tell him she loved him...make love to him. But on the other, still feeling weak under his kisses, still feeling the guilt at a constant pull on her emotions when he was sweet to her, when he held her hand or kissed her cheek. She wasn't strong enough to deal with that yet, one day at a time, she recited to herself and remembering who had always told her that from the very beginning. They could be okay, but still so much had to be said.
He came back one day after a particularly vigorous exercise session in the woods and paused when he saw her in the distance, dipping her feet into the lake and looking melancholy. He strolled over to her, all the while absorbing how beautiful she looked as she bathed her feet off the dock, the one in which at one point she asked him about their future together optimistically. He never thought they would be here like this now, rebuilding the pieces of their lost relationship.
But as he approached her, removing his shoes and socks to sit beside her he didn't care, that was in the past, there could still be a future left for them if they both wanted to try. Slipping his fingers through hers, she squeezed them and sighed as her feet did a light paddle in the water next to his.
"I thought it was really me...I thought, I was supposed to be that person" she said quietly, almost to herself, but he knew she was trying to open up to him.
"I didn't want to feel that way, but when I did, everything seemed to much easier, I didn't have to feel...guilty anymore" whispering the latter, she swallowed and squeezed his hand simultaneously. He looked at her confused but said nothing.
"I didn't have to be ashamed of how good it felt to feed off some innocent human, to compel them into forgetting what I had taken from them" her voice broke.
"And the only person who told me it was okay...was him" A tear slipped down her cheek and she swallowed through the lump in her throat.
"I knew it wasn't right, but it felt so right Stefan...I don't want to lie" she turned to him and he wiped the tear from her face with the back of his fingers. Nodding he mouthed "I know" to her and looked back to the water.
"And then I thought that being like him was who I was. I thought it was what I felt when you left me to go with Klaus, I knew he would...let me. I was so confused about who had really died Stefan" her breath was getting quicker "I thought...I thought I could be like him. I thought the Elena you loved died in the car that night. But i wasn't...I didn't...I wasn't" Elena sobbed and leaned into Stefan's shoulder. He held her, and kissed her hair, knowing that in her abandoned state at the time, his brother was the only one that could reach her, because he had no barriers when it came to blood. And Elena wanted that too, but ultimately found herself loosing it like he had so many times.
He held her there until the stars came out, and finally they collected their shoes and socks and made their way to their respective beds. They said their usual good nights from the opposite sides of the house. But tonight Stefan couldn't sleep, he could only think of one thing throughout the night, he thought about how much she had changed these past few months. How wonderful the past few weeks at the lake had been, their little nest, her sanctuary that was now his sanctuary simply because she was here. He thought about how he still loved her, and about how hopeless he was for her. It was clear she had probably slept with Damon but he didn't want to ask. He didn't want to know, but at the end of the day that was what was keeping him at a distance, he couldn't, wouldn't, be able to forget that.
As much as he wanted her...and god her really did...he promised himself a long time ago that he would never share again, he would never be cheated again. He tried to push that thought out of his mind for now as he listened to her breathing slow, and it soothed him to hear it like he once ached to before. Still torn, Stefan pulled out his journal and wrote until the sun came up.
One night they found themselves sitting on the couch together, Elena's head on his lap as he drank some whiskey and watched the fire. She was reading and mindlessly running her hands up and down his arm. The picture that was painted before him was pure bliss, what he imagined they would be doing maybe if she hadn't turned, simply absorbing each others presence. But still as close as they had gotten lately, there was a line neither of them had crossed yet, so while this setting was humble and comforting, there was still a massive piece missing in the center, the most fragile part.
She had actually cooked tonight, although it was simple, just pasta carbonara and salad, she was proud of herself for not managing to burn anything and the food was actually edible. She made sure to remind Stefan of that fact as he tucked in to the meal and grinned over at her, remembering how disastrous she usually was at cooking. She lightly slapped his shoulder after a few playful insults and continued grating the cheese while he chuckled at her.
"What are you thinking?" he asked when he realized she had stopped reading and was focusing on his hand that was now laced between her fingers.
"I was just thinking...about how much better I feel" she said quietly, but she still seemed deep in thought. He sighed and ran his hand through her hair and started rubbing her shoulders softly.
"You are" he said softly, noticing how beautiful she looked sprawled out on the couch with her head turned, showing him her long sleek neck and her beautiful flawless skin.
After a while Elena shifted so he could continue rubbing her back, slowly purring her appreciation as he continued. Stefan chuckled and began to enjoy hearing her pleasurable sounds as he moved lower down her back. "That feels amazing" she cooed, moving her own arm down his leg to graze her nails on his bare feet.
Stefan stopped to think about what was slowly unraveling around him, he found himself extremely torn, not wanting to over react to the extremely provocative situation happening around him. Her moans and sounds of appreciation were beginning to get the better of him and he could feel it stirring below.
He stopped and stiffened, and Elena noticed him a minute and realizing what she had done. She searched for his hand and held it until his breathing returned to normal.
Elena grasped on to this precious moment of weakness and turned her head to his chest lacing her arms around his waste she snuggled next to him hoping they could just sleep this way for tonight. Even just for tonight. She missed him, the thought of leaving and returning to her lonely bed tonight made her heart ache. Stefan sighed in resignation, maybe he was fed up too, of fighting this pull between them, maybe he was tired of being hurt, maybe he trusted her enough now to see that she really was back. And she had always been his. Neither couldn't decide and they both pushed it away to the back of their minds as they drifted into slumber on the couch.
