A/N: set in season 6
Alex finds out that Fiona is interested in Killarny… will be realize what's been in front of him the whole time?
When Stevie was fixing fences at skinny Jim's on Wednesday afternoon, the last thing she expected was to be caught unaware. She jumped when someone grabbed her waist. She had been edgy for months – ever since she found out that Alex Ryan was engaged to city girl Fiona. Now she was facing the fact that he was married to her and also lying to him about being pregnant. Stevie wanted to tell him but she knew if she did that Alex would hate her. He was happily married now. Besides it was really none of her business.
He'd been away on his honeymoon for almost a week now. She'd missed him but it had been easy with him gone – she didn't have to watch him with her. It hurt every time she had to see Alex and Fiona together. She had had her chance but she blew it – she had been too scared.
" How ya doin' Cowgirl?" the voice called from behind her. Her stomach filled with swarming bees. There was only one person who called her that. A smile set on her face. He was married to HER but she couldn't help smiling to the fact that he was home and he had dropped by to say hi.
Before he left for his honeymoon he had called her his best mate. She already knew that but at least he acknowledged her existence even if he was married now. He hadn't forgotten about her.
She turned to smile at him.
" Hullo Alex." She reached her arms up and gave him a warm hug. It felt good to be in his arms. Fiona was a liar she didn't deserve him. Why was it that good things happened to bad people? " How was your honeymoon?" she didn't really care she was just making conver-sation.
" It was great!" he used enthusiasm in his tone. She hated his wife. It should have been her. Stevie was the one that really loved him. She loved him enough to put his happiness first. She loved him enough never to lie. She loved him enough that she was willing to let him go for Fiona. That was real love. Why had the bad person won?
But she knew the answer. She had her chance and she blew it. She a chance to be with him and she didn't take it. She always insisted to him that they were best mates and that was all. She had told him once that men and women couldn't be friends, so he agreed to prove her wrong. Now she was the one who was being proved wrong. Except it wasn't so easily fixed. She had lost out, she was in love with him now and he was in love with someone else. That was life!
" Good. What are you doing here?" she asked.
" Just checkin' on my best mate. How was your week?" he seemed happy. Damn it. Stevie could make him happy too. Why had Fiona come along and ruined everything – damn her.
" It was fine." She forced a smile.
" I missed you too mate. I'll be honest with you, I hated it!" He laughed. Stevie looked at him in surprise. What did he mean by that? " It was great to see Nick and Tess, but Argentina just reminded me of the city when I was with Claire… I just kept thinking that it should have been my best mate I was marrying. You know?" he rambled. Stevie nodded. She knew he was talking about Claire as his best mate and she had been back then. That's why he was so gutted when she died.
But now Stevie was his best mate. Did that mean that there was hope for her after all? No. He was married now. As in completely committed to another person. You couldn't just turn that off, it was a lifetime commitment. Or in Alex's case a lifetime sentence.
Alex continued to babble. " I love Fiona but she's not my best friend, is that weird?"
" No," she shook her head. Fiona could take away his heart, she could take away his time, she could even take his conscious but there was no way she was giving up her friendship with him without a fight. " It's not weird. I think you need to be able to talk to someone besides your wife. You need a best friend that isn't her." She winced when she said the word wife, but Alex didn't take any notice.
There was a slight pause. " That reminds me, do you remember that day we were stuck on the side of the road when the car lost oil?" Alex asked.
She smiled. " Yeap. That was the day the veil landed in the mud." She remembered almost everything about that day.
" You fell in." He laughed. " That was the funniest thing I ever saw!" Stevie scoffed and punched him playfully in the arm. Alex continued turning serious. " We even talked about past relationships. You were getting over Kane, and I was still dealing with loosing Claire." There was a long silence. Both of them were recalling the kiss they shared after that exact conversation but there was no mention of it this time.
" That was a good day," Stevie said.
Alex nodded. " Yeah. Stevie you said something about love that day…"
" I did?" she didn't remember.
" Yeah. You said I was going to find someone I loved, and someone that I would be best mates with. You told me never to give up on love even if you get your heart broken, and your right. I didn't give up. Now I have both." He pulled her into his arms and gave her a hug. She smiled leaning her head on his chest. It felt nice to have his arms around her, she felt safe and secure. She hadn't felt that way in a long time.
