Chapter 3: Pretending

I try

to go on like I never knew you

Im awake,

but my world is half asleep

I pray

for this heart to be unbroken

but without you all im going to be is

Incomplete.

Months flew without ever mentioning that night again. Brooke had tried to talk to both of them many times. But Lucas and Haley both ignored her, pushed her away. Nathan didn't try once.

"Haley, God! Come on, we're going to be late to our own graduation!" Lucas moaned as he waited in the living room of an apartment that in two days would no longer be theirs.

Haley stood in front of the mirror in a bedroom that would soon be someone else's remembering a world that also would soon be someone else's. As she closed her eyes, tears streamed down her cheeks when she thought of all she was leaving behind, the things she would miss. Karen; Keith; The Café; The school; The tutoring centre; Tree Hill; Nathan.

Nathan. She hadn't said his name out loud for months. Each morning when she woke up, she told herself that she was completely over Nathan Scott, that he didn't love her in the first place. And that she would never love him again. But she did love him.

But its true, Im still blue, But I finally know what to do, I must quit, I must quit... you...

Haley wiped away her tears, which had been a motion that had been repeated about three times a day since she last spoke to Nathan. " Coming!" Ready or not... she thought.. Its time to face Nathan and Brooke, for the last time...ever. She honestly wanted to find Nathan, tell him she forgave him, and that she loved him. But she knew how much Brooke hurt Lucas, and how he'd never be able to get over it... so she'd just keep it bottled up, for Lucas.

Lucas waited impatiently for Haley. He was anxious to go to the graduation. He was secretly yearning to see Brooke, and he too, wanted to tell her that he loved her, and missed her, and forgave her. But like Haley, he knew how much Nathan hurt her, and for her, he'd have to forget all about Brooke Davis.

I thought my problems would just disappear

and all my pain would be in yesterday.

I thought that that would keep my head on straight

and all my pain would be in yesterday.

But its true, im still blue,

But I finally know what to do.

I must quit, I must quit.. You...

I thought that if I didn't go and

play the sadness would get bored and go away

I thought that if I didn't go astray

that all My pain would be in yesterday.

But its true, im still blue,

but I finally know what to do.

I must quit, I must quit... you... I

thought if only I could try and change

that all my pain would be in yesterday.

But its true, Im still blue,

But I finally know what to do.

I must quit. I must quit... you...

The car ride to the school was quiet. Both were thinking about Brooke or Nathan, and how much they missed them. But they were both too afraid to admit it.

"Thinking about Nathan?" Lucas asked Haley. To him she was always so transparent. And at this moment he could see her desperation.

"No! Why would I think of him? I have no feelings for him anymore, how many times do I have to tell you that? God!" Haley spat out. She immediately knew that she had over reacted. And that she had made it all the more obvious.

" Haley, ever since you guys broke up, there's something I've wanted to say, but couldn't. But since you supposedly have no feelings for him now. I guess I can... What Nathan did... his excuse for leaving you; I think; it was very decent of him, very considerate. It really proved how much he loved you. And im sorry to have to tell you this now, but, it needed to be said."

Haley looked at Lucas wide eyed! She knew he was right, but she wished he weren't. She needed to move on without Nathan Scott, and she thought she had. But, Now she can see that moving on actually requires not thinking about that person night and day... so technically, she hadn't moved on, not at all. She wanted to snap back with a million reasons why Lucas was wrong. But couldn't. " He never did love me Lucas. To him, it was all a joke, a way to get closer to Brooke. He used me. And I fell for it..."

" You think he used you? For two years? A bit of a stretch don't you think?" This left Haley speechless. And she didn't want to talk about Nathan anymore.

"Thinking about Brooke?"

"No! Unlike you, I really don't have feelings for her anymore. Im completely over her."

"Ha! Right!" Haley snorted. Lucas had always been the worst liar.

" I know, lets just leave it at this: Im not thinking about Brooke. If you're not thinking about Nathan."

"I guess you're thinking about Brooke then. All the time?"

"Yeah"

"Me too..."

