Dean took a couple steps back away from Sam. He parted his lips and stared at the floor, unable to face Sam and the emotions Sam's eyes held. "Sam," Dean started, still directing his gaze towards the floor, "I'm not me. I know I'm a monster." Sam started to say something but Dean held up his hand. "I said that anything with black eyes needs to be killed. And I meant that". Dean had lost his humanity, the one thing he prided himself for having. And now he had turned into his worst nightmare. Dean slid his hand into his back pocket where he stored Ruby's knife before.
"Dean," Sam said slowly, eyeing Dean's pocket nervously, "What are you - "
Dean pulled the knife out and held the handle out towards Sam, raising his head. "I know you were thinking it, Sammy. You've gotta do this, for me."
Sam's eyes widen and raised his hands, shaking his head and backing away from Dean. "No, Dean, I – I can't," Sam stuttered, "I won't. We'll fix this, just like we always do." Dean didn't respond, but just stood, holding the knife out to Sam. Sam looked at his brother, who would rather die than live a life as a monster. But Sam couldn't see his brother die, not again, and not by his hands. Sam slowly removed the knife from Dean's hand and slid it into his own pocket, his eyes never leaving Dean's. Sam still felt unsettled when he saw the darkness of his brother's eyes, but he couldn't just abandon him. Dean helped Sam with his addiction to demon blood, and now Sam would help Dean with him having demon blood.
Dean still looked a little wary, so Sam walked over to him and put one hand on Dean's shoulder. "You're going to be fine, okay?" Sam looked to Dean for confirmation, staring directly into the black abyss of his eyes.
Dean nodded and sighed. "Okay." Dean then abruptly looked away and walked toward the coffee he had previously made and leaned against the counter. "Now enough chick flick moments. Let's get to work."
Sam knew that was the most brotherly moment he was going to get, and knew that subject would never be brought up again. Even so, Sam agreed, and headed out to the tables in the Bunker's entrance to start researching. Dean soon followed with two coffee cups in hand, and placed one on the table in front of Sam. Sam acknowledged his thanks, and noticed that Dean's eyes had gone back to green for the time being. He wondered if demons could control when their eyes turned black, and Sam added that to the list of questions he had about Dean's transformations. Dean took a seat opposite of Sam and put his head in his hands, his whole body tense.
Sam looked up from the book he had pulled off one of the shelves. "You should pray to Cass."
Dean's eyebrows raised. "Yea, that would be a sight. A demon praying to an angel." He raised his coffee to his lips, shaking his head.
"He thinks you're dead, Dean." Sam's voice was solemn and stern and tried to catch Dean's glance.
Dean wouldn't meet Sam's eyes. "If he sees what I've become, he'd wish I was," Dean said pointedly.
"We can't ignore Cas forever. He's our friend."
"Sam!" Dean pounded his fists on the table. "We'll tell him when we figure this out. End of discussion." And, with that, Sam knew that his brother was the same person he had been with the Mark, only now in demon form. Sam had hoped that Dean's death had at least made him less angry and upset, but again his hope had been mistaken. Dean pushed himself away from the table and stormed off to his room, hands in fists. Sam sighed and ran his hands through his hair and leaned back in his chair, sinking even deeper into it. This was one of the times Sam couldn't help but thinking about having a normal life. Normal people don't have to deal with their brother coming back from the dead nevertheless coming back as a hell-spawn. Knowing those thoughts would do nothing to improve the situation, Sam instead focused on the book open in front of him. The book described the third trial which involved curing a demon. Sam had failed to fully cure Crowley, which was due to the fact that his brother had arrived and would not allow Sam to sacrifice himself. However, the injections of human blood had made an effect on Crowley, and Sam started to wonder if the same would be possible for Dean. Maybe he could close the gates of hell for good while at the same time saving Dean's humanity. Sam knew Dean would never agree to that, especially since Sam would have to sacrifice his life that Dean went through great lengths to protect. Sam started absentmindedly flipping through the pages, trying to find a plan B. Hopefully, Dean would call Cass and he would know another solution, but lately Sam's hope was running thin, and it wouldn't be long until it was gone completely.