" I gotta get back to work," Stevie said pulling away from him and looking into his face with tears in her eyes. She was tired of pinning over him but she had tried everything to get passed it – nothing worked.
" Okay," he smiled. Then he reached out to hug her again. " That was from Tess and Nick." He looked at her and saw that she was still crying. " Do you need some help?" he offered.
She shook her head. No it was best that he left now. Stevie couldn't stand looking at him knowing that he was only going to be hurt by Fiona when he found out she was a liar. She wanted to tell him but it wasn't up to her to say anything – not really.
" Nuh, I'm right."
" Okay. I'll see ya later then. Bye mate."
Then he was gone. She sighed heavily and turned to focus back to fixing fences.
When Alex returned home to Killarny, the last thing he expected to find was Fiona rummaging through some paperwork on Harry's old desk. He frowned as he watched her suspiciously from the lounge room doorway. Fiona sat staring at a stack of paper for a long time then a smile came to her face.
" What are you doin' baby?" he asked.
Fiona jumped in shock. Whatever she was doing was wrong because she looked guilty and her face turned several shades the wrong colour. She pulled the paper she had in her hands behind her back but Alex had already seen them.
" What are you doin' home?" Fiona looked uncom-fortable. " I thought you were going to see Stevie,"
" I did. She was working. What's that you're holding?"
" Nothing. Just… a surprise."
" For me?" he questioned with a smile.
" No. For… someone else."
Alex was suspicious. Playfully he leaped forward and grabbed her around the waist. The paper she had behind her back dropped to the floor and Alex was quick enough to pick it up before she did. What he missed was another piece of paper that floated close beside it. He dodged her attempt to grab the stack of paper from him. He held it up high and started to read it. His mouth dropped open in shock and soon enough anger came to his face.
" What are you doing with this?" he demanded.
She shrugged guilty.
" Fi. Why do you have Harry's Will in your hand?" his face turned red with rage and he twisted his mouth like he did when he was really angry.
" I just found it," even Alex wasn't stupid enough to believe that. " Alex… just let me explain."
" I think we have to talk."
" Alex… I know what this looks like but-"
" NO FI. You have no idea. To me this looks like Stevie's first assumption that you never really cared about me. You lied the moment we met. Fi you have Harry's Will in your hand, explain that?"
" I – I just… um – you see," she was mumbling. Alex knew that his thoughts were correct. She never wanted him she only ever wanted Killarny and he happened to be the only available Ryan up for grabs. He felt like an idiot.
When he lowered his head it was then that he saw the other piece of paper that had dropped. Confusion and frustration filled his face as he bent down to retrieve it, when Fiona watched him she turned pale. He had to read it twice to believe what was written on it.
It was a doctor's certificate that clearly stated Fiona could not carry children. How is that the case when she was already pregnant? A miracle. He thought not. He turned on her with betrayal in his eyes. She had deceived him into believing she was carrying his baby. The truth was there was no baby. Not hers and not his. She was just a liar. He had fallen for it and he would later suffer the consequences.
What felt the worst was that part of him was relieved. Now at least Stevie could go back to being his pool partner. He felt guilty for that. In despite of that his marriage was defiantly over. Stevie would be happy with that she never liked Fiona anyway. A question entered his mind and he had to ask.
" Why did you lie?" he figured he already knew the answer. " Why did you say you were pregnant and you weren't? You owe me that much Fi!"
" Stevie told me to…"
" What?" he didn't believe her for a second.
" She threatened me because she hates me. Then she told me to keep lying because it didn't matter you'd love me anyway I didn't want to lose you to her Alex. I know how she feels about you," she argued.
" Do you?" he challenged. This surprised Alex but he made no comment. Did that mean that Stevie hated Fiona because she was with Alex? Did Stevie want him was that it? " You lied to me Fi. You said you were pregnant. Was that to marry me was it so you would still get Killarny? Is this all about money to you?"
" No. I did love you Alex, I did." She was crying now. But Alex felt no compassion for her, no sympathy. She was a liar. He didn't want her anymore. What surprised him more was that he was eager to see Stevie. He was eager to see if what Fiona was saying was the truth. Was she really jealous?
" Save your tears. You're wasting your time," he was strangely calm now. He hated that she lied. He didn't care that she wasn't pregnant. But he had been made a fool and at that moment he just wanted her out. " I want you to pack your bags and get out."