As they got out of the car. Lucas kissed Haley's forehead and made his way through the crowd to find his mom and Keith. Leaving Haley by herself in a crowd. She heard footsteps behind her, and her heart began to skip a beat. She knew exactly who it was, without a word, and without even looking back.

"You look, amazing, Haley." Nathan whispered. This was their first confrontation in months. And she had never felt more comfortable in her life. " I heard you're leaving in two days. And I just, needed to talk to you before you did."

Being stubborn like she always was, she kept her back to him. "What is there to talk about Nathan? You told me exactly how you felt, it was loud and clear."

" Look at me Haley..." Haley slowly turned and faced the tall dark man standing in front of her. Their eyes met and all of her stubbornness melted away.

Its been a long year, since we last spoke. How's your halo?

Nathan rubbed his hand along Haley's arm and made all her memories once again rush back. " You know I lied Haley, I did it for you..." Nathan whispered.

Just between you and I, You and me and the satellites. I never believed you. I only wanted to.

This had made Haley's temper rise. "DID IT FOR ME? So what you're saying is, you broke my heart. You made me move on, you gave me months of hell, for me? Oh gee Nathan thank you so much for being so damn considerate of my feelings." haley hadn't realized it. But she began to cry. Yet again, Nathan was able to control her every emotion.

" I know Haley, It was stupid... listen, I really need to talk to you. Casually, ya know? Can we, take a walk or something?" Nathan gave her his regular smirk. And though it was something he always did. There was no way that she could refuse it.

"Okay."

They walked down a deserted road. The scenery was gorgeous. There were purple flowers blooming on the side of the gravel road. And they stretched out to cover the hills like a purple blanket. " Do you ever think about it?"

Haley looked at Nathan confused. " Think about what?"

" You know, what could have been with us."

"All the time..." Haley looked at Nathan and saw something she hadn't seen in a really long time. Him. The real him. The honest, trustworthy him. The one that loved her, and the one she loved.

" I've been thinking about it for a really long time. And now I can see that the decision I made, to let you go, it was stupid. I love you, and I don't know why I was too blind to see, that if I really wanted to make it work, I could have, I would have given up the luxury life to be with you. And I should have but at the time, I was doing what I thought was right for you."

Haley broke into a sob at his sudden confession. " And now?"

Before all this, what'd I miss, do you ever get home sick. I can't get used to it. I can't get used to it.

"Now? Now, I just miss you, and I wish we could make it work again. We were good together Hales." Nathan spoke with hope. But to Haley, it was too late. She didn't want him to know that she had spent her every waking moment waiting for this day. She didn't want to be hurt by him again.

" But we can't..." Haley said already regretting it.

I'll never get used to it. Im under that night. Im under those same stars. We're in a red car. You asleep at my side. Going in and out of the headlights. COULD I HAVE SAVED YOU? WOULD THAT HAVE BETRAYED YOU?

"Why?" Nathan asked desperately.

"BECAUSE NATHAN! IT WAS YOU! YOU CHOSE THIS! YOU PUSHED ME AWAY! AND WHEN I FINALLY PICK MYSELF UP, YOU WANT TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!"

" Im sorry Haley, but I love you..." his voice crackled...

What you couldn't do, I will, I forgive you. I'll forgive you, I forgive you. I forgive you. For blue, blue skies for blue, blue skies, for blue, blue skies, for blue, blue skies...

Haley looked Nathan in the eye, and lied. " I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE NATHAN!...The tables have turned, doesn't feel that great does it?" Haley turned and ran away. Leaving Nathan standing alone with her lie in the air.

FOR BLUE BLUE SKIES FOR BLUE BLUE SKIES I FORGIVE YOU! FOR BLUE BLUE SKIES FOR- I FORGIVE YOU! FOR BLUE BLUE SKIES FOR BLUE BLUE SKIES...

I FORGIVE YOU, FOR BLUE BLUE SKIES...

Graduation day came and went like a dream, and there were many moments when Lucas and Haley had to look into the eyes of the ones they love, and wish it were all just a dream.