" Alex let me explain…"
" Fi. Get out!" he felt the anger coming back.
" Alex!"
" I SAID GET OUT!" he screamed.
The following day, Stevie was walking towards the shearing sheds with Jodi and Regan. Kate was cooking lunch with Moria up at the house. It had been a long day and there was still half of it to go, Stevie was exhausted. She wanted to sleep.
" OY! Stevie. Can I borrow you for minute?" Alex called from across the paddock. Stevie turned to face him. He looked tired. Stevie smiled at Jodi and Regan and they went ahead without her. She walked back to Alex.
" What's goin' on?" she asked with concern. He looked like he knew some bad news.
" Did you know?" he demanded. Suddenly his worried tone turned cold just as her blood did. Fear ran through her body. Was he talking about Fiona being pregnant?
" Know what?" she replied. Maybe he was asking her about something else.
He shook his head and scoffed. " Don't play dumb Stevie. Did you know?" Stevie lowered her head and squashed her tongue between her lips like she did when she was thinking.
" Yes," she whispered.
" You knew! You don't think to tell me, Fiona said that you threatened her and then you just told her it was okay to lie. It didn't matter, that'd I'd love her anyway. Is that about right?" he was fuming.
She looked up at him in shock. She shook her head thinking of how easy it was for Fiona to lie. Anything to stop her getting in trouble! " No. That's not right Alex. I found out and demanded that she tell you before you got married. I ran to find you when I knew she wouldn't say anything but it was too late. I turned up just as you were announced man and wife. What was I supposed to say to you Alex?"
" I don't know. How 'bout, Fiona isn't pregnant. I thought you were my best mate Stevie."
" I am."
" No your not. My best mate wouldn't let me find out like that. My best mate would've told me the truth, she would have told me…" he turned to walk away.
" Alex," she cried. It hurt her to say that she wasn't his mate anymore, but she didn't blame him. " I didn't know how. I knew you wanted kids, how could I be the one to tell you, you can't have them? Besides Fiona was right, she said I'd lose you as a mate. I didn't want to risk that. Nothing in the world is worth it," she explained quickly. He was still walking away. " Alex. Please,"
He stopped walking but he didn't turn around. " Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. He sounded like he was crying.
" I was afraid to hurt you. I know how much it means to you to have kids. I was afraid you'd blame me for trying to screw it up with Fiona, like I did the first time. I never wanted you to hate me Alex. I almost lost you the last time."
" Why is that so important to you?"
" Because I love you."
There was a long pause before he turned around to face her. He was almost smiling. " You what?"
She shrugged with tears streaming from her face.
" Since when?"
" Since the day you started calling me Cowgirl," she smiled weakly. " I was so afraid to tell you so I told Tess. It was so confusing for me. I didn't know how to deal with it. Tess told me to tell you, I went after you… I pulled you out of the fire and then before I had a chance to talk to you, you were gone. I tried to call you-"
" I threw the phone out the car," he remembered. " Oh my…" he went quite. Talking it all in. She was scared to death. It was out now and she couldn't take it back no matter what way this conversation went. " Why didn't you tell me when I got back?"
" You were engaged Alex. Don't be stupid. You were happy, I wasn't going to take that away from you."
" You tried to. You saw that gossip collum remember. Why did you talk her into coming back then, why did you tell her to tell me the truth about Michael? You could have told me how you felt?"
" You said you loved her like Claire," she remembered how painful it was to hear it. " Just because I lost my chance at being happy didn't mean you had to lose yours. I had no right to take that from you. I love you enough to step back if she's the one you want. I'm sorry I didn't tell you… it was none of my business," she finished.
He sighed. " Yes it was. If you love me it's always your business. What about now? Do you feel the same? Do you still love me?"
She nodded slowly. " Not because I want to. I don't want to lose your friendship Alex. I know you're with Fiona. I get that."
He turned angry again. " I never would have gone anywhere if you had talked to me. I asked you to have a beer and talk about Harry. Why didn't you?"
" I was scared. You were my best mate, it wasn't supposed to work out like that."
" What about Claire. We wasted a whole life remember. Now you did it again. Your so selfish Stevie."
Her mouth dropped open. She didn't believe what he was saying. " What? I'm selfish?"
" Yeap. You're the most selfish person I know. It's all about you it's always about you. How you feel, what problem's you have, how you're affected. Damn you Stevie." He walked away again.
This time she was too shocked to call after him.
Stevie was still coming to terms with the shock of what he said when he showed up to Drover's run that night. They were having dinner. He barged in without asking and stormed into the dinning room. He pulled Stevie up from the chair by grabbing her by the shirt and pulling her up. She frowned but didn't object. Jodi, Kate, Regan and Moria were watching them with fascination. They were sure something strange was going on.
Stevie allowed Alex to drag her into the kitchen and then watched as he shut the door so that the others wouldn't hear what was being said. Alex glared at her for a second. Stevie's stomach tied in knots she was so nervous. She'd already been hurt once that day she wasn't too keen on being blasted again. " Right Stevie. What now?"
" What?" she was confused.
" Well you tell me you love me and then I yell at you. What happens next?"
She shrugged.
" Well I don't know what to do. Do I break it off with Fi? Is that what you want? Or do I just ignore it? Come on what do you want from me?"
She shook her head in frustration. " How the hell do know… what do you want to do?" this was very confusing.
" I don't know. I've never been in this position."
" And I have?" she laughed.
He sighed. She did too. " Okay so you love me, Fiona loves me. You lied, she lied. You're my best mate she's my wife. You-"
" Alex," Stevie stopped him. " You have your answer. She is your wife and all I am is your best mate. If she loves you and you can forgive her then maybe she deserves another chance."
" Is that what you want me to do?"
She wanted him to be happy. " Yes," she lied.
He shook his head in frustration. " All right. Fine. Be stubborn see if I care."
" Alex…" she called after him. But he was already gone.
She scolded herself. There she had another chance and she blew it again. Why did she continuously do that to herself? She was never going to be happy if she kept on screwing things up. She sighed and walked back into the dinning room.
It was less than a minute when Alex reappeared. Everyone fell silent. No one asked questioned they just sat back watching the scene play out.
" I'm not happy with that conclusion." Alex announced looking straight at Stevie. Stevie was shaking, it didn't help that the two of them were surrounded by a table full of people.
" Alex…" she wanted him to notice that they weren't alone. But he didn't seem to care. He just ignored them and glared at Stevie as though they were the only people in the room.
" Are you saying that you are?" he demanded. She only shrugged. " You told me after the tank accident that you've never been lucky in love. Is that right?"
She nodded.
" Okay so take a chance. You never get anywhere if you sit on your ass Stevie. Take a chance. You can have a fairytale ending just tell me straight out what it is that you want?"
She gasped. She was terrified. " Can we do this in private?" she whispered.
He shook his head. " NO! Stevie you tell me right now what you want or I'm walking away and your chance will be gone. What's it going to be?" he knelt down beside the chair facing her, he took her hand in his.
She said there shaking too scared to say anything.
Slowly he nodded his head as though he got his answer and then he got up off the wooden floorboards and turned to leave. This was her chance. She had another one and she was letting it go. Was she insane? Was she going to stand back and watch Fiona with Alex knowing that it could have been her if she was brave enough? All she had to do was tell him what he already knew. That she wanted him to choose her. All she had to do was say it aloud.
" Alex!" she called standing up and following him to the dinning room doorway. Everyone was still watching but suddenly it didn't matter. She felt as though it were only the two of them.
He stopped and turned to look at her. " What do you want from me Cowgirl?" he repeated in a low whisper for what she knew was to be the last time.
She looked straight into his eyes held firm and said what she had so long felt for him. " I want you to choose me. I want you Alex. I love you." Then she smiled.
Everyone at the table that was watching them dropped their mouths to the table. Everyone was in shock and awe. It was very romantic and they looked so sweet together. The two of them were a match made in heaven.
Alex smiled and then pulled Stevie into his arms. " I love you too cowgirl. When the divorce comes through will you marry me?"
" Is that a proposal?" she grinned wondering if this was just another fairytale dream. She had a lot of those.
" Cowgirl, for you it can be anything you want as long as you turn up in a dress and agree to spend the rest of your life with me."
" I accept Alex Ryan. I want to be your wife." There was a slight pause. " If only Harry could see this." She was almost laughing.
" He'll be turning in his grave. Let him, what do I care. Cowgirl all I need now is you," then Stevie closed her eyes as his lips touched hers. Cheer broke out from around the table. It was only then that Alex and Stevie realised they weren't alone. Happy smiles appeared on both their faces. Another kiss was shared.
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